Sins and Serenades: Preacher's Kid

Chapter 12

Soul

“Have you lost your rabbit ass mind!?”

“Can you not use that type of language in my house, please?”

“Get the fuck outta here with that! This is me, Serenity. The same one who gave you condoms when you fast-ass turned sixteen. Condoms, I might add that didn’t come back home with you. The same sister whose shoulder you cried on for months after that man left you, and I told you then you were a damn fool for staying here.”

“But Daddy,” I try to explain.

“Has a wife, it was not your responsibility…”

“Of course you’d say that. You didn’t even attempt to stick around and help Mom and Dad. You’re selfish butt was too busy being in the streets.”

“You’re damn right I was! This is my life, Soul, mine, and I am going to live it the best way I want to! If I can’t be selfish with MY life, who can and who will? People will use you up all for their good, and when they are through with you, they will dump you as fast as they used you. And when I look back at my life, I am going to say I did everything I wanted to do, that I didn’t squander my life, and I have zero regrets. Mom and Dad are great parents, and a great Pastor and First Lady, but that is their life and their choice and it doesn’t have shit to do with me!”

“But, Sen, this is all I know,” I whisper one of the many fears to her.

“And that’s sad. You’re what thirty-four and all you know is church, choir rehearsal, and work. Girl, that’s a sad-ass life,”

“It’s enough for me,” I lie. She bursts out laughing at that.

“Then why am I here talking you off the ledge? Why are you standing there shaking in your boots? You want more, you’ve always wanted more, and you have been in love with that boy all your damn life, and from the sound of it he still loves you, too…”

“You think so?” I excitedly interrupt her. Looking at me with her lips twisted in a smirk, she simply says, “Mmm hmm. Talk to him, Soul, don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Let me ask you,” she says, interrupting whatever I was going to say when I opened my mouth. “Would you honestly be able to live with him leaving and you never talking to him or seeing him again? Or how would you feel if you heard through the grapevine that he was getting married? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You lost several shades of color. Talk to him, and do it honestly, Soul. Stop living this life for Mom and Dad. They’re old, they’ve lived their lives, and you have to live yours, too! Alright, I gotta go. I have a date tonight, and I got a full body wax. He’s been sniffing after me for a while now and I may let him into the promised land if he doesn’t piss me off too much. And don’t look at me like that. You need to let Gabe blow your back out. It’ll clear your mind and relieve some stress.” All I can do is shake my head as I wide eye blink at her. “Girl, grow up!”

She is gone as fast as she came. My phone buzzes with a text from her that simply says,

Serenity

Stop being scared! Talk to that man!

Me

I am not scared!

Serenity

You’ll find out soon enough. I text him and told him you want to talk to him. He’ll be there in about 5 minutes! Please have a real conversation.

Me

You did WHAT!!!!!!

Serenity

????????????????????????

Yeah ole boy definitely gettin some tonight. You should get some too. Clear your mind!!! Have fun! Good night. ??????

Me

I hate you! ????????????????????

No sooner than the message sent, my doorbell was ringing. Blowing out a breath I suck it up and head to the door. I don’t even need to check to see if it’s him. I’ll know that knock for the rest of my life. Swinging the door open, I take one look at him and forget how to breathe. The man is just fine for no good reason. Him in all black should be illegal somewhere.

“Gabe,”

“Serenity said you wanted to talk. Can I come in?” he says as I stand there staring at him like I don’t have a working brain cell.

“Oh, uh yeah, of course.”Moving back, allowing him to enter, and I take a brief second to look at his butt in those jeans in my Ginuwine voice.

“Your house is beautiful, Soul. It definitely looks like you.”

“I’m not sure how to take that?”

“As a compliment, your house feels like home, how you have always felt for me,” Uh uh, nope, I am not touching that.

“Have a seat,” I say, offering him a seat and taking one as far away from him as possible. “What do you want to talk about, Gabe?”

“You don’t think this conversation is long overdue?”

“We talked eighteen years ago,”

“No, we didn’t talk, I came for you, and you told me you weren’t going,”

“What else was there to say?”

“The fucking truth!”

“What truth, Gabriel? I told you the truth. I wasn’t going. I was needed here!”

“Bullshit!”

“You’re going to stop cussing in my house, Gabe.”

“Please cut it the fuck out! I know you, Soul, better than any other person on this earth…”

“You knew me, Gabriel, eighteen years ago. A lot can happen in almost two decades,”

“I know you, Soul, and time doesn’t change that. I know the girl who had dreams, desires, fire in her gut, and a thirst for life but also a girl who was scared to do a lot of things, and you used that situation to hide, Soul.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about!”

“Then tell me I am wrong. Tell me you didn’t use your father’s stroke as a reason to stay behind.”

“He needed help, Gabe. He…”

“Had a wife, a full congregation, an around the clock nurse, and the best doctors. Your father’s church is the biggest in our jurisdiction and one of the biggest in our denomination. So tell me something else. Please stop trying to bullshit me.”

“This is why I didn’t want to have this conversation. You are not going to force me to say what you think I should. He is my father, he had a stroke, and I stayed back to help my mother with him and help with the church. I am happy here. I made the right decision.”

“Your father had a minor stroke and was back on his feet in less than a year, Soul,”

“Why can’t you move on from this?”

“Because I can’t move on from you, Soul! Don’t you understand that? I loved you then, I love younow! But if you stand here and tell me you are good, and have no regrets, that you didn’t make your decision based off of fear, I will leave here and leave you alone for good. All I want is the truth.”

“Gabe,”

“The truth.”

“I was scared okay! Your career hadn’t taken off, you were running out of money. How would we have survived, Gabe? Having to take care of me, I would have been an anchor for you. I finished school, got a job, and committed myself to helping with my parents church,” I say, realizing I am crying.

“I had more than enough to support both of us, Soul. I would have never let us fail, baby. Don’t you know that?” With each word he moves closer to me, wiping the tears from my face and pulling me into his arms.

“I missed you, Soul, missed us,” My goodness he feels good, smells good, and is saying everything I’ve secretly wanted to hear. Soul, girl please get you a backbone, one hug and you’re folding like a billfold. I move out of his hold, taking some space to clear my head.

“I want you with me, Soul. I want you to want to come though. All your life you have done what everyone else has expected you to do, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Take time to think about what you want for a change, and if you still want to sing, hell, if you want to be with me, come to me. I will say this though, live your life, Soul. It’s okay to do what makes you happy. I gotta go, I have a plane to catch. If you really want to come see me, a ticket will be waiting for you,” he says, picking up my phone. He puts his phone number in and texts himself from my phone.

“I hope to see you soon, but if not, this is goodbye. I love you and I wish you nothing but happiness.” Pulling me back into a hug, he kisses my forehead and he is gone. Now what am I going to do?

??