Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
YOU’RE A HEARTbrEAKER
Caroline
“Seriously, go eat,” Addie said as she pushed me toward the corner of the room where my food had been sitting for an hour. “I had one of the caterers heat it up, and if you don’t go now, you’re never going to eat.”
With a huff, I begrudgingly handed over my iPad and took the earpiece out of my ear.
Addie smiled and gave me one last push. “Good girl,” she said as I started walking away.
I waved her off and eyed the plate of food. My stomach growled on cue, and I couldn’t deny I needed some calories.
The day had gone off without a hitch. I wasn’t one to gloat or brag, but that was why my clients hired me—my attention to detail and preparedness were unmatched. They were guaranteed a good—if not perfect—outcome.
The ceremony had been perfect, and even the elements I couldn’t control—like the weather—had cooperated for the most idyllic sunset vow exchange I’d ever witnessed. The cocktail hour had run smoothly as had the dinner service we’d wrapped up about a half hour ago .
I sat down at the little table and scooped a huge bite of potatoes into my mouth as I looked across the dance floor. The smiles on Stephen and Miles’s faces were proof enough that I’d done my job well.
I lived for those smiles.
I bent my head, and with little grace, I began shoveling food into my mouth. I promised Addie I’d take a break, but I didn’t specify how long that break would last. I planned to be done in five minutes until someone slid into the seat beside me.
“This wedding is beautiful,” Natalie said. I nodded and mumbled a “thank you” around a mouthful of steak. “Is this the biggest one you’ve planned?”
With a guest list of over three hundred, it was close but not quite the largest. I swallowed my food and shook my head as I sipped the glass of red wine sitting in front of my plate.
“Almost. The largest, and priciest, was the Timothy wedding last year. Four hundred people not including the wedding party and vendors. That was the biggest.”
Natalie nodded slowly and sipped her own nearly empty glass of wine. “Oh, and did you see Beckett is here? Apparently, he’s friends with Stephen’s dad? It’s a small freaking world.”
Beckett Crawford, Natalie’s boss, owned the law firm she worked for. His father had started the firm when he was Beckett’s age and had retired a few years ago, leaving his son in charge. Beckett had worked with his father since he graduated law school, so he was more than prepared for the promotion.
Natalie tried to set us up at one point, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. Not because he wasn’t amazing or drop-dead gorgeous, because he definitely was. I just wasn’t into sleeping with my best friend’s boss. Her son, on the other hand…
I shook away the thought and took another long gulp of wine, refraining from searching for Ryder across the room. Not that it would have taken much searching—he was in the middle of the dance floor with his friends. They were jumping and singing to the beat of the music that echoed around the ballroom .
But I didn’t look up. I kept my eyes glued to my plate and listened to Natalie discuss the possibility of the company opening a new office in Chicago. I didn’t think about how good it felt to wake up next to Ryder that morning. Or how he conned me into laying there with him for an extra thirty minutes by rubbing my back and playing with my hair.
I also made it a point not to think about what I’d divulged in my softened post-orgasm haze the night before. Vulnerability did not come easy to me, yet every time I was around him it became easier to show parts of me I didn’t think I’d ever let anyone else see again.
I’d done it twice before and both times had permanently changed me. Shattering pieces that could never be repaired. A third time might break me altogether.
The song changed, and Natalie and I descended into a comfortable silence. I finished eating, and she sat with me, watching the crowd, as I did. Theo brought her over a new glass of wine, brought us both cake, gave her a quick kiss, and then returned to the table he was sitting at with a few of his college buddies.
Nothing was out of the ordinary until I caught Natalie out of the corner of my eye chug half of her glass in almost one swallow. It was very out of character, and I was immediately on alert.
“Is every—” I began to say, but she beat me to it.
“It’s Ryder.”
My fork stopped mid-air, and I froze. “What?” I asked around my sudden panic.
“The guy you’ve been…” She stopped and thought for a moment like she was unsure what word to use next. “… seeing that you won’t tell me about.”
A litany of curse words, ones I hadn’t even thought of or used before, crossed my mind as my panic began to suffocate me. My stomach dropped, and I set my fork down on my plate. It more like clattered to the plate unceremoniously and loudly even over the music .
“Should I skip the ‘what are your intentions with my son’ speech?”
“Natalie, I—” I began, but she waved me off, turning in her chair to face me completely.
“Just let me say something really quick before you explain.”
She waited for me to acknowledge her request, and I managed to nod my head as I prepared for my best friend to justifiably berate me. But I should have known better. I wasn’t sure Natalie had berated anyone in her entire life or even considered it.
“You’re my best friend, and I love you more than almost anyone in the entire world. Except for maybe the moody guy over there,” she said, motioning with her head to Theo. “And Ryder. I know it would be hypocritical of me to be upset since I did sleep with, date, and move in with his best friend, but I’m still a little concerned.”
“You’re not upset?” I wasn’t sure how she heard me over the music, but she did.
She began to shake her head, the dark curls from her updo framing her face brushing against her cheeks, but like she thought better of it, she stopped and shrugged. The music faded at that moment, and I could hear her loaded sigh.
Anxiety made my stomach churn, and the anticipation of what followed that sigh made me want to puke.
“You’re going to break his heart, Care.”
“No,” I said immediately, vehemently . “It’s not…serious. We both know it’s not.”
Her dark brows shot up, and her expression was the very definition of incredulous. She reached forward and clasped my hand in both of hers. “Okay, now, once more with feeling.”
“Nat, I’m serious that we’re not serious,” I said. “And I’m not going to break his heart. I don’t want to do that.”
“You might not want to, but you’re powerful. Your heartbreaking ability isn’t something you can entirely control. I’ve seen you break them without batting an eye. ”
Shaking my head, I squeezed Natalie’s hands and glanced down at where they sat in my lap. “I didn’t—we didn’t—” I groaned and took a breath through my nose before I could continue. Words were hard even when Natalie was being so kind and understanding. Talking about my feelings didn’t come as naturally to me as it did to her, but she was my best friend and gave me a moment to collect myself and find the words.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I finally said quietly.
She nodded, and I looked up to find a small smile on her pink lips. “I know, babe. I can’t imagine that you meant for any of this to happen.”
“You shouldn’t be mad at Ryder either. He wanted to tell you, and I just…I couldn’t. I didn’t want to disappoint you or fuck anything else up. Especially when it was just supposed to be?—”
Abruptly, I stopped talking. The realization only hit me toward the end of the sentence that I was about to tell Natalie something she likely didn’t want to hear about her son.
“Just supposed to be, what?” she asked.
I rolled my lips and shook my head. Natalie proceeded to roll her eyes and lean back in her chair, dropping my hands and picking up her wineglass. “Supposed to be fun?”
I momentarily closed my eyes and tried to figure out how I’d gotten myself into such a fucked-up situation. I was careful and mindful and intentional. I had a purpose for everything I did—whether that purpose be business-related or pleasure-centered—I thought things through. I considered all possibilities and identified the repercussions. Which was why I didn’t date, and I rarely slept with anyone—at least anyone who lived nearby—regularly.
Except for Ryder. It was always except for Ryder. He radically disrupted the rational side of my brain by doing nothing at all.
“Yeah,” I said, finally answering her question.
“You’re sure he knows that?”
“Yes, of course. We made that very clear from the outset. ”
Natalie looked from me to her wineglass, then to the dance floor where Ryder was still in the middle of the chaos. A carefree smile gracing his lips and his once perfectly styled hair falling over his forehead and into his eyes.
“He might have said that, but did you entirely believe it?” Natalie asked without looking back at me. I ran my finger around the bottom of my wineglass and also continued staring at Ryder. Even from that distance, I could feel that pull in my chest. The anxiety and panic from before morphing into something else the longer I looked at him.
I swallowed around the emotion and pushed it to the back of my head. “I had no reason not to believe him.”
Natalie took a sip of her drink and finally looked back at me. Seeing her head turn out of the corner of my eye, I was finally able to look away from Ryder.
“He’s had a crush on you forever. Everyone knows that. I mean, I thought it was like a teenage crush that would eventually fizzle out, but obviously it didn’t. And knowing that, I think he’s in the perfect position to really get hurt. Especially since you’re not the most open person with your feelings or love.”
I tried to hide my reaction by taking a sip of my wine, but apparently, I didn’t do a very good job. Natalie huffed out a laugh and shook her head.
“See, you just cringed when I said the ‘L’ word. I know you both very well, and if you ask me, whatever you think the rules or boundaries or agreement is, he likely thinks something different.”
Thoroughly uncomfortable with the topic of conversation and gobsmacked at the turn the night had taken, I readjusted in my chair and looked around the room until I spotted Addie. She was in the opposite corner, tapping away on the iPad in her hands, and talking to one of the venue staff.
“I should probably get back, but I need to know,” I said. “How did you find out?”
“Hmm…well,” she hummed. She leaned forward in her chair and set her glass down, propping her elbows on the table she appeared deep in thought with her eyes narrowed. “I’m not blind, for one. The two of you are not as slick as you think. And you not telling me about the guy you were obviously dating—sorry—seeing was a big indicator. But that was only on top of catching you two making out in your office.”
The fact that wine didn’t come out of my nose or mouth was a miracle. I coughed for several seconds and took a careful sip to quell the burning in my throat before I croaked out, “What?”
She shrugged and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. “I actually walked up to your office door about ten seconds before you thought I did. When I caught you two, I wasn’t sure what to do—I wasn’t going to call you out right then and there—so I walked back down the hallway and made a noise. You know the rest.”
My jaw was permanently in the dropped position. She’d acted completely normal. I had no idea she’d known which was impressive on her part and awful on mine.
“And all of that would have been enough to figure it out if I hadn’t noticed you were wearing his shirt when I showed up at your house that day three months ago.”