Chapter 21
W ith my cell to my ear, I sit on the edge of my bed, gnawing on my bottom lip and waiting for Bo to pick up his phone.
“Hello,” a deep and smooth masculine voice drawls.
I remove my phone from my ear and glance down at my display. It’s Bo’s number, but I don’t recognize the voice. My heart starts beating fast. “Is Bo okay?”
“Hmmm. Hard to say. His arms are shaking pretty badly. You okay, Jacks?”
“Get off my phone, Car.” Bo sounds out of breath and far away.
“What’s going on?” I ask softly. “Who are you and why are you answering Bo’s phone?”
“Your boyfriend’s doing push-ups on account of being late to work,” the guy Bo called Car replies.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I wish, but I know that’s just a fantasy.
“Gotta say I like that answer from you. Your voice is really sweet, darlin’. I’m Carson. Car to my friends. Wanna be my friend instead of Bo’s?”
“Knock it off,” Bo snarls, and I hear a scuffle. “Peace?” Bo asks, his voice a whole octave deeper than it was at Christmas. “You still there?”
“Yes.” I wet my dry lips. “Who is Car?”
“Carson. Reeves.” He puffs between the first and last name, his voice strained. “He was a friend until this stunt.”
“I thought…” Trailing off, I swallow hard. Really, Peace. You have no reason to get your feelings hurt because you’re not Bo’s only friend . After all, he isn’t a loser like you.
“You thought what?” he prompts when I remain silent.
I thought a lot of foolish things. But I’m just his friend, nothing more. Certainly not a girlfriend. I drop my gaze, not wanting to catch my reflection or the longing within it.
“Peace.” His voice dips and so does my belly. “What’s going on?”
“You never mentioned Carson before.” I manage to skirt around the hurt and say something that makes sense.
“Only because when I get a chance to connect with you, I’d rather talk about other things.”
“Like what?” I ask.
“Like how your day went?” he replies. “Like when I might be able to see you.”
“My day was terrible,” I admit. But not why it was terrible. Bo has another friend. One who might be listening. One who’s there for him in person, unlike me. “How was yours?”
“Pretty shitty too.”
“Why?” I ask.
“You first,” he insists.
I want to tell him about my mom interrogating me and about Mark and the bullying. Bo is the only one besides Harmony that I’d consider telling. But on the other hand, I don’t want to sound like more of a weirdo than I already am. Harmony says it’s embarrassing that I clam up and don’t stand up for myself at school.
“I don’t like school very much anymore.” My cheeks burn as I make the understatement of this century. My mom, dad, and sister want me to try harder to fit in, to try out for things, to be someone I’m not. I just want to be who I am, and I feel like I can with Bo.
“I don’t like it either,” he snaps. “It fucking sucks.”
“Yeah,” I agree and sigh. “Is there anything good about Los Fresno?”
“Car, I guess,” he mutters. “But only when he’s not being an asshole.”
“Is he in the same grade as you?”
“He’s a year older.”
“More experienced,” Carson says in the background. “And I’m much better looking.”
My lips quirk. Lighter personality too. I’m glad Bo has someone like that around. But I won’t feel sorry for myself. I’m not completely alone. I have Harmony. She’s not exactly a lighter personality, but at home, she acknowledges me and doesn’t give me such a hard time about being the way I am.
“I gotta go,” Carson announces, his voice distant but clear. “Bye, Peace.”
“You’re done talking to her,” Bo tells his friend, his voice muffled. He must be covering the phone with his hand.
“Don’t forget band practice on Saturday.”
“You have a band?” I ask, overhearing Carson.
“Not a band. Just Car and a couple of other guys from his group home messing around.”
“That’s sounds like how Tempest started out.” Hurt wars with excitement inside me. I don’t know why Bo didn’t tell me about this. It’s huge news, but regardless of why he withheld the information, I’m happy for him that he’s doing something that involves music.
“Not like Tempest. No way. Just a few of us hanging out trying to cover songs we like.”
He has more than one friend, and he found a place to belong. A place that doesn’t include me. Bo is moving on with his life. Mine is going nowhere. The sadness I tried to keep at bay inundates me.
Hurt squeezing the air from my lungs as I glance at the ceiling, I wish I could go back to that wintery night when it was just me and Bo looking at the stars. Back then I believed anything was possible.