Chapter Four
It’s been almost forty-eight hours.
Two full days have passed since I last responded to Jensen despite his relentless texting, phone calls, and attempts at FaceTime. He even went as far as sending me a friend request on Facebook, following me on Instagram, X, and TikTok. The man even followed the publishing house’s social media accounts I run since I’m one of the youngest on staff.
I accepted the job after months of interning as I was finishing my master's in creative writing and English. Running our social media is a fun way to stay connected with our target audience and headhunt for future authors. Part of me is horrified at the thought of him watching our borderline insane, yet entertaining BookTok videos. Oh gods, I bet he found our podcast as well. I will give credit where credit is due: he either desperately wants to be forgiven or he’s taken up a new career as a full-fledged stalker. Another text comes through as I’m crawling into bed for the night.
Tomorrow, 0915.
Your stubborn ass better be on that plane, Serenity!
The same uneasy anticipation settles over me, as I’m still unsure of what I’m going to do. Am I willing to chance my heart being broken again? Can I handle being only friends with the man I have always held a torch for—a flame I could never suffocate?
If you’re going to ignore me at least turn off your read notifications.
I decide to take the guessing out of it and not to leave the choice in his hands. Despite the fact he purchased the ticket, I would only go on this spontaneous trip if it’s on my terms, not his.
I already have the week off due to it being the fourth of July. One of the many perks of working for a family-owned business: they understand the importance of having a life outside of work—outside of the books we publish—since it can be easy to live within the pages when we work so tirelessly to bring them to life.
The hard truth about those of us who read or work in the industry: none of us are truly happy or content with our lives. Each manuscript we work on leaves us craving more. We crave what we read, but the only way for us to even feel remotely close to what’s on the pages is to disassociate. Only in dissociation are we able to experience love, pain, happiness, rage, and every other emotion to the same level we reach while reading.
We crave visits to far off lands, to worlds that don’t exist. We want nothing more than to experience the love we doubt we’ll ever experience first-hand. Maybe the truth about us is that we will always crave more from this life, so we simply read instead. Because of that, the publishing house does its best to give its employees a full week off for larger holidays, or at least give us the option of working remotely so we have the chance to spend more time with loved ones. Though the fourth of July might not be as big a holiday as Christmas, it was no exception to the rule.
I think back to Jensen’s messages, maybe this is my chance to experience a little bit of the magic I read about in books. This is my chance to go back to my childhood, when I knew nothing of heartache from the man texting me. Maybe I can feel carefree, play pretend, and simply enjoy life without overthinking for once. It’ll be a chance for me to be with my boys once more, and maybe even get the closure I have so desperately searched for after all these years.
I will only come under a few conditions.
My phone buzzes almost immediately with his response.
Do tell what these conditions may be… My interest is piqued ;)
Friends. We are only friends, nothing more nothing less, no funny business.
I get my old bedroom
You owe me answers. I deserve that at least, especially after all these years.
Your wish is my command. I will be there to pick you up when you land. Goodnight.
Goodnight, Jensen, I’ll see you tomorrow.
I quickly set my alarm, allowing myself adequate time to pack, eat a quick breakfast, and arrive at the airport two hours before departure. I’m not sure if it’s the excitement, dread, or my racing thoughts that keep me awake, but morning arrives too soon after a restless night of tossing and turning.
As the sunlight grows over the horizon, I question if I made the right decision.