Space for Growth (Spire Station #3)

Chapter 18

18

“ F uck, sorry,” I sputter, wiping my mouth in horror as I look down at the mess I made. My body shakes as I fight against another wave of nausea.

Embarrassment wars with the adrenaline coursing through my system, God dammit, I had a brief shining moment where I got to be impressive and I ruined it by losing my breakfast like it’s my first time off planet.

Hadrell rushes over to my side. “Paul, are you alright?”

“I’m…I’m okay.” It’s hard to meet his gaze right now, but when I do, the shock in his expression makes me wish I hadn’t. It’s a stark contrast to the soft, awe-filled one he had a few moments ago. He was so close. For a second, I was convinced we were going to kiss. Probably a hallucination brought on by the stress of what I just did .

Holy shit. I went on a space walk.

I glance back out through the window on the outer door, then immediately regret it as a wave of vertigo washes over me and I wobble, bracing myself against the closest thing, which is Hadrell’s chest.

“Is your human sick?” Tari asks, peering into the airlock chamber with mild distaste. “You should go to the med bay if you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick.” Though the thought of visiting the med bay right now sends a surge of agitation through me. I don’t know if I can handle that right now. “Give me a minute and I’ll clean this up.”

“No, you won’t,” Hadrell says, eyes narrowing. “I’ll do it. Let me help you inside.” They reach out to thread an arm under my shoulders but wince at the movement.

“I’m fine! I can walk on my own.” My face is flaming now, knowing that Hadrell still thinks I’m feeble enough to need their help even when they themself can barely move without pain.

“You look bad too, Captain. You should both go to the med bay,” Tari says blithely.

Hadrell glares at Tari. “We’re both fine. No one needs to go to the med bay. Go back to doing whatever you were before you provided your ‘helpful’ advice.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask. “You’re injured. We need to go get that looked at.”

“No fa-shar med bays!” The harsh growl in their tone startles me, and they grimace at my reaction. “You’ve been through enough for one cycle,” they add softly.

“I can handle it,” I protest, sounding entirely unable to handle it with how my voice wavers.

Hadrell touches my arm, concern drawing their dotted brow together. “We’re going up to our quarters. I’ll snag whatever I need from Bret’u on the way.”

I’m too exhausted from the adrenaline crash to argue, so I nod and follow him on shaky legs out of the cargo bay.

As we leave, Tari calls out to us. “So, who is cleaning this up?”

“Get Dill to do it,” Hadrell shouts back. “It’s used to dealing with bodily fluids.”

Tari starts to argue, but Hadrell ignores her and leads me toward the lift. When we reach the med bay entrance, they wave me on. “Go ahead. I’ll join you soon.”

I nod thankfully and leave him behind, making it onto the lift and staying upright until the doors slide shut before my legs get so shaky they give out on me. I crumple to the floor as the lift chimes at me to select a level, and I contemplate how bad it would be to just stay here for now. The thought of Hadrell finding me sitting on the floor of the lift makes me decide against it. I use an absurd amount of energy to stand back up and hit the button, almost falling over again as the lift surges upward.

God, I hope Hadrell takes his time because I don’t want him to see me like this. Barfing was bad enough.

“Paul? Are you dressed?”

Hadrell’s voice stirs me awake and my eyes pop open. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but by the time I made it back to his quarters and cleaned the disgusting taste out of my mouth, my body decided that I was done. I barely made it to the bed before collapsing, which is evident by how my legs are draped off the edge of the mattress.

“Y-yeah,” I call out blearily, pushing myself up and turning to see the doors slide open .

A slight frown tugs Hadrell’s lips down when they see my mussed state. “Sorry that took so long. Bret’u wouldn’t let me leave without doing a full exam, even though I told zir it wasn’t a serious injury.” They stride into the quarters, looking much less pained, with a vial in one hand, and a beaker of clear, bubbling liquid in the other.

“Oh, it’s fine. I was resting for a bit,” I say, hoping I sound like I did it voluntarily instead of passing out.

“I can go somewhere else if you’d like to rest more…” They glance between the large unmade bed and me. “ Esh’et , in all the excitement, I forgot I hadn’t been staying in here. I’ll drop this off in case you need it for nausea and I’ll go.” They set the beaker down and take a step back.

“Wait!” I blurt. “You can stay. These are your quarters and I can find somewhere else to bunk. Rema said there’s room in her quarters if I wanted to move.”

“What? No! You’re not rooming with Rema. She’ll…” They scowl at whatever they’re imagining Rema doing to me. “That’s a terrible idea. I’ll go.”

“I don’t want you to go!” I protest. “I’m fine to go back to sharing the space. If you’re comfortable with that.” I hate how my cheeks heat as I speak. Hadrell staying won’t mean anything. We’ve already shared a bed multiple times.

“I’m comfortable with that,” he murmurs.

There’s a long moment of silence as we look at each other, and the tension grows so thick in the air that it makes me a bit lightheaded.

When I can’t take it any longer, I break eye contact and cough awkwardly. “What did Bret’u say? Is your back okay?”

“Yes. It’s fine. I aggravated an injury, but with rest and this, I should be good to go again soon.” They hold up the vial. “Speaking of which, I need to apply it.” The tips of their ears darken and they shift their weight from side to side.

“Of course.”

When I don’t say anything else, they clear their throat and set the vial down, then reach up and unfasten the top half of their jumpsuit. It takes me a moment to register that I’m staring at them while they’re undressing, but when they catch me looking, I quickly turn away.

“Oh! Right. You need to put it on your back,” I laugh, the sound far too breathy for my liking.

“Yeah.” There’s a slight rasp to Hadrell’s voice that wasn’t there before.

I chance looking back at them and see them pouring a drop from the vial into their palm. When they reach behind their back to rub it on their skin, a pained look flashes across their face.

I frown at them. “You’re still hurt.”

“It’s okay,” they say with a sheepish smile that doesn’t quite make it to their eyes.

“Stop it. I’ll help you.”

He blinks at me in surprise. “I’m really alright. You don’t have to do that.”

This alien is a bit infuriating with how little he seems to want to accept help. It’s a miracle that he let me carry him. The pain must’ve been awful for him to accept my assistance at all.

I glare at Hadrell. “Is it the thought of needing help or my touch that’s making you be a stubborn ass?”

For a split-second, they look taken aback, but a moment later their smooth smile falls into place. “You want to touch me that badly?” They pass me the vial and move over to the bed, lying down on their stomach with no further preamble. “Go ahead.”

It’s a challenge. One I’m pretty sure they don’t expect me to take. They want to fluster me with their flirtation and have me back off so that they don’t have to accept my help. And believe me, I am flustered. Flustered and growing aroused as I look down at the smooth expanse of deep gray flesh laid before me. It’s so easy for my mind to conjure the image of them completely bare, laying there waiting for me to…

“Well?”

“Just a second,” I grit out, surreptitiously adjusting my growing erection by tucking it into the waistband of my pants so they won’t see it the moment they decide they’ve had their fun teasing me and roll back over. I kneel over them, with one knee on either side of their legs, doing my best to avoid resting any weight against their body.

God, maybe this was a bad idea.

“How much of this am I supposed to use?” I ask, attempting to sound nonchalant.

“Mmm, as much as it takes to get me nice and loose,” they purr.

I can’t help the choked sound I make at their words and they chuckle into their pillow.

“A-alright.” I pour a generous amount of the liquid into my hand, then frown. “It’s okay for me to touch this stuff, right? It won’t have any weird effects on me, will it?”

“I’m not sure. I didn’t expect you to be so eager to give me a helping hand , so I didn’t think to ask.”

“Shit, well, guess it’s too late now,” I mutter, cursing myself for not being more careful. I don’t want to waste whatever the liquid is, so I resist the urge to wipe my hands off immediately and wash them.

I rub the liquid between my hands, then reach down and smooth my palms lightly across Hadrell’s back. His muscles tense as I make contact and I immediately lift my hands off of him. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” they chuckle. “Just didn’t think you were actually going to do this.”

I hesitate before touching them again, frowning down at their back. “I won’t touch you if it makes you uncomfortable,” I say softly.

“No, no, I like it. It’s fine. I should’ve learned by now that you’ll rise to a challenge.”

Oh, I’m rising alright. My cock twitches as I run my hands along their back again.

“So, any particular reason you hate being helped?” I need to talk about something that doesn’t involve how good their skin feels under my hands. Or how I want to trace each glowing saelit with my fingers, then with my tongue.

God, they’re so beautiful. If Hadrell let me, I’d gladly explore every inch of their body.

“Because I rarely need help?” They chuckle after their remark and I dig my thumbs a little harder into the tight muscles of their lower back. “Agh, I see how it is. You’ve got me at your mercy and you’re going to torture the information out of me.”

I snort. “Maybe. Now, do you want to give me a real answer? If you don’t want to talk about that, you could tell me about your views on the Consortium and the galaxy that I recall you promising to share over drinks.”

“Wicked human.” The rumble of their voice has my stomach fluttering. What I wouldn’t give to hear them whisper that in my ear while I was touching them elsewhere. My hands stutter on their back and I shake away the horny thought.

I clear my throat expectantly. “Well? ”

“The two go together, actually,” he sighs. “Alright. But tell me to be quiet if you get too bored from me pontificating.”

“I love listening to you talk.” The words slip from my lips before I can consider keeping that information to myself.

Hadrell lets out a rumbling laugh. “Well, alright then. The simple answer is that I ascribe to a philosophy of self-reliance. I trust myself more than anyone else. I know myself and my motivations, weaknesses, and quirks more than anyone else. If I’m at all capable of doing something, it makes more sense for me to do it instead of relying on another.”

I frown down at my hands sliding along their back, working into the muscle as hard as I dare without fear of hurting them. “That’s a sad way to live. Do you really have such little faith in others? Is everything you tell me and your crew about being capable a bunch of bullshit?”

“No!” They go to roll over to face me but I hold them in place.

“Stay put, I’m not done,” I chide.

Hadrell releases a disgruntled sigh but listens. “It’s not lies. I can tell that you all are capable, and I truly believe in you.”

“Then what’s the problem? You don’t have any issues helping others. So why can’t you accept that for yourself?”

“I… It’s my job to help people. I’m Y’thir.”

I’ve heard Fina’s partner, Maerlon, speak about being part of the Y’thir social class, and I’ve learned the basics of how their assigned roles work, but it’s always been a little difficult for me to grasp. Being told “this is what you are and what you have to do” based on something as arbitrary as being the second-born child in a family is such a foreign concept.

“My designation demands that I go out and gather knowledge and resources to help my people,” Hadrell continues. “To help provide for my family. And I’m happy to do it. Helping people in my own convoluted way gives me purpose. Without it, I’m nothing…”

Something tightens in my chest as they trail off. The sentiment of not feeling like you’re enough is far too familiar, even if my worries stem from a different source.

“People would care for you whether or not you’re helping them.” I trail my hands up and down their back, trying to press the notion into the swirling saelit lining each side of their spine. “And they wouldn’t hold it against you if you accepted that care in return.”

“If you say so,” he grumbles, clearly skeptical.

“Try it. Let one of your crewmates help you with something small. If I’m wrong, you can… I was going to say you can act smug and superior, but you already do that a lot so?—”

Without warning, Hadrell rolls over and grabs my waist, then flips me onto my back and moves over me to hold me in place. The maneuver is so unexpected and fluid that I don’t even have time to protest until he already has me pinned.

“Wh-what are you doing?” My voice is a very undignified, high-pitched squeak. “Hey, what about your back?” I ask a second later.

“It’s feeling much better now, thanks to your help ,” they purr. “Now it’s time for me to take care of you.”

My cock jerks and I’m glad I tucked it into my waistband so it’s not standing up like a beacon broadcasting my arousal. “You’re only doing this to avoid dealing with my questions,” I huff. “I’m not the one who struggles with letting people help him.”

They grip my hips a little harder as I try to sit up, and grin down at me. “Good, then you won’t have any trouble letting me help you now.”