Someday Never Came

Chapter Fifty-Six

February 4, 2023

Dear Jensen,

Romance is everywhere I look. Couples ranging from preteens to elders are all hopelessly in love with their tender smiles, fluttering lashes, and flushed cheeks. It’s funny how an upcoming arbitrary holiday meant to be a celebration can make a person feel so alone. I keep thinking of all the baby announcements that will be shared in the next few months and all the new life coming into this world soon.

And then I think of you.

I think of the words you whispered to me that night…the words you didn’t mean for me to hear. Tipsy or not, in that moment you wanted this life just as much as I still do. Why are you fighting me? Why are you resisting us? I am here, just let me in. Let me go through it with you. Let me stand by your side.

We can never have this life if you don’t allow me in. You don’t have to fight all of this on your own. I am here, I am waiting. We don’t even stand a chance if you won’t try. Want to know the worst part of it all? After everything I still find myself questioning if any of what I feel between us is real.

Did I make it all up in my mind? Let it build up over the years? Were you just looking for a fun time? Was I good for your ego?

Please tell me I am wrong. I’m begging for you to tell me I’m wrong.

Just try and make me understand, Jensen, because this doesn’t feel like love, not the kind that gets celebrated at least. This feels like the kind of love that makes people go insane. The kind that poets, artists, writers, and psych ward patients obsess over between the hours of midnight and three in the morning. The love I have for you might be my death in the end, or the reason I go insane…

Next letter in March.

With all my love,

Your Serenity