Chapter 22
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
Sia
Maxim took my hand and guided me out of the pool, but he didn’t dry me off. He let us both drip and left me exposed in my damp nightgown.
Is this really happening?
My heart beat like a jack rabbit. I was only partially sure he’d be receptive to my advances. When I came home in a ride share, I wasn’t exactly sure if he’d want to continue where we’d left off in his office. I had no confidence at all.
There had been something there between us though, and I think I only denied that earlier because of my own fear. I was scared of him. I was horrified actually, but not in the way I should be.
He took me to his room.
I’d never been there of course. He didn’t let go of my hand once we were inside.
It was gorgeous. He had a fireplace that casted a glow on his dark bedding and matching curtains. It gave his room a dungeon look and matched his personality.
Is this happening right now? Really?
I should be thinking about other things. Not just his age in relation to mine, but the fact he was my friend’s dad.
But that was the last thing on my mind.
Perhaps it had something to do with his touch when he placed his hands on my face. He fingered my curls away from my eyes in the dim light of his room, and I thought he may kiss me, but he ultimately stepped away.
“I want you on your knees, malyshka ,” he said, still naked in the dark room, wet. His dick hung heavy, his abs surging with heavy breath. Did I turn him on? His eyes darkened. “I want you on your knees for me.”
I normally didn’t like being told what to do. Especially by him. But something happened once I dropped to my knees, and he stroked my cheek. There was approval in his gray eyes, and that sent something wild soaring into my heart. I loved defying him.
But I loved pleasing him more.
His rough digits pulsed awareness beneath my skin, but he didn’t do anything more as he touched my cheek. His eyes scanning mine, he appeared to have something of a debate in his eyes. I wondered if he’d stop this, but then his hand guided my chin up.
“I need to know if you can follow directions,” he said, repeating what he had downstairs. His mouth formed into a firm line. “I will push you to your limits. I’m going to fuck you, but in ways that probably won’t be ordinary to you. They can be sadistic, depraved, and once I get going I won’t stop outside of the hard rules and boundaries we have in place.”
Tremors hit deep into my knees, but I didn’t move. I was taken back, but wasn’t scared by what he said.
Why wasn’t I scared?
I nodded. “Okay.”
He stroked my chin. “It will be intense, Sia, and I could very well break you. Often times you probably won’t even like what I do to you.”
He was talking like he was some kind of a dominant, and though I didn’t know anything about BDSM, it felt like that might be what he was talking about. I swallowed. “Will you hurt me?”
“It’s a given I’ll hurt you,” he said, not ashamed. He let go of my chin and was hard in front of me. He’d been hard before but was steel now. Like this conversation was doing something for him.
It was certainly doing something for me.
Maybe I was just as dark and depraved as he was.
He wet his lips. “But anything that happens between us will be agreed upon before and completely consensual. Anything that is done will be because you’ve allowed it, malyshka, but it will be intense.”
The rough pads of his fingers stroked my jaw again, and something odd happened. Instead of being fearful, running away , I eased more into his touch. I almost felt…comfort in his touch and words when I certainly shouldn’t. Honestly, as soon as he said what he had I should have gotten up and left. But I didn’t.
I closed my eyes in the warm heat of the room and his calloused fingers. I liked that he was being honest about what he wanted. I liked he wasn’t a liar , and though he was saying some dark and depraved things, he was saying them. He wasn’t hiding who he was from me.
And that meant something.
I think that was where the comfort came from, and I opened my eyes in the fireplace light. “If I say yes, will we be going outside next?” I asked, and he blinked. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was considering this arrangement or what I mentioned about going outside. I assumed some of the things he was talking about would be out there. He brought women through this house that were physically dirty like he’d chased them.
Hunted them.
After Maxim’s initial shock, his grip on my chin intensified. A dark gleam rimmed his gray irises, and I questioned if he’d make me leave.
“You’re not ready for that,” he said, confirming some of my theories about the things he was into. His eyes narrowed. “I’m not ready. I don’t want to hurt you. Not like that. Not until…” He shook his head. “We’ll take things slow tonight. It will be good…for both of us.”
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but soon my cheeks were in both of his hands. There was a kindness in his voice and words, a tenderness I didn’t normally see, and that fluttered something in my heart.
“I want you to say ‘red’ if I do anything tonight that takes you past your limits,” he instructed. “You say that and everything stops.”
Something about him saying that had emotion hitting my eyes, tears. I didn’t know why.
Yes, you do.
I did but said nothing about it and fought the tears when I nodded. I wouldn’t cry and hadn’t in years. I’d taken back my power long ago.
Even when it was taken from me.
“Okay,” I told him, the emotion thick still in my throat. I nodded again. “All right.”
“Okay.” He guided me to look up at him once more. “Can we proceed? I’d like to touch you now.”
My head bobbed twice in acknowledgment, but he didn’t move.
His expression intensified. “I need you to tell me I can touch you intimately. Give me clear permission, and I will proceed.”
His voice was borderline feral. Like he was on the brink of testing his own limits.
I trembled. “Yes, you can touch me.”
A noise hummed in his chest when his fingers escaped my jaw.
They moved to my nipple.
He outlined my areola softly through my wet nightgown. Unable to take it, I made my own noise, and he growled in response.
His gray eyes ignited. “I could tear you apart so easily, malyshka ,” he said, that word taking on a whole new understanding now that I knew what it meant. I trembled once more, and he pinched my nipple. “Arms up.”
I did right away, and I sagged when he let go of me and left the room. He disappeared into his walk in closet, and the moments in which he was away were agonizing.
What’s he doing?
I was dripping between my legs, and even more so when Maxim came back with a belt in his hands. He was still completely naked, his cock solid between his powerful legs.
I studied him as he closed the distance between us and gasped when he secured my waiting wrists to the bedpost. He wasn’t gentle about how tight he made the belt. If anything, something wild hit his eyes the tighter he made it.
“Now that I have you like this you don’t move, all right?” he stated, admiring his work. He smiled a little. “I’m going to explore you, but while I do you don’t move. Not a fucking inch, you understand?”
“I understand,” I said, making sure he had his consent. I was curious what he’d do, but thought he’d start with kissing me. I was dying for it so I quaked a little when he passed over my mouth and went straight for my neck. His nose touched down, his breaths heavy.
He was smelling me.
His mouth parted along my neck while he did, something so animalistic about it as he drank my scent in. I did the same with him, unsure if I could even stand tall with how glorious he smelled. It was so lethal, his wild scent.
Kiss me.
He wouldn’t, making me wait while his teeth dragged along my pulse. My eyes closed, and I jolted a little when his teeth dug into my neck. It wasn’t hard, but scared me.
He scared me.
He was so powerful and could hurt me so easily in this vulnerable position. I kept trying to put that out of my mind though. Sex could be…hard for me, but I was trying to release control.
“I smell it, you know? Your apprehension. Your fear.” His hand closed over my throat, squeezing slightly. I was reminded what little power I had in this situation, and my eyes closed tight for a different reason.
Relax.
I was trying to. I wanted to trust him, but it was so hard for me.
“It’s so fucking beautiful, baby girl,” he said, his fingers easing beneath the hem of my nightgown. His fingers ghosted along my thighs. “I’m going to lift this up.”
He didn’t until I nodded again, and I was so lost in the moment. I was lost in my head and trying to let go.
It was hard once I noticed his stare.
He’d bunched my nightgown up over my head. It was secured at my wrists, but once it was, he didn’t touch me anymore. He simply stared, and the wild look in his eyes had transformed into something else.
Madness.
His frown was deep, his eyes full of rage, and it took me only seconds to realize why. He noticed the soft scars on my chest, the ones I usually hid with makeup or clothing.
He must not have seen them when he watched me shower.
I didn’t know if his camera was too far away or what, but clearly, he hadn’t seen them. He obviously hadn’t seen them when we were both at the pool with Polly that day, but that was intentional. Whenever I was in a bathing suit, I used makeup to cover them up.
Maxim’s expression was murderous when he touched one, and right away, my body locked up, instinctual.
No. No. No.
I honestly forgot about them in the moment. Forgot my history and he allowed me to do that for a second. He wasn’t now, and I felt so vulnerable under his intense stare.
“What is this?”
Especially when he asked me that. I didn’t want him to see that part of my life. I didn’t want anyone to see, which was why I’d learned how to cover the scars up. I’d gotten really good at using makeup tutorials over the years.
Apparently not good enough.
“Someone hurt you,” Maxim surmised, and I did allow a tear to fall. I didn’t want to look weak, and I knew I did in that moment. His eyes narrowed. “Who?”
“Let me out of this.” I jerked, feeling as if put on display. My scars didn’t define me, and I didn’t need his fucking sympathy. “ Now. Get this thing fucking off me, Maxim.”
He wasn’t, and the murderous look in his eyes intensified. “What is this, Sia, and who did it? Tell me who I need to kill. I’m fucking serious.”
Oh, now suddenly he was my savior? He who treated me like garbage when we first met? I jerked in the bindings. “I mean it, Maxim, let me out of this.”
“Sia—”
“Red.” The safe word blared from my lips.
I couldn’t do this.
I couldn’t, and I was fucking stupid for thinking I could. I was too damaged, too…
My arms were lowered in seconds.
Maxim didn’t make me wait. He was being serious about my safe word, and right away the belt was removed and my arms lowered. He even fixed my nightgown, but once I was covered, I didn’t stick around for anymore conversation.
I might just cry.
I’d show how weak I really was, but Maxim didn’t allow me to go far. In fact, I only made it a few steps before his hand cuffed my arm, but he didn’t jerk me around.
He was gentle.
The touch was almost timid and as vulnerable feeling as I was. “ Malyshka. ”
The word melted through me and did make me feel soft, weak. His other hand cuffed my arm, and when I didn’t turn around, he added a little pressure.
“Tell me what happened,” he said so gently behind me. I didn’t know he was capable. “We’ll just talk. Please, can I see?”
My immediate thought was hell no . I didn’t even look at my scars which was why I covered them up.
Why does he care?
He sounded as if he did, this brooding man who’d showed me nothing but cruelty. I didn’t want to feel vulnerable in front of him but something had me nodding softly.
I turned around instinctively. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I didn’t want him seeing my scars, but I didn’t want to see him observing my scars even more.
God.
My heart racing, I lifted my arms. I knew this would make it easier for him, and I couldn’t bear him asking me to show him.
Gratefully, I didn’t have to.
Maxim took the initiative in that moment when he guided my nightgown up again. This time, he took it off, and I shuddered, but not from his touch. I was completely exposed to him now.
I was raw.
I was in so many ways. I waited for the questions. I waited for the pain , and he turned me around with a guided hand. I still kept my eyes closed.
Maxim said nothing, so quiet. He touched a space below my collarbone, and though I opened my eyes, I stared at the floor.
Again, I couldn’t face him.
“A cigarette burn,” I said before he could ask me. I swallowed. “A gift from one of my foster dads when I drank his apple juice. I didn’t know it was his.”
Apparently, that gave him license to hurt me. He was, admittedly, one of the bad ones, but unfortunately not the worst.
Maxim was still so quiet. So much so that I opened my eyes. I couldn’t read his expression in that moment. He was just as bare as me but not nearly as vulnerable. His jaw moved. “A blade?”
So much control was in his voice when his thumb outlined the cut on my shoulder. That one was easy to hide beneath my bra strap.
I was sure he knew all about the scar a knife could make. It was a kitchen knife in this case. I glanced away. “One of my foster moms had a drinking problem.”
His hand covered it, and he couldn’t blanket his expression when I finally did meet his eyes. His voice had held control before, but his face wasn’t in that moment.
He was pissed.
I’d seen Maxim angry, but the fiery rage which held his handsome features even struck me. It wasn’t directed at me, obviously, but I still felt it.
He pivoted me around without words, and when his hand touched my back, I knew he found more. I released a breath. “Cooking grease. Another awesome foster home.”
I guess I deserved to be punished for being hungry. I’d only asked for food.
But sometimes that was all it took.
I’d seen lots of cruelty over my lifetime. I’d endured, but I was suddenly feeling all of that again. I was with each scar I had to revisit under Maxim’s stare. There were a few more, and the last one Maxim addressed was the cut above my eye.
“A dog,” he said, and I was sure he’d seen that one before. I didn’t hide it.
I nodded. “It happened quick. Only a few stitches.”
The anger burned hotter in his dark eyes, and eventually, he left me. He returned once again from his walk in closet, but this time, he was covered. He wore one of his silk robes and had another in his hands.
He dressed me, the material so large and warm. The silk glided over me and hid those hideous scars from my past.
“But you’re not scared of them,” Maxim said, that control back in his voice. He tied the robe’s belt around me. “You and Polly… You’re not scared.”
I wasn’t, shrugging. “It’s not the dog’s fault his owner was an asshole.”
This was true and not all of my foster parents were assholes. Some actually gave a shit, but I was never in those long. The good ones were good for a reason and genuinely tried to help kids. In fact, they helped as many as they could which was why I never got to stay. There wasn’t room and…
Maxim’s hand slid along my jaw, and instead of turning away, I melded into his touch. Moments ago, I wanted to leave. My scars didn’t define me, but I did feel ashamed by them. I was ashamed that someone so powerful could see what I allowed to be done to me. I knew I was young at the time. I knew I’d been a kid , but being around Maxim made me feel some kind of way. I always wanted to be strong in front of him. Always.
He guided me to look up at him, his expression so tender. Once more, I wasn’t sure he was capable. I mean, he hadn’t even kissed me before.
He did now.
My feet actually lifted off the floor. I was on my toes from both surprise but also how soft and inviting his mouth happened to be against mine. Control was there too, intention. He was holding something back, and I didn’t want him to.
I pressed on now that I had him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to push the memories and the pain away from my past, but eventually, he stopped. He held me back, his hand bunching the robe at my thigh.
“I want to carve out the hearts of anyone who hurt you,” he said, my own heart picking up its beats. His nose brushed mine. “I will if I find them. I’ll track each of them down and?—”
I didn’t want to talk about those other people, those monsters. I didn’t want to relive my past.
I just wanted him.
So badly. I needed him to force those memories away, and when I kissed him again, I showed him that.
He growled in response, both my thighs in his hands when he drew me against his cock. He was so hard through his robe, solid, powerful.
“If we don’t stop, I’ll be inside you,” he said, and I wanted that too. This was so shocking to me. Intimacy was hard for me when it wasn’t just sex.
This wouldn’t be just sex.
This was Maxim, and there were feelings . At least on my part.
“Please,” I nearly begged him. I was begging him. I unbelted his robe. “Please.”
The noise from his chest rumbled into mine. He pushed his hands into my curls, and soon, we were on his bed. We were on that handsome material, and I was beneath the most dominant man. I should be terrified in this moment, but I wasn’t.
I wasn’t at all.
Maxim’s hand ventured to the belt on my robe. He slid it out, wrapping it around his fist, and in response, I lifted my arms. I thought he’d tie me up. He had before so I was surprised when he tugged my hands down.
He made me fist him instead.
My hand full of him, I gasped, the man so solid, so firm. I almost couldn’t hold him in one hand, and his mouth touched mine.
“Not tonight, malyshka ,” he said, tossing the belt. With it gone, his hand formed around mine. He made me fist him harder, faster. He bit my mouth. “Tonight, it’s just this. You and me. Nothing else.”
I didn’t know what he meant, but I shuddered when he ripped my robe open and proceed to nibble small bites on my chest. He drew my nipple into a warm mouth, sucking, laving, and I instinctually opened my legs. The noise from Maxim’s lips was feral, and his sucks stopped when he started licking down my body.
He ended up between my legs.
His nose parted my folds, and at this point, I was bucking, my back curled as I wriggled. He hadn’t even done anything yet, but with him there…
“You’re so pure,” he said, kissing me there. How was it possible he was so tender, gentle. He nipped at my sex. “So sweet.”
But I wasn’t pure, not at all. I’d had sex before but that wasn’t the first thought that came to mind when he said what he had.
You’re damaged goods.
This was something I knew, and Maxim clearly saw with all my scars. Not all scars were on the outside though, and I felt myself lock up a bit with my thoughts. I tried to block things out of my head, memories, but it was hard sometimes.
The damage was done.
Again, I was damaged goods, but something about Maxim’s soft kisses had me relaxing. I eased into his mouth over my sex, his kisses tender, sweet.
“You’re so lovely, malyshka ,” he said, and I felt that way in the moment. Maxim’s gray eyes had changed upon peering over my sex. They were darker, and his nose touched the air. The lust in his eyes had me melting, and when he slid a digit inside me, I felt my back bow to new levels. He groaned. “So fucking perfect.”
Another word that didn’t describe me at all, but I blocked out inner thoughts. I just let myself feel in the moment. Maxim’s fingers as they tunneled inside me…
Maxim’s tongue when he licked me.
He guided my juices out of me, and my toes curled, fighting the orgasm that was on the brink. I didn’t think I could last, and when he forced my legs apart, I knew he didn’t want me to. He wanted me to give in.
“Give yourself to me,” he said, my thighs over his shoulders. His fists were gripping my legs so hard I knew I’d have marks in the morning. He licked my clit. “Let go, baby girl.”
And that was it. I did, vibrating over his mouth. The fire burned deep in my core, and I couldn’t hold back.
I let go.
I released it all, completely exposed to him, and Maxim didn’t stop licking until I was done. If anything, he stayed longer. His kisses and tongue cleaning me up and being so soft. It was like the care of his hand, but he used his mouth instead.
It felt so nice.
I felt cared for , and I had no idea that was possible with him.
But didn’t I?
He’d protected me before. He made me feel safe, and the fear only hit me when he guided his robe off and hovered above me. His mighty body encapsulated me, dark tattoos covering so much of his body. He was perfect, down to the length and thickness of his engorged cock.
I pressed my hands to his abs, trying not to be intimidated. This was the source of my fear, and tingling sparked between my legs when he had me fist him once more. His gray eyes ignited, something wild and animalistic ringing them. Something told me he was doing all he could to contain himself.
He was so capable of breaking me.
He could in so many ways, and if he knew all of them, I knew he’d stop this. He wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
“Open for me,” he said, parting my legs again. I didn’t think I was ready so soon, and I did feel myself lock up right after he put a condom on and was at my entrance.
I hadn’t expected it.
I physically felt myself shutdown but not because I came before.
Don’t do this. You’re okay…
It was hard for my body to believe it sometimes. Even though it’d been years , I still got in my fucking head. It didn’t happen all the time but often enough where I knew the signs.
You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.
“ Malyshka? ”
Maxim’s word brought me out of my head, and even more so when his mouth touched mine. My body went languid, burned.
Yes.
My hips rose, lifting to meet his, and I didn’t realize I was moving with him until the roughness of his thighs were meeting mine. He tunneled deep, his cock reaching me at new depths. He fucked me slow and each ministration brought me to the present.
It brought me to him.
Maxim squeezed me to him, his kisses, his…fucking so intentional. This wasn’t just flesh. This was connection, and normally, that did lock me up. I usually had to put myself somewhere else mentally when I was with someone physically.
I couldn’t help it.
That wasn’t the case right now, and though Maxim started slow, he picked up hard and fast. Tears pricked my eyes but not because I was in pain. It was because emotion was hitting me in new ways. I wanted to feel this.
I was feeling this.
I felt every inch of this man. Especially when he made me look at him. He forced my curls away from my face, kissing my cheeks.
“Come for me, baby girl,” he said, his words gritted, and though his thrusts were hard they were so well controlled. Like he was holding back. Like he could do more. His mouth touched my ear. “Let yourself go.”
I didn’t know how he knew I was holding something back, but with his prompt, I once again allowed my body to give into his and what he was doing to me. I came in a violent shudder, and he continued to pump inside me. He did until he reached his own high.
Maxim flooded the condom, his dick vibrating inside me, and the whole time he looked like he was biting one of those rubber balls without the ball. Like he really was trying to control himself.
I kissed his mouth, both of us holding back. I had a feeling he was doing so because he could hurt me. This sex seemed very vanilla compared to what I knew about him, what I assumed about him.
His eyes opened once I did, and he gave in too when his hands fisted my shoulders. He grunted as he emptied himself, and the next thing I knew, I was in his arms. He was kissing me everywhere but my mouth. It was so intimate. It was so normal, and I wondered if he was doing that just for me. To make me feel good. He spent the most time at the wounds I usually covered up. Like he was caring for my scars both internal and external.
And maybe he was.