3
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A V R I L
One week had passed since I returned home with the relic and performed the ritual that restored the power of the Ashen Wolves. It was a time of hard work, training, and adaptation, but also of celebration; everyone was overflowing with joy and excitement. Everyone, except for me.
I wanted so badly to celebrate with everyone, but the harder I tried, the more I felt myself slipping away. For the entire week, all I could think about was Koen. At first, he only poisoned my thoughts when I was alone. Yet, before I realized it, nothing was distracting enough to keep him out of my mind.
Aside from guilt, I felt an unsettling loneliness. I had never felt more whole in my life, yet there was an emptiness inside me, as if something crucial was missing. I constantly wondered how he was doing, whether he could overcome the challenges he faced alone.
But, most of all, I feared these feelings I couldn't comprehend.
There was no divine bond between Koen and me since he rejected me. Yet, something had awakened inside me during my stay at Whispering Hills - something he brought back to life. As if he had pulled the plug on a massive reservoir, the flood of emotions I had kept at bay rushed in all at once. And I hated that I couldn’t just forget him and move on.
“You were slower in training today,” Theo casually pointed out as he read some reports, pulling me from the tornado raging on in my head.
My initial reaction was to widen my eyes, both in shock and in fear. I knew he was right, was it that obvious for him to notice it? Did others have the same perception? I dreaded what the pack would think of me, their alpha, if my performance started declining. Ready to defend my honor, I straightened myself in my chair, raising my head as I looked directly into his eyes.
“If you think you can beat me in a match, I’ll gladly prove you wrong,” I replied defensively, with a sharpness my friend didn’t deserve.
He immediately lowered his head, grimacing. “I meant no offense, Alpha,” he corrected. “I’m merely concerned.”
“About my strength?” I pushed.
“About your state of mind,” he clarified, surprising me. “I’m worried that you’re not…happy.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course I’m happy. I’m overjoyed,” I countered. “I’ve dreamt of finding the ashes since I became alpha.”
Theo shook his head. “No, Avril, what I was trying to say is-”
“Oh, Goddess,” Elijah chimed in, lowering the papers that were covering his head as he held them up - I had a feeling he had been doing it not only to better read them, but also to appear invisible as he listened to our conversation. “Theo, you’re helpless!” he scolded, earning an apologetic smile from his mate. “Leave this to me,” he said, hurrying toward the beta and urging him off his seat.
Puzzled, I watched as my gamma shoved his mate out of my office, pretty much evicting him. Once there was only the two of us, he turned to me, his features softening. He fluttered toward me, taking Theo’s place across from me on the desk.
“Come on girl, you can spill the beans now. Tell me everything,” he demanded, interlacing his fingers over the table.
I tried to lie straight to his face, “There’s nothing to tell.”
“Oh, but there is, sweetie. You can’t fool me,” he insisted, not an ounce of uncertainty in his expression. I opened my mouth, ready to die trying to keep up the lie, but he stopped me. “I know you miss him.”
“Who? Koen?” I scoffed, pathetically attempting to sound unimpressed, but my voice cracked the second I spoke his name. Elijah immediately gave me a “you’re busted” look.
With a frown, I gave in, “Fine. Maybe I kinda do think about him every now and then.”
“More like all the time,” he rectified, flashing me a sympathetic look. “A lot happened between you two, Avril. You don’t have to be ashamed about your feelings or pretend that they don’t exist. Talk to me,” he encouraged.
At last, I flopped on my chair, letting my head fall back and covering my face in distress. “I don’t know, Eli. This is insane. He’s like a plague, always on my mind,” I confessed. “I thought if I got things straight between us, I’d finally be able to move on, but no. It doesn’t make any sense. He’s not my mate anymore - he’s never really been my mate, considering that he rejected me before anything could ever happen between us.”
After a moment of silence where Elijah studied me, he sighed. “Honey, at this point, I don’t think it’s just the reminiscing bond pulling you toward Koen anymore,” he suggested, to my utmost disbelief, though it didn’t quite shock me as what he said next. “I think you’re genuinely in love with him.”
I blinked a few times, processing what Elijah had just said. A moment later, I burst out laughing like a maniac.
“Me? In love?” I said sarcastically. “And with Koen out of all people…” I thought out loud. My laugh gradually died down, and seriousness permeated my features - terror, actually. “Fuck,” I breathed out, eyes wide in despair as I rested my elbows on the desk, hands pressed to both sides of my face. “This can’t be true.”
“Or you at least started to fall. There’s nothing wrong with being in love, Avril,” Elijah revealed. “In fact, in a world where mates are chosen for us, you’re lucky to fall for someone out of your own free will.”
“Free will?!” I half-laughed, half-scoffed in disbelief. There was no way in hell I would ever admit that I was infatuated with Koen because I fucking wanted to . This must be the doing of some evil creature.
Either way, it didn’t change how I felt.
I exhaled in resignation, glancing at Elijah. “What should I do?” I asked - no, I pleaded .
“My my, the Alpha asking me for advice! I’m honored.” He covered his open mouth with his hand, feigning exaggerated shock. As silly as his gesture was, it helped lighten the mood. Leaning forward on the table, eyes locked on mine, he instructed, “Go find him, Avril.”
I hesitated. “What for?” I shrugged. “He’ll never want to see me again after what I did. Even if he did, what would I tell him?”
“The truth,” he replied without a second thought. “Everything.”
If I was crazy, Elijah was completely insane. But, for lack of a better option, I ended up agreeing with him.
That was it. For better or worse, here I was, just a few feet from the border of Whispering Hills, returning to the lands I swore never to set foot in again.
After my conversation with Elijah, he insisted I shouldn’t wait any longer. He convinced Theo to drive me all the way to Koen’s territory, promising to come up with an excuse for my absence from the pack. My beta and I rode all afternoon, stopping at the road closest to the woods, where he would wait until I had resolved things with my former mate.
It was a good thing Kea was in control, or I might have questioned my sanity and turned right back around to admit myself to the nearest asylum. She stuck her nose in the air, unconcerned about consequences as she tried to catch the alpha’s scent. I silently prayed he was close to the border; it would be much more complicated if I had to formally ask the sentinels for permission to enter their lands. They hadn’t exactly been friendly the first time, and back then, I wasn’t even a thief or wanted criminal.
Amidst the turmoil in my mind, I noticed my wolf perk up her ears. “He’s not far,” she announced, a hint of excitement in her voice. My heart thumped.
Kea allowed me no time to process her discovery, swiftly making her way through the trees, careful not to step past the territorial line. Using our special abilities, which were enhanced after the ritual, she managed not to make a sound until we spotted the immaculate white beast, casually patrolling his lands. The sight of him made her stop, but only for a moment.
The next second, Kea leaped out of hiding. Once the need of staying undetected was gone, she carelessly stepped over twigs and leaves on the ground, cracks and rustling revealing her presence. Columbus darted his head toward the sound, his eyes locking on hers for a brief moment, yet he had no time to react - she was already too close by the time he noticed her.
When Kea pounced on the other wolf, the two fell to the ground, grasping each other, rolling together just like they had a few weeks past during the battle that had taken place while we were guests at Whispering Hills. In the end, my counterpart pinned her former mate to the ground, a playful grin spreading over her lips as she noticed the male’s surprise.
However, as soon as Columbus’ shock was gone, a frown stained his face. Kea cocked her head to the side in confusion, but she didn’t get an explanation. Instead, the white wolf shuffled beneath her, pushing her away from him. A pinch of hurt struck me at his reaction.
I thought Columbus would walk away, yet he stopped after putting a few feet between us. Then, his body began to change, fur retreating through his pores, bones reshaping to allow his limbs to lengthen. Once back to human form, a naked Koen stood up to face Kea with irritation visible in his features.
“You don’t get to just show up here as if nothing happened after disappearing without a word,” Koen said sharply, his words a knife to the heart.
Why did I feel pain? I should have expected his reaction.
In an attempt to try to explain myself, I asked Kea back for control, not hesitating to say, “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry ?” he scoffed, looking away thoughtfully before staring back at me. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought someone had taken you, Avril. I thought-” he cut his own sentence short, pinching the bridge of his nose. After a sigh, he continued, “Why did you come back anyway? You used me, and you got what you wanted. What else do you want?”
Ouch. I knew I was in the wrong. He had every right to be mad. Yet, his harshness still hurt.
“Koen, please listen,” I asked, stepping closer to him, but all it did was make him back away. Well, at least he was waiting for me to go on. “I wasn’t planning on using you. I mean, at some point I was, but not that night,” I rambled.
“Sure.” Another scoff. “I was able to put the pieces together. None of it was true, was it? The reason why you came here, the things you said - the things you did . All you wanted was that damn urn.” For the first time, his anger gave way to something else, and I saw hurt flash in his eyes. He quickly shook it off. “You know, I would’ve given it to you if you’d just asked.”
“It wasn’t that simple,” I admitted. “You would have asked questions - questions I wasn’t ready to answer.”
“And what? After one week, you’re suddenly okay with telling me everything?” he asked.
Despite the frustration lacing his voice, I had a feeling he wanted an answer. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Tell him everything , I repeated in my head. That’s what Elijah had told me to do. That’s why I came here. But actually doing it was harder than I’d anticipated.
After my long silence, he pursed his lips, hands resting on each side of his waist as he glanced down, then looked sideways, clearly trying to avoid my eyes. “Look, I know I screwed up. You don’t owe me anything after what I did to you. Maybe I deserved you toying with me.”
I swallowed dry. There was a time when I did want revenge. When I wanted him to fall for me, only so I could break his heart, as he had done mine. In the end, I did just that, but not intentionally.
Ridden with guilt, I stepped forward again. “Koen, I swear, I didn’t-”
"Just stop, Avril," he interrupted, his voice heavy with pain. "I tried to fix what I'd done, but maybe we were too broken all along. Perhaps it's best if we go back to living our separate lives."
My heart sank. Whatever little courage I had to begin with vanished completely. I felt powerless - how ironic . But what could I say when he had already made up his mind? Honestly, maybe he was right. Or at least, that’s what I tried to tell myself as I stood there, watching him shift back into his animal form and disappear into the woods.
After long, miserable seconds standing alone in the middle of the forest, trying to make sense of the ache in my chest, I gave Kea back control. In a slow, dejected march, she shuffled away, barely able to lift her paws, back toward where Theo was waiting for us. I cursed Elijah - not that it was anyone’s fault but mine, but I had a feeling it would’ve been easier to live with the uncertainty of how Koen would react rather than knowing for sure.
Defeated, I had almost made it to the road when I caught the distant, almost imperceptible sound of wailing horns with my heightened hearing. At first, I ignored it, too focused on my sorrow to care about anything else. However, I soon realized what it was, and it made me stiffen. It was the unmistakable sound of a pack alarm.
Whispering Hills was under attack.