Chapter 30
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK
W as it a dream? To wake up beside Indy with the soft morning light lurking upon the walls, falling atop her angelic face like a heaven’s glow. To feel her limbs tangled with his as her soft, steady breaths fanned across his bare chest. To realise he’d had the best night of sleep in a while.
Miles didn’t want to move. Basking in the moment, smiling at the thought that they’d spent the night talking and laughing before falling asleep, he kept his eyes closed, fearing that if he opened them Indy would simply leave.
But eventually, he looked down at her and smiled again. Softly, he placed a kiss on the crown of her head. She stirred, then rolled over to her side. Her steady breathing filled the room, seeming like she was still sound asleep.
She was real.
She was here.
After all these years of pining, secrets, longing, she was here, and she was a treasure he would keep safely tucked inside his heart.
His pulse drummed hastily when he kept his gaze on her peaceful face, and he thought he had never seen anything quite as amazing as this exact instant. Indigo Bailey was a magnificent canvas so rare, so beautiful, that nothing in this universe could so much as equal her beauty. It was the way her bright soul and unwavering string of light collided that set his whole heart on fire. Miles couldn’t fathom how he had once managed to fight the relentless sparks, because now that they had burst like fireworks, he refused to go back in time.
He liked it—that feeling whenever he was around Indy. Because he had never met a woman with an aura like hers before. Had never met someone who made him feel so deeply. Had never been more infatuated and enamoured than he was right now.
When Indy woke up a few minutes later to the melody of his guitar strings creating soft notes, she smiled brightly. She stretched out, her hair an adorable mess of tangled locks, that sleepy haze still lingering in her eyes.
“Good morning, Golden Boy.”
He smiled. “Hi, Daisy.”
She pushed herself into a sitting position against massive pillows. “Being serenaded first thing in the morning has always been a dream of mine.”
Miles dropped his gaze to her chest clad in one of his t-shirts. “I’m glad I can contribute to making your dreams come true in any kind of way.”
“So next time, you can wake me up by going down on me.”
He choked on air then barked out a laugh. “God, you’re unhinged.”
“You love it.”
He sighed softly. “I do.”
She reached to the nightstand to grab an elastic band and pulled her hair into a bun. “How’d you sleep?”
“Like a baby.”Certainly, she was the reason for the peacefulness buzzing around his mind. “You?”
God, her smile. It was beautiful. Unrestrained. Probably his favourite feature of hers because she had the one she offered to the world, and then she had the smile only reserved for him. “Pretty damn well. Did you know that you kick in your sleep, though?”
“I do?” His eyes widened. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She chuckled, and the melody fed his soul. “No, don’t worry.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he gently deposited the guitar at her feet. He was about to confess that he wasn’t used to sleeping with someone, but loved having her in his arms, when a knock on the door resonated.
“Perfect timing.”
He rushed to the door, accepted the tray the kind lady gave him, and thanked her before going up to Indy.
“Oh my God,” she mumbled at the sight of the full breakfast tray. “Is this Princess treatment?”
Safely putting the large plate down in the middle of the bed, he nodded. “ Queen treatment,” he corrected.
“Aren’t I lucky?”
With his hands placed on either side of her hips, he leaned down to leave a lingering kiss on her lips. She sighed, smiling against his mouth as her small hand cradled his stubbled jaw.
Kissing Indy made him want to anchor himself to the moment. Made him want to tether his soul to hers in every way possible. Miles never thought that love was meant for him. Never even believed it was possible to be so deeply consumed by a person.
Not until her. Not until she made him lose all semblance of control and became an addiction.
“Anything for you,” he whispered when they parted ways.
He grabbed a grape from the fruit bowl, tossed it into the air, and caught it smoothly in his mouth, chuckling when she brazenly traced the lines of his abdomen with her ocean gaze.
When he sat across from her and draped the guitar over his lap, she asked, “When did you start playing?”
“The guitar? I think I was eight.”
For a moment, there was only the tune of Californication resonating around the room. Miles was intently watching Indy—the awe on her expression, the longing in her gaze, the steady rise and fall of her chest.
“Did you start playing for a specific reason?”
A couple of months ago, he was set on keeping his secrets safe, cornered into his soul. But now, as he realised he trusted Indy with everything, he knew that she needed to know about that part of him—that darkness he bore. Hated.
Indy handed him a cup of coffee, letting his fingers brush hers as he grabbed it. He took a sip and deposited the mug on the nightstand.
“Music and karting were my only escape as a kid. The only things I truly loved. At that point, I’d been playing the piano for a few years already, but I wanted to learn to play another instrument.”
“That’s so cool. I love that you knew from an early age what you liked and made you happy.”
A knot got stuck inside his throat as he strummed absently. “My mother… She never understood what communication was. When she was angry at me, she’d just tell me to go to my room. She would never apologise, talk about the issue, or hug me. The next day, she would just move on and act like she hadn’t hurt me. My only way of clearing my mind was to play music. But she’d yell at me because the volume of the piano was too loud. Or because I wasn’t playing well enough.”
Her brows bunched together. “But you were just a kid.”
“I know.” He exhaled heavily. “Anyway, I started learning the guitar because I supposed it was a bit quieter.”
She brought her knees to her chest, leaning her chin atop one of them before sipping her coffee. “And your dad?”
“Worked his ass off for everything. Came to kiss me goodnight every day, asked me to play on the piano for him, brought my mother flowers, and exhausted himself to make sure we were all happy.”
A light veil of sadness misted over her eyes. “Were you? Happy?”
Miles shrugged. “I was. I had everything I wanted.”
“But?”
“But I always wondered what I did wrong to make my mum so mad. Why she never hugged me or told me she loved me, whereas it was evident that I was my dad’s world.”
Her expression fell, a sigh escaping her mouth. She reached forward, placing her hand on his wrist. “Huxley, I’m so sorry. No one should be neglected by a parent.”
He thought he was numb to the feeling, that he was indifferent regarding the situation, but talking so openly about it with Indy made his chest tighten.
“My dad kept telling me she was just tired. That it wasn’t my fault that she snapped like this. And then”—his voice cracked, his gaze darting to the window—“she left him. She left us.”
Indy’s lower lip quivered, but she didn’t say anything. Didn’t rush him. Merely gave him the time to go at his own pace.
“What I’m going to say might sound so wrong,” he continued quietly, “but deep down, I’ve always thought we were better off without her. It took me years to realise it, though. Of course, I was confused at first. I didn’t understand why she left without a word, why my dad was so devastated but still kept being the best man ever. Then I learned a couple of years later that he was the one to kick her out.”
“Do you know why? You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable or ready, though. I’ll understand.”
“I appreciate you. But talking about it feels really good. You’re important to me, and I just want you to know everything about me.”
She smiled softly, grabbing his hand. Her thumb caressed his skin—coaxing and reassuring. “Good. I feel the same way about you.”
After kissing the centre of her palm, he took a deep breath in. “Apparently, my mother had wanted to divorce my dad for a while, but he’d always fought for her. Always did everything to prove to her they were good together. Did you know they met when she was seventeen and him fifteen?” Indy shook her head. “They had Maya when Mum was twenty, and then me when she was twenty-three. They were young. Didn’t expect to be pregnant twice. That’s never stopped Dad from giving us the world, you know?”
A shaky exhale escaped his mouth, and Indy applied a gentle pressure around his fingers. She had scooted closer, her eyes never leaving his—beautiful sapphires full of attention, full of love.
“Anyway, my father caught my mother stealing money from the trust fund they had set up for me—the money I won from karting races.”
“Oh, shit. Why did she do that?”
“For drugs.”
Indy’s brows shot up. “What?”
He nodded, sighing. “Yeah. My mother was an addict. An emotional and physical abuser. She was shitty.”
“Physical—what did she do? Did she lay a fucking finger on you?” There was not only anger blended into her tone, but anguish and perhaps disgust, too.
“She—” He licked his lips, scoffing dryly. The back of his throat tightened further. “When she hit me, it was the last straw. That was when my dad kicked her out. Told her to never come back. He got full custody. She never even tried to come back, apologise, or go to rehab. I don’t even know where she is today. If she’s alive. We moved out of that small flat when I got into secondary school, and yeah.”
Her voice was brittle as she asked, “She hit you?”
Miles tightened his jaw. Aside from his father and sister, there were only two people who were aware of the physical and emotional abuse he’d been through: Kai and Ava. Kai because he was his best friend. Ava because he would go and find shelter in her flat when he needed to get out of his own house.
Indy was a smart woman—one of the most intelligent, wise, and loving people he’d ever met. Her gaze fell to his forearm, where a thick scar slashed from his elbow to his wrist.
“She got really mad at me one day,” he explained. “It was just us two at home because Dad was at Maya’s dance recital. I—fuck, this is such a crazy story. I wanted to have dinner with her because, despite the negligence, she was still my mother and I missed her. I remember seeing her pouring the last drop of wine into her glass. She’d consumed the whole bottle by herself, and she didn’t want to eat with me. Said she wasn’t hungry. Then said I was bothering her, that I was too needy. Everything’s a blur from the moment she started saying atrocities to me such as I ruined her life, until the moment she started throwing stuff around. She’d gone mad. At one point she just grabbed one of those plastic chairs we used to sit in as children, you know? She threw it at me. I protected my face with my arms, and yeah…”
“How—I don’t—” Indy’s voice was shaky as one single tear rolled down her face. Carefully, she grabbed the guitar to lay it aside. She swallowed. Breathed in. “Is it okay if I touch you?”
An invisible yet powerful force closed around his heart, squeezing and crushing. He nodded, realising he needed her. Yearned for her. “Yes.”
As she settled in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, he didn’t miss a beat to loop his own around her waist, holding her as though she was his safety net. He inhaled her scent, her perfume from last night still lingering.
Her soft caresses upon his back were delicate. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. You are brave. You are so strong. I can’t even imagine how much this situation hurt you. I can’t even fathom what you went through. I’m—are you okay?”
He pushed her away just enough to stare into her eyes. Another tear trickled down her skin, which he wiped away with the pad of his thumb. “I’m okay, baby. Thank you for your words.”
“Are you really okay?” She sniffed, searching his gaze for something.
“Yes. I promise. I went to see a therapist for multiple years to help me overcome the trauma. My dad’s okay, so is Maya. We all went to get help to get better. And I’m so lucky to be surrounded by friends who helped me when I needed it. Do you know how many times your mum came over to cook for us? To help us with groceries when Dad was out late? Your dad once sent Maya and I a bit of money to go treat ourselves for our birthdays.”
“I had no idea,” she choked out.
Miles brushed her hair away from her cheek, tucking it behind an ear. “I’m so grateful for them. For Kai. And you.”
“My parents have always spoken so highly of you, and I always noticed that Mum was extra protective of you. I now understand why.” She cradled his broad neck, and he wondered if she could feel his erratic pulse. “We all love you, Huxley.”
He knew that. But Indy’s love was different—stronger. He just still couldn’t believe that she could love him like that. He wasn’t worthy of it. Of her.
He shook the thought aside for a moment. “But you do understand why I push a lot of people away?”
She nodded, though the hurt flashing in her gaze didn’t go unnoticed. “I do. The walls you built, the no-drinking rule… They’re caused by your mother?”
“Mostly, yeah.”
He slipped his hands beneath her shirt, needing to feel her skin. Needing to be closer. Through the waves in a tempestuous sea, she was his anchor.Through a storm, she was the aftermath—a golden ray of sunshine peeking through the granite sky. And through chaos, she was his calm.
Indy was everything to him.
She was just staring at his arm, feather-lightly tracing the healed wound as though she was scared of hurting him. The raw compassion in her expression made his chest warm. It was evident that she was deeply affected by his story. She understood him in ways no other person had ever done. She provided for him in any capacity he needed. He felt safe, and loved, and seen.
“What are you thinking, baby?” he whispered, cupping her chin to lift her gaze towards him.
“That I want to hurt everyone who’s caused you pain. That I just can’t understand how someone as good as you was treated this way. That I just—I just?—”
“It’s okay,” he murmured, pulling her into his chest. He held the back of her head, kissing away the tear streaming down her cheek.“I’m okay.”
Indy lifted his forearm just enough to pepper soft, gentle, delicate kisses atop his scar. He shivered, then felt a burning sensation in his eyes. He blinked, melting into her touch.Just like that, she was pulling on his heart strings, one by one, making him understand that she was quickly becoming the owner of the pounding organ.
And then, she hugged him. Tightly. Without saying a word. Only letting their hearts beat against one another, syncing like two metronomes.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
Indy nodded, pulling away. She smiled softly, her eyes still glassy as she sifted her fingers through his dishevelled hair.
He dropped his gaze to her chest. “The way my mother left us without batting an eyelash, without putting up a fight, and the way the world thinks of me as such a distant man… It just strikes me as unlovable, right? I keep thinking that I’m not deserving of good things. That beautiful things are just ephemeral and will always go away. That’s why I’m scared to hurt you, because I know that losing you will destroy me, too. So, with every piece of me that I gave you today, you can decide if you want to leave. And if you do, please just do it now because I already completely fucking adore you, and?—”
“Huxley.” His name on her lips was a soft whisper. Her small, trembling hands touched his jaw, lifting his face. “You are the most loveable man I know. I love everything about you—your secrets, your darker side, and your big heart in which you made sure to leave a space for everyone you love. The way you care about Kai, Romeo, and Ezra, and even Ava, Tito, Rowan, Charlie, Kam… Me… You care about us so fiercely. I love how protective you are of your dad, how you’d give the world to my parents after what they did for you. You are good. The people who can’t see you for who you truly are, who have walked away from you, are a waste of your time. There’s so many people out there who love you unconditionally, including your fans. Everyone has so much respect for you—not because you’re a three-time F1 World Champion, but because you are an amazing man, on and off the track.”
When he let out a shaky exhale, he realised he’d freed a single tear. Indy wiped it off his face, kissing the tip of his nose. “But I don’t deserve you. I’m not good enough?—”
“That is not something you can decide for me,” she said with a chilling softness. “I know what I want, what’s good for me, and it’s you. You make me happy. You make me feel beautiful, and wanted, and appreciated. I can be myself around you. I just want you to understand that I am yours, and that I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been patient, and I will be patient until you’re ready to walk out there with my hand in yours.”
And just like that, he felt cords tangling around his heart, securing it solely for Indigo Bailey. He was already ready to give it to her, but he just needed time to give its fullest to the woman of his dreams.
Perhaps it was time for Miles to allow himselfto be happy.
Perhaps the only thing he needed to understand that he was genuinely a good person, was to believe what his entourage said.
Starting with this woman who always pulled him out of the darkness surrounding him. Who always saw the good in him—in everyone. Who just loved him without any limits, and made his heart speed into overdrive.
Miles kissed her softly. Gave her his utter devotion. “Thank you.”
Miles rushed to his dad who was sitting in the hotel lobby, chuckling at something he was reading from the magazine opened on his lap.
“Hey, man,” Henry said, smiling up at him. “Look, there’s an article about Romeo.”
“I don’t care.”
“Oh?” A frown touched Henry’s brows. “Did something happen?”
“No. I mean, I do care. I’m proud of him, and I’ll read the article right after. But come here first, Dad.”
There was amusement but also concern shining in Henry’s gaze. Regardless, he stood up and fell into Miles’ open arms.
Miles tightened his embrace around his father, exhaling in relief. “I love you, Dad. I know I don’t say it enough, but I love you.”