Chapter 13
Haven’t let Go
Knight
I half expectedRem to bolt on me and ask to go back to her place alone. I thought tonight would be the end this time. However, when she said she wanted to come stay with me, I couldn’t have been happier.
She fell asleep during the ride over to my place. I park and cut the car off. Then I turn to look at her and stare for a moment.
She’s so beautiful like this. I reach to brush a lock of hair from her face. I hate that she goes through this.
This time wasn’t as bad as some of the others. I frown, not wanting to wake her up. Deciding not to, I push my way out of the car and round it to open her door. I duck in to unfasten her seatbelt, then grab her shoes before I scoop my arms under her to lift her out.
Holding her tightly against my chest, I move for the elevator. This will be tricky. I need to get the gate up. I sigh in relief as someone comes out of the elevator as I get to it.
“I’ll close it for you,” the guy says as he sees Rem in my arms.
“Thanks, man.”
I press for my floor and wait. It takes some maneuvering, but I get the cage up to get us out once on my floor. Rem begins to stir right as I get to my door.
I kiss her forehead as I continue to get the lock open. She takes a sharp inhale of air and opens her eyes. The moment our eyes lock, she reaches to wrap her arms around my neck. I bury my face into her neck and kiss her soft skin.
“You’re okay, baby. I’ve got you,” I murmur against her flesh.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“I’m always here for you.”
I push into the apartment and drop her shoes by the front door. Then I start for the bedroom. She passes back out before I get down the hall.
Settling her on the bed, I then toe off my shoes and begin to get her out of her clothes. The few times I have been around after one of her panic attacks, she’s slept for hours after. I don’t think she’ll wake again for some time, but I’ll be here waiting when she does.
Once I get her clothes off, I tuck her in and go to get my laptop. I want to look up some of my options outside of going back to the force. Seeing her freak out tonight drove home how much I need to change and how much I want to change for her.
Things have been going so good. The only thing stopping me from telling her that I’m done is the fact that I still can’t tell her but so much. I know Rem, she’ll have questions.
I blow out a sigh. “Why haven’t you just resigned?” I murmur to myself.
I take a moment to think that through. I’ll still have to be cautious about what I share with family and friends because I’m a key witness in the case. However, Rem will know I’m safe.
I run a hand though my hair and scratch at my scalp. To be honest with myself, I haven’t resigned because I’ve never thought of who I’d be if not a cop. Captain Ross bringing up my money and other options I have was one of the first times I seriously stopped to think about what else is out there for me.
I became a cop for a reason. As I think about that, it’s hard to think I’ll be giving that up. Knowing whatever I do has to have as strong of a why, I sit staring at my computer screen.
“Fuck,” I mutter, getting frustrated as no answers come to me in this moment.
There are all the businesses I got to be a part of while undercover. I can’t say there was one thing that stood out to me. Nothing that has stuck.
However, I have to come up with something. My days as a detective are over. All I can think about is the panic on Reminisce’s face at that restaurant.
I place the laptop aside needing to focus on something else. I refuse to believe I can’t have what I want. I look at Rem fast asleep beside me.
“I’m not the only one in this. I know I’m not,” I whisper.
I yawn and settle in the bed. Pulling her body into mine, I wrap my arms around her tightly and kiss the top of her head.
“Knight,” she whimpers my name and wraps her arm around me.
“I’m right here, baby. I’m right here.”