Chapter 16
A s I slink further into the pillows on my bed, my phone bloops with a reminder of a previous notification. Turning my head, I read the text from Bo before it fades from the home screen.
“Peace,” my dad says, regaining my attention.
“Yeah?” I pull myself up higher against my headboard and look at him.
“Did you hear a word I just said?”
“Yeah.” Only not really. Not that I need to since I’ve heard it all before.
“I’m going to have to take your phone away.” He frowns at me from his position at the foot of my bed.
“But—”
“If you’re sticking to your story, that it was your idea not Bo’s.”
“It was mine.”
I drop my chin to my chest. The candy-cane pattern on my pink pajama bottoms swims in the pooled wetness in my eyes. I don’t like disappointing my dad, especially after feeling like we connected earlier at the library today. But Bo is my friend.
“Then turn over your phone.” He reaches out his hand, palm up.
“Okay.”
I roll over, disconnect my phone from the charger on the nightstand, sit up, and offer it to him. The look he gives me as his ringed fingers curl around the plastic case makes my stomach churn.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I swallow hard.
“Apology accepted.” His brows draw together. “But I’m still going to keep your phone.”
“I understand.” But understanding doesn’t make disappointing him hurt any less.
“Do you?” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t seem like I’m getting through to you at all since Bo got here. I thought we made progress today. I thought sharing shit…stuff, helped you understand me a little better. But then you go and do something like this right after, and it makes me feel like I’m wasting my time.”
“Fu—” I cover my mouth, but it’s too late. The curse word is already out.
“More of Bo’s influence.” Dad sighs heavily. “Good thing he’s leaving tomorrow.”
Wisely, I keep my mouth shut about the agreement Bo and I have made to keep in touch. I just hope my dad doesn’t use my passcode to open my phone.
“How long are you keeping my phone?” With no books to read and no phone, it’s going to be only my laptop for entertainment.
“Two weeks,” he says grimly.
“Oh no.” My eyes widen. “You’ve never punished me that long.”
“It’s less about the actual offense,” he says, “and more that you’re not owning up to the fact that you lied to me.”
“Right.” I swallow hard.
What happened downstairs isn’t my truth to tell. I might not have another friend outside of Harmony, but I know friends don’t rat. They have each other’s backs and keep each other’s secrets.
Dad’s light brown eyes narrow. “We can’t build the closeness I want between us if you aren’t honest with me.”
My throat gets tighter.
I want to be close to my dad, but I want to be Bo’s friend more. I finally found someone near my age who understands me, and I understand him. Being friends with Bo and getting closer to my dad are desires that seem destined to always be at odds with each other.
“Nothing more to say?” My dad’s frown deepens.
“I messed up.” I twist my hands together. “I’ll do better.”
My skin burns at the way he’s looking at me. He said he wants me to feel like I belong in our home, but I don’t, and I’m afraid I never will when the standard for me seems to be perfection.
“Okay, Peace.” He clucks his tongue in displeasure but comes to my side of the bed and kisses the top of my head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
I want to throw my arms around him and beg for his forgiveness, but I don’t.
Tears prick my eyes as I watch him leave my room. The door clicks closed. The sudden silence seems ominous, like a chapter between me and my dad has closed. My room feels too small and far too quiet. My heart thuds painfully inside my tight chest and my thoughts turn unsettled. But then I remember Bo’s text. It’s a waste of time trying to change the unchangeable. Besides, Bo needs me.
I untwist my hands. Glancing at the digital clock, I see that there are hours to go until I can meet Bo like he asked me to. Without reading or my phone, those hours are going to feel like days.
Sighing, I get up and go to my desk. At least I can write in my notebook and listen to music on my computer. I scroll to the top of a playlist that Bo sent over. With a smile curving my mouth despite everything, I start doodling and jotting down phrases.
Much later, I glance at the clock. It’s time. Finally. I take off my headphones and listen. The house is completely quiet.
I locate my waterproof boots. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I put them on. My insulated parka, wool cap, and gloves are next. Dressed for the weather, it’s going to be obvious where I’m going if I’m caught.
Do I want to risk being caught?
I bite down on my lip and stare at my closed door. There’s not a specific rule about not going outside the house after a certain time, but I know it’s wrong. I know my dad wouldn’t like it.
But this is my last chance to talk to Bo alone. He’s leaving tomorrow. I’m a different person when Bo’s around. I’m stronger and more daring. I like that. I don’t want to return to being the meek mouse I was before.
My decision made, I head to the door.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
Bo stands as I slip outside. With the dark firepit behind him, he walks toward me. He’s so handsome with those electrifying eyes and dark hair that it hurts my heart to look at him. His footsteps crunch on the snow. It melted some in the sun and has refrozen. It’s shiny and smooth, a crystalline white surface all around us, except for the pathway from the house.
“Of course I’d come.” I smile. Despite everything, seeing him makes me feel lighter.
“It’s freezing out here.” He rubs his hands together. He’s only wearing a black hoodie and jeans. He doesn’t have gloves on like me.
“Do you want to turn on the firepit?” I glance back at the house. The windows are dark. There were no lights on when I tiptoed downstairs. We could probably get away with it.
“Too risky,” Bo decides. “Besides, I can’t stay long. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble on my account.”
“I’m not worried.” Yet, I bite down on my lip.
“You are,” he says softly. His breath puffs in the air. “You should be. There’s a chance you can fix your relationship with your dad.”
“There’s a chance for you too.” I step closer. “Your dad didn’t seem too mad.”
“He was beyond mad.” Bo snorts derisively. “He’s given up on me. He thinks I’m a lost cause. He’s probably right.”
“He’s wrong.” I reach for Bo’s hand. “Completely wrong.” My fingers are encased in wool, but I grasp his larger hand firmly, willing my warmth and certainty to transfer to him.
“I’m glad you think so.” He sighs. “I’m going to miss you.”
We stare at each other. There’s no starlight in his eyes. They’re bleak like I suddenly feel, knowing he’s leaving tomorrow.
“I’ll miss you too,” I manage to say, tears filling my eyes. “But we can talk.” My nose stings, and I sniff. “Only not on my phone.”
“Why not?” He tilts his head.
“My dad took it away as punishment. No reading, and I can’t have my phone back for two weeks.”
“Sorry.” He shakes his head. “You’ve gotten into a lot of trouble because of me.”
“It’s okay.”
What I mean is that he’s worth it. He’s the first real friend I’ve had aside from Harmony, but I’m afraid to share something that serious.
“We’ll online chat,” he says. “I’ll play my guitar for you.”
“I’d love that.” My eyes brighten. I don’t care that we’ll be bending the rules. “I can read more stories to you.”
“Stories and music sound nice.” He nods. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“I wish I could see you in person.” I glance away. Vancouver, where he lives, is too far.
He squeezes my fingers. “We’ll make it happen somehow.”
“I don’t know how.” I glance back at him. “With our dads so disapproving.”
“This is between you and me.” He searches my eyes. “No one else gets a say. No one comes between us. Not even our dads.”
“Promise?” I whisper.
“Whoa.” His attention suddenly shifts. “Look at that.” He points with his free hand, and I turn and look.
“Beautiful.” I aim my gaze upward and watch a shooting star blaze across the inky night sky.
“Yeah,” Bo whispers. “Beautiful is the perfect word.”
I turn around, but he’s not looking at the sky. He’s staring at me, wearing an expression I’ve never seen before. One that makes me feel tingly inside.
“I promise I’ll always be there for you if you need me.” His eyes glow brighter than the blanket of glistening snow.
“I’m here for you too,” I say solemnly. “I promise.”
With our hands joined, our gazes locked, and a shooting star over our heads, our promises to each other seem unbreakable.
“I don’t want you to go tomorrow,” I admit. A promise is good to have, but I’d rather have him. I’m afraid everything will go back to the way it was when he’s gone. That I’ll be alone again and he’ll forget about me.
“I’m not gone yet.” He glances at the firepit. “Maybe we can risk the fire. Talk a little more.”
“Yes.” I nod.
“’Kay.” He releases my hand, turns on the gas, and retraces his steps to me. “Wanna lie down on the bed?” Not waiting for my answer, he picks up the blanket we used before. He shakes it out and climbs into the bed. Giving me an expectant look, he lifts the top edge.
“Don’t hog the covers this time.” I make a joke to cover up for how nervous I am. With no one out here and everyone likely asleep, we’re entirely alone.
“You’re too far away.” He pulls me closer, throwing his arm around me like he did the last time we were on this bed together. His woodsy scent thickens the air as it washes over me.
“Did you bring earphones?” I ask and rest my head on his chest. His heart thumps steadily beneath my ear.
“No,” he replies and starts stroking my hair. I feel a streak of warmth from my scalp to my toes. “You?”
“No.” I wrinkle my nose. “I wasn’t expecting to stay long.”
“We’ll just talk.” He decides.
“Talking’s fine with me.” I just know that music is his way of expressing himself, and I want him to be as comfortable communicating with me as I am with him. “If you could express how you feel right now with a song, which song would it be?”
“‘Sweetness.’”
“That’s the song my dad wrote about my mom,” I whisper, and sparks crackle all over my skin.
“I felt like I was spinning out of control before I met you.” He sings a line from the song, and I don’t just feel like there are sparks on my skin. I’m a shooting star blazing across the night sky.
“I was lost and lonely until you came along.” I give him a line from the same song. One that captures perfectly how he makes me feel. If he can bravely admit deep truths, so can I.
“So the song fits for both of us.”
I nod and wonder. Do the other parts fit? I know I don’t want to ever be apart from him. But the forever the song talks about seems impossible when we only have tonight.