Chapter 28
28
[Judd]
I f Stone is surprised to see me for the second weekend in a row, he doesn’t say a word. However, he does eye me suspiciously, noticing my glasses and the black and blue bruise they hardly disguise.
My family appears to be just the chaos Genie needs after that shitshow at Evergreen Terrace, but I need a moment to myself and wander into the house.
Fuck Tate Haven. Fuck Heather. Fuck Genie’s mother.
As I walk through the lower half of the house, I try to find my mother in corners of the rooms. Her scent. Her touch. Something that says she was here. But this house has been changed so much, it belongs to Stone and Vale collectively now. My mother’s rocking chair is long gone, broken by my father’s rage. Her stack of gardening books once tossed in the fireplace. All that remained were a few pictures, most of them stolen off the wall or taken from photo albums for fear our father would destroy them as well. Those framed pictures now grace the fireplace mantel, but the memories are so distant, they don’t even feel real.
It's been so long since I’ve been inside this house that I stumble when I see an image of my father and mother together, tucked at the end of the montage of frames highlighting my siblings. I step closer to the photograph, noting my father’s arms around my mother from behind, his head turned so he’s looking at my mother while she’s laughing toward the person taking the picture. They look so happy, so in love, and I never understood what went wrong.
“Hard to remember there were good times.” Stone’s low tenor from behind me startles me.
I turn only my head to glance at him over my shoulder.
“He hurt all of us.” Stone pauses. “Might have been easier if he’d been an asshole from the beginning.” He stops again. “But he wasn’t, and that’s what hurts the most.”
I snort, glancing back at the photo of my parents, and unable to recall a single good time with my father. “I think he resented me from birth.” Not being that girl my mother desired. Being close to her. A real mama’s boy, much to my dad’s disgust.
“He resented God for taking his wife too soon. He resented having to live without the love of his life. But deep, deep down, he did not resent his children, contrary to his behavior.”
“Funny way of showing it,” I mutter.
“Difficult to appreciate the man was hurting as well.”
I stare back at that picture, unable to recall a single smile on my father’s face but looking at my mother it’s clear he had them. Looking at her, she was the sunshine of his life.
And a brief memory flashes through my head. Our family playing baseball when I was young in the meadow on some summer day. Stone tagging Dad out at first base and my mother sweetly laughing. All of us, including my father, basked in her light.
Then I think about Genie being my firefly. The comparison might seem inconsequential. A tiny blip of light compared to the entire world being lit up by a star, and yet the feeling inside me is no different. Genie is brightness.
My father’s love-light was snuffed out too soon, plunging him into blackness. My life has felt like only darkness, but a sliver of light is leading me in a different direction.
“I’ve tried long and hard to forgive him,” Stone states, interjecting into my thoughts.
“How’s that working out for you?” Sarcasm isn’t typically my language but I’m still feeling brittle after the encounter with Genie’s mother and the supporting characters at that brunch.
“Hard.” Stone chuckles. “Forgiveness is a daily battle.”
“Forgiveness?” I twist to look at Stone again.
“Yep. I need to forgive him, or my resentment will eat at me just like it ate at him.”
Stone has so much to resent my father for, too. Our dad took the cowardly-for-him way out and left our eldest brother with a brood of kids when he was too damn young for the responsibility. Stone worked his ass off, along with Clay, to keep this family together. To remind us every day that we could count on each other. At the very least, we could rely on Stone.
It didn’t always work in Stone’s favor. Sebastian had been particularly difficult, Vale tempted to follow his path. Ford disappeared into baseball and Knox just left the family, pursuing his career in the Navy. Even though I work for the Seed & Soil, I’ve kept to myself as much as I can.
The most unwavering constant among us has been Stone.
“Is resentment eating you?” Stone asks. He isn’t mentioning the swollen cheek and black eye, but he might as well have.
“I can take care of myself.” I’ve learned to fight .
“That’s not what I asked,” Stone clarifies.
I lower my head, not wanting to answer, not wanting to disappoint my brother.
“I know you’ve always felt like you are outside the family, but you are part of us. I love you, Judd.”
Suddenly, my throat is thick, and my eyes are flooding. Three simple words. So difficult to say. And yet, for all Stone has been through, he says them so easily, with so much emphasis. Love is the only reason he would have come back for everyone else. To take care of everyone. To try to keep us together.
“I know,” I whisper. “Love you, too.” My voice is thick, the words clunky on my tongue. This is where I feel weakest. I don’t say the words with the strength they deserve.
Suddenly, Stone is cupping the back of my neck and squeezing. “You ever get to that moment you can forgive him, I promise it will feel so freeing,” he says close to me. “And when you can accept that love is more powerful than hate, an entire world of possibility will open up for you.”
Genie . Her whispered name in my head is the possibility I want. Yet earlier, she reminded me she’s scheduled to leave tomorrow. I hadn’t forgotten but I also hadn’t let the countdown weigh on me. I’ve been too engrossed in enjoying the time we have.
I nod, acknowledging what Stone has said, although I’m not certain forgiveness is part of my vocabulary.
“I’m gonna step upstairs a second,” I say, needing another minute for a new reason. I need to get my head back into this day.
Genie is scheduled to leave tomorrow night, which means I don’t have much time left with her.
“Are you okay?” Genie asks, stepping into my childhood bedroom and closing the door behind her. As I’ve been laying on the double bed in my old room, I realize I might have been up here a little too long.
“This used to be my room. The one I shared with Knox.” I continue to stare up at the ceiling. The space is entirely different from our old twin beds and posters on the wall. A dark navy-blue color covers one wall while the others are a sandy brown. The spread on the bed is a deep plaid, keeping the room masculine while void of any other personal affects.
“Each of us boys had a roommate. Stone and Clay. Me and Knox. Sebastian and Ford.” I chuckle recalling the antics of my younger brothers. “Ford and Sebastian never got along as kids. Funny how they married sisters.”
Genie only smiles when I glance over at her, but her eyes are aimed at the floor. “Has today been too difficult?” Slowly, she lifts her gaze. “My mother might be saucy, but she’s alive to be saucy.”
And my mother is gone.
“Which is all the more reason your mother should appreciate you, Genie. You’re smart and talented. Creative. You have a strong sense of what you want.” I’ve been doing some research on her company. “And you’re beautiful and kind.”
“Still, I’m sorry she behaved how she did. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“Don’t apologize for them. Please, nothing earlier was your fault.”
Forgiveness, Stone said. I’m not ready to forgive Genie’s mother or Heather or Tate. Resentment is a battle. Right now, it is winning.
I watch as Genie glances around the room as if looking for something.
“Ghosts in every corner,” I state, but then realize how wrong I am. This new, improved room is another reminder that this house has changed. My siblings’ opinions have changed, or at least Stone’s has. Love is also running a victory lap around many of my brothers.
Genie steps closer to the bed where I remain sprawled out like an angsty teen, having tossed myself down on the mattress. She lifts a knee to the edge of the bed but doesn’t sit.
I continue to ramble. “Flint and Violet. My parents’ names. Appropriate as he was hot under the collar and quick to spark. But my mother? She was soft and gentle. Sweet. God, she loved to laugh.” My brows crease. “Like you.”
Instantly, I envision my mother running her hand around my younger face, much like Mavis does to Dutton or Halle does to her son, Tim. And next, I see Genie doing the same thing to a little boy that looks like her. Large brown eyes, expressive and carefree. His laughter contagious. His smile wide.
Blinking, I shake the thought, reminded Genie is convinced she’ll never have children.
“There once was a woman named Violet,” she says softly, reaching for my hand. “Her favorite material was eyelet.”
My brows press together. What’s eyelet?
“She was sweet and kind. Miss her all the time.”
My eyes widen at the rhyme in Genie’s words. A strange rhythm to them.
“Now she’s a heavenly starlet.”
“Firefly,” I whisper, feeling my shoulders relax, the tension seeping from my limbs.
“It’s a limerick, almost. In honor of your mother.” Genie watches me a second. “Don’t make her into a ghost haunting you, baby. She’s an angel. That’s what I tell myself about my father.”
Other than her story about her father and the gravy boat, Genie doesn’t mention him much.
“Tell me more about your dad.” Still holding her hand, I squeeze her fingers. Genie only jostles my arm and shakes her head, dismissing that conversation.
“As for your father.” She sighs. “Don’t let him win, Judd. You are not him. Or anything he said you were. Or whatever it is about him that keeps you to yourself.”
In my home. Separated from my family. Afraid to love.
I nod, hearing what she’s saying but not ready to process it. Between Stone and Genie, I’m all over the place.
“Let’s think about something else today.” Mother’s Day be damned .
“What would you like to think about?”
“You.” I narrow in on Genie’s face. The pertness of her nose. The sweet puff of her lips. The gleam in her eyes.
“What about me?” she asks, her face blushing sweetly.
“Honestly?” I arch a brow as my thoughts rapidly shift to something dirty that will instantly change my mood.
“Of course.”
“I want to go down on you.”
“What?” Genie chokes, the atmosphere of the room going from depressing to desperate. My mouth is already watering at the idea of tasting her sweetness. Hearing her moans. Feeling her tug my hair as she loses control.
“You consume my thoughts, firefly. Your scent. Your sounds. The taste of you.” And I want to get lost in the reality of her body, not just the fantasies in my head.
“Judd.” Genie fans her face, signaling I need to stop talking, but I have more instructions to give.
“Lock the door, firefly,” I say, jackknifing up on the bed and removing my glasses. “Then I want you to sit on my face.” I want to feel the weight of her around me. Be smothered in her fragrance. Taste all her essence.
“Here? Now?” Genie chokes on a laugh while I lay back down, placing my hands behind my head.
“I’ve never had sex in this room.” Never kissed a girl in here either. The only girl who’s been present was Genie Webster in my head with fantasies of doing just what I’m asking of her.
“Judd Sylver, as tempting as you are, I am not sitting on your face with your family downstairs.” Her tone is stern but laced with strangled laughter
I pout. “How would you feel about making out?” Maybe I can live out at least one fantasy. All those nights dreaming of sharing a bed with Genie, kissing her dizzy.
“Ever do that in this room as a boy?”
“Never.” The honesty seeps out with my exhale.
“So, this would be a first?” Genie tips her head, teasing me.
“Only ever fantasized about you in this room with me,” I admit, staring directly at her. She’s been many firsts for me.
My girl is suddenly crossing the room and locking the door, then climbing onto the bed, curling up next to me and letting me kiss her until we’re both dizzy.
And all the ghosts disappear.