18. Merritt
merritt
. . .
“Would you like something to drink?” I offered once we were inside my large cabin. She simply looked around and shook her head. “You sure? Water? Hot chocolate––“
“Merri,” she warned, and I sighed.
I glanced down, and my hand around hers tightened. I hadn’t let go of her hand since I’d opened her door, and we’d walked in. I wasn’t about to start.
“I’m sorry,” I started off by saying.
“For what?” she asked, her eyes locked with mine. She was so much smaller than me. Her head reached my shoulders, but barely. But there she stood, still holding on to my hand after figuring out what I’d done and doing it so damn bravely I couldn’t help but feel proud of her.
I opened then shut my mouth. For all my damn bravado, I couldn’t get myself to say it.
“Was it you?” she asked, but I stared at her. My brain was firing off a million miles a minute, trying to come up with an answer. An honest one that wouldn’t scare her away. Obviously tired of waiting, she impatiently repeated herself. “Was it?”
“Cutie––“
“Don’t.” She tried to pull her hand from mine. When I didn’t let her, she let out an adorable little growl. “Are you telling me it was you? The gifts? The notes? My secret admirer?” she asked directly, pointing out just some of my grievances.
“Yes,” I admitted, hating I couldn’t read the look on her face.
“Why?” she asked. “Was it some kind of joke? Or bet?”
“No, Jesus, no!”
“Why, then? And have you been watching me? Following me?”
“Baby––“
“Tell me, Merri,” she insisted, stomping her foot with frustration, and I lost my mind.
I needed her in my arms when we had this conversation. I’d hold her tightly not only so she couldn’t run away from me but so I could remind her that’s where she belonged. I pulled her arm towards me, and as if going by instinct, her body telling her she was safe with me, she let herself come closer. I used that to my advantage and bent to lift her up.
“Merri!” She tried to wiggle free, but I didn’t let her. “What do you think you’re doing?!” she complained, but I wasn’t going to let her go.
“Still,” I ordered.
I had no right. I probably sounded like a bastard. But fuck me, she was mine, and she needed to be reminded. I was desperate. I needed her to not only hear me out but listen to what I had to say. Not that I knew how the fuck to explain I’d lost my ever-loving mind after I’d seen her one time. When Scarlett realized I wasn’t letting her go, she wrapped her legs around my middle and her hands rested on my shoulder.
“Why?” she finally asked again, breaking the silence that had fallen between us.
“If you give me a moment, I’ll explain,” I mumbled, carrying her through my house and into the living room. I sat down, keeping her straddled on me. She tried to wiggle free, only to wake up the monster between my legs.
“Merri,” she whispered when she felt it. My jaw clenched.
“Ignore it.”
“Ignore it? Ignore—“ Her voice cracked. “How does anyone ignore that?” Her hips rolled to make her point, and my nose flared.
“Knock it off, baby girl.”
“Well, if you let me off your lap—“ Not happening. I wrapped my arms around her, and she moved closer, her body relaxed. I had no idea how. She should have been freaked out by me. But she was still here. Sitting on my lap, touching me. She should have been trying to break free of my embrace and run away from the monster that had been watching her when she had no idea.
“I saw you at the New Year’s party.”
“I know. I bumped into you—“ she cut me off with a cute, bratty eye roll. But when I shook my head, her head tilted. “What?”
“Earlier. You walked in, and I tried to—“ I cleared my throat to get rid of the hoarseness in my voice, but it was impossible. “I tried to shake off this feeling like… I don’t know. I just couldn’t stop staring at you.”
“But you ran off,” she pointed out, and I blinked. “When we bumped into each other, I asked if you wanted to get a drink, but when I looked up, you were gone.”
“Baby, I had to.” I swallowed hard. “The men in my family, we’ve all grown up believing we’re cursed. I thought… by walking away, I was saving you from me.”
“So, you stalked me instead?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” The desperation dripped from my voice. The fear of losing her pulsed through my veins. “That first week of the year? All I could do was think about you. I couldn’t focus on one fucking thing. Not one, Scarlett. I didn’t even know how to find you, and I was ready to start crawling up the walls. But then I found out you were Onyx’ sister minutes before you walked into the brewery that day. I’d tried to tell myself that the memory of you had been through rose-colored glasses, but when I saw you again, I knew I was wrong.”
“Merri.”
“I messed up. I didn’t know how to…” I shook my head. “But bumping into you at the coffee shop? Talking to you? Watching you walk away from me? I knew I couldn’t keep my distance. Curse or not.”
She watched me for a long time.
Nothing but silence sat between us, heavy and thick, almost suffocating. I hated how I couldn’t read her.
“Were you at my place when I thought someone broke in?” she asked softly. Her eyes searched mine closely, ready to call me on my lies.
“Yes,” I confessed. “I snuck in.”
“Was it the first time?”
“I’d been there before, with you,” I reminded her, and she rolled her eyes. That little bit of attitude gave me a sliver of hope she wasn’t terrified of me.
“I mean when I wasn’t there?”
“No,” I admitted, and she licked her lips.
“Have you ever been in my house when I didn’t know?”
“Yes,” I confessed, knowing that with every answer, I was probably digging myself deeper into a hole I had a feeling I could never find my way out of. “I told you that if you kissed me, this thing between us was it. I tried to warn you?—“
“That you were stalking me?! How would I have guessed that from you calling me yours?” she exclaimed, pulling her body away from me.
“You really think you could tell me you’re not?” I held on to her. “That you didn’t think about me after we bumped into each other? That that wasn’t the longest week of your life, either?”
“Merri—“ she started to say, but I knew she couldn’t deny us. My hand tangled in her hair, cradling the back of her head.
“You really think you don’t belong to me?” I rasped, tipping her head back. It might have been just the two of us in the house, but the blood in my body was rushing through my veins, leaving a buzzing in my ears. Nerves and desperation and need heady.
“I know I do,” she whispered, her breathing as unsteady as my own. My eyes shut, and I rested my forehead against hers.
“Thank god,” I whispered.
“But, Merri, is that enough?” The relief I’d felt was short lived.
“What do you wanna know? I’d never lie to you.”
“How am I supposed to believe that? You’ve been dropping off gifts, things I’m not sure I want to know how you knew I needed.” My lips thinned. “Did you have someone following me around?”
“Yes. I’d do anything to make sure you’re safe.”
“We live in Moonlit Pines. Nothing bad happens here.”
“You never know. I wanted you safe and…” My voice cracked. “I can’t imagine anything happening to you. I couldn’t risk it.”
“Curses aren’t real,” she whispered, and that’s when I felt it. Her body relaxed over mine, and if I wasn’t wrong, she leaned in closer. The familiar warmth of her body touched mine. “We’re not cursed,” she said a little louder, and I nuzzled my nose against hers.
“I know that,” I rasped, opening my eyes. “No way I could find love like yours and it be touched with anything but goodness.”
“Smooth talker,” she mumbled. The lightness in her voice fed my hope. “You need to tell that guy to stop following me,” she demanded, and I nodded.
“Done.”
“And you…” She shook her head. “You need to relax. We can’t work if you keep thinking something bad’s going to happen.”
“That’s not all it is.”
“What is, then?”
“I need…” I hesitated. Confessing my obsession with her might be the thing she wouldn’t be able to get over.
“What? What is it, Merri?” she asked softly. Her hand moved from my shoulder and cupped the side of my face. I leaned into her light silky touch and kissed her fingertips.
“It’s this need,” I started to say when the thing inside my started to claw at my throat, trying to shut me up. It might have driven me crazy, but it was scared as shit to lose her. “This need that gets the better of me,” I kept sharing, “It’s like I can’t get enough of you. If I’m not around you or your things, it’s almost like“—I swallowed, taking her hand and sliding it down between my chest— “it’s like I can’t breathe.”
“All that… for me?”
“Only you. Never have I felt this. I won’t lie. My age, you gotta know I’ve dated, had my share of women but—“ I stroked the top of her hand. “Those women don’t exist in my head anymore. The only thing, the only person I can think about, is you. It’s like I got shot with Cupid’s arrow and, fuck me, it turned me into a madman, an obsessed one.”
“Over me,” she whispered, and I groaned.
“Only you,” I reminded her. When she didn’t say anything for a long moment, panic started to stir in my gut. “Tell me I didn’t just fuck up by showing you the crazy part of me?” I asked. Fuck, I wasn’t below begging her to give me a chance.
“Would it scare you if I told you I’m weirdly okay with you being that obsessed with me?” Her words were like a balm over my heart and soul.
“Thank fuck,” I growled. “Tell me I can kiss you. Tell me I can kiss you for the rest of our lives.” The grandfather clock in my cabin dinged, and we both looked over.
“It’s Valentine’s Day,” she whispered.
I didn’t have her flowers or chocolates on hand. I didn’t have any of the pile of gifts I had waiting for her, but somehow, it was okay. It was just the two of us, and I knew it was time to ask her.
“Will you be this stalker’s Valentine?” When she smiled and nodded, I knew it would be okay.
“Yeah. I’ll be your Valentine. I love you, my sexy stalker.” Tears rolled down her face, and I wiped them away with the pads of my thumbs.
“I love you, cutie,” I grunted before pressing my mouth to hers. There was no sweetness in the kiss. It was a passionate seal of what was to come.
Today, tomorrow, and always.
She was mine, and I was completely hers.