29. Amber
29
AMBER
T he past three weeks since Thanksgiving at Jacob and Erin’s house had been tense. So many times I wrestled with how much our news would disrupt the twins’ lives. I spoke to Shelby at length, sat and talked to Mom so many times, and even spoke to the kids’ guidance counselor at school for advice. I was rattled and nervous to say the least.
“You’re really tight,” Evan said as he stood behind me. I felt his hands on my shoulders rubbing the tension out of my muscles, but I knew it would return the instant his fingers stopped massaging.
“I am,” I sighed. “What if it really upsets them? What if they are too emotional or it interrupts their schooling? What if?—”
“Hey,” he said, turning me around to face him as he cut me off, “worst-case scenario they freak out entirely, scream that we’re ruining their lives, and storm off to their rooms.” Evan chuckled, but I didn’t think it was that funny.
When he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head I did feel comforted though. I had taken to sleeping over at his house every Friday and Saturday night with the kids. He had remodeled almost every square inch of his house now to make it family friendly, including decorating rooms for each of the twins to their own tastes.
Parker’s room looked like a superhero comic book exploded all over the walls, while Vera’s room had every shade of pink imaginable. He left the choices up to them and they loved the spaces. The only thing lacking were the questions. Neither one of them asked if I was dating him or if he was their new dad—nothing of the sort. It made me wonder what was going through their heads when they thought of him and our sleepovers, and now our early Christmas dinner.
“You sure doing this before Christmas is a good idea?” I frowned as I pulled away and looked up at him. I wasn’t sure about anything. Jacob had said to just blurt it out, but even that felt doubtful. I’d never been one to doubt Jacob, but in this case my gut felt torn.
“I’m positive. Look,” he said, kissing my forehead, “they’ll have time to settle in to the idea over holiday break from school. If it’s too much we’ll hire a family counselor for everyone. They get some presents tonight, and then they can have a full second round of gifts with Mona, and then you at your house Christmas morning…Babe, try not to worry.”
The timer on the stove dinged and I turned around to shut it off. “Turkey,” I announced. Evan backed away to give me space to move as we both heard the doorbell ring.
“I’ll get that. You finish up here.” I felt his hand on my lower back before he left, and I pulled the large bird out of the oven and set it on the stovetop. Everything else was already positioned on the table, ready for eating. I breathed in the warm steam coming off the large turkey and reached for the carving knife to begin slicing hunks of meat off the bones.
My hands worked quickly while I listened to happy sounds of Vera and Parker greeting Evan with high fives and laughter. His low baritone rumble mingled with Mom’s gentle chiding as she insisted the kids remove their shoes by the door to not track snow in the house everywhere. I smiled at the back and forth as they acted like typical kids while Mom thought they should be more mature.
“Listen to Nana,” I shouted loud enough for them to hear me, and I heard grumbles as they obeyed. I was thankful she’d taken them for an overnight last night; it’d given Evan and me time to discuss how we would tell the kids about him this evening.
When the sounds in the living room changed from banter to video game music, Mom joined me in the kitchen. She walked up beside me and said, “This all looks so delicious, Amber. Did you cook?”
“Are you kidding?” I asked with a chuckle. “Evan did this. He has the culinary bug. I’d have made mac and cheese with hot dogs.” I grabbed a hand towel from the drawer and wiped my hands clean after putting the last slice of turkey on a plate. “We’re ready to eat if you can pry Parker away from games.”
“That sounds like a job for his father,” she said to me as she took the plate of food and winked.
Together we walked into the dining room, and I peeked into the living room on the way. “Dinner is ready, guys,” I called, surprised to see Evan battling it out with both children in a game of go-kart racing. “Come on! No presents if you don’t eat.”
The thunder as six feet stampeded into the dining room as the bell rang again was cacophonous. I didn’t even have to go to the door. Erin and Jacob let themselves into Evan’s front room and stomped the snow off their feet at the door.
“Don’t start without us!” Jacob pulled the hat off his head and smiled at me.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I walked over and offered each of them a hug, helping Erin out of her coat. “Turkey just came out of the oven. Everything is still hot.”
We joined Mom, Evan, and the kids at the table and found our seats. Vera scrunched her nose up at the spread, but Parker’s eyes were wide. I heard his belly rumbling and could tell he was hungry.
My eyes flicked over to meet Evan’s gaze and he nodded at me. I wasn’t ready for this at all. I wanted more time, though I wasn’t sure if it was because I was afraid of ruining their innocence or if I was just afraid of the bad reaction I feared would happen.
“Vera, Parker,” I sighed as Parker’s hand retreated from the bowl of dinner rolls in front of him with one in his grasp. They looked up at me as he took a large bite. “Guys, there’s something Mommy wants to talk to you about before we eat.”
Both of them looked up at me with saucer eyes, expecting me to tell them something important, but my throat constricted and my breath caught. I felt tears welling up as fear wrapped around me. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t ruin them. I looked to my mom for help, then Evan, and he smiled and tilted his head.
“You know guys, Mom is having a tough time saying it, so I want to tell you a funny story.” If he were closer to me, I knew his hand would’ve been on my leg to reassure me. “My dad once tried to fix the car by himself. He had no idea what he was doing, so he ended up spraying the entire garage with motor oil. I swear, it looked like a Slip ’N Slide for cars. I don’t think he ever touched the toolbox again after that!”
Jacob laughed at the memory and eyed me carefully. I was trembling, but when he took over, I felt less out of control. “That was a pretty funny day, wasn’t it Evan?” Jacob sighed and turned to Parker. “You have any good stories about your dad?”
He reached out and picked up the dish of corn and added a scoop to his plate then each of the twins while Parker narrowed his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t have a dad, just you.” His honest answer broke my heart. More than anything I wanted them to know and love Evan as their dad, and that gave me the courage to finally speak up.
“Parker, Vera…” They turned to me again and I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “You do have a dad.”
Vera looked confused, while Parker’s eyebrows shot up. “We do? Is he a superhero?”
Evan chuckled with Mom, who covered her mouth with a hand. Erin started dishing out food as I continued. “No, why would you think that?” I tried not to laugh because to Parker this seemed like a very serious thing. Vera, however, was rolling her eyes.
“Superheroes aren’t real, dummy!” she quipped and before I got to scold her, Mom beat me to it.
“Vera, that’s not nice. Say you’re sorry.” She frowned and Vera grumbled.
“Sorry, Parker.”
“Honey, why do you ask that?” I asked again, and Parker took a bite of his corn while Erin put some turkey and stuffing down next to it.
“Well, we’ve never seen him. Superheroes have to keep their identities a secret, you know. Like Peter Parker. He’s Spiderman, but he has to pretend to be a picture-taker. Or you know Clark Kent is really Superman.” In Parker’s world this was logic. I thought it was sweet.
“No, baby, your daddy isn’t a superhero, but he is very special to me, and I love him very much.” I looked up at Evan and smiled. I had so much love for this man I wasn’t sure what to do with it all the time. I felt overly emotional and weepy, but all in a good way. “Evan is your daddy, and I think maybe he’d like if you called him Daddy.”
Parker glanced up at him and nodded, pushing his lips out in an expression of acceptance. “Okay,” he said as he shoved another bite of roll in his mouth. There wasn’t the slightest hint of disturbance or upset in his expression as he chewed. I glanced at Vera who was picking the raisins out of her stuffing. She, too, looked happy as can be and not at all disturbed.
“Vera, how do you feel about that?” I was a little confused, still waiting for the explosion or meltdown I thought might come, but Vera tilted her head as she bobbed one shoulder.
“Yeah, okay. Do I have to eat these?” She used her fork to point at her raisins and scowled at them.
I looked at Mom, then Jacob. Evan sat with a cheesy grin on his face, hands folded in front of himself with his elbows planted on the table. Erin had finally sat down with a full plate and was eating quietly. It felt surreal. They weren’t having any reaction at all. It felt as if I’d just told them we were going to the grocery store, or that it was time to have their showers before bed. They had less of a reaction to this than when a snow day was declared for school and they got to celebrate a day off.
“Don’t you have any questions?” I furrowed my forehead and tapped my fingers on the table. I was baffled.
“Yes, I asked if I have to eat this…” Vera’s attitude was something else lately.
“I meant about your dad.” Pressing my lips together I licked them and waited for a response. For as much as I worried about this moment, my fears seemed to be completely unfounded. Neither of them seemed fazed.
“No,” Parker said, shrugging. He continued to shove food into his mouth making Erin giggle. The laughter spread to Mom, then Jacob.
“You don’t want to know where he’s been?” I asked, trying not to laugh too. The bug caught Evan, and he laughed louder than the others. Then Vera giggled.
“Lots of kids don’t have a dad,” he said, “or they visit their dad.”
It was a somber statement that shifted the mood in the room back to more serious as I started to fill my plate with small portions of each dish. It was the most mature, yet stunted, reaction I’d ever seen. I knew there would eventually be questions, which I’d have to face when they came up, but I was happy the news was out. My hands didn’t shake anymore, and my stomach finally felt a bit more settled.
After dinner we shared gifts, then we said goodnight to Jacob and Erin. Mom lingered a while until we tucked the kids in, and then she left us alone.
Evan sat on the couch once the kitchen was clean and the leftovers were put away. He patted the cushion and I curled up next to him. His body was my comfort now; I drew everything I needed by being near him.
“Well, that went better than we expected.” He kissed the top of my head and sighed happily as I clung to him. He smelled like Christmas thanks to the pine scented bar soap I bought him last week.
“It did…But I’m a bit concerned that they’re not fully understanding it yet.” I picked at a loose thread on his shirt but didn’t pull it out. The muted way the children reacted caused me as much concern as if they’d blown up and gotten really upset, except I wasn’t shaking or worrying now.
“Oh, give them time. They’ll have questions for sure.” He hugged me to his side tightly. “And when they do, we’ll have answers.”
The house felt quiet now after all the activity for the day. My eyes were heavy and I knew sleep would come quickly tonight. I’d been on my feet for hours cooking; they hurt a lot. I kicked off my slippers and propped my feet on the table and yawned.
Movement in the corner of the room caught my eye and I looked up to see Vera peeking around the corner of the hallway. She stared at Evan and me cuddling, so I nudged him. I didn’t know he’d laid his head back and shut his eyes, but he raised his head to look down at me. I nodded at her and he turned to look.
“Vera, do you need something? I can get you a drink if you’d like.” Evan was already on his way upright before she spoke.
“No, I’m not thirsty.” She stepped out and Parker followed her. They both stood meekly by the hallway with matching Christmas pajamas and serious expressions.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, sitting up as Evan sat back down. My heart thumped a little harder as I wondered if this was when they would have their questions.
Vera shook her head but said, “I have a question.” Parker gave her a nudge and she hissed at him. “You ask her.”
“No,” he said, defiantly shaking his head. “You ask her.”
“Ask me what?” I took a deep calming breath. Evan put his hand on my back and rubbed it. It didn’t actually calm me, but him being there helped a little.
“Well, some kids get to stay at their dads. So can we stay at Evan’s house—I mean Dad’s house?” Vera reached up and twirled a strand of her hair around her finger and Parker snickered.
“He has better video games.” He nudged Vera again and she smacked his hand.
“Stop touching me.”
Evan chuckled and stood up, kissing my forehead. “You stay there. I’ll get them back in bed.” He clapped his hands and turned to them. “You guys can stay whenever you want, but no video games if you don’t get enough sleep.”
His comment sent them cheering and running for their bedrooms, and he followed them up the hallway. My heart felt settled finally. My twins knew their father and they loved him. He loved them and me. I was content knowing he was willing to work on every issue we had or might have. And with Jacob and Erin supporting us, my mom to help with anything, and a best friend like Shelby at my side, I felt like everything was going to be okay.
But I also felt a bit nauseous.
That part was still a secret, and I had my suspicions, but I hadn’t said a thing. My family might be expanding sooner than I planned, and if Evan was happy about Vera and Parker, I hoped he’d be happy about that too.