Some Cowboys Brave the Flames (Keagans of Copper Creek #10)

Chapter 25

25

Ash

A sh couldn’t sleep. Not at his apartment, not anywhere. Sleep eluded him, so he spent most of his time at the firehouse. At least there, he could be distracted by the fact that he’d been dumped. He’d thought girls loved a man in uniform. Back in the day, his job would have easily been the only thing needed to help him pick up a girl at a bar—not that he’d ever done it. But he’d seen his buddies do it plenty of times.

Cooper was still a little antsy, too. Both of them had lost someone. Marcus’s picture was now displayed in a place of honor in the main lounge area. Seeing it every day only added to the pain they were both enduring.

Ash sat at the table in the kitchen. A few months ago, Charlie had sat here and he’d fixed her a meal. They’d talked of their future. It was yet another reminder of what had happened to him, and at this point in time, he wasn’t so sure his apartment was a bad place to be.

“I’m not paying you today,” the chief said as he moved past him. “You don’t have a shift.”

“Is it against the law for me to hang out?”

Something akin to pity flickered across the chief’s face, and he shook his head before moving down the hallway to where his office was located. There were four guys on call today. One sat on a cot near the wall where a window overlooked the back parking lot. Two were in the kitchen fixing something to eat. And Cooper sat at the table across from him.

“Still thinking about her, huh?”

Ash stiffened. Cooper was the only one he’d told. Everyone he worked with knew about his relationship, but Cooper knew that it had officially imploded after Ash had been deemed a hero by the city.

“She’ll come around,” Cooper insisted. “They usually do. Take my wife, for instance. She might not have cared about my job when we were dating.”

At Ash’s incredulous expression, Cooper chuckled.

“Oh, she liked my job for the clout. She bragged all the time about dating the guy from the fireman’s calendar we put out every year. But the second she got pregnant? That was a different story.”

Ash listened with interest. If Cooper’s wife had dealt with and come down from her issues regarding her husband’s job, then maybe there would be a clue as to how Ash could convince Charlie to do the same. Then again, a pregnant wife wouldn’t go so far as to tell her husband to quit. If they were expecting, then she’d want the security of a stable job. And just like that, Ash’s hopes fizzled.

“Anyway, she was terrified that I’d leave her a single mother.”

“But she didn’t make you quit.”

Cooper shook his head. “No, but she didn’t like it either. It put a huge strain on our relationship for a while. Honestly, there was nothing I could do except be there for her.”

The difference between Cooper’s story and Ash’s was blatantly obvious. Charlie hadn’t locked in her relationship with Ash yet. She didn’t have to stick it out because they had children or they’d committed to one another before God.

Ash didn’t have anything he could say to her to get her to see his side of things. And she didn’t have to change her perspective.

“I see that look, and I’m telling you that she’ll come around.”

Ash huffed. He wanted to argue with Cooper—to remind him that their situations were very different. He wanted to lash out. But he couldn’t. Cooper didn’t mean anything by his words. He wasn’t trying to brag about his own situation. His words simply weren’t helping like he thought they might.

“Can I ask you something?” Ash said.

“Shoot.”

“If your wife had asked you… to leave your job. If she couldn’t sleep and thought she was losing her mind over worrying about your safety…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question. Cooper would know what he was getting at.

He proved Ash right when he nodded. “Would I have quit?”

Ash raised his eyebrows, making it clear that was exactly what he was asking.

“Without question,” Cooper said, no hesitation.

Ash didn’t speak. Hearing that his friend would have given it all up for his family hit him harder than he cared to admit. Maybe Ash really was the selfish one all this time. Now, all he could do was nod. He didn’t want to think about what he’d lost—how he’d clung to something he’d thought was important.

He was a firefighter, a smoke jumper, a hero . If he didn’t have this job, then who was he? That was the biggest and worst question that seemed to linger in his mind.

Who was Michael Ashton?

Over the next couple of days, that question plagued him. He thought he’d been secure in knowing who he was. He’d been able to stand for convictions that had been deeply ingrained in his soul. He’d never questioned what he wanted out of life.

Falling for Charlie changed a lot of that.

She meant so much to him. Even now, he could see a future with her—raising a family with her. He still wanted that for himself. And it made him wonder if he was being too stubborn.

Ash loved his job. He loved being able to help others. He loved the thrill of it.

But he loved Charlie too.

These two competing feelings were ripping him apart from the inside out, even though they should have been able to work together in tandem.

Ash found himself working out more—if only to expend the energy that seemed to plague him lately. Charlie refused his calls. She wouldn’t see him, and her brothers had become glorified gatekeepers. How was Ash supposed to convince her that they belonged together when he couldn’t even see her face-to-face?

He ran laps around the park, and every time he passed that bench where he’d rescued her from the tennis player, his muscles seized up. A cramp formed in his side, and he slowed his pace to catch his breath. With a hand on his side, he walked a few paces before he glanced at the bench again. Everywhere he looked, he saw her. Every memory of her continued to weigh him down.

Ash was miserable. There was no denying it. Since she’d broken things off with him, he couldn’t get his head on straight. His conversations with the guys at work—all their reassurances—didn’t help either.

He tossed his head back and closed his eyes, taking in several breaths. Maybe it was time to stop fighting it. Perhaps he should just accept that he couldn’t have everything. What was more important? The love he had for Charlie or his job?

Ash didn’t have to ask himself that question twice. If phrased that way, he already knew the answer. Charlie was more important. The only issue was that he couldn’t seem to accept that someone who loved him would ask such a thing from him.

“Ash? What are you doing here?”

He stilled and turned to see Daniel a few feet away. Ash was rooted to the spot. They hadn’t spoken to each other since that day when Daniel had tried to keep him from going into the Keagan residence. A part of him wanted to clock his friend—to blame him for the distance that had formed between himself and Charlie.

But that wasn’t logical.

The other part of him wanted to plead with Daniel to convince Charlie she wasn’t being realistic. So many thoughts whirred in his head, knocking against each other and adding to his desperation.

Realizing he was staring, he swung his arms around and stretched his shoulder muscles. “I should ask you the same thing. I wasn’t aware you came to this park.”

Daniel glanced away, then shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t.”

Ash would have laughed or poked fun at Daniel for that response, but the amusement wasn’t there. Clearly the man had tracked him down. But for what purpose? Did Charlie want to see him? He didn’t dare hope. He flashed Daniel a wry smile. “You want to tell me why you’re here, then?”

Daniel shrugged again.

Frustration mounted. “Look, I’m not really in the mood to play a game with you. Is this about Charlie?”

The way his friend flinched made it clear that was the reason he’d come.

“Is she okay?” Ash took a step toward his friend, his voice tight. “Is she?—”

Daniel frowned, shifting. “I mean… she’s fine . But… she’s…”

“She’s what?” Ash demanded. “What’s wrong?” Every nerve in his body demanded he sprint toward his truck and drive over there right now. He wasn’t going to let anyone stand in his way of helping her—not even Charlie herself. He took a step in that direction, but Daniel’s words stopped him.

“I know we gave you a hard time—about dating her.” Daniel shoved his hands into his pockets. “But even I can admit that I saw how happy you made her.”

Made.

Past tense.

Ash’s heart stumbled. Was this Daniel’s last-ditch effort to ensure that Ash didn’t make any further attempts to see her? He could admit that he’d begun contemplating trying to have one more conversation about his job. It appeared that Daniel wanted to put a stop to that before it happened. Jaw tightening, he waited for Daniel to continue.

“She’s pretty miserable, Ash,” Daniel said. “I thought she’d get over it, but…” He shrugged again. “I don’t think it’s going to be so easy.”

“And you’re here to what? Tell me to leave her alone so she can finally figure out what she wants? So she can move on?” The questions left a bitter taste in his mouth. He hadn’t expected this conversation to feel so raw—how it grated against every nerve in his body. If this wasn’t proof he hadn’t completely given up, he didn’t know what was.

Daniel shook his head. “She’d kill me if she knew I tracked you down. She didn’t want any of us to interfere.” He released a dark chuckle. “But most of them don’t live at the house anymore. They don’t have to deal with her moods. Is it selfish to admit that her food doesn’t quite taste as good as it used to?”

Ash huffed. “Probably.”

Daniel sighed. “You know me. I don’t particularly like getting involved with anyone’s business. People are going to live their lives the way they see fit.”

“Then maybe you should leave it where it is.”

His friend sighed. “That’s just it. I don’t like seeing her hurting. She’s my baby sister.”

“She asked me to quit my job. You know that.”

Daniel nodded, scrubbing at his face. “Yeah, I know.”

“Would you quit your job if the girl you loved asked you to?”

His eyes cut to Ash’s, and without looking away, he nodded. “If I loved her? I’d move heaven and earth to make her happy.”

His statement was like a slap in the face. If he loved her. Ash loved Charlie. He didn’t doubt that. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to be the one person she could count on beyond all others.

And he had failed.

“Anyway, I thought you might want to know that she misses you. And maybe there’s a chance that things could change. Maybe enough time has passed that Charlie…”

Ash laughed without humor. “You think your sister would change her mind about this?” He laughed again. “If you think that, then you really don’t know her. She’s a Keagan. And she’s probably the most stubborn out of the lot of you.”

Daniel’s lips twitched. “She was practically raised by ten brothers. She had to figure out how to hold her own. What did you expect?”

Ash bit back his own smile. She was strong. And she cared. Her reasons for asking him to quit his job were selfish only in the sense that she wanted to keep him safe. How could he fault her for that?

“I suppose you have to ask yourself one big question,” Daniel murmured. “What are you willing to give up in order to make her yours again?”

“You’re seriously trying to get me to try showing up at your place again?” Ash shook his head. “I’m pretty sure you all but banned me from every coming to your house again.”

Daniel grimaced. “Right. Well, if you choose to show up again, I’ll make sure that no one stands in your way. Just…” He sighed. “Think about it.”