Split or Swallow
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
69%
“What did Rowe call me?”
Caspen opened his eyes.
“I see we are already asking questions,” he said, stretching his arms before pulling her against him. Tem had been awake for a while, watching him sleep. But now she needed answers.
“Caspen,” she insisted. “Tell me.”
“Rowe called you a blunt,” he said, his voice still rough with sleep. “It is an insult used to describe humans.”
“But I’m not human—I’m a Hybreed.”
“You are part human. That is already too much for Rowe.”
“But why ‘blunt’? What does it mean?”
“It refers to your teeth. Humans do not have fangs like we do. They will always be…blunt, so to speak.”
Tem absorbed this information slowly.She thought about Leo’s gold teeth, and how they were shaved into points. Fangs, for all intents and purposes.
But false ones.
“Do you think I’m weak?” Tem whispered.
The rage on Caspen’s face was unmistakable.He cupped her jaw, looking her straight in the eye as he said:
“You are perfect, Tem. I will not allow you to think otherwise.”
She appreciated the sentiment. She just didn’t believe it.
Caspen pulled her closer, pressing his lips to her neck.
“Rowe is a fool if he thinks you are weak.”
“He’s just a fool in general,” Tem muttered.
She felt Caspen smile.
“That he is.”
They were silent for a moment. Then Tem said:
“I meant what I said.”
Caspen raised his eyebrows questioningly. She clarified:
“I’ll only do the crest if Leo’s safety is guaranteed.”
“I understand, Tem.”
“Will your father keep his word?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he needs you to perform the crest . If he goes back on his word, he knows you will not deliver.”
“And afterward? How do I trust that he won’t go back on his word then?”
Caspen looked her once more in the eye. “You have my word as well, Tem. No harm will come to the human prince. Or to his sister.”
Deep appreciation swept through her. Now Tem felt better. But the feeling lasted only a moment before another trickle of doubt set in:
“What will happen to the rest of the royals?”
Caspen sighed. “I do not know.”
“Yes you do. Tell me.”
He sat up, and Tem sat up too.
“I do not know for certain. After you crest them, they will be bound to you.”
“And then?”
“I do not know,” he said again.
Tem stared numbly at his shoulder. It would be worth it. Whatever the cost—it would be worth it to avoid war.
“Caspen,” she whispered. “What if I can’t crest them?”
He took her face once more in his hands.
“You can.”
“I thought you didn’t want me to do it.”
He sighed.
“I do not want you to do it if you are not ready. But if this is the path you have chosen, I will help you prepare.”
“Prepare?”
“I will teach you how to harness your basilisk side. Once you do that, you will be able to perform the crest .”
“Do you mean you’ll help me…transition?”
He held her gaze steadily.
“Yes.”
“How?”
Caspen shrugged. “It is like you said. I have taught you everything else. Why not this?”
Tem smiled at that. But it quickly faded.
“I’m…scared,” she whispered.
His expression softened.
“We do not have to do anything today. You can take your time.”
But they were running out of time. The ball was mere days away—the wedding would be shortly after. If Tem didn’t do this now—if she couldn’t master this new part of her—Leo’s safety wasn’t guaranteed.
Something else gnawed at Tem’s heart—a fear she didn’t want to name. She looked up at Caspen, staring deep into his golden eyes.
“Caspen,” she said slowly. “You said our connection is what made the council acknowledge your authority.”
“It is.”
“So you can…draw power from our connection? From me?”
He nodded.
“I can.”
“Even if I’m not near you?”
Another nod.
“Yes.”
Tem looked straight at him.
“So when you send me pulses—when you turn me on—it makes you more powerful.”
“It does.”
He said it calmly. Tem frowned.
All those times he’d brought her to climax using the claw—he was drawing power from her. He was using her. She thought about the time in the bathtub—how it had occurred while he was meeting with the council, seeking approval for their engagement.
Caspen tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Why are you asking me this, Tem?”
“You’re using me to gain power.”
He didn’t respond.
Tem tilted her head. “Am I wrong?”
Still no response. She hardened her tone:
“What if I didn’t give you power? Would you still be with me?”
Caspen touched her chin, pulling her face to his.
“Of course.”
She gave him a look.
“Tem,” he leaned in. “Of course I would. It is true that you are a source of power for me. But that is not why I am with you. Do not forget that you are a Hybreed. Everything I can do, you can do as well.”
Tem absorbed the meaning of his words. Caspen spoke before she could:
“I am a source of power for you too, Tem.”
It was an interesting thought. She wanted to know more, but another fear was seeping into her heart—one she didn’t want to face. Her next question was a whisper:
“What if I never transition? Will you still love me?”
Caspen pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I fell in love with you when I thought you were human. Please do not insult me by assuming I would not love you otherwise.”
Tem hadn’t thought of it that way. At first she’d been angry with Caspen for concealing the fact that she was a Hybreed. But now she considered his choice from a different perspective. If he’d never told her, she may never have found out, and they would have continued on as they had been: her as a human, him as a basilisk. They might have lived like that for the rest of their time together. Caspen had never pushed her to do anything she wasn’t ready to do—never needed her to be anything other than human.
His next words confirmed it:
“I will always love you, Tem,” he whispered. “In any form.”
There was nothing more to say after that. Tem knew in her heart that Caspen’s interest in her was not transactional—that their connection went far deeper than a mere exchange of power. He would have abandoned her long ago if that were the case. There was no guarantee she would be able to transition—no guarantee she would ever reach her full potential. He’d loved her before he saw her freckles. He would always love her.
Caspen kissed her again, and she kissed him back.
Eventually, he drew away.
“It is nearly morning,” he said quietly. “Your mother will be waiting.”
It seemed wrong to leave without having sex. But Tem was still exhausted—her body had been through far too much in the past few days, and she suspected Caspen knew this. He walked her to the head of the trail, kissing her deeply before letting her go.
The morning was a cold one; winter was beginning to set in. The last days of the autumn season were upon them, and soon the village would be covered in snow. Tem had always hated the snow. It was far too cold, and made her feel miserable. Now she wondered whether that was a distinctly basilisk trait. Snakes coveted warmth—they were drawn to it in their deep, dark caves. There was so much she didn’t know about herself—so much she had yet to discover.
Tem went about her farm chores in silence. She noticed the crow of every rooster, marveling at how they physically pained her. It was worse, somehow, now that she knew the truth. It was as if the glass had shattered on her life and she would never put it back together again.
When she entered the cottage, her mother was waiting for her.
“My dear,” she said quietly.
Tem sighed. There was still no closure between them—no resolution.
“Mother.”
A pause. And then:
“I should have told you sooner.”
Tem blinked. She hadn’t expected to hear that at all. Her mother stepped clos?er, taking Tem’s hands in hers.
“It was wrong of me to conceal something so important from you. I pray you’ll forgive me.”
Tem opened her mouth, then closed it again. Was she really going to blame her mother for keeping this secret when she was now keeping secrets of her own? Her mother had no idea what Tem had been up to under the mountain. She didn’t know that her daughter was engaged to a basilisk—that Tem was practically following in her footsteps. So she said:
“Of course I forgive you.”
Relief flooded her mother’s face. She squeezed Tem’s hands, then dropped them.
“I know you must have many questions. And I will answer them, but later. For now, I was planning on going to the bakery.”
Tem knew it was her way of making peace—of sparing her from a needlessly cruel encounter with Vera.
“Thank you, mother.”
Her mother smiled. Then she left.
Tem spent the rest of the day in bed, alternating between worrying and sleeping. By the time it was midafternoon, she was already aching to see Caspen again. She was eager to begin her lessons—eager to transition. Now that she knew there was an entire part of her that lay undiscovered, she needed to explore it.
Tem couldn’t wait until evening.
She left her mother a note and walked quickly to the caves, her shoulders hunched against the wind. When she arrived, she went straight to the passageway, confidently navigating the twists and turns she’d memorized long ago. Tem was almost to Caspen’s chambers when something stopped her dead in her tracks.
Someone stood in the middle of the passageway.
She could barely see them in the near-blackness, but her spine broke out in chills when they spoke:
“Temperance.”
It was Rowe.
Tem didn’t respond. She couldn’t if she tried.
Rowe stepped closer.
“You know,” he said casually, as if they were old friends. “You should not wander the mountain alone. It is not safe for humans.”
“I’m not human.”
Tem hated how small her words sounded.
Rowe stepped even closer.
“No?” his voice immediately lost its congenial tone. “Then what are you? A half breed. An abomination of nature who thinks she is our salvation.”
“I don’t think that,” Tem whispered.
“Stupid girl. You know nothing of the ways of my people.”
“I know Caspen regrets what he did.”
Rowe froze. It was a wild gamble to bring up Rowe’s father. But Tem needed to distract him—to find a way out of this. She barreled onward before he could stop her:
“He didn’t want to perform the crest .”
Rowe’s response was cold:
“And yet he did so anyway.”
“He only did so because he felt he had no other choice.”
“ And yet he chose to do it, ” Rowe hissed. He stepped closer once more, and his breath was on her face as he said:
“What he did was a sin. He will pay for it in blood.”
Tem tried to control her heartbeat, but found it was impossible. Rowe was standing far too close; every instinct in her body was telling her to run.
“Wouldn’t you do anything for your family?” she asked desperately. “For your quiver?”
“His quiver has no right to the throne,” Rowe snarled, his voice sharper than crushed glass. “And neither do you.”
Cold fear bit through Tem.
Rowe was angry. At Caspen and at Tem. Before she could turn around, Rowe grabbed her arm, his grip painfully tight. His other hand went to her throat, his fingers tightening around her esophagus. But instead of choking her, Rowe’s eyes bore into hers, his pupils dilating wide. For a single, terrifying moment, Tem thought he might kiss her.
Instead, Rowe’s face twisted into a frown.
“Unbelievable,” he whispered. “He claimed you.”
Tem had no idea what that meant. But she knew she had to get away. Rowe was clearly unhinged, and there was no telling what he might do next. With one final yank, Tem wrenched herself from his grasp as forcefully as she could. To her surprise, he let her go, his face still frozen in shock. Every instinct screamed at Tem to run. Instead, she raised her chin and said:
“If you ever touch me again, Caspen will kill you.”
She didn’t even know whether the words were true. If Caspen killed Rowe, there would be an immediate war between the quivers. Tem didn’t want that to happen—especially not because of her. But Caspen was the only card she had left to play. He was powerful, and right now, she needed to remind Rowe of that.
Rowe didn’t answer. Tem ran.
She sprinted the rest of the way to Caspen’s chambers, frantically counting the turns one after another, somehow making it to the familiar wooden door. Caspen looked up in surprise as she entered.
“Tem? You are early.”
She immediately burst into tears.
“ Tem ,” Caspen crossed to her, taking her face in his hands and pulling it up to his. “What is the matter?”
She shook her head, trying to control her sobs.
“Talk to me, Tem.”
Caspen’s gaze fell to her throat. She wondered if he could see where Rowe had grabbed her.
“Tem, please,” he whispered. “What happened?”
She didn’t answer, still catching her breath.
“You look just as you did after those boys hurt you. I cannot bear to see you this way.”
At the mention of Jonathan and Christopher, Tem remembered the stone stat?ues in the square. She imagined what Caspen might do to Rowe.
“It’s nothing like that,” she shook her head again. “Really.”
But Caspen’s mouth formed a hard line.
“Tell me what happened.”
His voice was quiet. There was no point trying to hide from him. Even if she could lie convincingly, he would never believe her. She looked up into his concerned eyes.
“I ran into Rowe,” she said finally. “He…was angry.”
Caspen immediately stiffened.
“About what?”
“The council meeting.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“What did he say?”
Tem tried to look away, but Caspen held her face near his.
“He said I had no right to the throne.”
There was a pause, and Tem considered leaving out the rest. But something in Caspen’s expression told her he wouldn’t stop until he had the full story. So she finished quietly:
“And then he said you claimed me.”
Caspen straightened.
“Did he touch you when he said that?”
“He grabbed my throat.”
Shock passed quickly over Caspen’s face. Then unfathomable anger took over. He dropped his hands.
“Wait here,” he commanded.
“Where are you going?”
“I will explain when I return.”
Tem pulled him back.
“You will explain now. ”
“Tem, stop. I must—”
“ Caspen .”
At her cry, he went still. She threw her arms around his neck, holding him against her.
“I need to feel safe,” she said quietly. “Please don’t leave me.”
His face was an inch from hers. She stared into his golden eyes, seeing nothing but rage in them.
“I must kill him, Tem.”
A chill went down Tem’s spine. It was exactly what she’d threatened Rowe with, but now that it was actually an option, she knew without a doubt she didn’t want it to happen.
“It was nothing , Caspen. Truly.”
But Caspen was already turning to leave again.
“This cannot go unpunished.”
She pulled him back. “There’s nothing to punish.”
He let out a dry laugh.
“You are wrong.”
“He only grabbed me.”
“He tried to crest you.”
That made Tem stop short. She frowned. “How do you know?”
Caspen’s eyes went once again to her neck.
“The crest is most effective when done by the throat.”
Tem pictured the terrifying moment when Rowe had grabbed her and looked her in the eye.
“But I didn’t feel anything,” she said slowly.
“That is because I claimed you for myself. My venom protected you from his crest .”
Tem remembered how she had swallowed the smoky black liquid.
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
“Yes,” Caspen said, his body still angled toward the door. “Only the king could bypass that protection. He is the only basilisk with enough power to crest anyone he wants.”
“What would have happened if Rowe had crested me?”
“I would have killed him,” Caspen snapped. “Like I wish to do now.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
He sighed, finally turning back to her. “Then what do you mean, Tem?”
“I mean…what would have happened to us?”
If possible, Caspen looked even angrier than he already did.
“I do not know for sure. You are a Hybreed, so you are both basilisk and human. The crest could have enslaved you. Or it could have killed you. If it had enslaved you, our bond as we know it would be broken. You would belong to him.”
“I can’t imagine that.”
“Neither can I.”
Tem tried to picture herself with Rowe instead of Caspen. The thought made her want to vomit.
“But how could he think he’d get away with cresting me? He couldn’t hide it, could he?”
“He would not hide it. That is the point. Everyone would know he crested you. He would fuck you in front of me and there would be nothing I could do about it.”
It was an awful thought. Tem couldn’t imagine being bound to someone like Rowe—someone who hated her—someone who didn’t care if she lived or died. Someone who would use her to torture Caspen.
“I wouldn’t let him.”
“You would not have a choice, Tem. The crest would bind you. Your only desire would be to please him.”
“That’s horrible.”
“It is. To crest another’s mate is unspeakably cruel. There is no way to reverse it. It is an unforgivable act of war. Rowe knows this.”
“So…what happens next?” Tem asked softly. “You can’t kill him. You know that.”
Caspen sighed.
“I know. But I must retaliate.”
“Can’t you just…I don’t know…teach him a lesson somehow?”
The corner of Caspen’s mouth twitched. It wasn’t a happy smile.
“That is exactly what I will do.”
A sliver of dread pierced Tem’s stomach, and she regretted her suggestion. But surely, whatever Caspen chose to do to Rowe would be better than killing him, wouldn’t it? As long as there were no more deaths on her hands, Tem could justify the outcome.
She stepped closer to him.
“Just…don’t do anything tonight. Please. I don’t want to be alone.”
Caspen’s hands found her waist.
“I will not leave you alone.”
“Ever?” Tem murmured against his lips.
“Ever,” Caspen murmured back.
They kissed slowly, sensually, savoring the way the other tasted. Caspen unlaced her dress, and it fell to the floor. He whispered a question into her mind as his tongue moved against hers:
Do you want to try to transition?
A lot had already happened tonight, and Tem was tired. But the allure of transitioning was why she’d come here in the first place. And if the incident with Rowe had taught her anything, it was that she needed to protect herself. Transitioning was the best way to do it.
Yes.
Caspen pulled away.
Come with me.
He took her hand in his, and they entered the passageway.
Where are we going?
Down.
It was all he said. Tem didn’t ask for more information, content to simply walk by his side as they descended deeper and deeper beneath the mountain. At one point, they crossed through a large circular room with a fountain in the middle. There were benches scattered throughout the space.
“What happens here?” Tem asked.
“It is a gathering place,” Caspen said. “Think of it as a courtyard.”
They continued walking, ever downward, and Tem swore an hour passed before Caspen finally stopped them in front of a pair of double doors. He turned to her.
“I want you to try to relax.”
Tem rolled her eyes. Caspen always wanted that.
“Tem,” he placed his hands on her shoulders. “You need to be calm. And you need to believe you can do this.”
She stared up at him. It was clear that Caspen believed she could do this, whether Tem believed it herself or not. That would have to be enough for now.
Tem nodded.
Caspen nodded too, then pushed open the double doors.
An enormous cavern unfolded before them. They were standing at its very edge, on a slope that led gradually down to a deep, wide lake. Glistening water went on for what seemed like forever—Tem couldn’t see the end of it. The cavern was lit by torches, their warm light flickering off the surface of the lake. Stalactites hung from the ceiling in great jagged drips.
“This is…” Tem whispered. But there were no words. It was beyond beauty—Tem had never been somewhere so clearly steeped in magic. She could feel it in her bones—much the same way she’d been able to feel Caspen’s power during the council meeting. There was a deep, ancient energy here, and Tem felt herself drawn to it.
Caspen guided her down the slope, right to the edge of the water.
“What is this place?” Tem asked.
“It is the center of the mountain.”
“Why did you bring me here?”
Caspen stepped into the water, and Tem followed.
“It is sacred,” he said as they waded out until they were waist deep. “We believe that Kora herself bathed here.”
Tem could believe that too. The lake was ethereal—she could see how a goddess would feel at home here.
“It may be easier for you to transition somewhere that is connected to nature.”
“Why not outside?”
“There are people outside. If you transition and you cannot control yourself, they would be in danger. I do not want you to worry about hurting anyone your first time.”
Tem felt a rush of gratitude toward him. He had clearly thought this through.
Caspen took her hands in his, turning to face her.
We will do this together.
He said it with a confidence Tem did not share.
A moment later she felt him pull her into his mind in the same way he had done before. Tem made a concerted effort not to panic at the thought of leaving her physical body unprotected while he transitioned.
I will keep you safe.
Tem would have nodded, but there was no point. Even Caspen’s conviction could not soothe her. She was too anxious—too frightened—to be at ease even in the shelter of his mind.
Relax, Tem.
Tem tried to relax.
She focused instead on the way Caspen felt—noticing how he was calm and steady despite what was at stake. It was a trait she’d always desired for herself. Tem felt too much, all the time.
You can use that, Tem.
Use what?
Your emotions.
How?
Transitioning is about becoming the truest version of yourself. You are emotional. Embrace that.
I thought you wanted me to be calm.
Perhaps what I want is irrelevant here.
Tem considered this. She was a Hybreed—that meant she was just as much a human as she was a basilisk. It also meant that she would never be exactly like Caspen. There would always be a part of her that would not be tamed.
Now pay attention.
Tem knew that tone well. Her teacher had returned.
A subtle vibration was forming in Caspen’s mind. It buzzed along the perimeter, building gradually into a low hiss. Tem felt it all around her; it dug into her brain like a hundred tiny talons, scratching at the essence of her being.
This is how I begin.
Tem realized what Caspen was doing: he was showing her how he transitioned in the hopes that she would be able to do so too.
The hiss grew until it surrounded Tem on all sides, building into a singular gleam of power. There was a great swell , and Tem felt a sudden wave of motion sickness. Caspen was breaking— shedding —unfolding himself from the inside out. It was like being in the middle of a volcano while it erupted.
Along with the mental sensation, Tem experienced what Caspen felt physical?l?y. It was exactly as he’d said: transitioning was like taking off clothes. Layer after layer of restriction fell away, revealing the feral beast beneath.
Join me, Tem.
The hiss grew. Tem was unbearably hot, as if she had a hundred fevers at once.
Something called to her—something that felt like Caspen, but wasn’t him—something primal and wild and free. Tem wanted to answer.
But she couldn’t.
When she tried to access the deepest parts of her, she was met with resistance. There were shackles holding her down—chains of doubt and fear that would not budge no matter how hard she yanked at them.
You can do it, Tem.
I can’t.
You are the only one standing in your way.
Tem was painfully aware of that.
Her consciousness pricked as Caspen passed the point of no return. Part of her ached to join him. An equal part recoiled in terror.
Trust your instincts, Tem. You can do it.
Tem felt as if she were splitting in two.
I’m telling you I can’t.
Thick, black smoke filled the cavern. Caspen was growing, his human form long gone.
Join me.
They barely sounded like words anymore. Caspen’s voice was just a hiss, thundering through her mind and rattling her teeth in her skull.
Tem tried again to break free—to fling away the anchors that weighed her down—to cast aside twenty years of pain and insecurity and self doubt. Caspen’s mind surrounded hers, pulling her toward him, forcing her in two different directions.
You can do it.
But Tem had had enough.
“ I CAN’T! ” she screamed. Her voice echoed endlessly around the cavern, cruelly repeating her own failure back to her.
A moment later, Tem was back in her own mind. She saw Caspen’s outline shrink behind the smoke, and she knew he was returning to his human form. The sweltering temperature dropped to a tolerable degree, and before she could even blink, a man stood before her once more.
Caspen’s hands went to her waist, holding her gently.
“We will try again tomorrow, Tem. Do not despair.”
Tem didn’t even have the energy to nod.
Instead she collapsed against him, tears stinging her eyes. The frustration and disappointment was too much for her. She had never felt so defeated.
Caspen held her as she sobbed, waiting until she was calm before carrying her out of the lake and through the passageway, murmuring soothing words the entire way back. By the time they reached his chambers, Tem was fast asleep in his arms.
When she woke, the first thing she felt was shame.
Tem couldn’t imagine how things could have gone any worse. She was completely hopeless. It was one thing to feel out of place as a human—but to know she couldn’t transition either was a blow she hadn’t expected.
You cannot transition yet. That does not mean you will never do so.
Caspen was awake, watching her.
I’m hopeless, Caspen.
Caspen touched a single finger to the bottom of her chin, raising her head tohis.
I never want to hear you say that again.
Tem was on the verge of tears. Caspen pressed his lips to hers.
Rest today, Tem. We will try again tonight.
By the time Tem got home, she had cried twice more and received a pounding headache in return. The farm work did nothing to soothe her, and despite cleaning the chicken coops with unhinged aggression, Tem’s mood only worsened.
It wasn’t fair that Caspen could transition so easily. There had to be some trick to it—something Tem was missing. And what if she never figured it out? What if she never accessed this part of her—the part that was capable of performing the crest ? There was too much at stake for that to be the case. She had to master this. For Leo’s sake, and her own. She could not shoulder the burden of war.
Her mother mercifully made the trip to the bakery again. If this was their new normal, Tem certainly wasn’t going to question it. She savored the time alone in their little cottage, taking the opportunity to smell the sea salt spray on her moth?er’s dresser. It had been a long time since she’d used it, and she spritzed a tiny amount in her hair now, pressing her curls to her nose and sniffing deeply. For some reason, it made her feel connected to Caspen, and she wished the claw was inside her.
Just then, there was a knock on the door.
Tem bound into the kitchen, half expecting to see Leo on her porch. Instead it was a footman, who handed her a letter before disappearing. Tem opened it in a rush to read:
Temperance Verus,
The prince requests your presence at the castle for a formal ball in two days’ time.
The dress code is evening wear.
There was a note on the back, written in tangled red ink:
Next time I get to torture you.