Chapter 19
Age 14
“ P eace Addison Jinkins.”
“Yeah, Mom?” I freeze in place with my foot on the first step to go upstairs.
“Don’t dash off to your room.” Mom enters the foyer, her hair and makeup looking movie star perfect. “You disappear into your room every day after school.” Her brow furrows as she gestures. “Come into the family room. I want to talk to you.”
I sigh and follow her. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can go to my room and talk privately with Bo.
“How’s school?” She takes a seat on the couch by the window and glances up at me.
“Fine.” I sit down beside her and fold my hands together in my lap.
“You can do better than that.” She narrows her peridot eyes at me.
“Teachers are great.” I fiddle with the straps on my backpack and give her answers that I know she wants to hear. “I have the best grades in my level.”
“But are you happy?” she asks, shifting closer. “Are you making friends?”
I’m happy when I’m on the phone with Bo. When I’m reading a good book. When it’s just me and Harmony hanging out at home.
But those are truths I don’t think she cares to know, so I just shrug.
“I’m worried about you.” She shakes her head and disappointment dulls her gaze, like it does when one of her movies has low box office numbers. “It’s not good that you don’t have any friends.”
“The kids don’t like me. I don’t fit in.” My stomach drops. The only one I fit in with is Bo.
“You have a beautiful voice and you like music.” She tilts her head, studying me like I’m an indecipherable script. “Why don’t you try out for the spring choir?”
“Choir is Harmony’s thing. So is drama, swimming, and cheer. I’m not like Harmony or you and Dad.” I wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs, the moisture invisible against the dark denim. “I don’t need friends. I’m doing okay.”
“Yes, but?—”
“Can I go to my room?” I stand, wanting this interrogation to be over.
“Yes.” She frowns. “I guess so.”
“Thanks.” I force myself to walk away from her with measured steps until I get to the stairs, then I race up them two at a time.
Once inside my room, I lean heavily against the door. Looking at my bookshelves, I will my breaths to slow and blink back tears from my eyes that will only fog the lenses of my new glasses. Once I get myself under control, I toss my backpack on my bed. Glancing at the clock on my nightstand, my lips flatten. There are too many lonely hours to kill before I can call Bo. Now that he’s attending school in South Texas, we aren’t in the same time zone anymore. Plus, once he’s done with his classes, he has to work in the school cafeteria. He won’t be available to chat for hours.
Sighing, I unzip my backpack and withdraw my textbooks. Homework will occupy my time, even if I’ll get more ridicule from my classmates when I do better than them in class. But that doesn’t matter. Everything will be okay when I hear Bo’s voice. Maybe I’ll get to see him if he can slip outside the building to FaceTime with me. Of course I won’t wear my glasses. I’m not ready to share that change with him just yet. I take them off and place them on the bed. Thankfully, I only have to wear them for distance.
When I’m settled at my desk, I open my English textbook. My eyes burn when the note I stuffed inside it at school falls out. The hurt I pretended not to feel then slices even deeper now.
Loser. Daddy’s disappointment. The weird twin.
I don’t need to read the words. I memorized them. Crushing the paper in my grip, I pretend that’s all it takes to make the criticisms go away.
But I know tomorrow I’ll endure more of the same.
For some reason I cannot fathom, I caught the attention of Mark Lewis, one of the most popular boys at school. He and his group of friends are my chief tormentors. After winter break and Bo, I attended school with more confidence. I believed Mark when he told me he really wanted to be my friend. But his interest wasn’t genuine. He was just using me to get close to Harmony.
Mark is her boyfriend now. Even though Dad hates him, Harmony gets to hang out with him whenever she wants. Her relationship with Dad isn’t the same as mine, and Mark acts differently at the house. I think he knows my dad doesn’t like him. But he never forfeits an opportunity to mistreat me. I try not to react, like you’re supposed to do with bullies, but he’s a bully who doesn’t like to be ignored.
I’d rather be in hell than Lakewood Middle School. Home is hardly any better with Mark always coming around to see Harmony. But at least I have one thing that makes it all worthwhile. Bo.