Chapter 11
11
Love can make you do and feel crazy things. Before, I’d traipse around the ship, but now I felt as if I floated. Claudia had a lot more free time with the deal pushing through, so I monopolised it, but there were moments she went into hotshot businesswoman mode and I had to fill the spaces with time to myself. I booked us some tickets for Paris. I felt like Paris was the place to be when you were high on love.
I wondered if my public announcement of love would annoy my fans, but if anything, they seemed more eager to hunt me down and have a taste of my love story. “Raven, Raven! Who is Claudia? Can we meet her? Are you going to write new songs about her?”
I was a pro and battered away their questions with a smile and a knowing wink which only made them ask for more.
Urduja found the whole situation immensely entertaining and liked to tell different people different stories to see which gossip would spread faster.
“Oh. She is a Russian billionaire who lives on the ship. Claudia? Yeah, I know her, she is an engineer, and never comes up from the lower decks. Raven’s girl? She hates being on the sea, so she takes private jets to meet Raven at each port. I know it must be real love.”
It meant that within a few days, a very odd picture of some billionaire businesswoman who was also a model with a hidden private jet became the sole focus of the Raven Ramsey fan club.
“Urduja, you have to stop.” I laughed, after Fernanda, the cruise director approached me looking sheepish and talking in riddles about how I was a highly valued member of the team.
“She is an ass. She only said that in case you become the owner of the ship.” My eyes widened, and she stretched out on my bed giggling as she stole my secret chocolate from my top drawer.
“Does she think that’s a possibility?!” I asked in shock.
She shrugged nonchalantly. “No idea. I forgot what I said and to whom, but something has her spooked. I thought you were going to get a dressing down after the whole, ‘I love you Claudiahhh’ on the stage thing. If anything, I have done you a favor.”
I rolled my eyes and tossed a pillow at her. “Oh yeah, a real favor. And stop eating all my chocolate.”
I decided to take a walk. I knew Claudia had a big meeting going on in one of the conference rooms on deck ten, so I made my way up there in the hope I might catch her afterward for a drink and to make some plans for the evening.
I propped up the bar, and I didn't have to wait long to see the exodus from the conference room, except there were way more people than I was expecting, and the air seemed tense. I caught Sue’s eye, and though she gave me her warm sunny smile from across the way, it didn't quite reach her eyes as she hurried off in the other direction.
I knew Claudia had seen me. It was the way she angled herself in every movement to purposefully avoid my gaze. Whoever she was talking to had power over her, and more importantly, held her respect.
They all talked further for a few minutes and then dispersed. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but I felt like I saw her take a deep breath before she turned to walk toward me.
Then I saw the look in her eyes and I knew I hadn't read enough into it at all.
“Would you like a drink?” I started, but my voice faded off as she shook her head.
“No, sorry I can't stay.” Her tone was clipped and brisk. The old frosty Claudia shone through loud and clear.
“Okay, what about later? Would you like to get dinner or—“ I was overcompensating. Extra sunny, extra smiley, reaching for her hand, trying to bring her back to me, but she shrugged me away.
“I can’t do dinner, but you can come by my room. Do you have a show?”
I dropped my hand. “No. No. I don't. What time?”
She glanced at her watch. “Maybe at 8? Then you can get dinner afterward.”
“Oh, okay. Sure.” For the first time since she’d strode over, her gaze found mine. It cut like ice to feel that coolness.
“See you at eight.” And with that, she turned and strolled out, never looking back.
I watched as minutes turned to seconds that had spaces in between. Could a digital watch conspire against me? It seemed to. I got ready, then I changed, then changed again into nearly the same thing in a different shade. I hated my hair. My makeup was smudged. I couldn't get anything right.
The world was upside down, and I was waiting for the bomb to drop. I knew it was coming. Something. I just didn't know what.
I’d lost the bounce in my step. I took a slow meander to her room, and after all that waiting, I was almost late. Not that she would have noticed. She was on the phone when I knocked, beckoning me in as she continued to talk a hundred miles an hour.
“Yes, I get that. No. No. The merger prep is here. Alistair has the other file. It’ll be sent across. Yes, I’ve already confirmed that. Okay. And the NY office? Right. Mmmm. Well, sure, but it won't be until tomorrow when I can get off this damned boat.”
Sting. I felt that one. I started to look around and I noticed her things that had once been neatly situated around her suite were now away, gone. Her closet was open and all of her clothes had been removed. Then I saw the suitcases peeking from the other side of the bed.
“Sorry about that.” She cut through my thoughts to bring me back into the moment with a thump.
“It's okay,” I managed, but I felt the lump in my throat.
“Raven. Things have changed.”
She stayed standing as I sat perched on the edge of her suite lounger. Already the dynamic was off.
“My company has decided that with the takeover, I am needed in the US.”
I sat back and let that process. I mean, it wasn’t ideal. But Claudia and I had been too lazy to talk about the future. I assumed she would stay in London, which meant I’d need to make some changes and see how I could accommodate that to spend as much time with her as possible.
New York was a past life for me, but with Claudia, I could see the possibilities.
“Okay. I mean it isn't ideal, but you know we can figure something out. When do you have to go?”
“I leave in the morning. The thing is, Raven…” She started to pace. “The thing is, that I guess we could figure something out. But right now, I need to be focused. I need to be in the office. I need to be working. I need to get this job done.”
“Well, I understand that, Claudia. I know how important your work is to you. I wouldn't get in the way of that. I think you know that.”
She sat down on the bed with a frustrated sigh.
“Yes, I know. But the problem is, Raven, is that you already do. I know that isn't your intention. I really do, and I take responsibility. But my company is going through a billion-dollar merger. This is all I’ve been working on for years and now you’ve come into my life at the worst time. Everything I need to do I can’t do because I’ve been so wrapped up in you. I should have been fired earlier for the terrible mess I made in that meeting. I just wasn't prepared. And that can't happen again. I won't let it happen again.”
“Well, what does that mean?” I asked in a small voice, regretting it the second I asked because I knew she was going to spell it out.
“I’ve had a wonderful time with you on this boat. Ship.” She corrected herself quickly, and I would have smiled if it weren't for the tears I was holding back.
“And you are a very special woman, but in the morning, I need to leave. I need to leave this ship behind, and I need to leave you behind, too. I’m sorry.”
I tried to find the words. They were there. I could plead, beg, shout, cry. But I knew that look in her eyes. She’d already made up her mind, and I wasn't going to embarrass myself anymore by giving in to those emotions.
I stood slowly, taking a deep breath before I walked out of her suite and out of her life.
My world had turned the right way up, and it felt as if there was nothing left about it that I recognized.