28. Echo
Secrets, so many fucking secrets destroyed what we had. It destroyed what we could have been. There’s no one to blame but myself. Seeing him sitting on the sand with his arms wrapped around my wife, hands on her baby bump, has me ready to tear his fucking arms off his body. I want to tear him apart limb by limb. But I won’t do that to her or to Blakely. He’s what they need, what they deserve. Lachlan Riley is what Lia should have had all along. I never should have stood in the way. I’ll just sit and watch, taking out anyone who dares to ruin their happiness.
He’s put that beautiful smile back on her face. A smile that used to belong to me. But did it actually? Now he gets everything that used to belong to me. It didn’t truly belong to you, Jax. But I deserve it. I never deserved Lia. All I ever did was tell her lies. She should have been with Lachlan all along. If I wouldn’t have messed with her memory, she would have been with him. Lia would have never married me. I made her believe what I wanted her to believe. One thing that hurts the most is that I’ll never have the chance to raise my daughter. I don’t deserve an innocent soul like hers. I’d tarnish all the goodness inside her if she was stuck with a daddy like me.
A multitude of lies separated us. When I wrote that letter all those months ago, I wasn’t entirely truthful. I didn’t tell her I was the cause of her memory loss. I didn’t tell her the truth about Juliana either. All throughout our relationship she thought that we were each other’s firsts. That was a lie, too. She fucked Lachlan long before she fucked me. Let’s face it, they were in love with each other and I ruined it. And even though I was in love with her, I fucked Lexa, her best fucking friend. What kind of person does that shit to the girl he claims to love? Me, that’s who! That’s the real reason Lexa is the way she is. Once she sunk her claws into me, it was hard to get them out. She was so damn jealous of Lia, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. I didn’t actually meet Ben during basic training, either. I met him long ago. We used to get high with Matthew back in the day.
Ben is where all of my issues come from. His obsession with Lia ruined my life. All those years ago, Ben saw Lia at his house party. Even saw her with Lachlan. Piece of shit wanted to keep the two of them apart by any means necessary. He knew that I drugged Illiana, resulting in her memory loss. Ben is actually the one who encouraged the drugging. He deserved to die. It should have been more painful, Jax. He also knew that I fucked Lexa. I’m sure Lachlan thinks that I was fucking around on Lia just for the fuck of it. That wasn’t the case at all, not in the beginning, at least. I loved that girl with my whole fucking heart. I felt like he stole her from me but that’s a whole different story.
Lexa wanted me, she always did. Ben wanted Lia, and he’d do anything in his power to have her. He used that shit against Lexa. I’m sure he threatened her, too. I wanted Lia, but I was all sorts of fucked up. Getting her to love me the way I did was more than wrong. But in my mind I had no other choice.
I know the two of them concocted some sort of plan, but then Ben went off the rails with his blackmail bullshit. That’s one of the reasons I had to kill his ass. Lia can never know the whole truth. It would kill her. Maybe Lexa needs to die, Jax. In order to keep my secrets hidden I need to kill anyone who knew about them.
Ben blackmailed me into doing shit that I didn’t want to do. I should have killed him a long time ago. He had proof of my wrong doing all along. On more than one occasion, he threatened to tell Lia everything if I didn’t do what he wanted me to do. He’s the one who practically forced me into fucking Christina and Juliana. He just kept building up more ammo to aid in my demise. In the end he didn’t realize that it would lead to his death. This is all my fault. If I would have just came clean then we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in now. I’ve lost my wife and daughter. They think I’m dead for crying out loud. I’ll never be able to come back from what I’ve done. That’s one of the reasons that I faked my death. I’m so damn embarrassed.
Lia and Blakely deserve a fresh start and I’m determined to make that happen, no matter how unhappy that makes me. I’ll die before I ever do them wrong again. It’s best if they think I’m dead. They can go on to live happy lives with a man that will love them with his whole heart. I’m a poison. All I do is infect the people that I love. It’s been a never-ending cycle that I’m determined to break, one way or another.
When I got Lexa and Matthew on my side, I convinced them that we needed to take Ben the fuck out, so that’s a plus for now. Lexa still wants my dick, so she’s easily manulipulated. There’s probably more that I’m missing. By the time we made it to Ben’s house on the night we killed him, police were swarming the place.
I can only hope that any evidence he had is well hidden, actually that doesn’t matter. Everyone thinks you’re dead, anyway. The truth won’t ever come back to get me. Haunt me, yes it definitely will. I’ll stay in hiding forever. They’ll never know that my body wasn’t the one that was in the casket. I was at my funeral, sitting in a car off to the side, hidden behind big oak trees. Everyone was crying, but Lia wasn’t. I’m sure she wasn’t happy that she didn’t get to see my body, but I planned it that way. I guess she’d found out a lot of truths by then. The only big loose end that I have left to tie up is that bitch down in South America. Juliana doesn’t know what’s coming for her, but she better prepare herself.
Get the fuck ready, bitch! I’m coming for you as long as a raven haired, gray eyed vixen doesn’t stop me. The plan was to always get shot on our deployment. I knew I’d end up in a military hospital in Germany. I just didn’t take into account how serious my injury would be. Kit Lendley was my savior, she just didn’t know it, or maybe she did. Her obsession with me knew no bounds. If I thought I could escape her after telling her all my secrets, I couldn’t have been more wrong. But that’s a story for another day. When I’m ready, I’ll tell you all about her Shattered Obsession.