Chapter 19
19
Ash
A sh wasn’t clueless. He’d noticed Charlie’s demeanor changing just a little bit every single day. She’d grown more antsy. Her phone calls became more frequent. She avoided talking about her brothers, too, unless pressed for information. Mason still had an attitude, and Carter was her only advocate in the house.
He hated seeing her so distraught. While she was clearly trying to hide it, she was failing. Her eyes had lost their luster, and he hated that he’d been the one to contribute to it. More than contribute—he was the only source.
While that knowledge weighed on him and put him in a difficult position, he’d been avoiding pointing it out. His reasons were twofold. He didn’t want to draw more attention to it because she’d either confirm his suspicions or she’d be offended. If he knew anything, it was that Charlie didn’t like it when she was caught keeping things from him. She was a people pleaser. And they’d both fought so hard for this relationship. Admitting she was unhappy would prove her brothers right.
It was just one of those things that they were going to have to work through. One day at a time. That’s what he continued to tell himself.
As the summer days continued to pass, though, Ash became just as antsy as Charlie. There were moments when he couldn’t help but expect that she would finally break things off. Maybe letting things come out in the open had been a bad idea. Maybe he should have pulled away from Charlie when he’d heard her brothers enter the house.
He’d been prepared to get a beating. He knew they wouldn’t take the news well. And he hadn’t been lying when he’d told her that it was worth it. But Charlie hadn’t been aware of his decision; he’d made it without her input.
It was a secret he’d kept from her, and even as small as it was, it ate at him.
Today was his day off, and he’d opted to spend it at the ranch. He’d hoped that the more time he spent with Charlie’s brothers, the easier it would become for them to accept him as their sister’s boyfriend.
So far, no luck—except for Carter. But he’d been moderately accepting from the beginning.
Daniel still hadn’t spoken a word to him since everything had come out. The giant of a man only quietly judged him. Ash could see it in his eyes—the way he watched him as if expecting that he’d ruin everything and hurt Charlie. It would give Daniel the perfect excuse to rid the world of someone he despised.
Ash sat with Charlie on the porch swing, his hand in hers. Back and forth, they slowly swung in a rare moment of peace. He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You wanted to go riding tonight, right?”
“Isabelle is coming over to go riding with us,” Charlie replied.
He stifled his disappointment. So, it wouldn’t be just a night for the two of them. “Oh?”
She shifted but didn’t turn her face toward him. “Apparently, she has a cousin in town. She’s tired of hanging out with Mateo and Sophia and wants to get out of the house. I hope that’s okay.”
Ash rested his cheek to the top of her head. “As long as I’m spending time with you, that’s all that matters.” He could almost feel her smile against his shoulder. Then again, it could be all in his head.
She wasn’t happy. While anyone else might say that she simply sounded tired, he knew better. Charlie’s thoughts were consumed with other, deeper issues.
It didn’t matter how much he wished he could ignore how her attitude had declined. He knew he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right.
Ash heaved a sigh as he brought his other hand around and traced circles on her hand. “Do you want to tell me anything?”
She didn’t react. No stiffening. No sighing. Nothing. “No,” she said simply.
He frowned as he shifted, tilting her chin upward so he could see her eyes. They were just as clouded over as ever. There was a pain in their depths that made him angry—not at her, but at himself. He’d done this to her. “Charlie…” he murmured. “I can tell something is bothering you.”
If he hadn’t been watching carefully, he wouldn’t have noticed the way the muscles around her mouth tensed. It was the only indication that he was right in his assumptions. Charlie stared right into his face and said, “Nothing is bothering me.”
Lies. But he couldn’t say such a thing. It might start an argument that he wasn’t prepared to have. His brows furrowed. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here to listen—to help you through whatever is weighing on you.”
Charlie shrugged, and her eyes darted away. “I’m good. Just… tired.”
Yeah, right.
He sighed again. “Charlie, I?—”
“I’m fine , Ash,” she said.
This time he couldn’t stop the words from slipping out. “No, you’re not.”
Her gaze whipped to meet his. “Yes, I am.”
He snorted. “You know I love you, so remember that when I tell you that I can see more than you think you’re letting me see. Your body is tense. Your eyes have lost the light I’ve grown to love so much. You’re dealing with something alone, and you don’t have to because I’m here. We’re a team.” He pressed his lips together briefly, and then he tried again. “Is it your brothers? I know they’ve been giving you a hard time. They’re not giving you the cold shoulder, are they?” To have one person do it would have been bad enough, but for the whole family? He would have been willing to burn everything down just to make sure she was being cared for, and that included getting her brothers back on her side. “It’s me they’re mad at.”
She waved a dismissive hand through the air and looked away. “My brothers are jerks sometimes. But eventually they come around. You should have seen the way they treated Carter when they found out what he did. They’re uncomfortable, but that’s on them.” It was the first time he could hear the normal Charlie in her voice.
“Then what is it?”
Her eyes darted to meet his briefly, then she dragged them away and heaved a sigh. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why?”
She groaned. “Because! Isn’t that a good enough reason? I don’t want to mess up what we have.”
His heart lurched. That was the closest she’d ever gotten to telling him that their relationship wasn’t going to work. She might not have said it outright, but she hadn’t needed to. She was struggling, and no one wanted to stick with a relationship where it was more work than it was worth. Ash pulled back from her, facing her fully. His whole body felt tight, and his heart ached as it banged against his ribs. “Talk to me,” he pleaded. “I can’t help you if you won’t say anything.”
Moisture pooled in her eyes and a single tear escaped before she swiped it away. “It’s dumb.”
“Nothing is dumb if you’re bothered by it,” he coaxed.
She let out a laugh that almost sounded like a sob. “Really? Because I’m still having a heck of a time dealing with what you do for a living.”
He knew this topic would come up sooner or later, but he had no idea this was what she was upset about. All he could do was listen to her vent and tell her that he would always be there for her. He swallowed, waiting for her to go on.
“The more time that passes this summer without rain, the more I let it get to me. I keep waiting for you to be called out to a fire. I have nightmares of getting a call from your boss that you’re not coming home. I’m scared to go to sleep.”
He blinked.
“You seem surprised ,” she said derisively. “It really shouldn’t surprise you at all. I’ve never kept my opinions about your job a secret.”
“No… you haven’t.”
She gazed at him with those eyes that were capable of staring right into his soul. “And I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to take feeling this way.” Those words hung in the air with a sort of finality. He could feel himself scrambling. He needed to convince her that it wasn’t as bad as she was making it out to be.
Ash reached for her, cupping her face in his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t make that promise,” she whispered.
“I can tell you that I’ve been doing this for several years and I’ve never gotten anything more than aching muscles. I know what I’m doing. Nothing is going to happen to me.” He ducked closer, his voice firm. “I won’t leave you.”
Her hard expression wavered.
“It’s no different than what some of your brothers do for work. I’m sure their jobs are just as dangerous in certain circumstances.”
“I’ve never liked what they do, either,” she admitted.
He chuckled despite himself. “Well, then I guess this must be your lot in life.”
She scowled at him, and he laughed again before pressing a kiss to her lips, drawing a small smile out from behind it.
Ash touched his forehead to hers, waiting for her to look up at him through her lashes. Then he murmured, “I know I can’t tell you that you shouldn’t worry. But I can tell you that there are many safeguards in my job. We have procedures put in place to make sure that we come home every night.”
“Really?” she whispered.
He nodded. “Really.”
Charlie’s reservations about his job were crumbling in real time. Ash needed to take advantage of it.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but this job is everything to me. It’s more than the adrenaline?—”
“Adrenaline is like a drug, you know that, right?” she said.
He chuckled in an attempt to brush off that comment. “Like I said, it’s more than that. When I get called to a fire, it’s up to me to help save lives. I’m the one who stands between people and loss.” It was hard to put into words how it was when he was in the thick of it. There was nothing that compared to it.
Thankfully, Charlie seemed to accept what he’d been trying to say at face value. She nodded. While she didn’t look completely at ease, she did appear to be slightly more relaxed. “I’m not going to say that I’m happy. But I can live with it. You’re right. There’s no evidence that you’re going to be hurt. And even though it terrifies me, I can admit that.”
Ash couldn’t help the sigh of relief that burst from his chest. He studied her, noting she wasn’t done yet. There was still something on her mind.
“I can’t say it’s not going to be hard, though.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I won’t make you choose.”
In that moment, Ash felt all his own concerns fall away. She wasn’t telling him they needed to take a break. She didn’t feel that his job was worth a fight. And that meant more to him than she’d ever know.
Ash took her hands in his and brought them to his lips. “Do you know how much I love you?”
A smile flitted across her face. “How much?”
“More than words.”
She snickered. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Or maybe I’m just in love with the girl of my dreams.”