Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
July 23 rd
1:47 A.M.
An hour ago, it had been him and Susanna inside his apartment, now it was crammed full of people.
After she’d dropped her bombshell, Cole had told her not to tell him anything more until his whole family was there. They all deserved to know whatever it was Susanna knew about their mom, and they were all working this together.
Besides, Cole needed his team at his back right now.
Now that he had them, both his stepbrothers, all three of his brothers, his sister, and Willow were all in the room, and he looked at Susanna’s small, huddled form curled up in the armchair, looking lost and alone, he wondered if he’d done the right thing.
He’d called his family because he needed to not be alone, but now it was practically a whole army of them, and poor Susanna had no one.
Damn, she looked so vulnerable swamped beneath the blanket he’d tucked around her before he made phone calls.
This wasn't the way he should have handled this. He should have called just one of his brothers to come, then they could have filled the rest in later. His intention wasn't to put Susanna at such a disadvantage, but that was exactly what he’d done.
To her, this would feel like an interrogation, and he couldn’t even promise that none of them would lose their temper.
Poor Susanna didn't need this now, not when just over twenty-four hours ago she’d been raped and beaten.
Even when he wasn't trying to, he caused this poor woman pain.
“Let’s get started,” Cade ordered, his tone harsh, making Susanna flinch and fear flare in her eyes.
Not only were they outnumbering her, but they were all big guys, over six foot and muscled. They worked out every day, partly because they needed to in order to keep fit for their work at Prey, and partly out of habit from their special forces days, and they were an intimidating bunch. Especially because this was personal to them and had been the focus of their lives for almost two decades, basically two thirds of their lives.
“Tone it down,” he growled at his brother as he went over to perch on the side of the armchair where Susanna sat. If they were going to do this, and he’d stacked the odds so badly in his favor, the least he could give her was to have him by her side so she didn't feel completely alone.
“It’s okay,” Susanna said softly, reaching out one of her small hands to rest it on his forearm.
There was no way to tell now that the same small hand had fought hard to get a sample of her attacker’s DNA. He’d seen the blood under her nails when she was in his apartment, and he’d been impressed that this petite woman had fought enough that she might have solved her case.
Now that one simple thing might have solved so much more.
If they could identify another one of the men who had participated in the gang rape of their mom, they might finally find out why she’d been set up to look like a traitor.
One step at a time , Cole cautioned himself.
“I understand how badly you must all want answers,” Susanna continued. It was only because her hand was still on his arm that he felt the fine tremors rippling through it. This woman had suffered the same fate as his mom, and yet was pushing aside her trauma to help strangers. More than that, to help him after all the cruel things he’d said to her.
Susanna Zangari was something else.
She deserved every ounce of respect he could give her and then some.
“I don’t know how much I can give you, but I will tell you everything I know about the man I think was involved in what happened to your mom,” Susanna said. She’d straightened her back and was meeting the anxious glances of his siblings without backing down, but she still trembled. She was going to do this, but it was going to cost her.
“Want me to call your boyfriend to be here while we do this?” he asked softly. As badly as he wanted answers, Cole found he didn't want them at the expense of Susanna’s mental health.
“Boyfriend?” Her nose did the cutest little scrunch in her confusion.
“Phillip. The cop.”
“Oh. Phillip’s not my boyfriend, and no, thanks, I don’t need him here. I can do this.” There was determination in her tone, and he had to wonder how many times Susanna had been forced to shove down her emotions and just push through in her life. What else didn't he know about his pretty neighbor, and what other assumptions had he made about her that were completely wrong?
“You sure?” he checked.
“Positive.”
“If you knew your client raped Carla Charleston, why didn't you report it?” Connor asked. There had been no anger in his brother’s tone, but Susanna flinched anyway.
“Well, there’s doctor-patient confidentiality. I'm not allowed to just go around telling things my patients tell me to others, and … I didn't know her name.”
“But you recognized her, so you’ve seen her face before,” Cooper pushed, but not unkindly.
“Yeah, he has a picture of her. Well, he did, he showed it to me when he told me that he was involved in a gang rape of a woman many years ago. He said that he didn't participate in the actual rape, but he held her down while four other men raped her.”
The tension in the room ratcheted up several notches.
Four men.
Four men.
His mother had been held down while four separate men forced themselves on her.
Cade swore, shoving to his feet and slamming a fist into the wall.
Susanna jumped, then shrunk further in on herself.
“Dude,” Cole rebuked. Cade was his oldest brother, and he never usually told him off, but that was unacceptable behavior with Susanna in the room. She’d been traumatized, but she was still there helping them, she didn't need the added stress of seeing his brothers lose it.
“Sorry,” Cade snapped in Susanna’s direction, but he could see the remorse in Cade’s dark eyes.
“It’s okay. I get it, I truly do. I … know what your mom went through,” she said softly, and she did. Better than any of them could. She’d been through it too.
Because of them.
Susanna had been raped because of their crusade to get answers about their parents. Knowing it was too dangerous to come after them directly in the aftermath of Tarek Mahmoud’s death, whoever else was involved had decided to target what they had perceived to be a weak link in the family.
Nausea swelled in his stomach as he pictured Susanna lying bloody and unconscious on his couch. She’d been violated in the worst way a woman could be, and it was all because of him. He was the one with the link to Susanna. They’d targeted her because of him.
Cole would never forgive himself for that.
Ever.
“I know this has to be so hard for you,” Cassandra said, standing and coming over to Susanna’s chair, dropping to her knees before it, and carefully reaching out to take one of Susanna’s hands. “I cannot tell you how grateful we are that you're helping us. We know that Cole is a jerk who’s treated you badly, although I honestly have to say I have no idea why he’d do that, you seem like an awesome person. And I know that you were hurt because of us, because of what happened to our mom. So, thank you, for being brave enough to do this for us.”
Tears shimmered in Susanna’s eyes, and she nodded. “Of course. I want whoever hurt me caught, and if that helps you get answers then I want that, too.” A weary sigh fell from her lips, and she tipped her head back to rest against the back of the armchair. “His name is Vinny Vitoli. He used to work as part of a security team that did contract work for Americans traveling to dangerous parts of the world. He’s close to sixty now, and he’s been an addict for the last quarter of a century. He’s been in and out of prison for possession charges.”
“Do you think he could be the one who attacked you?” Jax asked, his voice gentle and almost apologetic.
“Maybe. I can't be sure, but yeah, it could have been him.”
“When was the last time you saw him?” Cooper asked.
“He was one of my first patients when I opened my clinic six years ago. It took me almost a year to get him to open up and start talking. Then one day he turned up high, sobbing, hysterical, with a picture of your mom, and told me how he’d been involved in the rape of a woman, and he’d never forgiven himself for it. I assume it was the reason he started doing drugs. Regret, guilt, I don’t know if he was a willing participant or coerced. After that, he never came back,” Susanna explained.
“We have to find him,” Cole growled. Vinny Vitoli needed to pay, not just for what he’d been involved in all those years ago, but for what he’d done to Susanna as well.
“I want to help with that,” Susanna declared, and he could see determination spark in her eyes.
There was no way in hell Cole wanted her anywhere near the man who had raped her. But he was also sure there was absolutely no way he could stop Susanna from being involved in this mess.
July 23 rd
10:14 A.M.
Her apartment felt so empty.
Susanna was once again sitting in her place, staring around, looking at nothing in particular, overwhelmed but amped up on adrenalin at the same time, but alone.
Always alone.
Story of her life.
Why was it that whenever she needed someone the most there was never anyone around?
And why was that almost always her fault?
Okay, so it hadn't been her fault when she was a kid. Back then, she hadn't asked to be isolated and ignored. Hadn't asked for the trauma at home that made it so hard for her to form connections with anyone, even the other kids.
There had been a few friends when she was very young, but after she’d been labeled as a troublemaker who lied to get attention, the other kids either steered clear of her on their own or because their parents ordered them to.
Teachers had turned on her, too.
After confessing to her third-grade teacher and being accused of lying, the rest of the staff at her fancy private school started picking on her. Little things like making her work alone when everyone else was working on projects with a partner. Or making her sit in the very back of the classroom. Making her run errands so she missed out on hearing the information they were teaching. Or belittling her in front of the class.
Luckily, Susanna was smart and picked things up quickly. She also learned pretty quickly to keep her mouth shut, do her work, and not expect anything from anyone.
Pretty much everyone in her world became an enemy.
Were the family gathered in the apartment next door her enemies, too?
That was the question that ate away at her.
Right now, she was extra vulnerable. The abuse she had endured as a child, mixed with the trauma she’d suffered left her feeling fragile. Not a feeling she liked. There was only one way to get her power back and that was to help the Charleston and Holloway families get the closure they so desperately needed.
Closure she needed, too.
If Vinny Vitoli was the man who had raped her, she wanted him caught and sitting in a prison cell. Maybe then she’d be able to process her rape, put it behind her, and move forward with her life.
Of course, there would be scars, but what did more scars added to the litany she already carried really change?
Nothing.
They changed nothing.
Cole’s siblings had all been nice enough to her, although she knew she was an unwanted outsider in their gathering, and they’d wanted her gone as quickly as they could politely get rid of her.
That was okay with her, she was used to being the outsider. It was her comfort zone, and it wasn't like she was looking to make friends with their family. They were the reason she’d been raped, and while she didn't blame them for the actions of someone they had no control over, being around them would be like constantly keeping that wound open and festering.
To heal, she needed to get as far away from them as she could.
They were good people, she believed that, and they’d told her what had happened to Cole’s mom and dad, and Jake and Jax’s dad. They deserved justice and she wanted to help them get it, but that was all.
Being around people …
It wasn't her thing.
Even though she had plenty of friends, she didn't allow any of them to get too close. Certainly not close enough that she would tell them her secrets.
If she told a single other person all the horrific things her dad had done to her, and they didn't believe her, she’d never recover.
How her own father used to lock her in a dog crate for the weekend, leaving her with a bowl full of dog food and a litter tray. Or would starve her for days on end, taunting her by having her sit at the table with him and her mom and watch as they ate. Or make her eat and eat and eat until she threw it all back up again, then would make her stay in those vomit-stained clothes for days.
He was a sick sociopath who got off on sadistically torturing his only child, yet to the rest of the world, he was the charming, good-looking, millionaire who could do no wrong.
It wasn't fair.
Life wasn't fair.
But she wasn't the only one who it was unfair to.
What had happened to Cole and his family was just as unfair as what had happened to her, and she wanted them to find peace.
Peace.
She wanted to find that, too, but it was always so elusive.
For years, Susanna had worked hard to carve out a small slice of life where she didn't have to be afraid anymore. She’d gotten her degree and started her charity so that kids like the one she’d been all those years ago had someone fighting for them. Adults, too, sometimes needed someone in their corner especially when they were at their lowest. She was proud of that charity, and of the work she did helping addicts.
She was doing something good.
Taking her own trauma and making it mean something.
Plus, she couldn’t deny there was a little bit of satisfaction knowing that her father hated that she was no longer under his control and was self-sufficient and didn't have to rely on him for anything.
Never again.
Never again would Susanna allow herself to be in a position where she had to rely on another human being for food, shelter, safety, or anything else.
She took care of herself.
That was safety.
When her phone dinged with a text, she looked down to see that Polly was checking in on her.
Hey, sweetie, how you doing?
Need me to come over?
Tears burned her eyes and Susanna found herself craving company. But she couldn’t give in to the urge. She’d learned out of necessity how to deal with things on her own, if she allowed this assault to change that, then how would she be able to cope going forward?
Someone couldn’t be with her twenty-four-seven.
Just not possible.
Nor could she cope with the constant companionship.
Susanna was a solitary soul, and she was quite prepared to drift through life all alone, never being attached to another person. A lonely life, sure, but safe.
And safety was what she craved above all else.
Only the little bubble of safety she’d built for herself had been popped. Maybe that was why she felt this driving need to help Cole and his family find Vinny Vitoli.
Fighting against her fear, and the almost desperate need clawing at her insides to have someone there, offering the comfort she’d learned the hard way to give to herself, Susanna typed out a quick text.
Thanks for the offer but I'm okay
Tired and sleeping a lot
Not great company
Almost immediately, the dots began to bounce, and less than twenty seconds later a reply text came through.
Don’t care if you're good company
Not what I asked
Do you need me?
“Yes.”
Since she was alone, she allowed the word to ring out through her apartment.
Of course, she needed someone.
How could she not?
She’d just been raped and beaten. Not only was she in physical pain, but it felt like something had been let loose inside her and it ran about, scuttering through her body, leaving a trail of icy fear everywhere it touched.
What she wanted was someone in her life that didn't ask her if she was okay. Who knew her well enough not to ask because they knew that if they did, she would be compelled to lie.
What she wanted was for someone who would just show up unannounced so she couldn’t lie and say she didn't need anything. To come with her favorite ice cream, and maybe a bar of chocolate, who would just sit with her if that’s what she wanted. Or who would wrap their arms around her and tell her it was okay to cry, okay to hurt, okay to not be okay for a while until she found the strength to pull herself together.
Who would just be there for her.
And she absolutely hated that the only reason she didn't have someone like that in her life was because she kept everyone at a distance. Didn't allow anyone to get close enough to know the real Susanna, the one she hid behind her everything-is-fine exterior.
Fear ran her life.
Because of that, loneliness was her constant companion.
Her only companion.
I'm good
Appreciate you checking in
It hurt to say the lie.
Hurt to know it would be believed as well.
Even though she had no one to blame but herself, everyone in her life thought she was this tough, independent woman who could handle anything life threw at her.
Unable to fight the tears, Susanna curled up in a ball on her couch and sobbed until she’d cried herself to sleep.