Silent Is The Heart

CHAPTER 27

Easton

Happy and terrified.

The words have been running a race in my head since last night. Staring blankly at the cash in my hand and the piles on my desk, I realize I’ve lost count again. Fuck.

Scooping up the sales from yesterday, I start over. Smiling to myself, I can’t fight the newest distraction that’s creeping in. I replay the memory of Aaron calling out to me, and then his little declaration that made my heart damn near stop beating. He loves me…

I decide I’m mostly happy because why should Aaron loving me be terrifying? That’s what you want a crush to do, right?

My elbow knocks my coffee tumbler over, spilling a brown pool onto my desk. Shit. There goes the count again. Scrambling, I right it, set the cash to the side, and grab a roll of paper towels off the shelf behind my desk.

It reminds me of the coffee mug ring I noticed on my living room table when I came home from Aaron’s to shower and dress for the day. The quaint mess where Leonard has taken up residence on my couch is an eyesore I can’t avoid. Each morning, I come home from Aaron’s like I’m living my best life only to have it marred by the snoring lump on my couch, huddled under a blanket with the television murmuring in the background. He fucking better not be ordering anything on my cable account. Why couldn’t he find a job working a day shift?

The cynic in me ignored his claim of getting a job at The Siever Pallet Company, just like how I ignore him any time he tries to strike up a friendly conversation. He must have forgotten the ‘ I-don’t-want-to-hear-you ’ rule. The uniforms folded up on my coffee table and the beat-up pickup I’ve seen pick him up out back in the afternoons, however, make it difficult to believe my doubts. So, maybe he actually did get a job. Good for him. How fucking long is long enough for an ex-con to save up first and last month’s rent is what I want to know? It doesn’t matter that he basically only occupies a six-by-six area of my apartment, and I only have to see him if I go up there in the morning or to change before I see Aaron in the evenings. He’s like an intrusive growth.

I… want to be happy, so badly I can taste it. I want to swallow it, drink it down whole, and let it cleanse me of every skeptical thought I’ve ever had about love. But Aaron was right— ‘A level of happiness that might terrify some people.’

How can you let yourself freefall into the level of happiness he represents for me when there’s a bad omen living under my roof? Leonard’s done nothing wrong since he’s been here, short of several obnoxious attempts to offer me coffee or breakfast in the mornings that break the no-speaking rule. I can’t explain it, but I won’t stop being terrified that my life will implode until he’s gone.

Wolf’s footsteps make a stomping sound coming through the office door. Tossing a pair of nitrile gloves in the trash can by his desk, he lets out a sigh. Watching the agitated lines in his face as he skulks to the fridge to grab a soda, it’s strange to be the happy, coupled one among us for once. I know he’s sore over the Melissa ordeal, but my bet is it’s the upcoming loss of his house that’s the biggest reason behind his glum mood of late. Having that conversation would be like poking a badger, though. No thank you.

Intrusive growth upstairs—Debbie Downer downstairs. I used to enjoy coming to work.

Wolf sulks back out to the shop without so much as a glance at me. It’ll be a fun day when he moves the last box out of Chateau de Wolverton .

Channeling laser focus, I finally finish my count. Gathering up the deposit for tomorrow along with my own personal sales, I head to the file cabinet and open the fake door front, balancing the funds on my knee so I can do the combination.

Jesus, I have four days’ worth of deposits sitting in here in front of my emergency fund. I have officially been living in Boyfriend Land.

Whatever. My nest egg far exceeds four days of sales.

It’s comical that Aaron keeps insisting he could carpool me back and forth from his place since I keep refusing his offers to return my Suburban. I’ve got enough stashed in here that I could buy him his own brand-new vehicle, but even I know that would look like overkill. Yeah, it’s getting cold as shit out on my bike, but I don’t mind when the short destination means I’ll have him to keep me warm. He wants to drive around to look at Christmas lights tonight. Are grown men supposed to be so damn cute?

“Hey! Did you leave something running upstairs?” Wolf calls from behind me.

“What?”

I didn’t think he could look more pissed off than he already was. What the hell would I have left running upstairs and why is he wiping his forehead off? Is he sweating?

“There’s water dripping from the ceiling down into my station.”

Water? Why would there be water? The only thing that’s up above his stall is the spare room I use as my home gym. I may have had a moment of decency where I considered converting it to a guest room, but remembered I don’t have a decent guest. The only reason there would be water coming from up there would be if…

Oh, shit.

It was built to be a spare room and so it has a bathroom attached to it, a bathroom that Leonard’s been using. Son of a bitch.

Tossing my bundles into the safe, I glance back to tell Wolf to cool his jets, and I’ll go take care of it. I don’t need him finding out I’ve been housing Leonard after the way he lectured me when Aaron and I first got together. No way am I telling him about my unwanted visitor now while he’s unhinged about being single and soon-to-be houseless.

“Hey,” Leonard calls, making every one of my muscles go rigid.

Leonard . Fucking Leonard . In my shop.

It’s like watching your most embarrassing dream play out in front of a live audience. What is he doing down here? Wolf gives him a once over, looking confused as Leonard squeezes in the doorway next to him.

“The faucet handle broke off in the shower. I can fix it, though, if you’ve got a plumber’s wrench and tell me where the shut-off valve is.”

I should have added don’t touch anything to my list of rules. Slamming the safe door closed, I get to my feet. I need to just channel some of my hostility to issue him a get out of my life rule, but I don’t want to become a dick again and have it spill over onto Aaron. Ignoring Wolf’s questioning look, I hustle past him, motioning for Leonard to move his ass. I hate how I look like him. I hate that it’s probably incredibly obvious to my best friend to see the resemblance. I don’t want to deal with this right now.

Racing upstairs, I rush to the bookcase on the far wall of the living room and shove it out of the way. Stupid fucking place to put a bookcase, Easton. I know. Opening the hatch behind it, I turn off the water line to the spare bathroom only to find Wolf has followed us. Wonderful.

Brow furrowed, he glances from me to Leonard who’s babbling in that obnoxious new calm of his about how he’ll get everything set to right. Did he take a fucking plumber’s course in prison? I don’t remember him lifting a finger when I was a kid other than to raise a bottle to his mouth or point at me and wield one of his degrading accusations about my weak stature or sexuality.

Shaking my head, it’s a silent warning to Wolf. A silent apology too, perhaps. Maybe he’d understand. Maybe he wouldn’t. He’d definitely worry about why I let Leonard into my home, though, and I don’t need anyone worrying about me. Wolf’s got his own shit to deal with, and I’ve got everything under control.

My spare bathroom is a flood zone. Grinding my teeth, I eye the spurt of water coming out of the faucet base decreasing. It’s one of those freestanding tubs with a shower pipe that hangs overhead like the one Aaron and I made love in last night. Leave it to Leonard to further shit on one of my favorite memories in my life.

“You got any tools, son? I can get this fixed up in no time.”

Why does he have to call me that? The word makes me feel like a pressure cooker about to blow the way it makes recognition flicker across Wolf’s face.

Yanking towels out of the cabinet, I grit between my teeth, “Under the kitchen sink.”

Sopping up the pool of water near the baseboard of the wall, I can feel my friend’s eyes on me. Can’t he just spit it out and get it over with? Sighing, I glance over, hating the indignant look I know is probably on my face.

“Dude…” he whispers. “That…that’s him? ”

I can still remember the day I told him my ugly truth—the one about how Leonard came home drunker than ever and shot my mother. I left out the part about how he was just firing aimlessly at the horizon like he was angry that we were running away scared as he screamed at us in his stupor. Maybe he really didn’t mean to actually shoot one of us, but I didn’t figure at the time he deserved any grace, considering the end result. He still doesn’t, if you ask me.

So, it’s no surprise that Wolf asks his next question, “Why?”

“It’s just for a little while until he can afford his own place and then get out of my life forever.”

I can see from the look on his face that he’s thinking the same thing I did. Just give the guy some money to be gone, but the sadist in me wants him to work for it. I want him to feel some of the humility that I did.

Glancing at the doorway, my gaze connects with the man in question. What the hell do I care if he heard? It’s nothing different from what I told him when he first showed up on my doorstep. The sickening sensation of guilt heating my face shouldn’t exist.

“Here,” he says, moving past Wolf. “I can see what the problem is. Looks like someone used PVC pipe for your water valve. It’s cracked, so that handle never stood a chance either way. I can follow it through and put a brass valve on. I’ll call off work and pop over to the hardware store. They should have everything we need.”

I’m going to find and throttle that company of idiots we took a chance on who did the renovation work up here when I moved in. How can a former drunk and convict know more about plumbing than they did? And I fucking paid them. Shifting over on my knees, I ignore his wisdom and continue soaking the water up with the towels and my freaking pant legs.

“Oh, my gosh! What happened here?”

Aaron. No. Oh, God. No.

“Hey.” I scramble to my feet. “Um, plumbing problem.”

“Oh, my gosh. Look at you,” he chuckles, bracing my hips gingerly. “You’re soaked.”

I love that it’s second nature that he leans in and gives me a kiss. I love that it’s second nature that I look forward to it each time we say hello and accept. I don’t love that when I draw back, Leonard is taking in the scene. There’s a flicker of surprise on his face that I answer with a molten hot warning, daring him to spout off his old pleasantries that filled my teen years.

“Do you want me to come back after he’s finished? Otherwise, I don’t mind waiting. I could go pick us up some dinner and bring it here,” Aaron offers, rubbing the small of my back.

It’s now that I take in Leonard’s navy work pants and SPC uniform shirt with his name tag on it, Leo . Who the hell ever called him Leo?

I don’t know what to say, but am grateful that Aaron hasn’t made the connection that Wolf did. Clearly, he thinks Leonard is a service worker. The out for a white lie brings me more relief than it should.

Leonard clears his throat, making me cringe. He doesn’t need to fucking speak right now. I can only imagine what will come out of his mouth; ugly shades of his personality from the past likely to rear their heads finally.

“Sir, I should have you fixed up in an hour or two if you want to go get yourself some dinner. No sense ruining your plans over this. Leave it to the professional.” He smiles.

Did he seriously just play along… for my sake? Who the fuck is he?

“We were just going to go drive around and look at Christmas lights,” Aaron informs him, looking so giddy over it that it eases some of my horror at the sight of him unknowingly engaging my father.

“Oh, that’s nice. They’ve got a good bit up over on Chatham Avenue,” he offers.

I’m going to be sick. The panic bubble in my throat is damn near choking me, hearing the friendly chit-chat and watching the way Wolf looks like he’s waiting for my head to spin around.

Grabbing Aaron’s biceps, I tug him to follow me out into the living room. “I’ll…be back later,” I call over my shoulder to my ‘plumber.’

Behind Aaron, Wolf signs to me emphatically, nodding toward the bathroom. Should I stay?

Giving a stern shake of my head before Aaron notices, I hope he gets the hint that I don’t need or want him to babysit my convict father. Frowning warily, he nods and says goodbye to Aaron before making his way back downstairs. I’m sure I’ll hear more about keeping this from him later. Fantastic.

Running my hands up and down Aaron’s arms, I let out a breath, taking in the joy that radiates off him these days. “Just give me a second to get changed. Okay?”

“I think that’s a good idea.” He chuckles, plucking my soaked sweatshirt away from my stomach. “You’re sure you don’t need to stay while the plumber’s here? I don’t mind staying in. Lord knows you’ve had to drive home from my place enough times.”

Ugh. I freaking lied my teeth off to every guy I met before him. Why should this be so difficult? I could just tell him, but hopefully Leonard will be gone soon and there will never be a reason to mention him again. Soon will require actually speaking to him to see how close he is to his housing search, but I don’t care. I’m not going to chance ruining anything with Aaron by housing someone of questionable nature any longer than I have to. He sees me as his boyfriend. I’m not going back to being seen as a kid with trauma and triggers again that he needs to fix.And maybe a part of me is just…embarrassed. I had enough humility back then; I don’t need another dose of it.

“No. It’s a mess.” Just as I say it, I spot Leonard’s uniform stack. Luckily, he moved it to the bottom shelf of the end table by the couch, so it’s less noticeable than before, but it sends my pulse racing. “I should probably come back here tonight, though, and get the bathroom cleaned up when he’s done. It leaked into Wolf’s stall downstairs and he’s not too happy about it.”

“Oh, crap.”

“Yeah,” I concur, grabbing his hand and leading him to my room with me past Leonard’s campsite area, hoping he doesn’t notice. “So, I’ll need to go check downstairs too to see if there’s any damage I can contain later.”

“We don’t have to go out. We can do it another night. I could help you with whatever you need to do.”

In the privacy of my room, it feels odd to disrobe in front of another man while Leonard is nearby, but I tear my sweatshirt off as a distraction attempt. Running my hand down my chest, I smirk. “You think either of us would get any work done if you were here?”

His gaze follows my hand as I unbutton the fly of my jeans. When he looks back up, his cheeks are pink, and his eyes are filled with the longing I feel. Laughing, he shakes his head. “Fair enough.”

There’s nothing fair about what I just did. It’s completely self-serving because if he knew who the man in my bathroom was, I couldn’t stand the possibility of him seeing me as less .