Chapter 36
Commitment
Reminisce
Again,he’s looking at me with such an intense gaze. I can’t help wondering what’s on his mind. I snuggle closer to him in the bed.
I’m going to enjoy this last day. Tomorrow morning this time I have to return to my real life. The office is calling, and I have to answer.
“What?” I ask reaching to caress his stubbled jaw.
“Do you ever envy Saga and Legend?” he says thoughtfully.
I freeze. I envy my sister and brother more than I should. I want what they have.
“Yeah, I do,” I whisper.
He reaches for my fingers and holds our hands in the air together. He stares at our intertwined fingers. My hand is so small wrapped in his. After a few moments, he brings my fingers to his lips.
“I didn’t think I wanted all of that. Now, at thirty-three, I do. It feels like something’s missing.”
I swallow nervously. I want children and a husband, but I don’t want to fear becoming a widow or my children becoming fatherless. Yet … I love this man and the sight of our palms pressed together makes me want those things with him.
“Do you think … would that mean you want a lifestyle change as well?” I ask shakily.
He swallows hard, shifting his gaze to mine. He nods. “Yeah, I just don’t know where I want to go from here. I’m no singer or painter. I’m too impatient for that shit Lord is into.”
I laugh, but I think over his words too. My brows draw.
“But you’d never be happy doing nothing. I know you have the means to do whatever you want with your time, but that’s not you. You need to do something,” I say thoughtfully.
“I need to make a difference. It’s not just doing something. It’s making a difference in the world.”
“Being a cop makes you feel like you’re making a difference.” I make the statement more so for me. I’m trying to see this from his eyes. Maybe if I can understand why he’s so willing to put his life on the line, I’ll find a way to accept it.
For Knight, his job is a part of him. I don’t want to take that away from him. I just don’t know how to handle it when I’ve been up close and personal with the results and consequences.
“As a kid, everything I wanted was handed to me. As the youngest, I was spoiled and pampered all my life. When I got to college and started making friends outside of my usual circle, it hit me that not everyone lived that way.
“I was entitled and that annoyed me. There were kids smarter than me who didn’t have things as easy. Then, a girl I’d been friends with was raped at a party.
“Everyone knew who did it, but he got away with it because of his family, their friends, and their money. The shit that circled her rape … it was a game to him and his buddies. I wanted to be a cop from the day I found out he was just going to get a slap on the wrist.
“She tried to hang herself that day. She was a sweet girl. Her smile was bright, and she was friendly to everyone. I wanted to make sure that bad guys could never hurt girls like her,” he says.
I swipe at my tears with the back of my free hand. I should’ve known there was a noble reason behind him wanting to be a cop. It all makes sense.
“Your parents gave you the perfect name. You are a knight in shining armor,” I say, only slightly teasing.
He snorts. “I wouldn’t go that far. I try to do what I think is right. Sometimes those lines blur.” He takes a pause. “I think this time the lines may have blurred. I believe something different than what they want me to, and I’m not willing to see it any other way.”
“What do you mean?”
He frowns and begins to trace my palm. I can see the wheels turning. A war is playing within his eyes.
“The organization I was undercover in. They’re rumored to be a huge biker gang with deep connections. Chapters across the country,” he says and licks his lips.
“All I saw was a bunch of men who love their women. They provide for their families through solid businesses. They’re second and third generation bikers. If they were dirty in the past, I don’t see that now.”
“Okay, so what’s the problem?”
“There was another MC that tried to blackmail the Prez I was under. They were trying to pressure them into arms dealing and some drug trafficking.”
He stops talking to sit up and rub his forehead. I sit up and move closer to his side. Something clicks across his face. It’s like he disappears far away.
“Fuck, why didn’t I see this before? The bullshit threats and kidnappings to force their hands started after I got patched in. Once I was deep undercover and the MC pulled me in, that’s when the trouble started.”
“You don’t think that was a coincidence?”
“No,” he says tightly. His voice is thick with emotion when he speaks. “Baby, I think I was used to take them down. I don’t think I was supposed to walk out of that warehouse alive, and I almost didn’t.”
I wrap the sheet around me to ward off the chill that rushes through me. As an ex-prosecutor, I know how far law enforcement will go for a conviction. It’s not always clean. Another deciding factor in my decision to leave.
“So, you can’t trust your team?” I ask in confusion.
“Not my team. The ATF. Fuck, it all makes sense. Him wanting to send me back in.”
“Wait, what?”
“Nothing,” he says and shakes his head.
Just like that, the chill is back, and the sheet wrapped around my body isn’t going to be enough to warm me.
* * *
Knight
I never liked Broker.Not from the very first time we met. The more I think. The more I see this shit for what it is.
My life was going to be sacrificed to get Broker his case. My mind races to see who may have been tied to this. The ATF pushed their way into our case when I got in close to Ice, the Prez of the LA chapter.
I run a hand through my hair. “This is so fucked up,” I mutter.
If they were willing to use me, they’ll use someone else. Broker still wants to take them down, but why? Why does he have such a hard-on for?—
“You should talk to your captain,” Rem’s dead voice pulls me from my thoughts.
I close my eyes and exhale. I know that tone. When I open my eyes, I turn to see her retreating into herself.
“I’ll handle it. Why don’t we go down and have breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry. Actually, I have some work I need to get done before tomorrow. I’m going to go down and get it done.”
“Rem, babe?—”
“It shouldn’t take me long. Maybe you should call in and handle things. The sooner the better, right?”
I bite back the words I had planned to say. If I push now, this is going to blow up in my face. I know Rem too well. I need to give her a minute.
“All right. I need to head to my place for a bit. I’ll be back before lunch.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
Fuck. My timing is such shit.