18. Emma
EIGHTEEN
Emma
Stella bounded over when we opened the door to the apartment. I bent down to give her some love. “You would think I didn’t even walk her and feed her dinner.”
Ashford knelt beside me to rub Stella’s belly. “She hates being alone.”
“Yeah, she does. That’s why I try not to leave her too long.”
“If someone’s alone for a long time, they get used to it. Until eventually, they’re afraid of not being alone instead. Even if they’re really fucking lonely.”
I didn’t think we were talking about Stella anymore.
I reached for Ashford’s hand and laced our fingers.
We’d held hands the entire walk home, which had been the best feeling. Touching him was electric and exciting, every time, yet it made me feel grounded too. Like nothing bad could happen as long as he stayed beside me.
But we still had to talk, and I had no idea what to expect.
Ashford stood, pulling me up with him. “It’s a nice night. Should we go up to the roof?”
“I didn’t know there was anything up there.”
“I would’ve shown you before, but I don’t let Maisie up there. Too afraid she’ll fall. But I bet you’ll love it.”
We went to the kitchen window. Ashford pushed the frame up, revealing an old-fashioned metal fire escape with a ladder leading up to the roof, and another ladder that could lower down to the ground.
We climbed outside onto the rickety metal landing. “You sure this is safe?” I asked.
“If it can hold me, it’ll hold you. It’s solid.” He put a hand on my lower back, steadying me. I held on to the hand rails and climbed. At the top, I came out onto the flat roof of the building. Someone had laid out squares of fake grass, topping them with two faded lawn chairs. Planters with fake flowers completed the impression of a backyard garden. It was nowhere near fancy, but something about the colors and the cheerfulness, even at night, made it endearing.
He was right. I loved it. “This is adorable.”
“Lori set this up.” Ashford led me to the chairs. He pushed them as close together as possible, and we sat, our arms pressed together and hands clasped. “But the best part is when you look up.”
I sat back, my gaze drifting upward. And my jaw dropped with a gasp.
Stars . Millions of them. They seemed infinitely far, yet also close and bright enough I could touch them. The Milky Way stretched directly overhead, a gauzy ribbon waving its way across the sky.
I had noticed there were a lot more stars visible in Silver Ridge than Southern California, but somehow I hadn’t been in the perfect time or place to see them in such spectacular fashion. Until now.
Maybe I’d been waiting for just the right moment. The right person to share it with.
I gripped Ashford’s hand. “This is amazing. Why aren’t you up here every night?” He probably didn’t want to leave Maisie alone, but surely he could spare a few minutes to sneak away. That girl was a deep sleeper. And this was too incredible to miss.
“Too focused on other stuff.” He squeezed my hand back. “Lately, the sweet, beautiful music teacher who lives down the hall.”
“I thought you didn’t like that music teacher,” I teased.
“I tried not to like her. But it turns out she’s irresistible.”
I leaned across the arm rests of our chairs to put my head on his shoulder.
For a while, we took in the view together. It was so quiet here. Dark, but the darkness felt comfortable and peaceful instead of threatening.
But I didn’t forget for one second that Ashford and I needed to talk.
“So,” I prompted. “That pink card someone sent to Maisie…”
His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed. “Lori’s younger sister sent it. Maisie’s aunt.”
“Is she dangerous somehow?”
“In a way, yes. Very dangerous. If she wants to be.”
“Okay.” I tried to imagine what he could mean, but my mind drew a blank. “Ashford, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s all right.”
His brown and gold eyes pinned me. “No, I need to. But it’s going to sound strange. You might not even believe it. So I’d better just spit it out.”
I nodded, ready to listen with an open mind to whatever he was about to tell me.
I waited.
“Lori’s sister is a famous singer. Ayla Maxwell.”
I wished I could say I had a calm, mature reaction.
“ Shut. Up . You’re not serious.”
“See? You don’t believe me.”
“No, I do.” I shook my head, trying to catch my brain up to this new reality. Because wow . “You mean, cover of Vanity Fair Ayla Maxwell? Grammy for best album of the year? Face of a billion-dollar makeup brand? That Ayla Maxwell?”
“Yes. That’s the one.”
“You’re sure.”
His lips pressed flat together. Zero humor in his expression.
Holy cow. He was serious.
I folded up my legs in the lawn chair and turned all the way to face him. “I’m guessing this is a long story. Start wherever you want. I will do my best not to have Ayla’s latest song running through my head.”
“Emma.” His mouth twitched in a half-smile.
“I’m sorry, it’s just?—”
“I really want to kiss you.”
My heart thumped. “I’m sitting right here. Not going to stop you.”
Ashford leaned forward, tilting his head. His lips looked so inviting.
But then he grimaced. “It is a long story. It’s not my favorite either. If I kiss you, I won’t be able to stop, and I need to get this out.”
“Okay. Kissing later, then.”
He took a deep breath. Blew it out again.
“I told you about Lori’s family. How her dad, the colonel, was so cruel to them. But Ayla got the worst of it. She was a sensitive kid. Different. After their mom left, Ayla ran away to New York City. She was sixteen. This was about a year after I’d met them. Lori tried to get in touch with her. To send her money. But Ayla wanted nothing to do with any of her family.”
“I assume Maxwell is a stage name.”
“You assume right. Lori googled her constantly over the years, trying to keep track of her sister the best she could. By the time Lori got pregnant with Maisie, Ayla was developing a fanbase online. Then her career blew up like wildfire. Ayla was all over TV, radio, socials. The damn magazines in the grocery checkout line. Lori was proud of her sister, but it hurt too. Since Ayla didn’t want Lori in her life.”
“I bet.”
“It was wild. Suddenly, Ayla was a household name with millions of people clamoring for any scrap of info about her. We decided it would be better if nobody knew Lori was her sister. We didn’t want any of that attention on us. Much less to seem like we were capitalizing on her fame. I couldn’t tell Callum because my little brother has trouble keeping his mouth shut. But if I didn’t tell Callum, that meant I couldn’t tell Grace.”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“A little, but really, Ayla’s life didn’t have anything to do with us. Her fame was like a galaxy out in space. We could see it, but it might as well have been another universe. A couple of years went by. Then Lori’s father died, and we went for the funeral. Ayla didn’t come. She sent some assistant. But I think that’s how Lori managed to get Ayla’s number.”
Ashford pulled a phone from his pocket. His device had a black case, but this phone was glittery purple. His knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing it.
“Was that Lori’s?” I asked.
“She dropped it the night she died, and the police found it. I guessed her passcode after a couple tries. Checked her call log. Lori had called a Los Angeles number several times in the weeks before she died. Including the last night of her life.”
“Ayla?”
He nodded. “Ayla didn’t show up to Lori’s funeral either, thankfully, because that would’ve been a circus. But I called that LA number. Ayla answered. She claimed Lori had left her a voicemail the night she died, but there was too much static to hear what she’d said.”
“Do you believe that?”
“Not really. But what can I do? Before then, I’d realized Lori was keeping something from me. I thought it was about dating some new guy. But what if Lori was worried about something, and called her sister? Because for some reason, she couldn’t trust me.”
I knew he was thinking of what the driver had seen just before Lori was hit. Someone else on the highway who’d pushed her.
“After Lori’s death, why would Ayla keep that from you? Or from the police?”
He shook his head. “Wish I knew.”
“What’s going on now? Why has Ayla been contacting you?”
“To see Maisie. Be a part of her life. Ayla finally realized that Maisie is the only family she has left, and she won’t stop calling. I block one number, and she just gets another. Always an LA area code, even though I assume she’s calling from all over the world.”
“But you don’t trust her.”
“Not even close. I still think she knows more about Lori’s death, but for her own reasons, she’ll never tell me.” He rubbed his face. “Ayla has the kind of money and power to destroy our lives if she wants to. Even if she means well, can you imagine paparazzi swarming all over Silver Ridge? Knocking on our door? Following us around?”
I shuddered. “Definitely not.”
“I don’t want Ayla giving Maisie expensive gifts or taking her to movie premieres or who knows what. That’s not the life I want for my kid. But it’s more than that. What if she demands visitation? Or worse? She could hire a team of lawyers to challenge me for custody of my own daughter.”
“But she has no legal rights compared to you. She’s not Maisie’s parent.”
“Would that matter if she gets in front of the right judge? How do I fight back against somebody with the resources she has? Someone like her could turn the whole world against me. She hasn’t told the media about us yet, but what’ll happen if she does?”
I couldn’t imagine the stress he’d been under all these years. Fearing that a celebrity could upend his life, and he’d have no way to fight back against it. For a man with multiple black belts, who’d made a career out of teaching people to defend themselves, that had to be terrifying.
“I have to protect Maisie from that,” he said. “The only way is keeping Ayla out of our lives. There’s only one other person I’ve told any of this, my Army buddy Dane, but I never told him Ayla’s specific identity. He said he’d front me the money to hire lawyers if it comes to that. I hope it doesn’t.”
“Wish I could do more to help. I want to smuggle you guys into protective custody. My uncle Jake works for the government. He could pull some strings.” I was only half kidding.
He smiled and pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair. “You’ve helped a lot just by being here.”
I was honored that he’d trusted me. “I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Ashford sat back to look at me, cupping my face with his palm. His thumb traced my cheekbone. “But it feels so good to tell you. I’ve been holding that in for a long damn time.”
We went back down to the apartment. Ashford descended the ladder first, then waited on the landing, grasping my hand to help me down as soon as I was in reach. We climbed through the window.
In the kitchen, he folded me into his arms. “I like you, Emma. I want you. I can’t remember the last time I wanted anyone like this.”
“I want you too.” Shivers of anticipation ran across my skin. I wanted to feel his bare skin on mine, to feel him inside me. But this was perfect too. Just holding each other. Sharing comfort.
“Would you spend the night with me?” He rubbed his soft bearded cheek against my temple. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. But I’m dying to have you close. I want to hold you tonight.”
“Definitely.” I wanted that too, and I figured we should take advantage of Maisie being gone for the night. “My bed or yours?”
“Mine. I’ve been imagining you in my bed for a while. Already feels like you belong there.”
We separated to get ready. I went to my room, shutting the door and leaning back against it.
I had not expected that I’d spend tonight in Ashford’s bed. Thank goodness I had shaved my legs.
Stella jumped up from her bed where she’d been lounging and blinked at me. Almost like she was asking, Are you sure about this ? I sat on the floor, nearly getting knocked over when she climbed into my lap. “I’m good, Stella. I promise.”
I still had some doubts. But not about Ashford. I never would’ve guessed his secret, but he was exactly the man he seemed to be. A really good one.
After some debate, I changed into a loose top without a bra and cotton shorts. Ashford wasn’t in the bathroom, so I quickly took care of business, brushing my teeth and washing my face. When I emerged, I found Ashford there in the hallway. He wore the same T-shirt as before but had traded his jeans for comfy pajama pants. His smile looked just as soft.
“Ready?” He held out his hand.
I slid mine into his grip, and he led me into his bedroom. The lights were low, and he’d already turned down the covers. He kissed my cheek as we stood beside the bed. “Get comfortable. I’m going to double check everything’s locked up.”
“Have you heard from Piper?”
He grinned. “Yeah, just texted with her. The kids finally went to bed after using Ollie’s new telescope in the backyard.”
“Perfect night for stargazing.”
He touched my chin affectionately. “Yep. It was. But the prettiest thing I saw wasn’t in the sky.”
“That’s very sweet, Mr. O’Neal.”
“Too much?”
“Just enough.”
He brushed his lips over mine, the gentlest hint of a kiss, and then went to check the apartment. I climbed into his bed, snuggling under the covers and inhaling the scent of him that clung to the sheets.
After a few minutes, his warm, heavy body slid in behind me. I turned and rolled right into his arms.
“Thank you for tonight,” he said.
“Thank you for sharing so much with me.”
He was just looking at me, fingertips tracing lines back and forth along my side. So I added, “If you don’t kiss me soon, I’ll take matters into my own hands.”
He laughed, his tongue darting out over his lower lip.
Our kisses were gentle at first. But when I moaned against his lips, Ashford’s grip on my upper arm tightened. He shifted me onto my back. His tongue nudged at the seam of my mouth for entrance. I opened up, loving when his tongue pushed inside and glided against mine.
I draped my leg around his hip, inching closer, and the hard line of his cock suddenly pressed into my other thigh. “ Oh ,” I breathed.
I felt him smiling against my mouth. “Don’t mind him. You’re getting me excited. But don’t worry, we’ll take this slow.”
“I’m not as innocent as you seem to think.”
His gaze was dark and intense as it moved over me, assessing. “Is that so?”
Ashford took my hands and pinned them onto the mattress above my head. His thumbs pressed firmly into my palms. His hips moved, erection rubbing between my legs through our layers of clothes.
I whimpered.
“Have you thought about this before?” he asked. “You and me, here, in my bed?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Did you make yourself come?” he murmured into my ear.
“Yes. But I wanted it to be you.” I gasped and sighed at the way his hard length massaged my core at the perfect spot. “Your cock. Your tongue. On my clit, inside me. All over me.”
“Show me how you touched yourself.”
He shifted to unpin me. I traced my hand down my stomach and into my shorts. Using two fingertips, I rubbed circles over my clit while not breaking eye contact with him.
“Spread your legs wider.”
The bossy tone of his voice made me wet. I bent my knees, letting them splay open. Ashford made a growly sound and nudged his own fingers along my inner thigh until they reached the juncture between my thighs. He pushed aside the thin cotton of my sleep shorts. “ Fuck , Emma. No panties.”
While I rubbed my clit, he played with my opening. Pushed one thick finger inside, then two. I moaned at the sensation of fullness.
And then I cried out, an orgasm suddenly taking me over with a rush of pleasure.
Sliding his hand away, he grinned deviously. “You’re right. You’re not innocent at all.”
A sudden jolt of insecurity hit me. I felt myself flinch, and I glanced away from him.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah.” But a tiny thread of guilt had just wiggled its way into my mind, even though I’d tried to keep it away. Ashford had been honest with me tonight. Didn’t I owe him the same? “There’s something I should tell you. About why I left my grad program.”
“You said it was a bad breakup.”
“It was. Very bad. But I didn’t tell you exactly what happened, and I don’t know if…” My voice got thick. I cleared my throat. “If you’ll see me the same way after you find out.”
Ashford lay on his side next to me. He propped up onto his elbow. “Emma, look at me.”
I did, blinking fast to keep my eyes from filling with tears.
“I see everything I need to. You listened to me earlier, and I’ll do the same for you if you want to tell me. But it’s not going to change anything.”
I nodded. Breathed through my uncertainty. “My ex was a theater director. I was a musician for a show. He insisted we keep our relationship secret, and I thought it was because he was my boss. But it turned out, his real concern was that he’s married. I found out when his wife returned from teaching in England. She’s a professor in the music department at my school. Everyone knows now, and there’s no way I can show my face there again.”
“Why should you be ashamed? Why should you be the one to leave? You did nothing wrong.”
I disagreed, but it meant everything to hear him say it.
His mouth twisted, eyes narrowing dangerously. “Good thing we’re in a different state. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to sneak up on this ex of yours and put him in a chokehold, and there’s already one O’Neal brother with a prison record.”
Laughter snuck up from my chest. I pressed my lips together, but soon I was shaking with it. In an imaginary showdown between Ashford and my ex, there was zero doubt about who’d win. “I shouldn’t be laughing at that violent mental image, but I can’t help it.”
“You can tell me all your bad thoughts.”
“If you tell me yours.”
“Deal. But for the rest of tonight, I don’t intend to do anything more than hold you and kiss you. Because no matter what we do together, you’re safe with me.”
“What about…” I glanced down at the obvious erection tenting his pants. “I’d love to help you with that.”
“Another time. I can wait.” Ashford switched off his bedside lamp and put his arm out. I snuggled into him, and he tucked me against his side like I was his matching puzzle piece. He dropped a kiss to my head. I was all cozy and relaxed when he sat up again.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Is Stella in your room?”
“Yes.”
“Just thought she might want to come in with us. No point in her being alone.”
“She’ll get on the bed,” I warned.
“I don’t mind.” He got up and went into the hall. I heard another door open, and a moment later, Stella bounded in. Just as I’d expected, she jumped up onto the mattress and lay down next to me. She knew the rules for my room, but in a different space, all bets were off. Ashford returned right after.
“Hold on, that’s my spot.”
“Told you. She thinks it’s a slumber party.”
He nudged Stella toward our feet. She scooted, still happy as can be. If she thought it was strange that Ashford and I were in bed together, she didn’t show it.
He pulled me against him, and we got settled. Stella inched back between us as much as she dared. I heard him laugh softly. And then he moved his legs to give her a bit more space.
If I hadn’t already been swooning for this man, it would’ve happened right then. For Ashford, I was a goner.