Chapter Five #2
“Gonna come,” Many groans into my shoulder. “Oh God, gonna come so hard.”
An hour ago, that idea would have repulsed me, physically and spiritually.
Now, my soul sings and I throw myself at him, urging him on.
Many needs no encouragement. He squeezes the breath out of me and snaps his hips harder, one brutal thrust before he’s spluttering and groaning and something is painting my ass in spurts.
His hips hitch furtively, a few quick jerks before he finally stops, panting raggedly as his whole body sags with release, with soul-deep satisfaction, with an ecstasy I’d call religious in any other context.
“Christ,” Many says.
Coherence returns in trickles, like water filling a crack. My mind seems to clear, the fog drifting away to leave me horribly lucid, horribly aware of what I’ve done.
Many eases back, but I’m too scared to push myself away from the wall and witness the reality of this night.
I hear him shuffling around and then…and then he’s touching me again, but it isn’t like the way he touched me before.
He found a rag or a towel or an odd bit of a costume somewhere, probably right there on the floor, and he’s cleaning me off with it, surprisingly careful and gentle.
When he finishes, I pull my pants up, facing the wall instead of looking at him.
There isn’t as much fog covering the floor as I might have expected, or perhaps we’ve been here so long they turned the machines off.
Maybe the fog was never real at all and my mind made it up to provide an excuse for some of the baffling new sensations I gave myself to this night.
“Hey,” Many says softly, “you doing okay?”
I finally face him. Many looks completely normal, completely himself, but I doubt the same could be said for me.
Nothing about this night was ever supposed to happen to me.
I have no point of reference for this, no touchstone anywhere in my entire existence.
This night never should have occurred, and already the memory feels like watching someone else’s dream.
“I don’t know,” I say.
He smiles, but it lacks all that mocking mirth I’m used to. Many steps close and sets one finger under my chin to tilt my head up. I meet his dark eyes, though they’re quieter now with the thunder of lust satiated.
“Do you feel good?” he says.
It’s not the question I anticipated, and I ponder it a moment before nodding.
“Good, I’m glad. I definitely didn’t expect this, but…I’m not exactly upset about it.”
His smile turns more playful, and my stomach flips over itself. I realize I want to see that smile again, that walking away from this would be more unsettling than standing here and facing it.
“I don’t think I’m upset about it either,” I say.
His smile grows. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises tonight? There’s more I could make you…not upset about. If you wanted.”
I swallow a fresh swell of desire. It’s like a leviathan living in my belly. Now that I’ve awoken it, there’s no stuffing down a beast like that. It will make its needs known again, I’m certain, and I…I think I’m looking forward to that.
“It’s okay, you know,” Many says. “It’s okay to want this.
I don’t know if you’ve always known this about yourself or what your journey has been like, but you seem to know what you like, and I don’t think it’s going to go away, Denis.
You can run and try not think about it, and I’ll never say a word to anyone.
I’ll take it to the grave, I swear. Or…” He rubs his finger along my lips, sending a shiver down my spine. “Or I could help you embrace it.”
I want to say yes with a ferocity that frightens me.
The desire burns hot and bright and sudden, but I catch myself before I can speak too hastily.
I can’t simply walk out of this haunted house and start wearing Pride flags and embrace a whole identity I’ve avoided for my whole life.
It isn’t that easy to upend everything you think you know about yourself. But…
“Can we start slow?” I say.
“Of course,” Many says. “How about this? Come over and study with me sometime. Or I’ll go to your place and study with you.
And if more than studying happens…” He shrugs a shoulder.
“No one needs to know. Not right now. Not until you’re ready.
We are neighbors, after all, and neighbors help each other out, right?
I think I read something about ‘loving thy neighbor’ somewhere before. ”
I laugh. What else can I do in a moment as ridiculous as this?
But that laughter seems to bounce around, seems to echo and howl.
We both scan the haunted house, searching for the source of the noise.
It seems to ooze out of the creaking floorboards and leaky roof, otherworldly and eerie.
The fact he definitely hears it too makes it far harder to deny this time around.
I grab Many by the hand. “Okay,” I say, “but first, let’s get the heck out of here. I think it might actually be haunted.”
Many chuckles. “If that’s the case, then the spirits are pervs.”
The house groans in a sudden breeze, perhaps agreeing, perhaps just a creaky old barn complaining of age and weathering.
Either way, I drag Many toward the stairs at the back of the barn and get us both the hell out of there.
I don’t know quite what happened in this barn tonight, and something tells me I’ll never be certain, but if this was a sin, it was one I’m sure to commit again.