Chapter 26
26
Hudson was still smiling about his bonding weekend with Beau when he arrived at the hospital on Monday morning for a meeting.
They’d got back to Whistlestop River yesterday lunchtime and while Hudson played with Carys, who had had the biggest grin for them when they collected her from her grandparents, Beau opened out the tent on the back lawn without even being asked. The rain had gone away and although it still didn’t feel like they were almost into the official start of summer, the sun shone and gave it its best effort which was enough for Beau to clean the tent and make sure it was thoroughly dry before it was packed away.
Hudson had texted Nadia yesterday before he started the dinner prep; he told her they’d been camping and that it was the best thing he’d ever done, he asked whether she was okay as she’d been so quiet since she met with Archie. But he got no reply. And eventually, he’d given up holding his phone in his hand like a teenager desperately waiting for a message to come through. Beau had come in after sorting out the tent and as all three of them sat down for dinner, Hudson had indulged in the pride he felt for his kids. He appreciated them for the wonderful human beings that they were, he loved his little family, whatever it looked like.
Hudson attended his meeting with a patient and her family as well as the representative from a brain-injury charity who would provide the ongoing support to the girl who, at only fifteen years old, had had a seizure and fallen down an escalator at a shopping centre.
Following the meeting, he headed for the café and bought a coffee, choosing a table close to the window so he could start work on his report.
His coffee break had only just started when he looked up and saw Nadia emerge from the main hospital building.
He quickly closed down his laptop, put everything into the protective sleeve, and with his laptop under one arm and his coffee in his other hand, took off for the outside.
He’d tried to call her this morning given she hadn’t replied to his text but with this case to attend to, he’d ended up leaving a message on his second attempt and just hoped she’d call him back. He already knew from Bess, who’d taken her call yesterday, that she needed the day off today. Bess was also able to share with him the drama of Nadia’s sister going into labour on Friday night.
No wonder it had been radio silence. And right now, Nadia didn’t look okay at all.
She was sitting on a bench opposite the car park, right near the bus stop and all the smokers.
She looked to the side when he said her name and as soon as she saw him, her face crumpled.
‘Come on, let’s go around the building,’ he said, ‘there’s another bench and hopefully nobody smoking or vaping. You don’t want to sit here.’
She seemed to register and got up, followed him.
The first bench was occupied, so was the next, but they finally found a seating area and some clean air in a little nook at one side of the hospital.
‘What brings you here?’ she asked.
‘I’m here working on a case.’
‘What’s the case?’
Was she really doing this? Perhaps talking about something other than what was on her mind helped, so he obliged, gave her an overview.
‘That poor family,’ she said when he’d finished. ‘They’ll need a lot of help coming to terms with what has happened.’
‘That’s what I’m here for.’ But then his voice softened and he had to turn the focus to her. ‘What about you? I think you need some help coming to terms with everything; at least that’s the impression I get. Want to talk about it?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You are not fine. You haven’t seen or been in contact with your sister for decades and now she’s here, you’re here; I doubt anything about that situation is easy.’
She reached for his coffee. ‘May I?’
‘Go ahead.’
She finished a big gulp, took another. And then she recapped what had happened since she talked to Archie, from sitting by the river and watching Giles in the playground, to the emergency call, attending the scene with Monica, Monica going to hospital in the air ambulance, the emergency dash to her side.
‘I had Giles overnight at my place. I told you that. Sorry, I’m repeating myself.’
‘It’s fine, keep going.’
‘He’s a great little boy, and I’ve missed it. I’ve missed his growing up. I can’t ever get that back.’
‘You can’t blame yourself.’
‘No! Then who exactly do I blame?’ She pulled back. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be yelling at you.’
‘That wasn’t yelling, not even close.’
A small smile curved up the corners of her mouth. The happy Nadia was still in there somewhere. ‘I’m here to see Monica again but I got halfway to her ward and turned back.’
‘It must be hard after all this time.’
‘I was here on Saturday for a while, but yesterday, I couldn’t face it. Listening to her talk about what went on years ago, when she got together with Archie, it was all too much. The hurt came back and I haven’t seen her since. I wanted to come outside, get some fresh air, then I’ll be brave enough.’
‘Fresh air? You chose the smoky spot near the bus stop.’
‘I know. I wasn’t thinking.’ She looked back the way they’d come. ‘Nobody takes any notice of the no-smoking signs around, do they? I mean, it’s supposed to be a place of healing and anyone who comes in and out of the hospital has to walk through all the smoke.’
‘Not right, is it?’
‘Nice round here, though – kind of hidden.’
‘I thought you could use the headspace.’ And he knew she was putting off talking about herself again.
They sat in the sunshine; a couple of nurses passed by, exchanged smiles with them both.
‘I’ll go back inside soon,’ said Nadia. ‘I just need to get myself together.’ She waited a moment before admitting, ‘Monica has changed. Archie said she was different and I wanted that to be true but until I was face to face with her on Saturday, I didn’t know it for sure. There’s a softness; she’s lost the hard edges she had all those years growing up. She’s apologised and taken the blame, I can’t complain at that, and yet…’
‘You’re finding it hard to forgive?’
‘It’s not that… I mean I do forgive her, I know she’s sorry, but I’ve buried it all for so many years and now it’s coming to the surface. I wish I’d processed my emotions before now. I wish I’d let her get in touch; I wish I hadn’t waited so long.’
‘But you did. You can’t change the past. And wishing that you could or wishing you had will only make all of this more painful in the long run. You need to forgive yourself first and foremost.’
‘It’s hard to do,’ she said. ‘Have you forgiven yourself? For Beau. I can tell you think that you’re to blame for how he’s dealt with the separation and divorce. But it’s not all down to you.’
‘I’m getting there, feeling less responsible, at least not solely to blame. I’m beginning to realise that maybe I also played a part in him being strong enough and able enough to turn things around. The time he’s spent at the airbase has been a big part of that: the interest he’s showing.’
‘It’s really good to see, you raised a great kid.’
‘Thank you. That means a lot. I took him fishing, you know.’
‘You said in your text. Was it as good as you hoped?’
He smiled at her, his gaze dropping to her lips but only momentarily. ‘Better.’
He told her all about the boat trip, the camping, the fact they hadn’t taken enough tent pegs and one side of the canvas had almost collapsed by morning.
‘Beau took it well, told me it was my fault, I said it was his, and then we just started laughing. It’s moments like those that I hadn’t realised I missed until now.’
‘You’ll have to do it again.’
‘Definitely. Maybe with the right equipment this time.’ He paused. ‘We talked a lot over dinner too. Carys and Beau – although mostly Beau, given he’s older – are the reasons I’ve held back from dating again since their mum and I split up. I thought it would be too much to deal with. But over dinner, Beau came right out with it and told me to basically get a life. Start dating.’
He turned so that he was facing Nadia. ‘He seems to think I should ask you out.’
He loved that her cheeks coloured and that she couldn’t hold back a smile.
‘What do you think?’ he ventured when she said nothing at all, just looked away from him, watching passersby in the distance.
‘I think I’m an emotional mess right now.’ She looked back at him. ‘But I’m not saying no,’ she added.
‘You’re not?’
After a beat, she admitted, ‘I’ve wanted a bit more than friendship for a while. With you, I mean.’ She covered her face briefly with her hands. ‘I’m out of practice with this.’ And then her positivity waned. ‘After I kept the truth about my family hidden, I thought you’d never be interested. Not after your history with Lucinda and the way she lied to you.’
‘I understand why you didn’t tell anyone about your family; you had good reasons. You can’t compare what you did to the lies Lucinda told. I don’t think you’re a terrible person for doing it either; I think you have a lot to work through. And I also lied to you, remember. I didn’t tell you about the divorce. I wanted to keep that part of my life private and so I did for a while.’
‘Are you sure you’re ready to start dating?’
‘Never been more sure.’ He leaned in closer.
‘Hudson, I?—’
‘Don’t say anything.’ All he wanted to do was kiss her. He was hyper aware of how close they were now, how much he wanted this.
But the moment broke when a couple of doctors walked past. He hadn’t even heard them approaching.
‘I should get back inside,’ she said.
‘You should. Go see your sister again.’
Although he wished they’d found somewhere they wouldn’t be interrupted, a moment to themselves so he could show her how strongly he felt about her already.