Chapter 6
Six
N ERINE
My heart raced as I exited the elevator and entered the bustling lobby. The scent of expensive perfumes mingled with the drifting fragrance of cigarette smoke, creating a captivating yet overwhelming aroma that assaulted my senses. I discreetly scanned the ever-present crowd for signs of danger, carefully examining each face for potential threats. My nerves were on edge, and I couldn't shake my uneasiness.
"I can't believe I agreed to this," I muttered, trying to calm my racing thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself for what was to come.
I hated that I always found it nearly impossible to say no to Penny. If I had been more assertive when dealing with her, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Instead of being safely tucked away in my little apartment upstairs, I was in a crowded hotel lobby surrounded by strangers.
But Penny had convinced me to meet her for lunch, determined to prevent me from becoming a recluse shut away in my apartment. While I appreciated my solitude and quiet moments, there was nothing wrong with staying in and avoiding unnecessary interactions.
Logically, I understood that Penny's intentions were pure and stemmed from concern for a friend. However, my life was beyond chaotic, and I couldn't summon even a tiny appreciation for her efforts. My mind was filled with worry and fear, leaving no space for socializing or enjoyment.
As I navigated through the bustling crowd of tourists, sidestepping luggage and energetic children, I attempted to ignore the persistent noise and chaos surrounding me. The blend of chatter and laughter combined with the sporadic cries of a baby produced a clamor that grated on my already frayed nerves.
Despite Devani's assurance that I would be safe here, I never felt at ease. Living in a constant state of caution, I tried my best to blend in and avoid attracting any attention to myself. One wrong move or a single person recognizing me could put my family in grave danger.
And on top of all that anxiety, I couldn't shake off the overwhelming heartbreak of being away from my loved ones. While I cherished moments of solitude, the isolation from my family created an emptiness that nothing could fill.
The idea of unplanned visits to see them was out of the question, especially now that Fiona's book captivated the world. I couldn't risk bringing danger to their doorstep. Therefore, for their safety, I canceled all scheduled visits for the foreseeable future.
It was a sacrifice I had to make to protect them.
But it didn't make it any less painful.
My upcoming visit to see Mama was the only thing that had kept me going these last few months. But with it no longer on the horizon, there was nothing else to look forward to. There was no lifeline or light at the end of this endless tunnel of misery that consumed my life. All I had were memories.
Some were joyful and delightful, filling my heart with warmth and happiness. Others were bittersweet reminders of a past life I could never return to. Unfortunately, many were hauntingly horrific, replaying in my mind like a never-ending nightmare.
My hand instinctively landed on my lower abdomen, my fingers gently pressing against the jagged scar etched into my skin. A familiar sliver of unkempt rage slithered down my spine, a venomous serpent that had taken up permanent residence within me. It had been over two years since I finally escaped the hellish prison I had lived in with Andraius. Yet, whenever my thoughts lingered on him or the despicable things he had done to me, my hatred for the man bubbled up as if it had happened only yesterday.
But at least I’d killed the fucker, and I wouldn't have to endure his abuse ever again. His filthy hands would never touch me again. His repulsive mouth could no longer speak the vile names he’d called me. He would never use me as a pawn, his ideal stepping stone to achieve his ambitions.
Letting his life's blood drip from my fingers healed more wounds than I would have believed when the act actually took place.
Reflecting back now, I regretted nothing. A sense of satisfaction flowed through me, knowing that the woman the bastard considered weak and insignificant had literally gutted him.
He deserved the cut of my knife and the end of his worthless life. That night taught me two lessons: the monster couldn't defeat me, but Theo and Xander could.
I shook off thoughts of death and destruction as I spotted Penny in the elegant restaurant waiting for me. Gracefully, she rose as I approached, wrapping her arms around me in a hug and kissing me on each cheek.
"I'm so glad you decided to leave your little hole!"
"It wasn't as if you would accept no for an answer." I sat across from her, and an attendant quickly poured wine for us both.
"I don't shy away from using every trick up my sleeve to get what I want," Penny said playfully, lifting her glass. "Here's to getting the lady who keeps us organized out of her cave."
I shook my head with a small smile, touched my glass to hers, and sipped the rich, burgundy liquid. Its smoothness soothed my jangled nerves as it entered my system. A light floral scent floated through the space, calming me further.
Perhaps Penny was onto something with her air idea. Her husband, Hagen, must possess a magic touch to pump happy pheromones throughout the hotel and help people relax.
The restaurant had a botanical vibe, with delicate blooming flowers arranged in garden-like sections throughout the room. The luxuriously plush red velvet booths and mirrored walls added a touch of elegance and indulgence. It perfectly embodied the aesthetic of the couple who owned the hotel—Penny, all about nature, light, and air; Hagen, dark, brooding, and indulgent in every way.
A miniature version of the stained-glass ceiling in the lobby floated above. In the center of the restaurant stood a large marble statue of a voluptuous Greek goddess that I couldn't help but admire. She held a massive basket of plants balanced on one hand and raised the other toward the sky in triumph. Confidence radiated from her face as if she were ready to take on the world.
With a wistful gaze at her, I recalled feeling that same way once. There was a time when I stood as the Godmother of the Night for the Angelos Syndicate, with Xander and Theo by my side, and I knew I could achieve anything.
I was ruthless.
Cunning.
Unforgiving and coldly calculating.
But now, those feelings seemed so distant that I sometimes questioned whether they had ever been real. Had that truly been my life? Or had I just imagined it all?
“I wouldn’t have left for anyone else.” I laughed, taking another hearty sip of the well-aged wine.
The deep, rich flavor danced on my tongue, warming me from the inside out. But as the alcohol settled, a slow, intoxicating haze dulled the edges of my mind. I should take it easy, having barely eaten anything today. The last thing I needed was to get drunk so early in the day.
Penny's proposition lingered between us like a tantalizing promise. A night out with her and her sisters-in-law sounded appealing, but my social energy was definitely depleted. Demonstrating my strength by attending lunch had exhausted me, and now Penny was urging another outing.
No way.
“Don’t say no! Think it over! I’ll get us a driver. We can hop from bar to bar if you want.” Penny's eyes sparkled with excitement.
“That sounds awful,” I replied honestly.
“Why? You’re young and gorgeous! A beautiful woman like you should go out and enjoy life a little! Hey! Maybe you’ll meet a cute guy. It would do you good to shake that frown off your face for a bit,” she said, winking at me before finishing her wine and pouring another glass. “You need to let loose."
I shook my head, unconvinced. Meeting some random guy didn't make this outing any more appealing. In fact, it made it even less desirable.
“Hello, ladies. Are you ready to order?” The voice of our waiter interrupted our conversation.
I felt heat rise to my cheeks as I looked up at him. He was young, handsome, and tall, with dark features that vaguely reminded me of Theo. His smile was warm and inviting, evoking thoughts of Xander .
I sighed, realizing that the only men I desired were both unattainable. The idea of being touched by anyone else repulsed me. Even this attractive waiter didn't persuade me to change my mind.
Penny winked at me and ordered another bottle of wine, a Cobb salad, and a burger with crispy sweet potato fries on the side. I shook my head at her choice. This woman truly lived life to the fullest. She ate what she wanted without apology, and I felt like a slacker for being so uptight. I often saw how Hagen adored her curvy body, which reminded me of how Xander and Theo enjoyed my figure.
Nope, I wouldn’t let my thoughts wander in that direction.
Instead, I joined her and ordered a bacon cheeseburger with fries.
Penny's eyes widened.
I shrugged and said, “If I can't have sex, I might as well indulge in something else delicious,”
“I see you've come over to the dark side,” Penny smirked.
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not? You look very happy and well-fed. I should give it a try.”
“Exactly.” Penny beamed with pride.
Once the waiter walked away, Penny continued to nudge me to go out with her.
“I’m serious, you know. Come on; it’ll be fun! I promise! You can’t stay cooped up in that apartment for the rest of your life. It’s not good for you, frankly.”
I sighed again, knowing she was right.
“All right, fine. I’ll go,” I conceded, quickly adding a critical stipulation. “But dinner and drinks only! No hooking up.”
“You say that now.” She winked playfully. “Just wait until you see the bartenders at Hagen’s new club. They'll gladly offer you something beyond a stiff drink if you catch my drift.”
She gave me another cheeky wink, and I rolled my eyes good-naturedly.
She was always so brazen and direct, which was one of the things I loved most about her.
"Subtle as ever, Penny," I smirked, unable to resist teasing her. "I can only imagine what would happen if you had a daughter mixed in with your boys."
"Oh, I would corrupt her just like I have my nieces," she laughed, sipping her wine. “Thanks for agreeing to come out tonight. If I don't push you, who will?"
Her question resonated deeply, reminding me of how painfully lonely I truly felt. I pretended everything was fine to survive, yet I felt hollow and empty inside. How could any woman choose to run from the loves of her life? Why was I constantly building walls around myself, preventing any real connections or friendships from forming?
Perhaps this outing with Penny could be a small step toward reconnecting with others.
"We're going to have an amazing time tonight," Penny assured, with excitement shining in her eyes.
I wanted to believe her. I wanted to let go and have fun like she did. But I knew returning to the carefree days before everything fell apart was impossible. Too much had happened. Too much had changed. I had chosen to stay away, but at what point did I need to let go completely? When should I stop hoping to be with Xander and Theo again? It felt like an impossible task.
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes at the thought of never seeing them again, but I quickly blinked them away. What we shared was real and special. Could I ever find that kind of love and connection with someone else? The idea seemed unfathomable. Xander and Theo were one of a kind, irreplaceable.
But I had to let go of that dream and move on with my life; that was the only way forward. As I ate my lunch, grateful for a moment of peace while Penny picked at her salad, I struggled with the urge to stay home tonight. Every instinct told me to remain vigilant and prepared for whatever might come my way. Skipping going out and heading to the gym to train with the other Solon agents would be better. Keeping my skills sharp and honed was crucial now, more than ever.
"You know, Hagen has a friend who might interest you," Penny said, her eyes bright and eager. "Handsome, rich, and a monstrous cock.”
I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her words. “Handsome, rich, and a monstrous … cock?" I repeated, raising my voice in shock.
“Or so I’ve been told,” Penny quickly corrected herself, prompting us to laugh.
I shook my head but felt grateful for her friendship and concern. "Penny, you're incorrigible. "
"I just want to see you happy and fulfilled," she shrugged nonchalantly before taking another sip of wine.
"My happiness doesn’t depend on my love life," I reminded her firmly.
"Your pussy begs to differ," she quipped playfully, causing me to blush and scold her once again.
But deep down inside, I knew she was right.
My heart yearned for a deep connection, but only with Xander and Theo. But I also knew those thoughts couldn't consume me. Fiona's actions had thrust us all into dangerous territory, and I needed to stay focused and keep everyone safe.
I silently vowed to do just that as we continued our lunch, laughing and chatting like old times. And maybe, just maybe, Penny's matchmaking would help me take a small step toward moving on and finding happiness again.
In the back of my mind, I couldn't deny that Penny was right. Before I left, Theo and Xander had satisfied every one of my sexual desires. Our chemistry as a throuple was a constant, living force pulsing with desire and lust. It seemed almost unquenchable most of the time.
Thinking of them made my body tremble, recalling how I felt so alive, satisfied, and completely filled with love. Without Theo and Xander, my life felt empty and lacking affection.
Penny raised an eyebrow, challenging me. "Tell me I'm wrong."
I sighed and rolled my eyes, refusing to admit her truth. But I couldn't stop my pussy from throbbing at the memory of them .
Ignoring Penny's knowing gaze, I turned my attention to devouring my cheeseburger. Maybe she would drop the subject if I focused hard enough on this greasy indulgence.
But she saw right through me. "The way you're devouring that cheeseburger says it all," she teased.
I groaned inwardly, reluctant to engage in this conversation. "Please, Penny. I said I'd go out tonight. Don't make me hook up with some random stranger."
"Just be open to possibilities," Penny urged, leaning in closer and gazing into my eyes with pleading intensity.
I gave in, realizing it was simpler to go along with her than to argue. "Fine, I can do that."
It was a harmless white lie to please Penny. Deep down, I knew no one else could compare to what Theo and Xander offered me. It was pointless even to try to find someone like them again.