43. PAIGE
43
PAIGE
I wake with a start and scramble to look at the clock. It’s after midnight.
Rhett’s bed is empty, but maybe he’s home.
My hand presses to my belly. I’m having Rhett’s baby.
My lips tilt up. I know that’s not the news he wants right now, but I want this child more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. Don’t people always say that all you need is love? That love conquers all? I’m going to hold onto that right now and believe that we’ll get through this. We’ll figure out a way to keep the ranch and, sometime next year, we’ll welcome our sweet little peanut.
Isn’t that what marriage is about? In good times and in bad? It can’t get much worse than this. And when you hit rock bottom, life can only get better.
As much as I want to tell Rhett about my pregnancy, I decide to hold off a few more days. Until we can figure out what we’re doing with the ranch. He doesn’t need the added stress of a baby on top of everything.
Nodding to myself, I wrap a blanket around my shoulders and tiptoe into the hallway. There’s a light coming from his father’s office, which no one ever uses.
Peeking in, I see Rhett sitting at his father’s old oak desk with a bottle of Jim Beam and a shot glass. A small desk lamp is on, which throws just enough light to see the hollowness in my husband’s stare. The room smells musty, like dust and Old Spice. It smells like Rhett’s dad.
“Hey. Are you okay?” I move closer.
His eyes shift to me, but there’s no emotion behind them, and a chill rushes through me. “Have a seat.” He motions to the chair across from him.
I still.
Why do I feel like I’m about to be fired?
That has to be in my head.
I perch at the edge of the chair and lean toward the desk. “I know you had a terrible day. I just want you to know that we’ll fight this. We’ll figure out a way to?—”
“You should take that job.” He downs the whiskey.
“What job?”
“The one in Florida.”
Pain flares hot and bright in my heart. “You want me to go?”
“Why not? It’s what you wanted, right? The whole reason you married me? Well, you’ve recovered. You can do your backflips and whatever. Now you can get that dream job.”
“Rhett, it’s on the other side of the country.”
He reaches for the half-empty bottle and pours another shot. Was it full when he started? “I’ll send you the divorce papers. I’ll need some time, but I’ll take care of everything.”
My eyes sting. “You’ll get rid of me just like that? Like I don’t matter to you at all?” Trig’s words about Darlene ring loud and clear in my head. Maybe Rhett never thought we were going to work out. Maybe he just sold me on this marriage so I’d play the part.
His jaw tightens, and he takes another shot. “I’ll always care for you, Paige,” he slurs. “How could I not? But don’t you understand? There’s nothing here for you. Besides, you and I want different things. You want kids and a husband who can provide. That’s not me. Obviously.” He laughs harshly, and I flinch.
“Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” Angrily, I wipe tears with the back of my arm. “You said you loved me. Were you bullshitting me this whole time?” I search his face, but it goes expressionless the way it did at the Moonlight Mixer when Trig asked him if he was keeping Darlene as a backup.
He clears his throat. “Do you need money? I have a little cash.”
My husband doesn’t love me. He never did.
I push out of my chair, and it screeches across the hardwood floor. “Fuck you, Rhett Walker. I don’t want your damn money. You can shove it right up your ass.”
For just a moment, his bloodshot eyes look so desolate, but I must have imagined it because he blinks, and his stoic mask is back. “Wildflower, if it means anything, I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”
My vision goes blurry with tears. “Not as sorry as I am.”
Turning on my heel, I run out of the office and back to his room where I pack my shit as fast as I can. I’m sure I’m forgetting things, but I can’t stand to be here another minute. I text Baylee that I’m coming over and then I’m out the door.
My car turns over several times because I haven’t driven it in so long, but thankfully, it finally starts. I fling it into reverse and take off down the driveway. The potholes are merciless. They jar my car so hard, my teeth clank.
By the time I make it to the main drag, I realize where I need to go.
Not to Baylee’s.
To the cemetery.
Twenty minutes later, I have a serious sense of déjà vu.
Shivering against my brother’s headstone, I tuck my legs under my t-shirt. “I’m so mad at him, Danny. Why couldn’t he love me the way I love him? The way I’ve always loved him?” I stare out at the dark cemetery, dejected. “I guess I need to take that job now.”
Because there is no way on God’s green earth I’m staying in this town. That will mean running into Rhett when he starts up with Darlene again, and my heart can’t handle that.
“I’ll wait until I’m settled in Florida before I tell him about the baby. I don’t want him to have a crisis of conscience and take me back because I’m pregnant.” Rhett might be a huge asshole, but he’s a good man deep down, and he would never kick me out if he knew I was pregnant.
In fact, it would piss him the hell off to know I was at the cemetery in the middle of the night, which means I have every intention of staying right in this spot until morning.
“My new employer is going to love that I’ll need maternity leave soon.” I rub my temple, where a headache blooms.
I get a hoodie out of my gym bag and toss it over my legs before I yank my backpack closer and rest my head on it.
I’m exhausted and hungry and cold, but somehow manage to fall asleep.
Because I know that here, next to my brother, I’m safe.
Besides, who would come to a cemetery in the middle of the night?