27. Ellie
27
ELLIE
A fter leaving Jasper’s, Ellie went to the beach. She needed time to untangle the knot of emotions Ramona’s words had created, each syllable replaying in her head. A few weeks ago, she’d have said it was exactly what she wanted, but now she wasn’t so sure. Yes, it was an opportunity, but was it the right one for her? Spending the night with Jasper, being with him in his home and enjoying the way he treated her had opened her eyes to how things could be with the right man.
But what she needed to be certain of was if Jasper was the right man for her. After all, he had two young children who could also be hurt if the relationship failed. Plus, there was Jasper’s grief for his wife that meant he was vulnerable and Ellie would never want to hurt him or cause him more pain. He’d been through quite enough for one lifetime.
‘What to do, Ellie, what to do?’ she muttered to herself as she strode along the sand, her sore ankle twinging slightly at the brisk pace.
How did you know when something was right? How could she choose between Jasper and her acting career? Until today, she’d been all but certain that it was over, anyway. She’d turned her back on the life she’d had in London, ready to embrace a life in Cornwall, but now that old life had reared its head again and was tempting her back. There was no guarantee she’d get the role, and it was also a small role; it could be a road to nowhere. But so could her relationship with Jasper. It depended what she wanted. What she saw her future being like.
‘But what do I want?’ She tucked her hands into her pockets and upped her pace.
With the sky turning grey, a brisk, cooler breeze whipped at her hair and clothing. The morning had started out fine, but now it looked like they could have a storm. The breakers frothed as they hit the shore, curling inwards like they would swallow the sand in one giant gulp. Saltwater spray flew up into the air, then scattered like diamond drops that landed on the sand.
As the tide lapped at her toes, Ellie stepped backwards. The last thing she needed right now was to have cold, wet feet. That wouldn’t help her focus at all.
Why did this have to happen? Was it life’s way of testing her commitment to Cornwall and to Jasper? She’d enjoyed being home, spending time with her gran and with Jasper and his children. Had felt content for the first time in years. No one was judging her, no one was telling her she was less than she was. And yet … the glamour of her London life had been one thing that had kept her there. Imagine what Barnaby would say if she secured a big role. His parents too. Their actions had made her feel insignificant, and it hurt; but then, she came home to love and acceptance. She had, at last, felt safe.
But this role could be the start of something incredible. The break she’d been waiting for…
As thunder cracked the sky, she shivered. It was time to head home and make some big decisions. Having one thing didn’t have to mean sacrificing the other, but she also knew that she couldn’t have it all. People’s hearts were at stake, hers included, and so she wouldn’t hurry this decision, even though Ramona had told her she needed to know ASAP.
With the sky breaking open and rain lashing down, Ellie ran up the beach towards her gran’s, each footfall sending up a spray of sand and seawater.
What was it people sometimes said? You only regret the chances you don’t take? Perhaps it was time for Ellie to take a chance. Perhaps it was time for her to put herself first.
Perhaps she should follow her heart…