Chapter 43
CHAPTER
FORTY-THREE
Sia
I let Maxim explain everything to Lettie. It didn’t feel appropriate any other way.
Fucking hell.
We both lied to Lettie, but he was her dad . He could lie to her.
I was supposed to be her friend.
I was a friend who kept something big from her after she’d given me a home and a job. This whole thing felt shitty, but what made me feel shittier was that I was hard-pressed to regret my actions. I regretted the lies and the omission about our relationship, but I didn’t regret falling in love.
Love.
It felt like too weak of a word after finding out what Maxim did for me. He removed a monster from the world for me . My foster dad had been a specter over my entire life for so long. He dictated every action, every thought, for years and just when I thought I’d be okay he reappeared. I’d been trying to get my life together by going to school, but like when I’d been a kid, he stole that away. That fucker took more than my innocence.
He took my entire life.
It took me so goddamn long to come back from everything with him, and the last time, I’d spiraled so bad. That cop I hit? I actually saw Handler’s face. I’d been drugged out of my mind and saw my abuser.
It’d been so bad.
Who knew where I’d be if I hadn’t gotten arrested. Who knew what I’d be if not for Lettie, then later, Maxim. Maxim may have been a grumpy, violent man, but he never once didn’t show me who he was. He didn’t pretend to be one thing, then turn into someone else, and he always always made me feel safe.
In so many ways.
Maxim Petrov made me feel powerful, and I finally felt in control of not just myself but my body. I made the rules, and it was Maxim’s job to listen and respect them. It was something he’d always done for me, and my wishes and personal boundaries were so goddamn important to him. He never touched me unless I felt safe, and I felt like I’d finally regained control over my life.
I felt empowered.
Maxim’s discussion with Lettie was long, and she didn’t say much. She just listened. Eventually, Polly tugged on her leash to go outside, and I used that as an opportunity to give them some space. Lettie did need to speak to her dad, and she probably couldn’t be candid with me there.
I hadn’t wanted to leave Maxim. Somehow, I’d allowed this grumpy and violent man to completely bind me to him. I knew that because as soon as he’d gestured me into the room initially I hadn’t wanted to leave. I wanted to trust in him and the situation. I wanted to trust that things would be okay.
I wanted to trust him .
I did trust him, when I didn’t trust. He gave me that back too, and I didn’t know how much I needed that. It was by sheer will that I allowed myself to separate from him in the end. Polly was tugging to go out, and though Maxim didn’t look like he wanted me to, I did leave. He had an expression weaved amongst his handsome features that let me know I wasn’t the only one privy to the draw between us, and maybe I wasn’t the only one receiving power between the two of us.
“Wow, Dad. Just wow.” These were the words I heard Lettie say after I came back into the room. Maxim and Lettie were in the living room. I’d crated Polly, and Maxim and Lettie hadn’t seen me yet. Lettie’s head tilted. “Yeah, I uh… I don’t know what else to say.”
She’d said something similar before, and again, she hadn’t said much before I left.
Maxim had his legs crossed on the couch, and the light from the fireplace set a glow on his face. He’d started the fire shortly after we moved the conversation to the living room.
His expression was serious.
“I love her, Lettie,” he said, the embers from the fireplace crackling in the distance, and my lungs squeezed. His head tilted. “I haven’t told her yet, but I do. It just kind of happened. I’m sure she can agree neither one of us went looking for it.”
I did agree.
He loves me.
I didn’t mean to eavesdrop and maybe that was why the universe intervened when I knocked over a decorative dish full of polished marble. The rocks skittered onto the floor like my jellybeans would, and Maxim and Lettie instantly gazed up from their conversation.
Fuck.
My first thought was to back away on instinct, but once again, Maxim put out his hand for mine.
Come to me, malyshka .
I could actually hear his deep voice inside my head, his smile on me. He never used to smile a lot, but it seemed that was all he’d been doing lately. He hadn’t left the house all week to work, and I hadn’t just seen him smile during his time off. I heard him laugh .
Maybe he wasn’t so grumpy anymore.
He took my hand, and Lettie, well, she was beaming. She actually had her hands to her mouth like her dad and me were the most adorable thing ever, which was very surprising to me. I hadn’t known how to interpret her lack of responses before.
“Lettie?” Maxim weaved his hand in mine, but he stared at his daughter. Lettie dropped her hands, and the next thing I knew, she was nodding.
I had no idea what that meant, but my heart certainly leaped into my throat when suddenly, Maxim was no longer sitting on the sofa…
But dropping down on one knee.
Holy fucking shit.
I didn’t know what to think. I was kind of losing my mind, and Maxim’s smile didn’t leave. He wasn’t one to do it much so the expression was rather quaint, but that was what I think made it so handsome.
Wow, I really am in love.
This guy’s smile danced butterflies in my stomach, and my belly only danced more when he kissed my hand.
“I want to ask you something, and I know it might feel sudden…” He gazed back at his daughter. She had her thumb up this time, and something about all this felt pre-thought out.
Oh, my God. Is he really going to…
“I also know your age. You’re just starting life and…” His expression turned serious again, and my heart somersaulted when he brought me closer. His mouth warmed my hand. “ Malyshka , a life with me would be nothing but dark.”
It was the vulnerability of what he said. He hadn’t asked anything of me yet, but it felt like he had. Like a life with him wasn’t one at all.
I couldn’t breathe, but he had to know a life with him wouldn’t be far off from where I’d been headed before him. I’d gone through so much before we got together, my life dark.
“You’ve only just been introduced to my life, but people can’t easily come out of it,” he explained. “That’s just not the world I live in, Sia, and though I wish I could offer you something different that’s not my reality.”
His fingers traced a freckle on my wrist, and when he warmed my hand again with his lips, I died a little because I knew what I was going to say to whatever he asked. It was a death and resurrection. I was leaving behind who I was for something better.
“It’s hard for me to ask you to sacrifice life as you know it,” he continued, frowning. “And I feel selfish for asking, but there really isn’t any dating in my world, Sia. That’s just not how it is, and though I feel like a selfish fuck I…”
I decided to get on the floor with him at that point. I needed to. I needed to be close to him.
He pushed his big hands into my hair, and I felt him everywhere . The intense shiver I felt down to each one of my toes, and I shuddered despite the warmth in the room.
His fingers brushed my cheek. “Sia, please be mine. Be mine in every way. Be my wife, malyshka . I need you.”
Lettie let out a little noise behind her hands, and with her smile, I had a feeling this really was okay with her.
“ Malyshka ?” Maxim was waiting on me, and I understood what he said. It was a dangerous world he operated in, and even though I didn’t know a thing about it, I could imagine people didn’t come and go easily from his life. Once they were there, they were permanent, so there was no point in wasting time.
He saw me as permanent.
This really did feel crazy. I mean, I was only twenty, but then again, it didn’t feel so crazy. I smiled. “That depends. Does Polly still have to stay in her own quarters?”
I was obviously toying with him. The answer was yes to his question. It was fuck yes, but I couldn’t help being a little bratty.
Maxim’s eyes instantly darkened and something told me I’d be paying for my sass a little later. I could only hope. He eyed me. “ Malyshka , the damn dog can stay in our bed if you say yes.”
Lettie had a little bit of a cringe when he said that, but I didn’t blame her. This would be an adjustment for her and me.
I had a feeling her dad’s happiness outweighed all that though, and only one person looked happier when I finally did say yes. That person was obviously her dad, but then again, he had nothing on my smile. He really did see us as permanent, and my own reality hit then. I didn’t just trust Maxim Petrov with my body.
I trusted him with my entire soul.