Someday Never Came

Chapter Thirteen

Laughter reverberates through the walls into the late hours of the night. Her laughter carries through the house and into my very soul. I can’t believe she actually came. Part of me thought—no, part of me feared—Serena wouldn’t get on the plane. I feared she wouldn’t come and that she would leave me here just as I had left her. She’s only across the hall, just out in the living room with my closest friends, the men I consider my brothers.

Within a matter of hours, she noticed when I zoned out; she noticed when I was stuck in my own head, reliving things that I kept trying to run away from. I lied to her—told her I was fine—the truth is I’m anything but fine. I am barely hanging on by a thread.

I’ve been needing an AA meeting for a while, but I don’t want her to know yet. She doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t need to know every soul crushing wave of guilt that washes over me leaves me itching to find a bottle, go to the bar, or to find anything that will numb the pain. I just got her back in my life, and I couldn’t risk losing her again so soon.

Sleep. Sleep will be the only thing to save me tonight. I can fight this. I will wake up tomorrow and be okay. I just need to rest. I repeat the words as a mantra for the next hour until I drift off to sleep. The next thing I know, my alarm is blaring at six o’clock sharp.

Grayson is out for his morning run, and it’ll likely be a few hours before Serenity or Wyhtt wake up. With it only being within the last two weeks since Grayson’s discharge, the morning PT routines are still engraved into his personality. Which means I have plenty of time for an AA meeting down in the old church basement or at least coffee with my sponsor before anyone even notices I’m gone.