Thirty Four
Jamie
“This weekend has been amazing. Thank you.”
“No big deal.”
“It is a big deal.”
“It’s a vacation, not a hardship.”
Noah pulls back to look at me. “You’re working through years of trauma and PTSD to get into a car with a boyfriend you’ve only known for months and just started dating. It’s a huge deal. Don’t downplay it. Be proud of yourself. It matters. It matters a lot.”
Looping his arms around my waist, he tucks his body into mine. He smells like strawberries and cream shampoo, and it makes my skin heat. “It doesn’t seem like it.”
“Huh?”
“That we’ve only known each other for months.” Some part of me can’t remember the time this five-foot-five pain in my ass wasn’t a part of my life.
Noah pulls out of my arms to face me, throwing his legs over my thighs. Hugging me closer he kisses me softly, holding on to me like I’m a life raft.
“I’m glad you moved in with me. I’m glad I met you when I did,” I confess.
It’s quiet as we sit there engulfed in each other. Noah’s warm body fits perfectly in my lap. The soft lap of the water calms my beating heart. “You jerked off thinking about me sucking your cock that first night, didn’t you?” He smirks.
“I was trying to have a moment.” Noah laughs, falling back against the blanket, his legs over my thighs. The hoodie he’s wearing rides up displaying a thin line of creamy skin. My hands cup the backs of his knees, tickling him. “You think you’re so fucking funny.”
“Baby, I know I’m funny.”
Noah squeals as I get up and hover over him, but as I look down his laughter dies with the feeling that passes between us. Brushing his messy hair out of his eyes, I kiss him slowly, savoring his taste and feeling him pool like honey beneath me.
Pulling back, I kiss his forehead. “You make me so unbelievably happy.”
He grips my hoodie, tugging me down. Lazily, I explore his mouth. The only sounds out here are from us and the lapping waves. His hips grind against me and heat floods my stomach. Something comes to mind. I’ve been curious. Just a little. Watching the way Noah came undone while I was inside him had me wondering. The feel of his fingers stroking me to orgasm gave me an idea. “Can I ask you something, and please try not to make fun?”
While I try for a tease the words come out way too serious. “Of course. Always.”
Taking a deep breath, embarrassment hits me in the gut. “I want to try...” Fuck, why is this so damn hard. “I want to know how...” I actually need help. My god.
Cupping my face, Noah pulls my attention down. “It’s just me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You can talk to me about anything. I’ll never judge you, I swear.”
Taking a breath, I blink down at him. Those cherry lips snag my attention. “I want to try.” I kiss him hard, loving the way Noah’s body melts for mine. “I want you to fuck me.”
All my confidence leaches from my body the moment I sit on our bed. I showered, and Noah showed me certain things to do if I wanted to prep. I did. The last thing I need is more embarrassment tonight. After a really hot make-out session Noah’s now sitting between my thighs, his hand running up my calf, squeezing. That simple action stills my nerves so fast. Noah is kind, and caring. “You okay?” I nod. I am, I’m just nervous.
Leaning over me Noah looks down. It’s strange in a way to be in this position. I loved claiming Noah’s body. I loved the feel of myself inside him while Noah’s arms and legs surrounded me.
I want this.
He kisses my lips and I relax more into the softness of the bed. I lose myself completely, just loving the way he feels against me. “It’s not for everyone,” Noah whispers. “And that’s okay.”
“I’m okay, I just don’t know what to do.”
Nipping my jaw, Noah pulls back, his eyes shining with emotion. “Kiss me.” He presses into me and I melt completely against him. It’s lazy and sweet. Moaning against my lips, Noah grinds his hips against mine, and my fingers can’t help but reach out, running down his back to squeeze his ass. “You taste so sweet, baby.”
“Noah—”
I bare my throat and Noah kisses my jaw, then neck, laying slow wet kisses with bites of suction that I hope leave marks. I want Noah to claim me. I want the world to know who owns me. Maybe this is a result of that.
Working his mouth down my collarbone, he pays extra attention to the scars on my chest. My sensitive skin hums with a crackle. Pressing his kisses further down, I hiss as he licks my nipple then draws the sensitive bud between his teeth. I want to run my fingers through his hair. Flip him over. Fuck him until he’s crying out to come.
This is not the time, though, and I let Noah kiss, play, and tug at my piercings, each sharp sting making my cock twitch against my stomach. Pulling back, Noah’s green-eyed gaze meets mine before he smirks. “You have really cute nipples.” He draws one between his and teeth I hiss.
The sexy facade crumbles as Noah’s head falls forward and he laughs hard, his forehead pressing against my neck. This man. Noah’s laughter crescendos then attempts to die out, and fuck.
Just fuck.
Pulling back, he’s still laughing softly, looking up at me with those gorgeous eyes. They shine. I plummet. Something so strong fills me and I can’t breathe. I’ve felt this way for days. Fuck. Weeks. Maybe months even. I don’t know for sure. I lean up, cupping his face. All his laughter dies with whatever he sees on mine. “What’s wrong—”
“I love you.”
“What—”
“I’ve never been more happy, or felt more safe than when you’re with me. I love you so fucking much.”
Noah freezes, shell-shocked maybe. “You . . . love me?”
I laugh. I can’t help it. “No, baby, no. The words are, I love you too.” He falls against me and I squeeze him hard. Noah buries his face into my neck and I inhale that sweet, sugary smell that always seems to follow him.
“I love you.” Noah’s words are muffled but I hear them. Kissing the side of his head I let Noah get himself together.
When he pulls away I miss his heat but anticipate what’s coming. “Okay. Okay.” Bracing his hands on his knees, he takes a breath. “Top mode activated. Think dominant, non-weepy thoughts.” Wiping his eyes, he laughs a little, waving his hand in front of his face and fanning himself.
Fuck, I love him.
Noah kisses me back down to the mattress and I sink beneath his touch, letting it bring me peace. Noah’s warm skin pressed against mine is my favorite feeling on earth. “Baby, please,” I beg.
“So impatient.” I shiver as he blows air across my collarbone. Noah looks down at me with so much love; I can’t believe this is real. “Ready to get the topping of a lifetime?”
More than ready. All his jokes and teasing ease each tense knot inside me. Noah’s lips kiss a slow path down my body, paying extra attention to the scars I’ve hated for years. Moaning softly, he presses a kiss to my stomach, nuzzling into the trim hair above my cock with a groan of his own. Those lips land on the juncture of my hip and thigh.
Noah takes me in his hand, slapping my cockhead against his tongue. Glossy red lips, glassy gorgeous eyes. Noah looks drunk on me and we’ve only just started. He takes me into his mouth, and fuck!
He sucks me hard, the velvet heat of his mouth so damn good, and clutches my side as my hips punch up into his mouth, needing more. “You’re not getting off that easy.”
“I need more.”
“I know.” Sitting up, he leans over me, grabbing lube. Okay, this is happening. I can do this. “I’m going to stretch you.” All I can do is watch as he spreads some on his fingers before lying on his stomach between my open legs.
My eyes scan his body, his muscular back and round ass. Fuck, he’s something to look at. So smooth. So pretty. Somehow, all fucking mine.
Noah grabs my ass, squeezing and massaging my cheeks. Heat rises on my face but his gaze remains locked between my legs. I have a huge urge to close them, but he leans in, kissing a path along the inside of my thigh before nosing my balls.
His hot breath makes my thighs fall back wider and when he sucks one of my balls between his lips, I moan. Noah knows exactly where to touch... where to lick... where to suck.
I brace for penetration but the warm, wet stroke of his tongue shocks my hole.
“Oh, fuck.” That feels . . . Holy shit.
“So fucking pretty,” Noah smirks, shaking his head and rubbing his thumb along my sensitive hole. “Fucking beautiful.” All the nerves I’ve been holding inside loosen and leave as Noah dives back in. I don’t soften, I melt against his tongue. Warm liquid heat fills my belly. Heat scorches my skin. Noah moans between my cheeks.
Looking up, Noah reaches out a finger, playing with my rim. Nerve endings I didn’t know existed light up. I’m not worried about the pain so much as I want Noah to enjoy himself. I don’t want to fuck this up.
“You might not like it. That’s all okay. Whatever you feel like doing, we’ll do.”
I nod, looking up at the ceiling as Noah’s finger presses inside. The slight burn makes me gasp but like before there’s a pleasurable edge to it. Noah sits on his knees between my legs. His other hand squeezes my calf. I try and relax. The sensation is both terrible and oddly amazing.
“I’m okay.”
Noah kisses the inside of my knee, slowly stretching me open. Moving closer between my legs, Noah draws one of my balls into his mouth. Okay. Woah. Holy shit, yeah. That is... something.
Noah coaxes me open, sucking my balls and my cock in time with his fingers, entering a third before I know it. I start to grind down on his fingers. The slight burn is gone. Working his fingers, thrusting with more ease, Noah twists them inside, searching for that spot.
I palm my heavy balls, feeling my hole tighten around his fingers. Squeezing my eyes shut, I jerk my cock, humming with the first promise of climax. My thighs are now spread as far as they’ll go as Noah fingers me. I can’t imagine how obscene I look right now and I don’t give a fuck. “Hey, Jamie.” His soft voice snags my attention. “How’s this?”
I jolt, bearing down on his fingers while heat squeezes my cock. I’m dripping down my fist as he does it again. “Holy f-fuck, Noah.” I clench my stomach but Noah doesn’t stop, alternating between stretching me and ringing that bell inside me. I’m going to come. I’m—“Noah, fuck, I’m—” My balls start to draw up. “Noah sto—”
I lose his fingers, feeling strangely empty. Grabbing the lube, he slicks his cock. “I love you.” I can’t stop thinking it—saying it. I feel too much and that doesn’t feel like enough.
Noah smiles. “On your stomach. It’ll be easier. Angles and whatever.”
“I want to see you, though.”
Something softens in his eyes. Leaning over, he slowly strokes his cock. Kissing my lips, he sighs. “Sweet man.” He kisses the side of my face and I grab his ass, pulling him against me, desperate for that feeling again.
I can’t get enough of him, relaxing as his cock rubs along my inner thigh. It’s proportionate to his size. “Go slow.” Most of my life I felt like less than nothing and it’s taken months for Noah to help me realize I’m more. More than the tragedies that happened to me or the shitty people who abused me. I’m more than my trauma and terrible past.
Simply, I’m his.
I tense a bit when I feel his head nudge my hole. “Relax, okay?” Noah eases in slowly. My body shuts down immediately. It’s a bit more than his fingers prepared me for. It burns but there’s a heavy caress to the pain that strokes my cock as he enters me. While I’m not crazy about this, I don’t want to stop. Not when I can feel the promise of pleasure as Noah takes shape inside me. Bottoming out, Noah kisses my chest. “Holy fuck, baby.” It’s almost too much. “You okay?”
“I need a minute.”
He kisses me softly as my thighs widen, fitting against him. Pulling out, he pours more lube on his cock, stroking himself.
“What is it?” Noah laughs softly. “You look like you want to eat me.”
“You’re my best friend.”
Noah frowns, swiping at his eyes, not meeting mine. “I’m supposed to be a rugged dominant man right now. Stop making me want to cry!” Taking a deep breath, he shakes his head. “Now stop being mushy. I need to be at my masculine peak.”
“Noah,” I blink at him flatly. “Shut up and fuck me.”
“Oh, yes. Good. I like that.” Noah focuses and all the humor in the room dies as he slips inside me. It hurts a bit, but I don’t care. “Fuck, you feel amazing. So hot and tight. Fucking perfect.” As he eases in to his base we catch our breaths. Noah’s fingers find my soft cock and slowly massage me.
“Do you want to stop?”
Instead of answering I grab his hips, holding him steady against me. The fullness is a lot but it’s not uncomfortable. “I’m alright.” Smoothing my hands over his hips, I soak in the feeling of being so close to him. “Move, baby.”
Noah watches the place we connect, slowly rocking his hips. The first full thrust knocks the air from my lungs. Clutching onto Noah’s arms I breathe through the slight pain, feeling the way it morphs slowly into something pleasurable. My body relaxes. The weight of the pleasure builds in my stomach. “It’s just...” Noah groans, speeding up. “So good.” Really fucking good.
“Baby, I need—” What? What do I need? I’m not even sure. Fire licks up my spine and I look down at my cock, now leaking precum across my belly. Noah’s eyes go to it, lighting up.
“Feel good?” I nod and Noah bites his lip. “You feel so fucking good.”
“I need more. I need—” I clench my stomach and Noah grabs my knees, pushing them back. I don’t even have a second to feel embarrassed at being spread so open before he rocks back into me, hitting that spot dead on.
My back bows slightly as pleasure heats my skin. I feel drunk. I need to chase down this feeling. I look up, watching Noah’s hips roll, the view of his muscles flexing, sweat dripping down his chest. His face looks broken, a mirror of my own. Having Noah this way is something I didn’t know I needed until now.
“So fucking good.”
“Yeah?” Noah groans as my ass clenches around him. “Am I making this tight hole happy?”
Fuck. Why is that so hot? Precum drips from my cock, pleasure weaving itself into every fiber of my being. My balls tingle, drawing up. I’ve barely even touched my dick. “Noah, holy fuck.”
“Close?”
My head hits the pillow as I moan louder, not caring about how depraved I must look. Each thrust hits that spot. My hand tugs on my cock. Every thrust sends an electric wave through me. Noah knocks my hand away to fist my cock, and my fingers twist in the bed sheets. “Come on my cock, baby.”
“Noah—”
“Give it to me, Jamie.” That’s enough. Noah fucks me through my orgasm as it crashes over me knocking me breathless. Stars burn across my vision as hot ropes of cum warm my chest.
I’m a mess.
I look down and Noah’s still jerking me as I twitch with sensitivity. He begins to pull out. I grip him against me. “I want you to come.” Swallowing, Noah looks down, nodding. Fuck, I want to see it. See us together like that.
“Give me your phone.”
“Huh?”
“Your phone, baby.” Confused I lean over, grabbing it and handing it over. Noah clicks something before I realize he’s filming us. On my phone. Just for me. “Fuck, babe. So fucking hot. I’m going to come.”
If I thought Noah was beautiful before, it was nothing compared to the look of his face as he brings himself to climax using my body. This is unreal. Consuming in a way I didn’t know existed. “Jamie.” My broken name on his lips makes me shiver. His face twists with feeling.
Putting my phone down, Noah falls forward as warmth fills me. He holds me close and emotion clogs my throat. My hands run up and down his back as he buries his face into my neck. Noah drops a kiss on my forehead before sitting up and looking down at us together. Leaning over, he grabs my phone again, taking a picture. “I won’t be mad if you send me a copy,” he says, handing me my phone so I can look at the picture.
Fuck.
I feel my dick rally at the sight of us connected. “This might feel weird.” It’s my only warning as Noah pulls out. I wince, but it’s not bad. I don’t feel sore, just satiated and happy. “Okay?”
“Sensitive.”
Noah grunts, spreading my legs. I feel embarrassed but it doesn’t last long with the look I’m getting. Slowly he pads his thumb around my swollen rim, carefully dipping inside.
“Be right back.” Noah gets up and I’m unable to move at all. When he comes back into the room I can’t help but take in his body. It’s beautiful, and the memory of what he just did to me will live inside my head forever.
Carefully, he wipes me down. Words are lost to me. All I can do is watch Noah, his shining green eyes and flushed cheeks. He just put his glasses on and his brown waves are a mess. Sensing me staring, Noah looks up with a smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I smile, my mind whirling so damn fast. So many thoughts whip around me. None of them matter. All that matters are the hands on me now and the amazing man they belong to.
“You’re so beautiful, Jamie. So beautiful.” Getting up he throws the towel in the hamper before slipping into bed beside me, his arm draped over my chest. “Was it alright?”
Noah’s eyes slam into me. He’s my reward for every bad thing that’s ever happened to me and I’d suffer them all over again if it brought me here.
We kiss like that until we lose track of time.
I press my nose into his thick hair. That warm vanilla is like a trigger. My cock jerks as I breathe him in. “That was fucking incredible.” A proud grin spreads wide on Noah’s lips.
“You’re mine. Always.”
Something sour seeps into my mood but I try not to let it penetrate the bliss I feel. All I can do is hope for the best. Tomorrow I’ll let Noah in. Let him know my scars and trauma. I’ll tell him everything because Noah is a piece of me.
Noah has given me something so irreplaceable, and I’ll give him all of me in return.
Every ugly piece.