Chapter Nine
There was no way Jathan’s neck didn’t hurt, sleeping at the angle he slept. Sitting next to him in a chair, with his ball cap pulled low, Jathan looked uncomfortable as hell. That couldn’t be good for his injured ribs and back. He couldn’t take it.
“Did they X-ray your ribs?” Quince blinked at the sound of his voice. He didn’t sound like himself.
Jathan’s head shot up. His gaze locked on Quince’s face. His gorgeous light brown eyes almost looked crazed. He jumped to his feet. “Hey, gorgeous. You’re awake.”
“I notice you’re not answering me.”
Jathan’s blinding smile was beautiful. He opened his mouth to tell him, but lost his breath.
Jathan visibly panicked. “He can’t breathe. Get help, German.”
Quince’s head spun. He panted until everything cleared again. “Sorry. Not sure what happened there.”
“Do I need to sit you up? Do you think that would help?”
Now that he said something, Quince wasn’t sure why he was on his back.
“Yeah. I should sit up.” The more time that passed, the more confused he felt.
He didn’t have time to ask a single question.
The coughing set in. He thought he might pass out.
Oxygen just didn’t want to reach his brain.
Alarms blared, making things worse. His head pounded.
Then nurses stood over him. An oxygen mask covered his face.
People spoke, asking him questions. He kept trying to see past them to get to Jathan.
Quince didn’t understand what was happening.
Jathan shoved his way in. “Hug the pillow, baby.” He pushed a pillow into his arms.
Quince automatically obeyed.
“Take slow breaths.”
Quince focused on breathing slower. The pillow oddly helped with the pains in his chest, but not enough. “Hurts.”
Jathan rubbed his arm. “Okay. Just let these ladies work, all right? They’re about to give you something to help.”
He kept his gaze locked on Jathan. “Okay.” Quince still wanted to panic, but Jathan was there. If Jathan was there, then everything would be fine. His struggle to breathe eased.
A nurse smiled at him. “There we go. You have to take these things slow. Don’t rush. You can’t pop up after a month on your back and expect to jump out of bed.”
His gaze shot to Jathan. Quince’s confusion doubled.
He looked around the room again. Quince was definitely at Jathan’s house, but the bed he was in was a hospital bed.
He searched his lagging brain. The last thing he remembered was Jathan telling him he wasn’t crazy for feeling so strongly about them. That he felt the same. Then… nothing.
Jathan thanked the pair of nurses.
They nodded and smiled. “We’re right down the hall. It’ll take time for the fluid to clear from his lungs. Just don’t let him do too much too quickly.”
Jathan walked them to the door. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, talking to a huge guy… German. Quince knew his name. He was Jathan’s new guard. There was something missing. Something lingering just out of sight. After a few instructions and nods, Jathan was back at his side.
“Talk to me.” Quince still didn’t have enough breath to ask the hundreds of questions he had.
Thankfully, Jathan seemed to understand exactly how confused Quince was.
“Judging by your level of panic, I’m going to assume you don’t remember anything.
You were shot. The bullet bounced around, doing as much damage as possible before lodging in your lung.
At first, when they weren’t confident you’d make it, they kept you asleep so you could heal.
Then they took away that medication when it looked like you had a shot, and you didn’t wake up.
” Jathan’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat.
“They wanted to move you to a rehabilitation facility for coma patients, but I refused. I knew you’d get more help with private care, so Tip signed the paperwork to get you transported here to where I hired a team.
You have no fucking idea how happy I am to see your beautiful eyes again. ”
As insane as it likely was, Quince couldn’t move past one detail. “You’ve been sleeping in a chair for a goddamn month.” While his irritation had given him the strength to bitch, he regretted it immediately when he fell into another coughing fit. Jathan visibly fretted until it passed.
He rubbed Quince’s leg. “There’s no reason to get upset. No, I haven’t slept here every night.”
“That’s a lie,” German said, poking his head inside the door before disappearing again.
Irritation crossed Jathan’s features, but he pressed on. “I didn’t want to leave you tonight. When the doctor checked on you earlier, he said your lungs were starting to fill. I wanted to be here in case you started struggling for air.”
Quince stared at Jathan and emotion swelled inside him until it got too big to hold on to.
“I love you. I don’t know why I feel such a huge need to get that off my chest, but I do.
” He coughed again. Quince was hyper aware meds held back the worst of the blinding pain.
But this was too important, and Quince couldn’t stop.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready to hear that. I just need you to know it.”
Jathan kissed his forehead. “I love you too.” He whispered the words like that was as loud as his voice would go. “You can’t leave me.”
While Quince still didn’t have a huge grip on how he ended up in this situation, he knew he couldn’t let Jathan down.
“Yeah. I’m not going anywhere. You’ll be trying to peel me off you like industrial strength Velcro.
Slllrrp.” Imitating the sound of ripping away Velcro made Jathan laugh, so it was worth how hard he fought not to cough up a lung.
“You have to stop trying to talk, fucking Chatty Cathy. You sleep for a month while I beg you to wake up, then you just pop up with all the words.”
He knew Jathan used humor to cover up how stressed he had likely been. That was one of the many reasons Quince couldn’t stop smiling, despite his guilt. He hated that he had made Jathan worry.
“Cuddle with me and I’ll be quiet.”
Jathan eyed the tiny bed. “Are you sure? You’re supposed to be healing here.”
Quince fought to scoot over a little. He shook from the effort.
Jathan let down the railing. “For fuck’s sake. Stop straining. I’ll squeeze in.”
“You can do it. Everyone has room for a Twizzler.”
He heard a bark of laughter from the hallway.
Damn. Apparently, Jathan had let these security guys get comfortable.
He wasn’t surprised. Jathan was too fucking nice.
That was why he needed security in the first…
the memory slammed into him. Quince saw that kid’s face all over again.
His chest ached for a different reason. He was so young.
Quince made it until he had Jathan in his arms. “What happened to the kid?” No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t speak that question above a whisper.
Jathan stroked his stomach and stared at nothing, as if only seeing the images inside his head. “Steven shot him in the leg, and then German tackled him. He’s okay. They admitted him into a mental health facility.”
“He couldn’t help it. I saw that in his eyes. When I went down, I saw his face. He didn’t know how to stop.”
He watched Jathan swallow. The pain in his expression was killing Quince. “I thought you said you’d rest if I snuggled with you.”
“I really want to kiss you, but apparently, I really need this full-face oxygen shit.” He smiled. Quince actually felt a little better. Holding Jathan was magic. “Also, I guess I haven’t brushed my teeth in a month.”
A bark of laughter burst from Jathan. “I’d never leave you like that. Your care team has taken care of you in every way.”
“Well, that’s slightly humiliating.”
Jathan pulled Quince’s mask away for half a second to steal a quick peck. He made sure the mask was perfect before he settled down again. “Will you rest if I tell you about my ribs?”
“Oh, fuck. I didn’t ruin the finals, did I? You’d better say you still played.” Getting worked up was the wrong move. He thought he would die before he stopped coughing.
Jathan looked stressed, which made him feel worse.
“Sorry.”
Irritation flashed in Jathan’s eyes. “Don’t be sorry. Just rest.”
Quince settled down, determined. He had already stolen a month from Jathan.
Jathan pulled a necklace out from beneath his shirt to show him. A championship ring hung from the chain. “I played. I knew you’d never forgive me if I didn’t.” He toyed with it for a second and then tucked it beneath his shirt again. “Anyhow, I have three cracked ribs. They’re on the mend.”
“My baby.” Quince whispered the words. He was going downhill fast, but he hoped Jathan heard the pride in his voice.
He watched a tear slip from the corner of Jathan’s eye. Jathan swiped it away. He sniffed. “Sorry. I was so fucking scared I had lost this. You should’ve never risked yourself for me.”
“Shut up and sleep with me.”
A sad smile touched Jathan’s lips. “Okay.”
Quince might have laughed if his chest didn’t hurt so badly and he knew he would start coughing again. Plus, his eyelids were just too heavy. Tomorrow, he would tell Jathan all about how he would die for him any day of the week. Right now, he just wanted to hold his miracle and sleep.
The smell of hay and horses was Sterling’s aromatherapy. This barn had been more of a home to him than any house had ever been. He brushed down his final horse for the night with his mind on lockdown. His brain had always been a very dark and ugly place.
“Don’t you live in Miami now?”
A smile tugged at Sterling’s lips at the sound of Buck’s voice. That was another part of this barn that was as familiar to him as breathing. “I still have a house here too, thankfully. If it weren’t in Tip’s name, Mom likely would’ve sold it the second she noticed I was gone.”
“You’re safe, then. She likely never noticed.”
Ouch. Except it was true, and so it shouldn’t hurt anymore. There hadn’t been a single day in his life when he had been wanted. It didn’t matter how much family he had on paper; Tip was his only family.
“How are you enjoying being the new foreman? The position fits you.”
“It’s only temporary. Quince will be back. In fact, I came out here to tell you Quince is awake. Now you have an excuse to go see that guard you have your eye on.”
Sterling tossed the brush aside and focused on Buck. Damn. He was still just huge and… huge. His chest hurt. “Jealous?”
Buck snorted. “You’re still the same spoiled kid who thinks everyone wants him.”
If only that were true. Truthfully, he was just a fucked-up guy who saw sex as affection because absolutely no one wanted him.
The worst part was he knew that about himself and didn’t know how to fix it.
Sex was still better than being ignored.
Buck had always been way too good at ignoring him.
That only made Sterling want him more. “Not everyone. That’s never been true.
I still have a dildo named Buck that I can’t get enough of. ”
In a flash, Sterling found his back against the wall. Nearly three hundred pounds of solid pissed-off cowboy had him pinned. “One of these days, being a tease will get you hurt.”
Sterling untucked the T-shirt Buck wore beneath his unbuttoned flannel. He held Buck’s dark blue stare as his hands slipped beneath. Buck’s skin was slightly damp from working in the heat all day. Sterling wanted to lick every inch.
“Quince won’t choose to come back. He has Jathan now. You deserve the foreman position.”
Buck didn’t soften. A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Don’t try to make me want things I’ll never have. That’s all you ever do.”
Sterling couldn’t help it. He wanted things he would never have.
Sterling didn’t know how to stop passing that pain along.
He slowly drew Buck closer. Anger and hatred flashed in Buck’s eyes, but he gave in—the way Sterling knew he would.
His kiss was violent. That had the pains in Sterling’s chest doubling.
He still remembered when Buck’s kisses had been filled with love and hope.
Buck had treated him like precious glass, while whispering how he would marry Sterling someday.
Now he bit and sucked, treating Sterling like the whore he was.
He moved to Sterling’s neck and Sterling’s eyes burned.
The urge to cry nearly brought him to his knees.
“You still smell the same.” The cracked and pained-sounding whisper was out of his control.
Buck dropped his forehead to Sterling’s shoulder. His body expanded so hard with each breath, it was like he had run for miles. He would shove Sterling away soon. This was the last time Buck would touch him if Sterling didn’t do something.
“Tell me you hate me. It’s okay. Say you don’t even think about me because I make you sick. Tell me all the things I deserve to hear. It’s okay.” Sterling didn’t know why he kept saying that. It really wasn’t okay. He had never been fine.
“You’re right. I hate you.” He shoved himself away from Sterling and didn’t look back.
Sterling’s eyes closed. He kept them squeezed shut as he banged the back of his head against the wall. Maybe he hated Buck too. He couldn’t tell anymore.
Everything tipped on its head and Sterling’s eyes burned as he found himself over a very solid shoulder. “Fuck you for this.”
Buck threw him down in a pile of hay inside a stall and slammed the door behind them.
The rage in his expression had Sterling’s entire body igniting.
He was about to get fucked in the hard way only Buck could do.
It was fine. Sterling would take Buck’s hatred over anyone else’s love any day. At least this was real.