29. Liliana
Jax pulls up outside of my mother’s house and turns off his bike. I watch the front door open. As I take off the helmet, I swing my leg over and set the helmet on the seat, as Jax gets off the bike and stands next to me.
My mother is standing on the porch. The smile that was on her face has faded since her eyes have gone up and down me twice since I have been standing here.
Jax grabs my hand and begins leading me down the sidewalk towards my mother. Her eyes go from me to him and then back to me again.
Her eyes tell me everything I need to know. She is not in agreement and disapproves.
Jax and I both slowly make our way up the five steps stopping in front of my mother.
She doesn’t try to hug me or say hi. Instead, she takes a deep breath and looks at the bike, then at Jax, and then at me.
“Liliana it is not safe being on one of those,” She says with disbelief.
“Don”t worry, Ms. Silver; she is safe with me,” Jax says before I can say anything. I squeeze his hand, needing to say thank you, and he squeezes my hand back. Having him here will make it easier on me, but I also think it will make it harder. My mother doesn’t care who is in our home; she will say whatever is on her mind, and Jax is nothing but honest. This is going to be interesting.
“Hmmmm,” My mother replies as she looks me up and down.
“What in the world are you wearing? That is not ladylike at all, Liliana,” she says with disgust.
I don”t know if I am going to be able to do this.
I feel my heart racing as Jax releases his hold on my hand and wraps his arm tightly around me.
We all stand in silence for a moment then my mother turns around and walks inside the house.
Jax leans in and kisses the side of my head. “Don”t worry, Darlin, I got you,” He says, doing his best to reassure me.
I don”t think coming here was a good idea, but I know how guilty she would have made me feel if I didn’t.
She is good at that, making me feel guilty and ashamed even when I am not doing anything wrong.
We walk into the house, Jax closes the door behind us as I guide us into the dining room.
The table is filled with all of my favorite foods, but I know it is a trap. She does this every year: She makes all of my favorite foods, set them out, and then when I go to grab them, she attacks me with her words about why I shouldn”t be eating all the food and how I am going to get more fat than I am.
We will see if this time is different, but I doubt it, my mother won’t change for anyone.
Jax and I both take a seat, and my mother takes a seat on the other side of the table.
“So, where do you guys meet?” My mother asks.
Here we go. A normal person would just think my mother is trying to have a conversation, but really what she is looking for is something to argue about, and she is about to get it.
“School,” I say as I start putting different food types on my plate.
“Are you going to school, Jaxon?” My mother asks as I grab more food needing to make sure I don”t make eye contact with her.
I haven’t told my mother much about Jax and me. Her finding out that it started with a sex contract is probably not the best way for her to meet my boyfriend.
“No, I teach there,” Jax says calmly.
My heart stops as I sit back in my seat, Jax rests his hand on my leg forcing me to stop shaking.
“Wait, you are a professor?” My mom asks, there is surprise and disgust in her voice, there is always disgust in her voice.
“Yes, I am a professor,” He says calmly.
“Her professor,” My mom asks.
Jax takes in a deep breath. “Yes, I am her professor.”
“Liliana, what in the world were you thinking?” My mother asks in disbelief.
“That I like him,” I confess to her.
“You can’t date your professor. What would people think?” She asks. Disapproval is all over her right now, radiating off of her in waves.
“I don”t care what they think, Mother,” I say before I can stop it.
Her eyes widen with my response, crap.
“Don”t talk like that in my house,” my mother snapped. Making me jump.
“No one cares that we are together Mom,” I tell her, which is the truth, we have shown affection in public and on campus and no one has said anything, they are too busy with their own lives to worry about if I am dating my professor.
“Do they know?” She asks.
“We don”t hide it, “ Jax says in a soft voice calming my anxiety.
“I don”t approve of this,” She says, shaking her head.
“Well, last I checked, we weren’t asking for your permission. Your daughter is 18 years old, and the last I checked, that means she can make her own choices,” Jax says through gritted teeth. My mother has this power over people; even the calmest of people can’t stay calm for long with her.
“Liliana, you hear the way he is speaking to your mother,” she says to me as if I am supposed to take her side. She knows better than that.
“He is right, Mom,” I confess to her.
“You agree with him?”
“Yes,” I say as I pick up my fork and start to slowly eat.
“Liliana, don”t eat too much; you don”t want to get more fat,” she says, always changing the topic to me and my eating and my looks.
“Excuse me,” Jax says, standing up from his chair.
Oh crap.
“My daughter needs to watch what she eats. You have seen her body, I assume, and she needs to cut off some of that fat. Wouldn’t you agree?” my mother asks calmly.
“Fuck no, I don”t,” Jax snaps at her.
“Wow, you are a gentleman, aren’t you, Mr. Biker outlaw,” She says disgustingly.
I slowly stand up and put one more fork of food in my mouth.
My mother looks at me and shakes her head.
“This was a mistake, a big mistake,” I confess to the room.
“Where do you think you are going?”
“Far away from here Mom, enjoy your dinner,” I say not turning back to look at her, I already know she is disappointed I don”t need to see it on her face right now.
I turn and leave the table. I can hear Jax walking behind me. My heart is racing as I open the door and walk out. Jax closes the door behind us as we both make our way back to the bike. He swings his leg over and balances as I grab his shoulder and grab the helmet. I swing my leg over, pulling the helmet over my head.
Jax turns on the bike and takes off down the road. That didn’t go well; this was a big mistake.
Jax stops the bike at the end of the dirt trail, the trail that I know leads to the waterfall.
We have been quiet since leaving my mom’s house, but then again we were on a bike, but still, his hand rested on my knee, I held him close and watched the trees go by as I allowed my mother’s words and disapproval seep into me like a fucking sickness.
No matter how old I am, she will always have power over me. She will always be able to hurt me with her words.
Luckily this time I didn’t let it get that far, but that was only because Jax was with me, I don”t think I would have stuck up to her the way I did if it wasn’t for him.
I lift myself and swing my leg over, removing the helmet from my head.
I take a deep breath as Jax gets off of the bike and grabs my head, leading me down the trail.
“I am sorry, Lil.” He breaks the silence quickly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I tell him; he was just trying to stand up for me; I will never make him feel that he needs to be sorry for that. I have never had someone stick up to my mother for me before. If anything, it just makes me love him even more. He isn”t afraid of anything. He is strong, in control, and has power beyond belief. He is the bad boy that I should have run away from, but now I can’t imagine my life without him.
“She has always been like that?” He asks, but we both know the answer.
“Yes, for as long as I can remember, the older I get, the worse it gets,” I confess to him.
I honestly don’t think my mother knows how to be any other way. This is just who she is, and I will never be the daughter that she wanted.
“You know you are not fat, right? And you can eat whatever the fuck you want,” He says with seriousness in his voice. My heart stops for a moment.
I don”t respond as her voice enters my head.
Ugly
Fat
Watch what you eat, Liliana; how is someone supposed to love you when you look like that?
“Hey,” Jax says, forcing us both to stop.
I can see the waterfall right down the trail. I look up at him, knowing that tears are already building in my eyes.
“You are beautiful, Darlin. Don”t listen to her; she is lying to you,” he says, looking into my eyes.
I nod, and he turns back around. We make our way to the waterfall. The blackness of night has already taken over, but this place is just as breathtaking at night, maybe even a little more than during the day.
We take a seat overlooking the waterfall. I sit between his legs, leaning against his chest. Content with the world for the moment.
“I love you, Jax,” I whisper as he wraps his arms tightly around me, keeping me safe from the outside world.
He leans in, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“I love you, Darlin,” He says with love and desire.
“Are you scared of anything?”
‘What?“ He asks softly.
“Are you scared of anything? You don”t seem to be.”
“Darlin, there is one thing I am terrified of,” He confesses.
“What?” I ask.
“Living a life without you,” He confesses softly, making butterflies swarm into my stomach.
I snuggle into him, the wind begins to pick up, and the weather is about to change.
My mother might be my mother, but Jax is right I am an adult and it is time I start living for what makes me happy and not what makes her happy.
She will need to let me go because I have already let her go.