21. Closure
21
CLOSURE
Diana
Hugger got his first brunch a day early.
This was because we all went to Prep and Pastry after Mom stormed off and I calmed Gram down.
One could say, after two decades of Gram thinking Dad was a prick, and now you could tell she felt awful about it, on top of being staggered by all she’d learned that morning, brunch was not all smiles and laughter, mostly because Gram looked and acted like she’d been hit by a truck.
Though , Dad was super cool with her, Big Petey was good at keeping conversation flowing, no matter how stilted it was in some arenas, and in the end, I got the impression Gram was pleased to have the opportunity to start to make amends for something that wasn’t her fault.
Hugger , by the way, was mostly quiet throughout all of this.
Then again, I’d learned the night before that Hugger was just a quiet kind of guy.
Oh , he talked to me and gave it openly and honestly.
But in social situations, he was an observer.
He didn’t seem uncomfortable in this, it was just who he was, and since Hugger was always just who he was, that was it.
Like everything with Hugger , I found it incredibly attractive.
After brunch, it killed me we had three men in our midst, what with Nordstrom’s shoe department only a two-minute walk away from Prep and Pastry .
However , Gram looked like she’d aged five years since she showed at my door that morning, and no matter she was rocking the style of a French tuck, she wasn’t young anymore and that scene with Mom had been crazy. I knew she wasn’t in the mood to try on shoes (or play with makeup at the makeup counters).
Thus , Hugger and I walked her to her car. I promised to have her over to dinner sometime soon, gave her a kiss, she gave Hugger a distracted smile and a mumbled, “ So lovely to meet you, son, wish it was different circumstances,” got in and started up her car.
“ On your cell in half an hour to check up on her,” Hugger ordered as we watched her drive away.
Also incredibly attractive.
I forsook Nordstrom (devastating!) and we went back to my pad so I could give Dad an official tour. This included not only taking him through every nook and cranny of my place, but also taking him around the complex, showing him the pool, the exercise room, and the clubroom.
Hugger and Big Petey gave us time to do it alone, but I suspected they did that because Dutch , Jagger or Roscoe were keeping an eye on the complex.
“ This is incredibly impressive,” Dad said when we were walking back to my pad.
What he meant was, this was pretty high-end for a twenty-nine-year-old.
“ I placed a massive bet on black thirteen at Talking Stick , and the ball landed on thirteen black.”
Dad stopped dead and stared down at me.
Several expressions battled to take over his face. Surprise (because that was a surprising thing for me to do). Reproach (because that was totally something Dad would strongly advise me not to do). Confusion (because even with those winnings, this was a high-end place, and I hadn’t mentioned Gramps’s contribution).
And then he burst out laughing.
God , it was awesome to see Dad laugh.
And it came to the fore what I’d known all my life.
He was really handsome.
Totes , my dad still had it.
“ I’d won most of that on an amazing roll of video poker, so I was feeling sassy, took it to the roulette table and let it ride,” I shared. “ I cashed out right away and I’ve never been to another casino again.”
He put his arm around me and guided me through the courtyard toward my elevator bay. “ Although I would never advise my daughter, who was working to build her life, or anyone, to lay down big money on a single-digit roulette bet, you certainly invested it well.”
Dang , I felt like preening.
I didn’t think I’d ever preened in my life, but I felt like doing it then.
I fobbed us into the bay, and as we were waiting for the elevator, Dad said, “ You handled yourself well with your mom, Buttercup .”
I scrunched my nose.
“ She’ll take you back in an instant, you decide to change your mind on your decision to go no contact,” he assured.
The elevator doors opened, we walked in, I fobbed my floor and turned to my father.
“ We both know she’ll put me through the wringer, twist it until I’m apologizing to her, and things will go back to the way they were, which isn’t healthy.”
Dad decided not to say anything.
“ It’s going to suck and I’m going to miss her, but, Dad , I told her I’d been assaulted. Gram nearly passed out, but Mom had zero reaction except about what was happening to her.”
“ Indeed ,” he muttered miserably.
Sadly , I couldn’t do anything about his misery; I was too busy dealing with my own. And in the end, we were both going to have to learn to live with it.
We got off the elevator and he took my hand.
I stopped and looked up at him.
“ You and I need to talk about that,” he said carefully.
“ No we don’t,” I disagreed. “ You didn’t handle it well at the time. I made that abundantly clear and held my grudge too long. Honestly , do you think you haven’t made up for it?”
“ I hope so.”
“ So can we just move on?” I requested.
His fingers tightened around mine. “ I’d love that.”
“ And it isn’t about the money in the trust, though we should talk about that too.”
This time, his hand squeezed mine. “ Diana , you shouldn’t refuse it.”
“ I’m proud of what I did.”
“ I’m proud of what you did too, sweetheart. But you could drain that trust and remortgage your condominium, and significantly reduce your payments.”
Hmm .
“ Or you could let it sit and have a very nice down payment when you decide to move up the property ladder,” Dad went on.
Hmm again.
“ Or you could deduct the interest every quarter and do something nice for yourself,” he continued. He squeezed my hand again. “ I worked too hard and too many hours when you were growing up. I see that now. But what I want you to see is this is precisely why I did. Your mom told me you managed to get through two degrees without a single loan. But you worked impossibly hard to do it. Now please, allow me to do what I worked so hard to do. When it was time for my daughter to get serious about building her life, give her some financial peace of mind.”
Man , having Dad back so freaking rocked .
“ Okay , I’ll accept the trust,” I gave in.
His smile was so blinding, I didn’t know why I considered turning it down.
“ I don’t want you to sell our house,” I blurted.
Dad blinked.
“ I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “ That was selfish.”
“ It’s only me there,” he said gently. “ It’s a lot for just me to ramble around in that house.”
“ You could find an appropriate woman,” I suggested and wished I’d skipped the “appropriate” when he flinched. “ Sorry again. I shouldn’t butt into your love life.”
He hooked my hand around his elbow and started us walking down the hall.
“ I’ve been thinking quite a bit since you came back into my life,” he said as we went. “ And I’ve noticed something else. I sabotaged myself in relationships, I did the same to the women I was with, so I wouldn’t get hurt again.”
“ Oh , Dad ,” I whispered.
“ I regret the hearts I played with,” he muttered.
“ When your own is wounded, you probably kinda can’t see past that,” I said.
“ Don’t make excuses for me, Di ,” he replied.
I pressed my lips together and nodded.
“ I’ll think about keeping the house,” he said.
“ You don’t have to. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“ Maybe I’ll keep it for a while, so you can have some time in it,” he suggested. “ We can have some time in it, be a family there again.”
I smiled. “ That’d be great.”
He covered my hand at his elbow and gave it a pat, then he let me go so I could let us into my place.
We did some chitchatting before Pete and Dad left.
It was then, Hugger ordered, “ Text your girls.”
I nearly lost it laughing, because my man was making it clear he was going to be all over me seeing to Gram ( I’d texted her, she’d lied and said she was fine, but at least she knew she was on my mind) and not getting so lost in the drama that had become my life, I lost one of my lifelines (my girls).
And thus commenced me getting into a half hour marathon text exchange with Mel , Bernie and Charlie .
They were all very sad for me that I’d had to make the decision I did, but they were all in agreement that I’d made it.
I did this futzing around and cleaning, including grabbing some of Hugger’s and my clothes to take to the laundry room and loading the washer.
But I was flat on my back on the couch when the text marathon was petering out, so I was prime real estate for Hugger to stretch out on top of me.
( By the way, in the midst of my texting, he helped me strip the bed and change the sheets, and he’d taken the vacuum out to both balconies to suck up the Phoenician dust on the decks, rugs and furniture—and I didn’t even ask!)
I tossed my phone on the coffee table, gladly accepting his weight, and curved my arms around him.
“ Got something to say,” he announced.
“ And I have ears, so have it,” I invited.
He smiled, but it died when he went on carefully, “ Don’t like anyone doing my laundry, babe.”
Oh .
“ I did laundry for me and Ma ,” he explained. “ We didn’t have much, so what we had, we took care of it. Got in the habit of bein’ particular about how it’s done. You see how I do it, you’re good with me doin’ it for us both, then I’ll do yours. If not, we can each do our own.”
Well then.
This suddenly became a very Planning Our Lives Together Conversation .
And I was totally there for it.
“ If you keep taking all the chores, I’ll gain fifty pounds eating bonbons and doing my nails while watching Real Housewives ,” I warned.
His brows shot up. “ You watch that shit?”
“ Absolutely not.”
His brows went down and he kissed me.
When he lifted his head, I said, “ Okay , I’m too dressed up to do a deep clean. I can do that sometime tomorrow. So what do you want to do for the rest of our fun Saturday ?”
Before he could say anything, I listed his options.
“ You mentioned Japanese gardens, we have a great botanical garden in Phoenix which is fun to walk through and has a fabulous gift shop. We also have an actual Japanese Friendship Garden , though ‘actual’ is that it’s in that style. Obviously , it’s not in Japan .”
His beard twitched.
I kept going.
“ Or we could walk Papago Park , which is incredibly beautiful. Or the movie theater is literally a block away, and they have fantastic recliner seats, if you want to go see a movie. There’s also Talking Stick Casino . I’ve tried my luck as far as I’m going to with that, but you said you’ve been to Vegas . If you dig gambling, we can go, and I can watch you have fun. Then there’s the Biltmore Mall . It’s shopping, but it’s an outdoor mall, it’s pretty and they have great restaurants there. We could have a late lunch at Blanco or Zinburger , then get a gelato at Frost .”
“ Babe —”
“ The Farmer’s Market downtown is lush, but I think it’s closed by now,” I blathered on. “ And I can check the AZ Republic’s event site to see if there’s a festival happening or something. We’re getting close to Oktoberfest , and the state fair is on.”
I stopped when I felt my body rocking because he was silently laughing.
“ What ?” I asked.
“ Trying to sell me on Phoenix ?”
Oh shit.
I totally was.
I gave him big eyes and belatedly kept my mouth shut.
I got another kiss and he again lifted his head.
“ Too hot for my blood to walk outside. I’d do a movie but would prefer to watch that Monty Python flick with you here,” he said, but added, “ Though , if there’s any of that shit you want to do, I’ll do it.”
“ How about we watch a movie here, then go out and get something to eat later,” I proposed.
“ Works for me. You want popcorn?”
He asked his question as my phone vibrated on the coffee table.
He reached a long arm to it, and we both saw Nic Calling on the screen.
He handed it to me, went in to kiss my neck, muttered, “ I’ll get on the popcorn,” and then he got off me.
I sat up and took the call.
“ Hey , Nic .”
“ Oh , hon,” she said with feeling. “ Your dad phoned me.”
Wow .
He did?
“ Really ?” I asked.
“ He wanted me to know what happened between you and your mom.”
Holy crap.
“ How did Larry take Dad calling?” I asked carefully.
Larry wasn’t the jealous possessive type, and still, Larry was kind of the jealous possessive type.
I mean, it didn’t work between Dad and Nicole , but she’d been really in love with him. No doubt Larry knew that, and any man who knew that wouldn’t be real hip on her ex calling out of the blue.
“ At first, he wasn’t a fan, but as he heard what we were talking about, he got over it,” Nic said.
“ Well , that’s good.”
“ Do you need me to come over?” she offered.
She was so awesome.
“ No , Nic . Thanks . Um …” I glanced to the kitchen to see Hugger plugging in my popcorn popper. “ I kinda hooked up in a serious way with one of the bikers.”
Hugger’s head turned my way and he grinned.
I grinned back.
“ Please tell me it was the big, bearded, teddy bear one,” she replied.
It was indeed, though I’d never in a million years refer to Hugger as a teddy bear.
Sure , if you didn’t know him, maybe.
But I’d seen him naked.
And I’d also seen the look on his face when Mom showed early on a Saturday morning.
He was more like a grizzly bear. He looked cute and you wanted to pet him, but if you messed with him, someone he cared about or who was under his protection, he’d maul you to a bloody pulp.
“ Yes , Harlan . Hugger . It’s …”
Should I go out to the balcony?
No , it was all out there between Hugger and me.
“ It’s something, Nic .”
“ I love that for you, honey.”
That was Nicole , supportive all the way.
“ Anyway , he was there, and he knows all that’s going down. I’m fine. Not fine fine, but I’ll live. In the end, I think it’ll be better. There isn’t a lie festering between us anymore. And I have Dad back.”
“ Gotta say, I’m really glad you worked it out with your father.”
“ Me too. So it’s all good, and Hugger and me are about to watch a movie.”
“ Oh . Okay then. I’ll let you go.”
There was something in her voice I couldn’t place.
“ Are you okay?” I asked.
There was a long hesitation.
I waited silently.
“ I knew all about this, Di , and I didn’t tell you,” she eventually admitted.
My sweet Nicole .
“ Dad made you promise,” I guessed.
“ Yeah ,” she confirmed.
“ It wasn’t yours to tell, Nic ,” I assured her.
“ No ,” she replied.
“ Please don’t feel badly about it,” I begged. “ It really wasn’t yours to tell. I mean, what were you supposed to do?”
“ I guess…what I did.”
“ Yes . What you did.”
“ You should know how far your dad is going with all of this,” she began.
Oh boy.
I’d taken a lot that day, so I braced, because I sensed I was about to get more.
“ He apologized to me,” she shared. “ He told me he was very much in love with me, but so broken by what Maggie did, he didn’t trust it.”
I dropped my head in my hand, ravaged for the both of them, and moaned, “ Oh , Nic .”
“ I know,” she whispered. “ It was devastating hearing it. How heartbroken he was.”
Gah !
“ Yeah ,” I forced out.
“ It also felt nice, knowing what I felt was real, when I thought I’d read it so wrong.”
I felt Hugger’s big hand wrap around the back of my neck.
I lifted my head out of my hand, looked at him, and mouthed I’m all right .
He studied me a second, then nodded once and returned to the kitchen.
To Nic , I said, “ I hope that helps.”
“ I found Larry after Nolan and I were over. I did more than okay. Which makes me even happier you and Nolan worked things out so he isn’t so…alone.”
Ugh .
“ We’re definitely working things out,” I promised. “ Did you tell Larry about that last?”
“ I don’t keep anything from him, Di , so I did. He knows I worship the ground he walks on, which I see sometimes is a mistake I let that out.”
I laughed.
“ So he knows Nolan is no threat,” she continued. “ It was a long time ago. In the end, I think Larry was happy there was some closure, and it was the good kind. And considering how we all share you, maybe, if we can get to that place, we can all be a loose sort of family for you.”
Oh my God !
Would the people I loved stop testing the boundaries of my tear ducts?
Argh !
“ Well , yay Dad for being big enough to reach out to you,” I said instead of bursting into tears.
“ It’s a lot for all of us, especially you, but we’re getting through it,” she said. “ And Nolan also updated me about Suzette , who was really Madison . I’m pleased she’s somewhere safe and with her parents.”
“ Me too.”
“ Have you heard from her?”
“ I know she got where she was supposed to go, but other than that, until the threat has passed, I won’t.”
“ Right .”
“ I’ll let you know if she gets in touch, though,” I said.
“ Good . Such a little thing to have to be so strong. I hope she comes to understand her strength.”
I hoped she did too.
We ended the call and rang off around the time Hugger returned with a massive bowl of popcorn.
“ Good ?” he asked when he settled beside me.
“ Dad told her about the showdown this morning. He also told her he loved her and fucked it up.”
Hugger’s brows shot up again.
“ I know,” I said. “ But she’s okay with it, and I think it was something Dad needed to do in order that all of that could be laid to rest.”
“ I like him. He loves you. He’s honest. He’s a standup guy. Your mom had serious issues with you having bikers in your life and let fly about that, no qualms. Your dad didn’t even blink.”
“ I have to admit, I found that surprising. But it was a good surprise.”
“ Yeah . So , since I know the man he is now, you wanna tell me what he did to you back then?”
It wasn’t a good time, but it’d never be a good time.
And I didn’t want Hugger to change his mind about Dad .
But he was ready to hear it, so I told him the whole story.
“ As fucked up as that is, baby, he’s not the only one who thinks like that,” he said quietly after I finished my sorry tale. “ Especially people of his generation. Even women think that stupid shit.”
“ I know. I was too hard on him,” I muttered.
“ Diana , get me, I didn’t say that,” he stated in a flinty voice. “ I see, with extremely faulty logic, he thought he was doing right by you. But it’s not only that he wasn’t. Sounds to me he got a problem laid in his lap, and in the course of his busy life, he just moved to fix it without thinking about it or the fact that it happened to his girl and taking a second to talk to you about what you wanted done about it. That was seriously bad. Then , he let ten years go by before he found you and told you he fucked up royally. In the end, he didn’t even find you, you found him. That’s not okay. He’s twisting himself into knots to make it right now, but although I’m pleased as fuck he’s putting that effort in, it doesn’t change the fact that he screwed the fuckin’ pooch with you…and huge.”
Oh man.
I loved it that he thought that way.
“ He’s like a different guy, Hug ,” I told him, watching his eyes warm when I shortened his name like his brothers did, so I made a note he didn’t mind it coming from me, and a further note to do it often. “ He openly says he’s proud of me. He’s open…about everything. We even talked about the shitty choices he was making with his relationships.”
“ Babe , if I lost you for a decade because I acted like a twat, I got a shot at getting you back, I’d think real hard on everything and get my shit straight too.”
Oh my God !
“ Can we bang before we watch the movie?” I asked.
He did a sexy half smile, but replied, “ The butter on the corn will get congealed.”
“ Do you care?”
“ Not even a little bit.”
Hugger put the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.
I attacked him.
We had sex on my couch for the second time.
It lasted longer than the first, but it was a tossup of which was better.
The popcorn wasn’t gross when we returned to it, but it wasn’t as good as fresh.
Though , the sushi we got later at Sushiholic was a whole lot better.
So , in the end, even with a hella rocky start, it was a fun Saturday with my man.