Chapter 5
5
Hudson wouldn’t have minded a few drinks tonight but the dad taxi took precedence, so he parked up outside the pub just as his phone began to ring.
He saw Lucinda’s name on the display.
‘Don’t do this,’ he muttered, tempted not to answer the call. She was supposed to pick Carys up from childcare and have her for the evening so at least he only had one of the kids to worry about when he had a social engagement.
It stopped ringing but started up again after barely a pause. And he couldn’t ignore it. It might be an emergency – unlikely but possible.
‘Hello.’ He closed his eyes, waiting for the delivery of excuses.
And she didn’t disappoint.
As he drove to the childcare centre, he called his parents on handsfree. They were used to this – didn’t make him any less pissed off but at least he had a back-up.
Within thirty minutes, he’d collected Carys and dropped her at his parents.
‘It’s only for a couple of hours max,’ he said.
‘Don’t worry about it; we love having her here.’ His dad stood on the doorstep; Hudson’s mum had already whisked her granddaughter inside the house. ‘I’m assuming you don’t have time for a cup of tea.’
‘Sorry, Dad, next time. It’s Dorothy’s birthday celebrations at the pub and I promised I’d go. Otherwise I would’ve cancelled when Lucinda let me down.’
‘Tea next time.’ He smiled. ‘And no worries looking after Carys; it’s what we’re here for.’ His hair was almost white now and he often joked that he fitted the role of grandparent perfectly these days. He’d had dark-grey hair for a long time and it was as though suddenly overnight, a white wash had come along and left its mark. It hadn’t aged him though; his zest for life since retirement hadn’t waned at all.
‘Well, I really appreciate it. And I know it’s short notice.’
‘Grandparent duty is fine by us whenever you need it.’
‘Thanks, Dad. She’s got a change of clothes in the bag I’ve handed over; hopefully, you won’t need them but just in case.’ He started off back down the path.
‘What was the reason this time?’ His dad’s voice followed after him.
Hudson turned back. ‘She’s cracked a tooth, has an emergency dentist appointment.’
His dad chuckled. ‘At least she’s original.’
Hudson had to laugh too. Whether it was an excuse or not he had no idea; all he knew was that Lucinda was good at making things up. She’d lied enough times over the years about little things – a meeting running over time when really she was going out for drinks, a gym session she didn’t want to miss when really she was meeting up with a friend, a work trip that was four days when really it was only three but she’d felt she’d needed the extra day to herself before she came home. The lying had started early on in their marriage with a deception Hudson had found hard to forgive.
Hudson found out the truth years afterwards, a long time after they’d come to terms that for some reason, they couldn’t conceive a second time. Lucinda had never wanted to go down the IVF route and he respected that; it was a lot to deal with and came with no guarantees. They had Beau and they adored their son and it would be the three of them as a family.
When Beau was twelve, Lucinda came down with a bout of food poisoning following a dinner out at a restaurant for their anniversary. They were back to arguing again and Hudson had wanted to make the effort to do something different. She was always at the office, he was working part time and running the house, but this night was an attempt to reconnect.
And reconnect they did. But not in the ways he hoped. The next morning, he’d gone to find her, to take her some water, some toast, see if she could keep something down before he went to work. But she was in the spare room, the little room that doubled as her study when she needed to do any work from home, and she was in the middle of a business call.
He sighed, set down the drink and the toast on her bedside table. At least she was feeling better.
He was about to eat the toast himself given it would be stone cold by the time she emerged from her work environment, when he saw a text flash up on her phone screen from the doctor. He picked up the phone – the text was a reminder for an appointment for today. He’d explained to her that food poisoning likely meant rest, plenty of fluids and didn’t necessitate a visit to the doctor, but clearly she thought she knew best.
‘What are you doing?’ She appeared in the doorway and when she saw her phone in his hand she came over and took possession of it.
‘I was bringing you toast and some water.’
She spotted the plate and the glass. ‘Oh, thanks.’
‘You’re feeling better?’
‘Yes, much better.’
‘Food poisoning usually lasts a bit longer; you’re lucky.’
‘Yes, I suppose I must be.’
Then why did she look so shifty and pale? ‘What’s the doctor appointment for if you’re better?’
‘You don’t have to know everything.’
‘So I’m not allowed to worry about my wife?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Just a women’s check-up; it’s been arranged for ages, nothing to do with the food poisoning.’
She was infuriating when she closed herself off like this, wouldn’t talk to him. ‘Toast is there,’ he said, ‘eat it or don’t eat it. I’m not going to fight about it.’
He was going to be late for work if he didn’t get going so he left her to it.
Ten minutes later, she came downstairs, clearly not expecting him to be hovering in the kitchen.
She clasped a hand against her chest. ‘You made me jump. I thought you’d left.’ She came closer, the plate cleared, her glass half-empty. And that was when she saw the stick on the kitchen table. And she didn’t say a word, just set her plate and her glass down by the sink and looked out of the window, her back to him.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Hudson had gone to put something in the bin, realised the bag had a hole in it, and took the entire thing out to transfer the rubbish into a fresh bag. That was when the pregnancy test had fallen out. A positive pregnancy test.
‘I would’ve told you.’ She still didn’t face him.
‘Is that what the doctor’s appointment is for today?’ He felt his hopes, his spirits rise. ‘This is… this is the best news ever.’
But when she turned around, the look on her face was chilling. ‘No, Hudson. This is not good news.’
He was confused. ‘But we tried for years. We both wanted this.’ They’d assumed it was secondary infertility which happened to some couples. Lucinda hadn’t wanted to undergo any invasive investigations; she’d wanted to let nature take its course. They’d clearly got lucky. Or at least that was the way he was looking at it.
He went over to her. ‘I know it’ll be a huge adjustment.’ Perhaps she was panicking. ‘We’ll get used to it. Beau will have a little brother or a sister. He’ll have siblings just like you did.’ But when he tried to pull her to him, she shrugged him off.
‘I need to get dressed, ready for the doctor.’
‘I’ll call in, take the morning off, come with you.’
‘No, thanks, I’ll go by myself.’
‘Why are you pushing me away? What’s wrong with you that you can’t let me in?’
She stopped in the doorway, fists clenched at the sides of her silk dressing gown, and then she turned.
‘I don’t want this! I never wanted this!’
‘But we both did. We were trying for ages…’
She growled. ‘I was just telling you what you wanted to hear!’
It took a minute until realisation dawned. ‘You pretended… You went along with it, you acted disappointed that it never happened.’
‘It wasn’t disappointment for me, Hudson; it was relief.’
She’d been deceiving him all this time, making him think she wanted to have another child when she had no intention of ever getting pregnant. ‘How did you do it? Were you on the pill?’
‘I’ve had the coil for years, but a lack of appointments meant I didn’t get a new one.’ She eyed the pregnancy test with disdain, lying there on the table, its vulgarity all she could see.
Looking back, Hudson knew that that day was the moment their fate had been sealed, the moment their marriage ended even though they welcomed Carys into the world and tried to be a family for as long as they could. Well, he’d tried anyway. Lucinda had returned to work, and to the long hours. She’d given up on their marriage way before he had. But eventually, Hudson had realised they really had reached the end of the road.
He hadn’t been able to see the truth, he’d been tricked all this time, and for that, he felt a sense of shame, embarrassment that he’d been pulled along in her world, accepting what she said, assuming they even stood a chance.
Hudson locked his car in the car park at the pub and made his way in to join his teammates for Dorothy’s celebrations.
Dorothy was already in situ and the only other person to arrive so far was Nadia.
‘I thought I’d be really late,’ he whispered to Nadia.
Dorothy gave him a big hug. ‘You’re the first two here so at least I have people to celebrate with.’
‘There’ll be plenty soon enough, I’m sure of it,’ said Hudson.
‘Seventy years young. Who would’ve thought I’d still be zipping around on a motorcycle!’
‘Well, we’re very glad you are.’ Nadia smiled; she looked more chilled than when he’d seen her earlier and he wondered whether she was glad she’d come along. He was.
A couple of minutes later, when Hudson wondered whether Nadia hadn’t been the only one to forget about this shindig before he reminded her, the pub doors opened behind them and a cheer went up when Dorothy’s colleagues Alan, Mick and Rita came in along with pilot Vik.
Almost an hour into the party, Hudson whispered to Nadia, ‘When do you think it’s okay to sneak off?’
‘I’m not sure. But what with the television segment today and not sleeping well last night, I’m hoping it’s soon.’
He leaned back so he could look around the body of the crowd to where Dorothy was standing. ‘She’s well into the prosecco; she’s enjoying herself.’
Kate from the blue team came over to chat to them, told Nadia all about the dress she’d bought herself for the upcoming dinner dance and asked Nadia all about hers. Hudson escaped the conversation by accepting the offer of a game of darts with Bess’s other half, firefighter Gio, who was waiting for his brother Marco.
When he went back over to join Nadia, she asked him, ‘What were you guys talking about?’ Marco had arrived – he wasn’t from Whistlestop River so must be visiting – and the three of them had huddled gossiping for a few minutes.
‘Not about dresses.’
‘Very funny.’
‘The brothers wanted to know a bit more about Frank.’
Frank was the engineer at the airbase – a kind, gentle bear of a man who was dating the boys’ mother, Marianne, so they had a vested interest.
‘Imagine being up against the scrutiny of those two,’ said Nadia. ‘Mind you, I expect Marianne is prepared for it and it’s nice that they care.’
‘They’re close. Kind of makes me wish I had a brother. Or a sister.’ But Hudson had been his parents’ miracle baby. After gynaecological issues left his mum and dad with about a 10 per cent chance of conceiving, they’d been overjoyed when Hudson came along.
Hudson had longed for a sibling growing up and talked about it a lot; it was the reason why his parents had finally sat him down and explained why the health issues his mum had made it near impossible. They told him they’d wanted a big family but for them, it simply wasn’t meant to be. And he shared that vision of family; it was why he’d wanted Beau to have a brother or sister. Every day, he was thankful that Carys had come along.
The doctor’s appointment Lucinda had booked for that day when she’d found out she was expecting for the second time had been to discuss her options – that delightful fact hadn’t come out until midway through her pregnancy. It still made him shudder to think she might have had a termination but as she got her head around the idea of baby number two and she’d made the admission, she’d also said that she was glad she hadn’t because she didn’t think she would’ve forgiven herself.
He knew he probably wouldn’t have forgiven her either.
Hudson nudged Nadia when Frank walked into the pub and went over to say hello to Gio and Marco. ‘He’s in for a grilling.’
Nadia watched the three men. ‘He’ll handle himself just fine.’
‘I wonder if they have a strategy for quizzing their mother’s poor boyfriend. We’ll rescue Frank if we think he needs it.’
‘Agreed.’
‘Here’s Marianne,’ said Hudson.
‘This is like a TV show for us.’ Nadia giggled, the sound music to Hudson’s ears.
Seeing Nadia like this, out of work, was an extra-special bonus. He’d been disappointed when she said she was heading home for an early night, and again when he thought he might have to cancel if his parents couldn’t take Carys. Although he should’ve known they’d be fine with it; they very rarely said no and most of their commitments, their pastimes, took place in the daytime. It was very rare that at least one of them wouldn’t be able to help out.
‘Gio says his mum has settled in to Whistlestop River really well,’ said Hudson. Marianne had moved down this way to sort out her issues with Gio and had never left.
‘This town has a charm; it got a hold of me for sure.’
‘Yeah, it’s home.’
They watched Marianne head straight over to Frank and slip her hand into his.
‘They’re a lovely couple.’ Nadia smiled. ‘I’m really pleased he’s found someone; he deserves to find love again.’ They all knew Frank’s history: that when his wife died, it had sent him to a pretty dark place.
‘Family is everything,’ he said, almost to himself before he turned to face her rather than watching everything else that was going on in the pub. ‘I don’t know much about yours. I’ve never really asked you.’
‘Not much to tell.’
He wasn’t sure that was true. And he wondered whether she was holding on to a sadness from the past, keeping things to herself rather than sharing them with anyone else. He knew that feeling well; it was why he’d kept his and Lucinda’s difficulties quiet. That and the embarrassment that he’d been played for years, that she’d lied for so long and he hadn’t had a clue. He’d half expected his own truth – the separation and then the divorce – to come out before now given Lucinda had had two flings during their marriage and was now seeing someone new. Perhaps she’d had the decency to conduct her extramarital affairs and her current relationship away from the town.
‘I know you’re from Switzerland,’ he went on, his desire to know more about her ever present.
‘How did you know that?’
‘Pub quiz a year or so ago – there was question about lakes from what I remember and you nailed it, then you talked a bit about the place.’
‘You have a good memory.’
‘Must’ve been a nice place to live.’
‘It was okay.’
When she didn’t elaborate, he asked, ‘Are you parents still around?’
‘Not any more. They both passed away a long time ago.’
She really wasn’t letting much go, was she? ‘Do you have brothers? Sisters?’ He felt like he was having a one-way conversation, or that he was another quiz master trying to get the right answers.
‘No siblings, no,’ she said. ‘It’s just me.’
He shook his head. ‘In all the time we’ve worked together, I should know this stuff but I don’t.’
‘We know plenty about each other.’ But her smile faded as she set down her empty glass, her hand cold and wet from the ice cubes that had caused condensation on the outside of the vessel.
‘Do you ever wish it wasn’t?’
‘Wasn’t what?’
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’ He was pushing it now and if he didn’t stop, he might piss her off and that wasn’t what he wanted at all.
‘No, please. Go on…’
He hesitated. ‘Do you ever wish it wasn’t just you?’
After a beat, she admitted, ‘It is what it is.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean?—’
‘No, don’t apologise; it was a simple question.’ She reached down for her bag.
He’d ruined the mood. He wanted to kick himself, hard.
‘Are we escaping?’ He watched her hook her bag onto her shoulder.
‘I think it’s okay to do it now.’
He downed the rest of his soft drink and followed her discreetly out of the pub. ‘I feel bad leaving without saying goodbye but this is probably easier.’
‘Dorothy is having a grand old time; she won’t even notice we’ve left.’
Hands in the pockets of his jeans, Hudson hovered next to her on the pavement outside. A sweet, floral smell from the nearby magnolia flowers carried on the air around them and he wished they could spend more of the evening together.
She smiled at him. ‘I’d better get going and have that early night.’
‘I’d better get back to the kids.’
She looked up at the sky, the clouds shifting across it. ‘It’s such a beautiful evening. I love that it stays light so late.’
She was hovering. Did that mean she wanted company?
Was she waiting for him to ask?
Of course she wasn’t. Because as far as she knew, he was married.
And even if he wanted to spend more time with her, he couldn’t. His kids came first. This was a time to focus on them, to put his needs last at least for a while, until things settled down.
If they ever would.