Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
Cat
K indra stopped me before I could explain anything. She couldn’t even meet my eyes as she looked between me and Bennett and formed her own conclusions. After only a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, she stood, walked out of the cubicle, and left the ballroom.
The lights came on shortly after, and the music never returned. That brings us up to now, as Bennett and I sit on the couch in the small cubicle, staring at our hands.
He moves beside me, then drapes his suit jacket over my shoulders. I pull it snug and settle back with a sigh.
“This couldn’t have gone any worse,” I mutter.
Bennett takes my hand. “Why didn’t you let me take the heat? I wanted to protect you.”
I grit my teeth to fight back the tears, but I quickly give up and let them come. “I’m sick of being protected all the time. I’m tired of everyone believing I need the protection. Maybe, for once in my life, I wanted to be the one to protect someone else.”
“Kitten—”
“No, don’t call me that.” I push him away. “I don’t want to be a kitten anymore. I want to be strong. Fearless. A tiger or a fucking bobcat or even a regular house cat, but not a kitten. I want to be proud of who I’m fucking instead of terrified to tell everyone! I want to be proud . . . of me.”
Someone knocks on the cubicle, followed by Ezra saying, “Is now a bad time?”
“No, having your woman barge in and fuck up a wet dream was a bad time,” Bennett mumbles.
“Come in,” I say.
Ezra eases the door open, keeping his eyes on the shining floor as he speaks. “Kindra would like you to come to our room so that you two can talk.”
I swipe the tears from under my eyes and nod, though he can’t see me. “I’m on my way.”
Ezra steps away, then leans through the doorway again. “Bennett, when Cat goes to speak to Kindra, I think it’s best if you stay with me.”
“No shit.” Bennett rolls his eyes. “I’m not sure what we’d do without your guidance.”
“Just trying to help.”
The door closes.
“Yeah? Where was the help when she was charging toward the door like the fucking feds, Ezra?” Bennett shouts, but his brother doesn’t respond.
“This isn’t his fault.” I stand and try to find some way to hold my dress together. The straps are no longer connected, and the material is in three pieces at this point. “It’s not your fault, either. I’m the one who was too scared to own this.”
Bennett stands and removes his belt. As he fastens the thick leather strap around my chest to hold up what’s left of my dress, he looks into my eyes. “You aren’t a kitten anymore, remember? Isn’t that what you said?”
He pulls it tight, then smacks my ass.
“So go on, tiger.” He pauses. “No, that sounds really gross. Like what I’d say to a kid or something. Maybe, go get ‘em, you little lynx.”
I scrunch up my nose.
“Okay, we’ll figure it out, but I need to be serious for a second.” He takes a deep breath, then kisses my cheek. “I don’t really know what it’s like to have a best friend, but I imagine it doesn’t come along often. You know, having someone who cheers you on and just wants the best for you.”
“What the fuck am I?” Ezra says from the other side of the door.
Bennett rolls his eyes and presses on. “If it comes down to it, if you have to choose between me or her . . . pick her. I’ll probably find some way to fuck this up anyway.”
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him. “Bennett Carter, if she’s any friend of mine, she won’t make me choose.”
“Then go tell her the truth.” He places his forehead to mine. “I’ll be waiting for you in my room when you’re done.”
“Can I bring Shorty for a spend-the-night party?”
“I’ll be waiting for you in your room when you’re done.” He places a kiss on my nose and slips out of the booth.
I’ve been standing outside Kindra’s door for a solid seven minutes, and I still can’t bring myself to knock. After putting everyone through hell, it all came down to this moment that I’ve been desperately trying to avoid. There’s nowhere left to hide, though, and it’s time to do the scary thing.
My pulse beats in my cheeks as I raise my hand and knock.
“Come in,” Kindra calls from inside, and I open the door.
She’s seated on her bed, a brown brush in her hand as she combs through her curls. As I enter, she pulls her long, dark hair into a ponytail, then pats the mattress beside her. The gesture is familiar enough, but I’m not accustomed to seeing her eyes so puffy. Kindra isn’t usually a crier.
“Ezra said you wanted to see me,” I say. “I guess you have some questions.”
Kindra pulls her legs up so that she’s sitting tailor fashion, but she doesn’t respond. She just looks at her nails and picks at the skin around her thumb.
I sit beside her and try to think of where to begin. But how can I do that when I don’t even know where this started?
Kindra clears her throat. “The night . . . at the cabin . . .”
“It just happened.”
“Did he force you?” Kindra finally looks at me, and her eyes are filled with tears. “If he did, I’ll never . . . I’ll kill him, Cat.”
“Oh god, no!” I pull her against me, and she weeps on my shoulder. “Kindra, I know it’s hard to believe, but everything that’s happened between us has been completely consensual.”
She sits back and plucks a wad of tissue from the rumpled covers. After blowing her nose, she shakes her head. “It’s not that hard to believe. Any woman with functional eyes can see he’s attractive, but why did you feel you couldn’t talk to me about this?” She blows her nose again. “You’re my best friend, but I don’t feel like I’m yours anymore.”
“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d be disappointed in me. I’ve admired you for so long, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you thinking less of me.”
“Did you ever stop to think that I admire you too?”
My mouth opens and closes, but I don’t know how to respond to that. I can only come up with questions. “Why would you admire me? The girl who can’t do anything well. The girl who was bullied in school. The girl?—”
“The girl who makes everyone smile, even when they don’t want to. The girl who befriended the unwilling serial killer. The girl who is so beautiful and intelligent and too humble to see it for herself.” Kindra shakes her head. “Cat, you are everything I’m not. There are parts of you that I admire to the point of jealousy. Who you choose to fuck has no bearing on any of that. I still admire you. I’m still your best friend.”
“So you aren’t upset that I’m sleeping with Bennett?”
She sighs and flops back on the bed. “I’m more upset that you didn’t feel you could tell me.”
“No offense, but you’re kind of a judgmental bitch.”
“Fair.”
“But I wouldn’t want you any other way, either.” I lie on my side beside her. “Will we be okay?”
Kindra nods. “I still need some time to wrap my head around this, and Bennett is in for a fucking lecture, but yes, we’ll be okay.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “If he hurts you, though . . .”
“The funny thing is, I don’t think he will. The Bennett we know is the real Bennett, but there’s another side to him. He can be kind, caring. Hell, he’s even been vulnerable.”
“Does he make you happy?”
I roll onto my back and look up at the ceiling. “Yeah, he does.”
“Does this mean we have to stop picking on him?”
I bite my bottom lip and laugh. “Absolutely not.”
Kindra laughs too, and the tension melts away.
“You know what this means, don’t you?” Kindra says as she rolls to her side. “One day, we’ll be sisters.”
“Hang on. We’re getting a little ahead of ourselves. I mean, we’ve only been fucking for a few days.”
“That’s a few days more than Bennett fucks anyone, so I’d say it’s a done deal.”
We both giggle at that.
“Thank you for being so understanding,” I say.
“I’m not sure I completely understand, but I’m beginning to. Your insecurities run a lot deeper than I realized, yet you seem so confident on the surface. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel safe enough to talk to me.” She winces. “All those jokes about Bennett probably didn’t help.”
Her words hurt my heart. All this time, I’ve been so concerned about what she’d think and never stopped to worry about what she’d feel.
“This wasn’t a shortcoming on your part, Kindra. You’re right. I have a lot of insecurities and anxieties that I keep buried, and that played a big part in the fear. Believe it or not, Bennett gives me confidence. He makes me feel stronger when he’s behind me. I think that’s why I was finally able to get a kill.”
“Wait.” Kindra sits up. “The night you got your first kill . . . Does Bennett know you fucked Maverick?”
I drape my arm over my eyes as a low groan rumbles out of my chest. “I have so much to catch you up on.”
Kindra’s bedroom door flies open, and we both jump. I hurry to tug Bennett's jacket over my chest as I sit up. Ezra steps into the room. His hair is a mess, and sweat covers his forehead. He’s also out of breath.
“What’s going on?” Kindra asks. “Is everyone okay?”
He nods and holds up a finger. “One . . . sec.”
“Where’s Bennett? Is he hurt?” I jump from the bed and race toward the door, but Ezra stops me.
Gripping my shoulders, he looks into my face and says, “He’s gone.”
Before he can say anything else, I push past him into the hallway and run for Bennett’s room.