Sizzle

Chapter 20

Alex

The snow really starts coming down just as I’m getting in my car after work, naturally. It couldn’t happen while I was trapped at my desk, staring out the window.

That was about all I got done today, staring. Between that message from Diana and Elliot walking out on me for it—whatever the hell that was about… Not to mention everything that came before.

I adjust myself again, grateful for the privacy of the car. Yeah, thinking about before had rendered me pretty much useless today. My supervisor’s out of town and everybody else is too caught up with getting their projects finished before Christmas, so no harm done this time.

Not that there’s going to be a next time. Elliot made sure of that last night. I probably didn’t help matters, letting Joelle go the way I did.

I don’t know what the hell Diana wants to talk about. As far as I’m concerned, we didn’t leave anything unsaid. There’s no unfinished business. She sure as shit doesn’t want me back, despite what Elliot seems to think.

The memory of his anger kindles that spark of hope inside me and I step on that bastard fast to keep it from growing. But that’s the thing about hope. Once it’s there, even the smallest bit, you can’t push it out again. You might as well try to bottle smoke.

He can’t possibly be jealous of her. Elliot doesn’t feel that way about me. And even if he did, he’s obviously in love with Joelle. I don’t blame him; I’m half in love with her myself. The difference is that they can make a happy life together.

No matter how things shake out—if Elliot stays mad at me, or if he and Joelle can’t make things work between them—I can’t bring myself to regret last night. The grin I’ve been trying to hide all day breaks loose and here, alone in my car, I can smile like the fool I am.

It was amazing. They were amazing. We lit the world on fire. I’d give anything to make it happen again but I won’t push Elliot somewhere he doesn’t want to go, and I won’t make Joelle feel like she has to include me out of some kinky, misguided notion of fairness.

But instead of pulling up to my own house a few minutes later, I find I’m sitting parked outside of Duckbill. Joelle’s shift ended ten minutes ago.

I could just grow a pair and go inside to talk to her but until I figure out what the hell got into Elliot, I better steer clear. If he’s freaking out about being turned on by a guy, I don’t think me showing up to his work is going to help him feel better.

Instead, I fire off a text to Joelle.

Hey pretty girl. Need a ride home today?

She responds immediately.

Yes, please. When can you get here?

I grin.

I’m sitting out front right now.

I see a bright orange wool hat pop up in the window of the front door. Joelle pushes it open and hurries through the snow, sliding into the passenger seat beside me.

“Hey,” she says breathlessly.

“Hey yourself,” I say. I’m grinning like a fool again. “Fancy meeting you here.”

She laughs.

“Thanks for the ride,” she says, pushing the slouchy hat up out of her eyes. “I drove today but Dad had to come get the car earlier. I wasn’t looking forward to catching the bus in this weather.”

“Glad to be of assistance.” Her cheeks are rosy pink from the cold and combined with that absurd orange hat, she’s damned adorable.

Who am I kidding? I’ve been falling for this woman since the moment I met her.

Joelle chafes her hands together for warmth. I lean over and capture them between my own, rubbing some of my heat into them. She glances up, a shy smile on her face.

“Hey,” I say. Her smile widens.

“You already said that.”

She’s here with me, even after the way last night ended. And she’s smiling. Holding myself back from her feels like swallowing razor blades, so I lean in and kiss her soft mouth. Her lips part, her gasp caught between us. Her hands twist to grip mine, pulling me closer.

What I wouldn’t give for goddamn bench seats right this minute. But the console between us is the only thing keeping me honest because the way she’s kissing me, like she could dive in and stay all night? I’m scanning the parking lot for somewhere we could go so I can pull her into my lap away from the eyes of anybody who happens by. It’s dark out already. If I avoid the streetlights…

The thought shorts out when Joelle slides a hand around my neck, taking the kiss deeper. Every time I slide the tip of my tongue against her bottom lip, she whimpers, so I do it again. And again.

And a third time, because that sound just fucking does it for me.

I pull back slightly, because much more of her hot-as-hell mouth and I’m going to do more than seriously consider front seat sex for the first time since college.

Joelle’s eyes are closed, the expression on her face… I’ve seen that expression in paintings. It’s beatific. It’s joy.

She’s going to break my fucking heart. Here in the darkness of my car, snow falling outside around us, I can’t bring myself to care.

I tuck a stray curl back behind her ear, careful not to disturb that insanely bright hat. She sighs, finally opening her eyes.

I clear my throat, breaking eye contact before she can see the damn hearts popping up around my head. I’m such a fucking goner.

“So, where are we headed? Back to your dad’s, I guess. Unless there’s somewhere you want to stop?” It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her to come back with me, but it might be too soon for that. I’m focused on pulling out of the snowy parking lot so it doesn’t register right away that she takes too long to answer the question.

“Yeah, please.”

“What’s wrong?”

“He kicked me out this morning,” she says.

“What?” She flinches at the volume. “Sorry. Jesus, Joelle. What happened?” A thought occurs to me and I feel the blood drain from my face. “Surely it’s not because we… because last night we—”

“No! No,” she says fast. She’s blushing again. “It wasn’t that.”

Now that we’re on the road, I take her hand, give it a gentle squeeze, and wait.

“We had a fight,” she says. “I told him I think he needs to start being more independent. He didn’t take it well.”

“Well, what’s wrong with that? I know he was injured, but you said his therapy’s been going great.”

“It has been,” she says, staring out the window. “That was my point too. There’s no reason for me to keep—for him to keep…”

“For him to keep relying on you, you mean?”

She turns to look at me.

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” I say, glancing over to smile at her. “Joelle, you’re one of the most competent people I’ve ever met. Given how old you were when your dad got hurt, I’m guessing you learned self-reliance at a pretty early age.”

“I guess. We had to eat.”

She’s trying to make a joke of it but pity tugs at my heart for that sixteen-year-old girl. Instead of worrying about math tests and college applications and boys and makeup, she’d had to figure out a way to take care of herself and a disabled parent. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for her. Her father too, for that matter.

“What did your dad say?”

She sighs. “He thinks I’m ungrateful. Unreasonable, too, probably. Maybe I’m pushing too much, too soon.”

“Maybe,” I say slowly. “Or maybe he’s afraid.”

“Of what?”

I shrug, turning into her neighborhood.

“When enough people tell you you’re damaged, it starts to sound like the truth,” I say. I feel the full weight of her gaze, and the questions there. “I’m just saying. He’s had a lot to overcome. From what you’ve told me, he’s made a lot of progress. Maybe he just doesn’t see it that way yet.”

I can tell she’s about to ask me what the hell I’m talking about and as I’m not keen on having that conversation right now, I ask the question that’s been on my mind the last thirty minutes.

“Did you talk to Elliot today?”

Her energy changes instantly.

Shit.

“Damn it. What happened? What did he do?”

Joelle crosses her arms and stares straight ahead.

“He made it clear that we’re not to be fooling around at work,” she says, her expression stony.

Huh?

“I mean, that sounds like something he would say,” I say slowly, turning onto her street. “But I would have thought after last night…”

“Yeah, me too. But one of the other cooks caught us kissing in the stock room—”

“Really?” The idea of Anna and Elliot sneaking around at work turns me on to an embarrassing degree but now is clearly not the time to ask for details.

“Bertie went and told everybody else in the damn restaurant, and Elliot has the nerve to act like it’s my fault when he’s the one who kissed me in the first place!”

I want to comfort her, to tell her Elliot’s probably overreacting because last night shook his world up too, but what can I say? He’s a grown ass man; he can speak for himself. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it didn’t mean as much to him.

Yeah. Right.

The idea of them sneaking around at work distracts me enough that we’re pulling up to her dad’s house before it occurs to me to ask.

“Wait, if your dad kicked you out, what are we doing here? And where are you staying?” By the looks of the place, nobody’s home.

“I need to pack a bag,” she says, avoiding my other question.

“Do you have a place to stay?”

She looks at me, pulling her coat tight around her body.

“Are you offering?”

I should. I want to. But a not-so-small part of me feels like offering to let her stay with me is somehow disloyal to Elliot, so I hesitate.

“Did you tell Elliot?”

“Yes.”

“Did he ask you to stay with him?” What the hell am I playing at? This isn’t two against one.

If anything, it’s me trying to put the two together.

Joelle snorts. “Sure he did. Right around the time he told me it was my fault we got busted today.”

“Ouch.”

“Tell me about it. So yes, he offered. I declined.” She looks at me evenly. “Does it matter?”

It doesn’t. I want to help her. I want to take care of her. But Elliot should be the one. They belong together, and he knows it. I know he knows it. I think maybe even she might know it, if he doesn’t fuck it all up.

I haven’t answered Joelle’s question, and the look on her face tells me I’m too late. She’s heard all she’ll listen to from me.

“Stay with me, then. I’ll wait for you while you pack. I have a guest room,” I say, but she’s already holding up her hand, disgust written all over her face.

“Forget it, Alex.” She shoves the door open, powdery snow swirling in around her. “Thanks for the ride.”

The door slams shut behind her.