Chapter 81
“ L et me talk to her,” I plead in the hall outside Peace’s hospital room. “Please, man.”
“No, son.” Alex Treyall shakes his head.
“I just need to see her.” I choke up and can’t say more. When I saw how upset she was on the bus, I only wanted to comfort her. When she passed out, her uncle caught her before I could, and I went insane. The guys had to restrain me. It was wrong that they wouldn’t let me go with her in the ambulance. It should have been me. I should be the one taking care of her not him.
“I’m sorry. I can’t allow it.” Treyall places his hand on my shoulder. “She’s okay. The diagnosis is a panic attack brought on by a traumatic experience.” He squeezes my shoulder and drops his hand. “From what I understand, you two aren’t in a good place. She doesn’t need any more stress today.”
“I just want her to know I’m here. That we’re all here. That we came to see her. That we care.” I gesture to where the guys are waiting along with my guitar tech. We’re a bunch of misfits, uncomfortable and out of place in the sterile corridor, but we have one commonality—we care about her.
After the ambulance took her away, I told everyone I was going to the hospital. The guys insisted on coming with me. There wasn’t a question in their minds. I know they didn’t come on my account. It’s her. Peace won them over within minutes of them meeting her, just like she did me all those years ago.
“The doctor gave her something to calm her.” Treyall squeezes my shoulder. “She’s resting comfortably. But I’ll relay your message when she comes around.”
“But I need to see her—” I begin.
“Chill for now, man.” Carson saunters over, giving me a firm look before he shifts his gaze to Alex. “We’ll come back after the show. But we’d really appreciate it if you let her know we were here. Yeah?”
“Will do,” Alex says. “Good night, boys.” He dismisses us, but he does it treating me to another assessing glance that makes me wonder what Peace might have told him.
“C’mon.” Carson tugs on my arm when I just stand there. I’m an asteroid drifting through space, lifeless and lightless without her.
“We have to go,” Carson insists. “Dude, you know we have a show to put on.”
“I don’t want to leave her.” My eyes burn with my conviction. “I need to be where she is.”
“You have a commitment to this band.” His gaze hardens. “And our fans.”
“You don’t understand.” I jerk a hand through my hair. I love the guys and performing, but I’d give it all up, do anything if only it would fix this situation. “I messed up with her. I fucked up badly. This is all my fault. I need her to know that. I need to tell her I’m sorry.”
“After what you said”—his brows draw together—“and those photos, I’m not sure an apology will do her much good.”
“You think I blew it.” I don’t want to believe it. “Even as her friend?”
“I dunno, man.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Peace is a sweet girl. She’s not like the chicks we know.”
“I get that.”
“Yeah.” He nods somberly. “On some level, I think you do, and I feel your pain, brother. This entire situation sucks. I wanna help you, and I’m not telling you to give up, but on the other hand, you might want to consider that letting her go at this point might be best for everyone.”
Peace
“Who were you talking to?” I ask when Alex steps inside and shuts the door.
“Bo,” he replies and the tension that shoots through me speeds up the bleeps on my heart monitor. “His bandmates were with him and some guy wearing a roadie shirt.”
“George, Bo’s tech,” I say offhandedly.
“They’re worried about you.” His gaze narrows in concern. “They were all around when the ambulance came. Do you remember any of it?”
“Bits and pieces,” I reply.
“Not surprising, I guess, since the paramedics gave you a sedative.” He sits in the chair beside my bed and takes my hand. “How do you feel now?”
“Terrible.” A tear slips down my cheek.
“I’m worried about you, dear one. The things you shared with the hospitalist.” He stops, swallows, and his blue eyes brighten. “You never told me how severe the bullying was. I wish you had. And now with this stuff on the internet…” He trails off, appearing at a loss.
“I know,” I mutter, hurt strangling my throat. “I’m a lot. It’s a lot.”
“You’re a lot of wonderful, Peace Jinkins.” He squeezes my fingers. “I know it. Your uncle Mike knows it, your sister, your parents, and those friends who came to see you know it too.”
“I’m odd.” I shake my head, denying it. “Different. Weird.”
“The world needs more people like you who aren’t afraid to be themselves. There are too many automatons marching in lockstep to everyone else as it is.” He lowers his voice. “But, sweetheart, you can’t keep running away when people treat you badly.”
“I know.” I swipe the wetness from my cheeks. “I stood up for myself earlier today with Bo. He acted like an ass, and I told him to fuck off.”
“Bo mistreated you?” His fingers flex and his eyes flash. “Is he the one responsible for those photos getting out?”
Alex is badass. He has a temper like Bo that blazes red hot if he thinks someone he loves is being threatened. I once saw him deck an overzealous photographer after he nearly knocked over Mike, and my dad told me Alex once beat up someone who mistreated Mom. So I take a moment to carefully consider what to share.
“I accused Bo of leaking the photos. He denied it.” I bite down on my lip. “I believe he’s telling the truth. But it had to be someone on the tour.”
“What’s going on with you and Bo?” He cocks his head. “He was really upset. He went ballistic when you passed out. Seems to me he has deep feelings for you. How do you feel about him?”
I give his questions some consideration. While on the bus, I tried to wrap my head around Bo and me. With my journal and Bo’s music in my ears, I did a lot of soul-searching. I even drafted several letters to him, attempting to put my feelings into words, but none of them seemed right. And then I stumbled across those photos that completely derailed me.
“It was serious for me,” I whisper. “I’ve always been serious about Bo, but I don’t think it’s the same for him.”
“I’m sorry.” He lets out a sigh. “It’s rough when the affection you have for someone isn’t returned.”
“Yeah.” A new batch of tears fills my eyes. With Bo, I don’t just lose a lover; I lose my best friend.