10. Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Catherine
T he drive to the station is quieter than expected. Sebastian usually fills silences with jokes or chatter but today he’s uncharacteristically quiet. I watch the familiar countryside slip past the window in golden light of the early morning which gives everything a soft, hazy glow. I know I should say something but words sit heavy in my chest.
“Got everything?” he asks suddenly, his voice breaking through the silence.
I glance at him, his eyes fixed on the road. “Yeah,” I reply and force a small smile. “Just a bag full of equipment and a head overflowing with questions.”
He chuckles but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Sounds about right.”
I turn back to the window and fiddle with the strap of my bag. This isn’t the goodbye I’d imagined. I thought it would feel easier and we would slip into the rhythm of our usual banter. But after last night nothing feels like before.
When we reach the station Sebastian parks and turns off the engine but neither of us moves. The train is already there and the platform is buzzing with tourists. I take a deep breath and force myself to break the silence.
“Well,” I say, unclipping my seatbelt. “Here we are.”
“Yeah,” he replies, his voice quieter now. “Here we are.”
We step out of the car and he grabs my suitcase from the boot before I can even reach for it. He wheels it to the platform, his pace steady but slower than usual like he’s dragging his feet. I walk beside him with my hands shoved in my pockets as I try to think of something—anything—to make this less awkward.
When we reach the platform I take the handle of my suitcase from him and our fingers brush briefly. The contact sends a little jolt through me but I quickly shake it off.
“Thanks,” I say, my voice feeling too loud in the quiet between us. “For everything. Letting me crash at yours, the attic... all of it.”
“Don’t mention it,” he says, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
The words hit me harder than they should. I look up at his face, which is shadowed by the low morning light and feel that familiar ache in my chest, the one that’s been there since the first time we crossed the line between friends and something more. The line we’ve pretended doesn’t exist for the past ten years.
“Same,” I say softly.
We stand there for a moment with the train hissing softly behind us. The weight of the weekend and of everything that’s happened presses down on me and I want to say something to lighten the mood. But my mouth feels dry and my mind is blank.
“Well,” I say, glancing at the train. “I’d better—”
Before I can finish Sebastian steps forward and kisses me.
It's a different kind of kiss. Not hesitant like the ones in his flat or intense like last night. This kiss is trying to say so much without words. It feels like a final goodbye, but it won't be. I'll be back in a few months, or he'll come down. It's not the first time we've said goodbye, but something shifted last night. And for some reason, neither of us seems ready to move on from it.
The whistle of the train conductor blares and snaps me back to reality but I don’t pull away and neither does he. It’s like we’re caught in a moment outside of time, where everything we’ve never said is spilling out in the way his lips press against mine.
We’re both breathless when we finally break apart. His forehead rests against mine, his hands still on my waist, and I can’t bring myself to step away.
“Well,” I say, my voice shaky but light. “That’s one way to say goodbye.”
“Wanted to make it memorable,” he growls.
I laugh, the sound a little unsteady, and feel his grip on my waist loosen. The conductor blows his whistle again, louder this time, and I step back and grab the handle of my suitcase. My fingers brush his one more time, lingering for a moment longer than they should.
“I’ll call you,” I say, my chest tightening as I turn toward the train.
“You’d better,” he says, his voice following me as I climb the steps.
I find a seat by the window and glance back. He’s still there with his hands shoved in his pockets, watching as the train pulls away.
As the train picks up speed, the station disappearing into the distance, I touch my lips, still warm from his kiss. Whatever this is between us, it’s not over. Not by a long shot.