Chapter 17
After dinner, Archer helped me clean up the dishes. It was so nice having him in my home and something about doing domestic chores with him, well, just seemed right. As I washed, he dried and figured out where everything went. It was comfortable, but then being with him was always that way. Like the missing piece of my life had dropped into place. I watched him sliding a pan into a lower cupboard and my heart warmed. I wanted him here more. I wanted us together more, like this. Was I falling for him? Hell yes. It might even already be love, which was crazy since I didn’t fall in love this quickly. Ever.
“So, what’s next on the agenda?” He took the last utensil from me and dried it.
“Movie on the couch?” I wiped up the area around the sink, then set the sponge into a holder suction-cupped to the side of it.
He wedged the spatula into our round, bamboo holder by the stove and faced me. “So, here comes a big question. What sort of movies are you into?” He cocked a brow.
Stepping to him and hooking my arms around his waist, I said, “I’m okay with pretty much anything.” I lowered my brows. “Except for musicals. I don’t get into those.” I planted a quick kiss on his mouth.
“What have you got against musicals?” He lifted the edge of his lips. “They happen to be my favorite.” He twisted his head and freed a soft giggle.
“Shit, you’re kidding me.” I swayed my head to peer at his face. He didn’t look serious, but you never knew. “If you love them, I’ll learn to love them.”
He focused on me, a full-on grin breaking out over his mouth. “Are you for real?”
Balking, I said, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I trailed my gaze over his gorgeous face, the sexy brown eyes surrounded by thick lashes, his full lips and angled jawline.
“You’d do anything to make me happy. Huh.” His grin faded.
We were heading into dangerous territory, but I’d meet it straight on. “I would.” I gazed deeply into his eyes. “I want you here with me and not just when Axel’s band is playing. I want us to spend the night together and not have to lie about who I’m with.”
He creased his forehead. “Yeah? Does that mean…” He scratched his brow.
“It does.” Holy shit, was I really saying this out loud? My heart pounded into my throat. I’d barely thought through it all. Well, except for at Thanksgiving. “I think I’ll talk to Remy first.”
His lips curled up on the edges. “That might be easiest for you, since you and him are so close and well, he’s like you. Came out after dating your brother in secret.”
With a nod, I said, “Yeah.” I hadn’t thought about it like that. I’d only figured Remy was my best friend. But Archer was spot on. “That’s a good point.”
“When do you think you want to do this?” He knitted his brows. “Do you want me here? Close by in case you get shit for no reason?”
I choked out a laugh. “Remy’s not like that. He’ll be shocked, but he’ll be on my side. He always is.” And maybe if it goes well with Remy, it would give me the backbone I needed to tell my brother. A shiver sparked down my spine. Axel could go either way. He could be unpredictable at times.
Swaying me in his arms and grinning, he said, “Okay, well I told myself I was going to stop pressuring you about this, but I’m fucking happy as shit to hear it.” He wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me in for a deep kiss, sliding his tongue between my lips and tasting me fully. Then he placed his forehead against mine. “This means a lot to me.”
“I know.” My heart swelled with warmth. God damn it, I loved him. I loved him so much, I was willing to upset the gay balance in my family. I was going to flip it upside fucking down. “Archer.” I swayed him slowly, our foreheads still touching.
“Yeah?” He closed his eyes, his thick lashes kissing his cheeks.
“I’m falling for you.” Good God, I’d just blurted it out. My pulse shot through the roof.
“Fuck, Leo.” He wrapped me up in a tight embrace, nuzzling my neck. “I’m falling for you, too.” He squeezed me. “This night couldn’t be any more perfect.”
“Except for a musical?” I pushed my nose into his wavy hair and breathed in his scent, the fresh shampoo he’d used mixing with the musky scent of him.
Through a chuckle, he said, “Yeah, except I was fucking with you. I don’t like musicals either.” He freed me and held me out in front of him, his hands on my shoulders. “But it was nice to know you’d learn to love them for me.”
With a smirk, I said, “You’re pretty cunning when you want to be, aren’t you.” But I was glad the conversation went where it did. And now I knew we were on the same page, feelings-wise. Even more ammunition for what I had to do.
He shrugged. “Leo, I’m a hockey player. What did you expect? This is what we’d call a deke.” He cupped my cheek and brushed his thumb over it. “A gorgeous, sexy, everything I want in my life, deke.” He gave me a lingering kiss, then pulled away.
“Okay, but what the hell is a deke?” As my cheeks heated, I raised the edge of my mouth. I knew hockey, but not that well.
“It means I got what I wanted. Close enough anyways.” He leaned in and patted my ass. “Come on, let’s go find a nice action movie to snuggle up to.”
As the creditsrolled on the movie we’d watched, we both lay across the couch, me behind him on my side, my arm wrapped around him, the warmth of his body pressed to my front. I squeezed him and nipped at the back of his neck, my cock tingling and lengthening behind my zipper. I could finally have him in my bed. “Archer.”
“Mmm…” He rolled back a little, twisting his head, his lips curving into a sultry grin. “Can I see your bedroom now?” He shifted his hips back, shoving his ass to my now aching dick. Heat flashed up my spine. “Someone seems to be horny.”
“Yeah? And you’re not?” I gave him a soft bite on his neck, then kissed the mark as his skin pebbled. Trailing my hand down his abs, I snuck my fingers under the waistband of his jeans, the tip of his hard cock grazing my touch.
His breath hitched and he groaned. “Fuck, Leo, I’ve been horny this whole time. You’re just noticing now?” He shifted to lie on his back and lifted his arms over his head. “Go ahead. Do your worst.” As he scraped his teeth over his lower lip, he rocked his hips, the outline of his hard cock reaching up under his front pocket.
“Yeah?” Claiming his mouth in a hungry kiss, I unfastened his jeans and slid my hand inside, wrapping my fingers around the soft skin of his shaft, then stroked him.
With a moan, he gripped the back of my head and slanted his mouth over mine, his tongue dancing and swirling against mine.
I broke the kisses to nibble on his chin, quickening my pace over his swollen cock. A bead of his precum slicked my palm and I thrust into his hip, pleasure teasing me. I needed skin on skin. “Hey, let’s go into my bedroom before we take this any further.”
“Thought you’d never ask.” With a sexy smirk, he hopped up from the couch and held out his hand. “You lead the way.”
Snatching his hand, I kissed the back of it and guided him down the hallway and into my room, which used to be Remy’s room, but when Axel had moved in, I gave up the master bedroom. I flicked on the globed lamps resting on my nightstand from a switch on the wall and shut my door.
He turned to me with a faint grin on his lips. “Can I look around a little bit?” Tilting his head, he left me and stepped to my long, dark wooden dresser, then held up the photo of my graduation picture. “Oh my God, how old were you here?” He beamed at me while pointing at the photo.
After walking to him, I hooked my arms around him from behind and set my chin on his shoulder. “Probably as old as you are now. That was my graduation photo from ASU.” I thought back. “In fact, I was a year younger. I was twenty-two.”
“Damn, you were hot.” He grabbed my cheek, pulling my mouth to his and kissed me. “Still are.” He smiled. “Okay, even hotter now.”
“Yeah, you better say that.” I bit at the crook of his neck and snuck my hand into his briefs, stroking him.
“Oh, fuck.” He tipped his head back, tensing his brows, then set the photo down. “You’re making it hard for me to look at these photos.”
“You can look at them later.” I circled my thumb over his slit, spreading precum over the head of his dick.
He shuddered, then twisted in my hold, his pupils dilated, and eyelids hooded. “What do you want tonight, Leo? Tell me.” He took a hard swallow.
Tugging his leaking cock, I nipped his lower lip, then pulled on it. What did I want? “Do you usually top with guys?” It seemed to me, we’d never finished that conversation all those weeks ago.
“Like I said, I’m pretty vers. It’s about fifty-fifty, depending on the guy.” He rocked his hips in time with my stroking hand. “Someday though, I’d like to top with you.” He looked down between us, then came back up. “You have such a nice, fuckable body, Leo.”
As my head filled with the memory of him fingering me, my dick twitched and leaked in my briefs. Damn, that had felt good. “So, you want to try topping tonight?”
His cock pulsed in my hand, and he groaned, fluttering his eyes shut. “Fuck yeah, if you’re ready.” When his eyes opened, they were dazed, and his cheeks flushed.
“Let’s try it.” I could do this. I wanted to be connected to him in that way. I slid my hand out of his underwear, then lifted my shirt up and off my head and dropped my jeans and briefs to the floor while he did the same.
“You do have what we need, right?” He stepped to the edge of my bed.
With a sharp chuckle, I climbed onto my bed and lay down on my back, then lifted my knees, exposing myself to him. “I fully prepared for this night.” I knew someone was getting fucked tonight, just wasn’t sure who.
Archer climbed up beside me and lay on his side, then brushed his finger pads up and down my chest and abs, leaving a tickle. “You’re so sexy, Leo.” He pressed his hot cock to my hip and snuck his lower lip between his teeth. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He skimmed his fingers over my dick.
My stomach clenched as his light touch lit me up inside. My breath quickened. “I trust you, Archer.” Totally and completely.
With a nod, he crept down the bed and shifted between my thighs, then while peeking up at me, he fisted my cock and licked it from base to tip, flicking his tongue into my slit.
“Oh holy fuck.” I arched my back off the bed as pleasure shot up my spine. I wasn’t prepared for that.
“I’m going to make you feel so good, Leo.” Keeping his gaze fixed to mine, he lowered his mouth over my shaft and swallowed me whole, the wet warmth of him enveloping me.
Clutching his hair, a deep moan rumbled from my chest and my eyes rolled back in my head. He had such a talented mouth. What would it feel like to have his fingers and his mouth? I felt my way to my nightstand drawer, grabbed the lube and threw it down at him.
He left me with a wet pop, his grin glistening. “You want it already?” He sat up on tucked legs and squirted lube on his fingers.
“I do. Both, I want both.” Jesus fuck, I could barely talk. As I watched him hover over me, I braced myself.
He sucked me into his mouth while his slick finger circled and teased my hole, then he moaned over me, squirming as his thick cock dribbled precum down his shaft.
Sensation heated over my skin and my ass clenched. “Do it, put it in.” Fuck, I wanted him to hit that spot inside me.
“Jesus fuck, this is really turning me on.” He slid his finger slowly inside me, then licked up and down my shaft and sucked my crown.
I gasped and shivered as hot pleasure engulfed me and my hips jerked. “More, do more.” I needed to feel it now. I craved it.
He pushed his finger in deeply and circled, hitting my prostate, then rubbed, while swallowing over my dick.
“Fuck, oh fuck.” I arched my back again and fisted his hair, tugging on it, my toes curling into the duvet. “More, Archer.”
He snuck a second finger inside me and pumped his fingers in time with my dick, then moaned over my shaft.
As the burn in my hole melted into the pleasure rippling through my cock, I tipped my head back and lost myself to him. He was my everything. I’d do anything for this man. He’d given me all of himself and he deserved the same from me. “Do it, Archer. I’m ready.” I wanted to feel him inside me. I wanted that deep connection.
“Yeah?” He rummaged in my nightstand for a condom, ripped it open, then rolled it over his leaking dick. “Leo? This is going to hurt. Just so you know.” He caressed the inside of my thigh, his forehead wrinkling.
“I know.” Fuck if I cared. I still needed him the same.
“Give me a pillow.” He held his hand out.
I held up a pillow and he took it.
“Lift your hips.” He set the pillow by my hips.
As I lifted, he tucked the pillow under my ass. “Okay, I think this will be more comfortable.” He slathered more lube onto his dick, then fell over me on a straight arm. “You’re beautiful, Leo. The most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.” He pressed a lingering kiss on my lips, nudging his cock into my stretched hole.
I grabbed his hips and looked up at him, really looked at him, his thick lashes, and the emotion in his large, brown eyes. God, I love him. How could I not? “Ready.”
He breached my hole with the head of his cock. “Oh, fuck.” Dropping his head, he panted for a moment and squeezed his shaft. “God, you feel so fucking good.”
My ass clenched around him, and the burn washed over my skin. “So do you,” I gritted out.
With a groan, he slowly pushed in more, then stopped. “Leo? You okay?” His gaze searched my face.
“I’m fine. Keep going.” I was doing this, damn it. I didn’t care if it tore me in two. I dug my fingers into his hips and tugged, urging him on.
Groaning, he filled me up, one slow inch by slow inch until his balls rested against my ass. “Fuck, Leo. I can’t move.” He lowered down onto his elbows, his arms cradling my head, then looked deeply into my eyes. “This means a lot to me. I hope you know that.”
Hooking my ankles around his hips, I said, “It actually means a lot to me, too.” I relaxed around his shaft, the pressure of him feeding something primal in me. “Kiss me and move.” Wrapping my hand around the back of his head, I pulled his mouth to mine, then brushed our lips together and whispered, “I need you to move.”
While devouring my lips in hungry kisses, he reared his hips back and plunged into me, again and again, his body shuddering.
I gasped and shook as his dick left me empty, then stretched me again, pleasure and pain mixing in a delicious cocktail. Slanting my mouth over his, I held him to me and ravaged him with kisses, our teeth clashing and tongues dueling for dominance.
After a few minutes, his thrusts became shorter and erratic, and he broke the kisses. “Leo, I’m close.” He nibbled the shell of my ear as his breath shivered over my neck.
I adjusted the angle of my hips and sparks of sensation burst up my spine, jerking my dick between us. “Fuck, close, too.” With a long moan, I fisted my cock and pumped it in time with his rocking hips, the edge of climax teasing me. “Come, Archer. Come for me.”
As he cried out against my neck, he held tightly to my shoulders and quickened the pace of his hips. “So fucking good, Leo, Oh my God.”
Pleasure swarmed from my core to every nerve ending and my balls drew up. My cock swelled in my hand, then spurted hot cum onto my stomach and chest. “Fuck yeah.” I fell over the edge and sparks lit up behind my eyes.
As it slowed, he fell on top of me, panting and burying his face in my neck. “Holy shit, that was good. Are you okay?” He lifted up and studied my face.
I quirked my lips. “I’m more than okay. Best orgasm I’ve ever had.” By far. I had no idea it could be like this. I brushed a lock of his hair off his forehead.
“So, does that mean you’ll do it again?” He raised the edge of his mouth.
“I suppose so.” I widened my grin, taking in his stunning face. I couldn’t imagine never having him like this again.
“Good.” With a quick kiss, he slid out of me and sat up on his tucked legs. “Sorry, I need to get this condom off.” He pulled the condom off and tied it, then threw it on the floor. “I’ll take care of that later. Right now, I want to cuddle with you.”
“You do, huh?” I opened up my arms. “Guess we’re both sticky at this point, so who cares.” We’d deal with my mess later.
He fell into my arms and laid his head on my shoulder, facing me. “I’m so glad you were open to doing that.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It feels fucking great.” I hugged him to my chest, thinking about the whole condom thing. Neither one of us were planning on seeing anyone else. “Hey, can we try doing it without the condom?”
He lifted his head. “You mean bareback?” He bit his lower lip and his dick, wedged between our hips, jerked.
With a chuckle, I said, “Feels like someone likes that idea.” I gauged his reaction. Surely he’d done that before.
“I think it would be great. We’d both have to get tested first though.” He wrinkled his brows. “I don’t want to mess with HIV if I can avoid it, you know, especially with me having the opportunity to go to an NHL camp.” He pursed his lips. “Not that I think you’re positive or anything.”
“How do you know you’re not?” Fuck, I might have opened up a whole can of worms. I’d never really thought too much about it. My primary goal for wearing a condom had been to keep from having an accidental pregnancy. I tilted my head over my pillow.
“I’ve never had sex without a condom.” His cheeks reddened. “I’m very careful and the last time I was tested was before I was with Milo and I…” He looked away, then came back. “Milo said he was on PrEP.”
I let out a long breath. “Yeah, my brother got all the guys in the band on it. He’s very committed to making sure everyone in his friend group is having—” I made air quotes “—Safe sex.” I huffed. “In fact, Axel, probably correctly I might add, thinks if everyone who’s negative would just go on the medication, then HIV would be eliminated from the Earth.”
He choked out a laugh. “Your brother is something.” Knitting his brows, he said, “But anyways, if you want, I’ll get tested again. But I’ve never gone bareback with anyone.”
I widened my eyes. Holy shit, I could be his first. “Yeah? I’ll get tested, too. It’s been a while for me, so I should probably do it anyways.” We needed to be responsible about this and truth be told, I probably hadn’t been as responsible as I should have been.
“So…” He gave me a sly grin. “We’re getting pretty serious here, Leo Sandstrom.” Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to my mouth.
“We are.” I darted my gaze between his eyes, my pulse quickening. “When I said I was falling for you, I meant it. I…” Fuck, how can you tell him you love him if you aren’t even out to your friends and family yet?
“You what?” He rested his palm and then his chin on my chest, the hint of a grin on his mouth.
“I uh, I’m sticky. How about we clean up?” I winced. Fuck, that was lame.
“Oh, yeah.” He peeled himself off me and climbed off the bed. “What time are Remy and Axel coming home?”
“Not until about two AM.” I flung my legs over the edge of the mattress and stood up. I had to come out to Remy. Maybe tomorrow? At least it would be a start.
After a quick clean upin the hallway bathroom, I followed him into my bedroom. “How late can you stay?” I watched him slide his briefs, then his jeans up his legs. He had practice in the morning and another game tomorrow night.
“Actually, I should probably be going.” He slid his arms into the sleeves of his shirt, then buttoned it. “Someday, we’ll sleep together though. Right?” He stepped to me and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
“Right.” My chest pinched. I pulled a pair of pajama bottoms out of my dresser drawer and skimmed them up my legs. It would be nice to have more time together. Especially now. “Can I see you after the game tomorrow?”
With a bright smile, he said, “Sure. The guys were talking about going to the gay bar on Mill Avenue. Want to go with me?”
I dropped my mouth open. Me? A gay bar? But, I’d just had anal sex…with a guy. A guy I loved. “Yeah, sure.” I freed a stuttered chuckle, my pulse picking up speed.
He stepped to me and placed his hand on my forearm. “You’ve been there before, right?”
“Um…” I scratched my brow. “No, I haven’t.” I chanced a peek at him. “I’ve never had a reason to go there. It’s not like I go out cruising for guys.” I pressed my lips together. That didn’t sound right, especially since I’d admitted to having a Grindr account. Fuck me.
“Leo.” He chuckled. “What the hell are you talking about?” He looked me up and down. “We’re going out to have a good time. It’s just a club where we can be ourselves. Where we can openly make out on the dancefloor if we want, and no one will care.” He waggled his brows at me.
“Yeah, okay. Just, I’ve never been to one.” Hadn’t Axel always found hookups there, sometimes more than one at a time? But shit, Axel found hookups everywhere he went…until he found Remy. But how cool would it be to be out with Archer like that in a safe space? “Sounds like fun.”
“Good, then it’s a plan. I’ll text you tomorrow.” He picked up his cell phone from my nightstand. “You’re watching the game, right?”
“You know I am. I’ll probably watch with Remy while Axel does…whatever Axel does.” I grabbed his hand and led him to my front door, then opened it. “Good luck tomorrow night.” I gave him a lingering kiss, his soft, warm lips pressed to mine.
“Thank you. With you on my side, I’m sure I will.” With a swift grin, he twisted around and strolled down the walkway to his SUV.
I glanced up at the sliver of the moon, bathing everything in a blueish hue, and a cool breeze shivered over my skin. It was getting cold out at night. I rubbed my hands up and down my bare arms. Winter was definitely here.
The next morning,I’d fried eggs and bacon for us all and was working on toast when Remy ambled out of the hallway to the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. I flicked my gaze to the clock. It was eleven already. “Good morning, sleepy head.”
With his hair in disarray and gray sweats hugging his narrow hips, he mumbled, “Morning.” Making his way into the kitchen, he sniffed at the air. “Leo, you are a fucking saint. You know that?” He grabbed a coffee cup from the cupboard and filled it with the carafe of coffee I’d made.
“I think I might have heard that a time or two.” I eyed the hallway. No sign of Axel yet. But that wasn’t unusual. Most days after a gig he was exhausted, and I didn’t blame him with how he was always jumping and running all over the stage.
Pouring creamer into his coffee, Remy said, “So, how was your night hanging out with Archer?” He slurped his coffee.
“Oh, it was good. I made him dinner and then we watched this cool action movie with Tom Cruise.” I slowly nodded, then grabbed the toast as it popped up and flung it on a plate. “How was the show?”
“Awesome as usual. I think they may have outdone themselves last night.” He stepped to me and wrapped an arm around my waist, hugging me to his side. “They got asked to do a gig in Vegas.”
“What? Are you shitting me?” I stared at him, my brows lifting. “When?” Because of course my mind was stuck on how I could have Archer stay the night here while they were gone. Fuck, I had to come out and quit keeping him a secret. I buttered the toast.
“It’s a smaller, outdoor venue, but it’s on the strip.” He freed me and grabbed a plate from the upper cupboard, then opened the oven where I was warming the bacon and fried eggs. “I think they’re going to play there when it warms up. It’s too fucking cold in Vegas this time of year. At least at night.” He slid out the baking sheet with the food on it and plated a few eggs and strips of bacon.
“Yeah, I could see that. You can’t put all these desert rats out in the cold, they freeze to death if the temperature drops below sixty.” I chortled. That would be shorts and t-shirt weather for my sexy Midwestern boy. I dropped a few slices of toast onto Remy’s plate as he set it on the counter.
“Thanks, man.” He kissed my cheek, then strolled to our dinette and sat down.
A grin tugged at my lips. When had we started doing that? Kissing and hugging like Axel’s friends do? Certainly after Remy came out. I’d always been like that with Axel, so it never bothered me. Well, Axel was always an affectionate bastard with me, whether I liked it or not growing up.
I plated my own food and joined Remy, sitting at the head of the table and next to me, then cut into my eggs. Would I have enough time to talk to Remy before Axel made his appearance? “Hey, how much longer do you think Axel’s going to be in bed?” I ate a bite of egg.
“Shit, he probably won’t be up for a few more hours.” As he dipped his head, his cheeks reddened. “We didn’t go straight to sleep after the show.” Holding a slice of bacon in front of his face, he said, “He was all wound up.” He wagged his brows.
“I don’t need to know any more.” With a soft snigger, I drank some coffee. Thank God I’d slept through whatever acrobatics they’d done last night and with my brother, sex included all sorts of crazy stunts. Ugh.
“I have to talk to you about something though.” Remy bit into his toast, then washed it down with coffee and slid his gaze to meet with mine. “Archer.”
Swallowing wrong, I coughed, my heart lurching. As I held the back of my hand to my mouth, I said, “Shit, sorry. Uh, what about Archer?” Fuck. Did he know what really happened last night? How would he? Could someone have seen us together at the house? But who?
“Axel thinks you need to be careful.” He scooped egg onto his fork and ate it. “He thinks Archer might have a thing for you.”
My eyes grew wide. Holy fuck, if only they knew. “Uh, yeah?” I choked out a chuckle. “Why would he say that?”
“Because, and this is him talking, he says Archer eye-fucks you when you’re not looking.” Remy chortled. “Fucking Axel, man.” Shaking his head, he ate more toast.
I fought to hide the wide smile threatening to break out over my mouth and drank more coffee. Archer did a lot more than eye fuck me. Shit, should I tell him? I parted my lips, the words forming in my brain.
“You need to be careful, Leo.” Remy locked his gaze to mine and tapped his index finger on the table between us. “Archer’s not straight and if you’re leading him on, it’s not cool. Axel knows what it feels like to love a guy he can’t have.” He grimaced. “Fuck, well, thought he couldn’t have. Turns out I wasn’t straight either.” His gaze searched the table a moment, then focused on me. “The point is, Archer’s a nice guy and we all like him. We don’t want to see him get hurt.”
With an ache filtering through my chest, I breathed in deeply. This was my chance. My gut coiled and a knot formed in my throat. “I’m uh, I’m not leading him on.” My mouth went dry. Fuck, this was hard.
Remy blinked a few times. “Okay, so he hasn’t made any passes at you or alluded to anything to make you think he wants to be more than friends?” He eyed me for a moment. “Because fuck, from the moment Axel started tutoring me, he was all over my ass. Like, literally.” The edge of his mouth snapped up.
“Axel is not Archer. Archer’s not like that at all.” I set my fork on my plate, gathering my strength. “And I’m not like—” My eyes rounded. Wait, who the fuck was I kidding? I was just like Remy, wasn’t I?
“Me?” Remy set his elbows on the table and tented his fingers over his plate. “Is that what you were going to say?”
I shifted in my chair, staring at my plate. “Remy, when you and Axel were hiding your relationship from me, why did you do it?” I lifted my gaze to meet his. “Was it the brother thing or was it our friendship you were most concerned about?”
He balked and sat back in his chair, then looked around the room before facing me. “I think it was our friendship I was most concerned about. Plus, I wasn’t ready to be queer. I hid it because I could. I think when you’re gay, like Axel, it’s a lot harder to hide. But when women turn you on, when you can love a woman, why would you choose to be with a man?”
I knitted my brows. “It’s not a?—”
“Spare me the it’s not a choice bullshit.” Shaking his head, he held up his hand. “You know what I’m talking about. It’s easier to live in a hetero world as a hetero. It just is.” He leaned forward, fixating on me. “But I love your brother more than life itself and I’d never trade what we have for anything. I decided he was worth any and all bullshit the world threw at us and because I had him by my side, I could handle it.”
I stared at him, my jaw dropping open. “Jesus, Remy.” I swallowed hard. After all that, how could I deny what was going on with me and Archer? “Remy? I’m in love with Archer.” My pulsed thumped in my temples and my chest squeezed. I’d gone all the fucking way out of all the closets, with Remy anyways.
With a blink, he cocked his head and looked me up and down. “Y-you love him as a friend?” He scratched his head.
“No, I love him. We’re together. We um…shit, we had sex last night.” Biting my lower lip, my lips curved up. Oh, I’d done it now. His head was going to explode.
“In our house? You fucked a guy in our house?” With his brows furrowing, he pointed at me. “You better have fucked him in your bed and not…” He looked around the room. “Not like, on our kitchen counter or our fucking couch like, like?—”
“Like what you and Axel do?” With a grin, I creased my forehead. Touché. “And keep your voice down.” Axel was going to come running out of the hallway any minute.
He settled into his chair and slumped his shoulders, then giggled, his shoulders shaking. “Holy fuck, Leo. You’re queer.” He scrubbed his hands down his face. “How did I not see it?” His gaze cut to mine. “Fucking Angie. You asshole. It was Archer you were dating and not Angie.”
Nodding, I chortled. “Yeah, sorry about that, but I owed you one.” I grabbed his hand, resting on his thigh. “Remy, you’re my best friend and you’re the first person I told.” I squeezed his hand. “I figured if anyone could understand what I’ve been going through, it would be you.”
He lifted our hands and wrapped his other one over them. “Thanks for telling me and you’re right. I do understand.” He rolled his eyes. “Axel’s going to lose his mind.”
“Don’t tell Axel. Not yet.” I tensed my mouth. “I don’t know how my family is going to take this. Axel’s always been the gay son and?—”
“And you’re afraid everyone is going to see you differently. You don’t know where you’ll fit in anymore.” Remy freed my hand, shifted his chair closer to me, then wound his arm around my shoulders. “At least my sister is married and already gave my mom grandchildren. But I know your mom was expecting that from you.” He twisted his lips. “Not that you can’t, being in a gay relationship, but you’re right. Axel holds the title of the out and proud gay son in your family. I get you.” He pressed his forehead to the side of my head. “It’s up to you when you’re ready to come out to them all and I won’t say a word. But please, Leo, talk to me. Let me help you through this.”
As he lifted his head from mine, I darted my gaze between his eyes. “Thank you, Remy. Just getting it out like this helps so much.”
“I know.” His lips quirked into a smirk. “Just…keep talking. Okay? I’m here for you. Always have been.”
“What the fuck is going on out here?” Axel stood in the hallway entrance, his black hair disheveled and his tattoos on full display all over his body with only his black silk briefs covering his groin. “You two having a bromance moment?” He ambled into the main room.
“Aren’t you cold walking around in only your…almost nonexistent underwear?” I averted my gaze. Why did he insist on showing himself off like that? I’d never get used to it.
With a smirk, he stalked toward Remy, then slid an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Remy likes it.” He edged into Remy’s side. “It is kinda cold though.”
“Here, let me get you a blanket.” Remy hopped up from his chair, gave me a look, then snatched a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around Axel’s shoulders. “I’m surprised you’re up already.”
With a shrug, Axel said, “Yeah well, the bed was lonely without you there.” He padded into the kitchen and poured himself a coffee. “Besides, I could smell the bacon and I was hungry.” He plated himself some food, then brought it all to the table and sat down next to Remy and opposite me. “So, what the hell was going on out here?” He sipped his coffee with both hands, then wrapped the blanket tighter around him.
Remy glanced at me. “We were just talking, uh, about relationships.” He drank some coffee, then cut into his eggs.
Could I talk to Axel right now? I pursed my lips. No, telling Remy was enough for one day. At least Remy had understood and knew what I was walking into.
Axel’s attention drew to me. “So, how’s Angie?” He bit the end off a slice of bacon. “Doesn’t seem like you see her much anymore.” He chuckled. “Spending too much time with Archer.”
I frowned and pushed my eggs around on my plate. “Yeah, I don’t know if that’s going anywhere.” Fuck, I did not like lying to my brother. I downed the rest of my coffee. I’d eaten more than half of my breakfast, but I wasn’t hungry anymore. “Hey, I heard you guys got offered a show in Vegas?” I stood up and brought my plate to the sink.
“Yeah, think we’ll go out there in February maybe. We’ll see.” Axel ate some egg.
“Leo, let us get the dishes.” Remy twisted in his seat, studying me.
“Thanks.” I rubbed my hands together. “Uh, there’s a hockey game on tonight. Want to watch it with me?” It was an ordinary request. Maybe I’d get to talk to Remy some more without Axel around.
Remy flicked a glance at Axel. “What do you think? You need to study for finals, don’t you?” He leaned over and cupped Axel’s cheek. “And after the game, we can do something together.”
“Yeah, sure.” Axel gave Remy a warm grin.