Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
IN OVER YOUR HEAD
Ryder
“Okay, you’ll let us know how it goes, right?” Stephen asked as I pulled the door open to the library.
I rolled my eyes and juggled my phone to the other ear as I crossed the crowded lobby toward the back staircase. Finals were upon us, and the entire place was buzzing with stress and anxiety. Luckily, I was headed up to the third floor where it was always less crowded.
“Stephen, you can trust me,” I argued, taking the stairs two at a time and dodging people left and right.
“I know, I know. That’s why we chose you as our best man.”
“Really? I thought it was because of my charm and eye for design.”
“That, too!” Miles chimed in somewhere in the background. I could hear waves breaking on the other end of the line along with faint voices and laughter. It sounded amazing and nothing like the terrifying silence of the library.
“Are you at the beach? I’m in the library about to study for finals while you’re at the beach? ”
Stephen laughed as I tugged the third-floor door open. “That was us last year, man. Let us know if you need anything.”
“Caroline and I have it covered. Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.”
Stephen scoffed. “You’re on a first-name basis with our wedding planner now?”
I stepped into the much quieter third floor and scanned the tables closest to me for Theo. “She’s my mom’s best friend, Stephen. And I’m the one who sent you her way.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I guess I just didn’t think you knew her all that well, too.”
I cleared my throat and headed farther into the library, checking each table for my scary, tattooed best friend. Dropping my voice, I said just above a whisper, “Yeah, I know her well.” I know her so well in fact, I can tell you exactly how sweet and heavenly her pussy tastes and how decadent her moans are when she’s coming on my tongue.
But that wasn’t something Stephen needed to know. Although he would likely be intrigued to hear about my recent sexual experiences with his wedding planner and my mom’s best friend, he didn’t need the details.
In the very back corner, I spotted Theo with his head bent over a book and a pen in his hand tapping quickly against the pages.
I said my goodbyes to Stephen and promised to let him know how the food and cake tasting went the following day. Caroline’s assistant, Addison, had already texted me to confirm the time. Caroline had pointedly been ignoring me since the weekend before. I was unsurprised that she’d stopped responding, so I hadn’t taken it personally.
That hadn’t stopped me from texting her as I always had—sending her memes, videos, and music that I thought she would like or reminded me of her.
“I swear, I can see the smoke from the gears turning in your head,” I quipped as I slipped into the chair across from Theo. He droppe d his pen and leaned back in his seat, dragging his hands down his face. I could feel the stress rolling off him, but I immediately knew it wasn’t only related to our impending finals or graduation.
“What’s up?”
Theo sighed and dropped his hands against the book still open in front of him then handed me a piece of paper. It took me a second to register what he gave me—the crappy handwriting and the name at the end.
“This is from your mom?” I asked a little too loudly. I threw an apologetic smile to the girl at the table behind us and mouthed “sorry.”
He nodded and looked out the window to his left. “Yeah. It’s the third one in as many months. I haven’t responded to any of them, but she’s not getting the hint.”
“Fuck,” I muttered, shaking my head. I skimmed the letter and was unsurprised by its contents. Simple, surface-level apologies which included no accountability for her actions.
Theo’s mom had so many issues. She’d been a chronic gambler who couldn’t manage to keep enough cash on hand to pay her debts, and Theo had been her first stop every time. Finally, when he’d told her he had nothing left to give, she’d gone off the rails. She’d set fire to her own house and pointed the finger at him.
The police quickly realized Theo had nothing to do with it, and his mom had taken a plea deal for a handful of crimes. She was supposed to be serving three to five years.
“What are you going to do?”
He shrugged as I handed the letter back. He unceremoniously shoved it in his bag and picked up his pen. I could feel the frustration rolling off him. I hated to see him like that. His mom—hell, his entire fucking family—had put him through shit. Until he met my mom, it seemed like he couldn’t catch a break.
“Nothing. Keep ignoring them, I guess. I might try to talk to the attorney or maybe the prison and see if we can keep her from contac ting me. She thankfully hasn’t tried to call yet. I haven’t shown Nat any of the letters either, and I don’t really want to.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, man. Maybe we burn them? Get rid of all the bad shit attached to them?”
Theo cracked a tired smile and shook his head.
“Why not? I guess it’s worth a shot.”
Theo glanced back down at his book, and I took the hint—he was done with the subject.
Studying was the last thing I wanted to do, both Theo’s situation and Caroline were sitting in the back of my mind and taking up more real estate than I could afford with three finals next week. But I did it anyway. I threw on my headphones and zoned in on the task in front of me. Reading through my notes from the semester and relistening to the recorded lectures, it was two hours before I looked up again.
Theo and I both leaned back in our chairs at the same time. I stretched my arms out to my sides and glanced out the window to see the sunlight quickly fading. The trees and red brick buildings surrounding the library cast in red and pink light.
“I think I need a break. Want to grab dinner?”
“Fuck yes,” I sighed, quickly gathering my books and notes, I shoved them in my backpack and stood. Too focused, I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until Theo had mentioned it.
Theo chuckled and shook his head as he tossed his backpack over his shoulder and followed me out of the library. Pushing open the front door, we stepped out into the warm night and started walking toward our favorite burger place right off campus.
There wasn’t a preamble or discussion, it was our favorite brain food when we were both cramming. The place was fairly packed for a Thursday evening. It was an older building almost as old as the university itself, so the ceilings were low, and the lighting was dim. The line to order was curved around the perime ter, and Theo and I took our place at the end next to the wood-lined wall.
Old metal signs that hadn’t moved in decades hung sporadically around the place and the soles of my shoes stuck to the floor with every step. So, you knew the food was going to be fucking good.
The line moved quickly, and after we ordered, the cashier gave us a number, and we found a table in the back room near a few pool tables and old video games.
“So, what’s up with you and Caroline?” Theo didn’t waste any time the moment we sat down. I was surprised it had taken him that long to bring it up.
I cleared my throat and rolled my lips to hide the smile that was threatening to break free.
“Oh, fuck. What did you do?”
“What do you mean?” I asked without looking up from where I was fidgeting with the label of my beer.
“I know that look. I’ve seen it at least a few times before, and it’s always after you’ve done something I’d probably consider stupid.”
Scoffing, I tilted my beer to my lips and took a long swig. When I looked up, Theo was watching me expectantly. And I knew it was a battle I wasn’t going to win. Theo was hardheaded through and through; he would have sat there all night if he had to.
“Nothing happened in the bathroom,” I admitted. I had gotten so close, but Theo’s timely interruption kept it all PG-13. Or maybe NC-17.
“Yeah, but you left that night after the party to drop something off at Caroline’s house. You’re telling me nothing happened when you went over there that night?”
I stayed silent, trying not to replay every little detail of that night. But it was impossible not to relive it over and over again. I’d been doing that since Caroline walked back into her house.
From finding her in that tiny bikini in the pool to having her splaye d out on the edge, every second had been on instant replay. She monopolized every one of my thoughts, but that was nothing new. She’d been on my mind since the moment I met her.
“Your silence is answer enough,” Theo murmured quickly as the waiter dropped our food off and retrieved our order number.
“So, what if something did?” I popped a fry in my mouth while Theo paused with his burger halfway to his mouth.
“If something did happen, I’d say you’re in way over your head.”
“No way,” I argued before taking a hearty bite of my burger and finally feeling my hunger start to wain. “I’ve been dreaming of this day for…forever. I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.”
Theo nodded, but I could see the argument on the tip of his tongue as he finished chewing. “Without giving me the details, because I seriously don’t need to know, how far did you take it?”
I knew what he was asking without him having to explicitly say it: did you cross a boundary you can’t come back from?
“Far enough. Further than I ever expected to go.” It was the best night of my life, I thought but didn’t admit aloud.
My thoughts drifted once again until Theo’s snicker and the reminder of my almost untouched fries brought me back to the present.
“You are one lovesick motherfucker,” he stated. My first reaction was to argue, but it would have been in vain. Because I was, and denying it to my best friend was useless. Instead, I smiled to myself and took another bite of my food. Usually a man of few words, I didn’t expect Theo to continue, but I stopped when he did. “You’re smart, Ryder. Smartest person I know, actually. But in these circumstances, I’m the expert. So, listen to me when I say, don’t try to hide this from your mom. She’s gonna find out, and if it goes any further, it’s better she hears it from you. You know how it feels to figure it out otherwise.”
His statement should have been like a cold bucket of water over m y head. But it wasn’t. Yes, finding out about my mom and Theo had been complicated and difficult to get my head around, but Caroline and I were different. And there wasn’t a guarantee she’d let me anywhere near her again. Although I was optimistic that her resistance was slowly melting away.
It was easy to shut me out via text, but in person, I had a better chance of slipping beneath her shields.
“I’ve got it all under control,” I said with a smile. “It’s all under control.”