Chapter 18 – Harley
W hen our breathing returned to normal and we untangled, Kole’s blue eyes glittered. Heavens, he was gorgeous! I wanted to reach out and caress his cheek, not let him leave until I drank my fill.
But a sudden shyness kept my hands at my side. We might have screwed like a couple of beasts in heat, but the idea of something small like tenderly touching his face seemed difficult.
“Come on,” he urged.
Hands laced through mine, he pulled me off the bed. There was a good deal of dampness between my legs. But a quick glance at the condom showed it hadn’t leaked. That wetness was all me. Hiding my warming cheeks, I padded after him to the bathroom.
Kole turned the shower tap on and tested the water. “Come downstairs when you’re done.”
Was this it? Was the man of few words dismissing me after the intense collision? I clutched at his arm, sinking my fingers into the solid muscles. “Wait.”
Kole paused and looked at me expectantly.
I shifted from side to side. “Would you like to…join me?”
It was a huge ask, very intimate, very personal. But not as impossible as I thought a moment ago. The gesture was surprisingly easy.
He hesitated. “I can clean up across the hall.”
I worried my lip and shook my head slightly. Please…stay.
Kole reached out again, his thumb tugging my lip free. His focused gaze seemed to lay a claim on my mouth. “I want to join you. But I don’t want to crowd you.”
“You won’t!” I gasped, the words exploding in a burst of air.
“Alright then.” Kole nodded once and then shepherded me into the glass stall.
He took the shampoo and began to lather it up. It was manly smelling, but it was a better quality than the drugstore products I used. He paused as if asking permission.
“Sure,” I smiled.
Body braced behind me, he began to massage the soap into my scalp.
The heat from the water, the buzz of electricity from the beast behind me, and the tender touch sent mixed signals through my mind. I was both lulled into bliss and teeming with indecision.
“Ask.” Kole turned me, tipping my head back under the spray.
I stared up into his blue eyes. “Ask what?”
It was the coward’s way. We both knew it.
“Ask why I said you shouldn’t stay,” he breathed.
I closed my eyes, unable to look at him while I rephrased the question. “Why do you push me away only to pull me closer?”
Kole hummed under his breath, pulling a dry washcloth from the basket hanging on the wall outside the shower, and quickly shut the door so the steam wouldn’t escape. He worked the soap into the material.
I reached for the cloth, but he shook his head.
Was I doing this? Letting a stranger wash me?
And if I was, why did I like it so much?
“I had a head and upper back injury. It didn’t used to be an issue, but over the years curious symptoms cropped up. The doctors aren’t much help, throwing their pills at me and suggesting surgeries without guaranteeing results.” His voice was rich and soothing, as the cloth worked little circles down my body. I reclosed my eyes and let the myriad of sensations wash over me. “The vague medical term for my current state is chronic fatigue due to a traumatized major nerve line. I don’t sleep, and if I do, it’s not for long, neither is it enough. When exhaustion finally takes over, the symptoms are that I go into an unresponsive state. I’m not in control, Harley. These stints are unpredictable and without a pattern.”
The stream of falling water filled the next few moments. I felt like I should say something but didn’t know what that was.
His next words were raw. “I don’t remember anything, Harley.”
I nodded. “That’s typical of trauma injuries—not that I’m a doctor,” I added.
Kole hummed. He tapped my thighs. I reluctantly opened to him. Kole rubbed the cloth between them and over my pussy. I gasped at the contact, cheeks no doubt cherry red. No one had washed me, not since I was a child. And that was completely different. I surrendered to the situation, deciding not to let myself be embarrassed.
The cloth worked down my legs, circling first one and then the other knee. Kole brought my hand to his shoulder, balancing me, before lifting my feet in turn to rub and clean. It tickled. But it also felt really nice. The pressure from his touch increased. He massaged the aches away, working the muscles.
When he put the second one down, he settled his hands around my thighs, fingers resting just under my ass. My pussy pulsed, ready for more.
His next words were a dash of cold water.
“I’ve hurt people, Harley. People I’m close to,” he confessed, voice raw with a desperation for me to understand.
I opened my eyes and gazed down at him. “You’ve been nothing but gentle with me.”
“I can’t live with myself if I hurt you,” he insisted. “Not you .”
Why? What would make him say that? I wanted to believe it was more than just being a good man or a nice neighbor.
“I don’t think you will,” I began and pressed my fingers harder into his shoulder to silence his protest. “I’ve spent my whole life around animals.”
Kole snorted.
“I’m not trying to degrade you by saying this, but trying to explain,” I rushed to say. “I haven’t had the sense that you’re going to hurt me when we’ve been together during your…episodes.”
That turbulent blue gaze watched me. He was desperate to believe me, I could read as much in his look.
Don’t send me away . But I couldn’t say it. That was craziness. We didn’t know one another well. Hell, I didn’t know what he did for a living or when he’d be leaving. This wasn’t his house; he had a whole different life.
Not to mention the fact that I was going back to school.
But there was a part of me, buried deep inside my chest that couldn’t help the way it felt. It wanted to stay with this stray.
My stomach chose that moment to rumble.
I laughed in a burst of more self-consciousness. “We should either cook that food or put it away in the fridge. I, for one, would rather eat something.”
Kole rose, grabbed the detachable showerhead, and began to spray me off. “We could do that.”
I tipped my head to the side, hearing the hesitation in his voice. “Or?”
Kole continued to rinse off the soap.
“If you want me to go, just say it,” I whispered. “I promise, I won’t be mad.”
“Or you could teach me to make French toast.” Kole snapped the sprayer back in place, cupped my cheeks, and pressed his mouth against mine. A thrill, part pleasure, part something else, shot up my body. “I’m starving, Harley. I need…more.”
He didn’t have to say it. The more was me.