Chapter 36
36
[Genie]
M y mind is spinning. My heart cyclones in my chest.
Judd stole this ring from his father. He took a beating for it. And his intention had been to give it to me. As a promise. Would I be his girlfriend? Would I wait for him?
So much wasted time has passed. If only the younger Judd had come to me when he was lost and hurting. I’d have been his years ago, but such was not our path.
And now we are here, curled around one another tighter than the red and white swirls on a candy cane.
“Is this how you envisioned our prom night? Did you have visions of us sixty-nine-ing?” I snort into his skin, giggling like a schoolgirl at the mere mention of such a position, despite having just performed it.
Judd scoffs. “Are you kidding me? I thought I’d be lucky enough to kiss you. Then I’d go home and whack off to the thought of your mouth on mine. This”—he chokes—“far surpasses any lame prom night fantasy I had at eighteen.”
At eighteen years old, when he suffered because he wanted me to have something of his. To be his.
“Judd,” I shift to glance up at him, my tone more serious. “I’m so sorry all that happened to you. Back then.” His father. The results. “I’m not worth it.”
Judd takes my left hand on his chest and lifts my arm upright, admiring the ring on my finger, before linking his fingers with mine.
“You are worth everything .” He sighs. “And now, you’re mine.”
“I’m your girlfriend,” I repeat.
Judd hums, noncommittally.
“Can I ask you something then?” My voice goes small. “Why haven’t we had sex?”
Judd shifts his head to glance at me. His eyes turn soft. “Because I don’t want to just fill you, Genie. I want to fulfill you. I want to make your wishes come true, however that may look.”
This man.
Still quiet, hesitantly I ask, “What if I don’t want to get married?” Although, I’ve been slowly changing my mind about the institution. Maybe it isn’t just that my mother is doing it wrong, as much as that I haven’t found the person who is right for me.
And Judd feels right. Too right.
“Then I’ll be your boyfriend.” He answers so quickly, so confidently.
“Forever?”
Judd continues to watch me. “If that’s what you want.” He presses a kiss to my forehead and pulls back. “Look, boyfriend, fiancé . . . husband. I don’t need a label as long as you lov—” He stops short, biting back words that might be coming too soon. “As long as we just stick together.” He tightens his hold on my hand.
Weathering any storm.
“But my couple goals include us living together. Otherwise, how can I make the kissing every day happen?” He squeezes my body underneath his arm.
Couple goals. I press a kiss to Judd’s chest, almost feeling the thump of his heart beneath my lips.
“As for sex, I’m in no rush, despite wanting to take you on every surface inside and outside this house.”
“Outside?” I chide.
“The greenhouse. The dock. The lake.”
Here, there, and everywhere. My body hums to life at the possibilities.
“The point is, I want you to be confident in our future first.”
He wants me to love him. Because he loves me. It’s in every look, every touch, every unspoken word.
I nod against him, lost to the rhythm of his heart and the patience in his voice. He’ll wait for me to be on the same page of lined paper with unicorns.
And I’m not far off from being where he wants me to be, but talking about love is more than we need to say tonight.
Once more I settle into his chest, while the soundtrack that’s been playing in Judd’s library flips to another song. When the new one starts, my head pops up at the familiar tune.
“I love this song.”
““Just Like Heaven”,” Judd states the title.
I slip over his body and start singing into my fist about running away with him. My body takes over, my feet kicking, left, right, left to the beat. My hips rock, arms flapping forward and back.
Then I hold out my hands to Judd when the song asks, why are you so far away.
I drag Judd upright. He groans at my enthusiasm. But eventually, he gives in and dances, albeit awkwardly, when he said he didn’t know how.
And I fall in love with him when I don’t know how to do that either.