14. Sahara
14
Sahara
I spin quickly at the sound of Kalen’s voice in my ear, and as my blood drains to my feet, I nearly fall to the floor. “Kalen,” I murmur breathlessly, my hand on my chest. “You scared me.”
“Sorry. I was surprised to see you here.” He jerks his head to the left. “I was next door getting costumes.”
“Oh, right. I didn’t realize you were going to this particular one.”
“Taylor asked me to. I got us costumes.”
I try to relax as he grins at me. But how can I? I haven’t been honest with him about who I am and what I really do for a living. The last thing I expected was for him to find me shelving books at my place of employment.
He inches back, his gaze moving over my face. “Look at you in glasses.” His grin turns wicked as he looks me up and down, taking in my knee-length skirt, sensible shoes and buttoned up blouse. “You look different.”
“Just ahh…” I smooth my hand over my skirt.
“I love this whole sexy librarian thing you’ve got going on.”
Oh God.
“You could have worn this for a costume,” he tells me, lust in his eyes.
I’m two seconds from confessing, even though I know it will be the end of us, and truthfully, I have been enjoying myself and was looking forward to the Halloween party, but before I can get the words out, he speaks. “Are you preparing for another role?” Something in his expression changes as he focuses in on my glasses. Ohmigod, are they triggering a memory? No that can’t be right. He didn’t know it was me that night in the closet.
“Yeah, something like that,” I agree and he turns his attention to the book in my hand.
“Whoa?” As he takes it from me, and turns it over to read the back, I tear off my glasses and hook them in my blouse. “Kama Sutra.” He arches a playful brow. “Part of your upcoming play, or part of our play?”
I gulp. I was only reshelving. I can’t tell him that, though. He lifts his head and starts running his fingers along the spines of the erotic books. Why oh why did he have to catch me in this section? Then again, I do want to try new things, discover who I am, so maybe I can use this to my advantage.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” I tell him playfully as I snatch the book back. His grin widens and it does crazy things to the needy juncture between my legs.
“I’m looking forward to finding out.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, and the lust disappears from his eyes as he stands up straight, looking a little bit sheepish. What is going on?
“Oh, well, I was across the street, as you know and you were telling me that you were having a bit of a hard time with the e-reader so I thought I could find that book club book here for you.”
My heart misses a beat, and it might be just a tiny bit harder to fill my lungs. He was going to do that for me? That is so incredibly sweet and means he’s been thinking about me, outside the bedroom. “Kalen,” I begin. “I?—”
I’m not sure what he’s reading on my face, but he quickly cuts me off. “No biggie. I was just across the street. It’s what Taylor would have wanted me to do.”
Okay that’s a weird thing to say and I think he knows it too by the strange way he’s now averting his gaze. But I guess he doesn’t want me getting the wrong idea. That he’s kind and adorable and might be thinking about me.
Got it, Kalen. You want me to know this is just about sex. Duly noted.
“I actually already checked and we don’t have it.” We? Shoot, why did I say we? I put my hand on his arm, hoping he didn’t pick up on that. “That was really nice of you though.”
“Like I said, I was in the area.” He glances over his shoulder. “I’m here with Ash. He’s looking for a book for Zoe.” A big, warm smile touches his mouth. “He was so excited that he found her the Beetlejuice costume she wants. It was the cutest thing.”
There it is, that longing. I have no doubt this man wants a family of his own, but there’s something there, something keeping him back. It has to stem from his childhood, from losing his mother and moving in with his grandmother. Along with not having a relationship with his father. That all makes me sad and a part of me wants to fix it for him. Not that I know how, and I can’t forget that he doesn’t want to tell me anything about his father. I could ask Taylor, but that feels like an invasion of his privacy.
“The guys and I are headed to Kilting Around for some food. I’ll catch up with you later. You’re probably busy.”
“Yeah, I’m busy.”
He hesitates for a second. “I’ll see you tonight?”
Before I can respond, he leans in and catching me by surprise, kisses me. He looks as shocked as I am when he inches back, and not wanting to make this more awkward than it already is, I blurt out, “What costumes did you get for us?”
“It’s for me to know and you to find out.”
I laugh as he shoots my words back at me. Really, do I even have to ask? I have no doubt that it’s something low cut and sexy. Isn’t Halloween a reason for girls to dress sexy and for guys to ogle them? Since I agreed to go in a couple’s costume, I guess I’d better prepare myself for sexy cop, or a cheerleader or something along those lines. Although I’m not looking forward to having my boobs on display. Sure, I’m trying new things, but I’m not much into nudity outside the home.
Nevertheless, I’m in this role because I let him believe that was me. I handed that persona over to him and he’s just going with that. Can’t fault him for that.
“Does that mean I’ll see you tonight?” he asks.
“Actually, I will be at your place.” He cocks his head, confused. “Taylor has lines she has to run for her theater class and asked if I could come over and help her.”
“Oh.” He frowns and rubs an eyebrow, something about what I just said clearly bothering him. “It’s nice that she has you to help.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, and glance at his eyebrow. He seems a little uneasy about something.
“It’s just that, I get the feeling that Taylor likes the idea of us hooking up. I just don’t want anything messing up your relationship with her, when we’re…you know…”
“…done,” I respond finishing his sentence for him. I spot Teresa at the end of the aisle. She pauses when she sees me talking to Kalen, and her brow raises with curiosity. She must be wondering what a guy like Kalen is doing talking to a book nerd like me. We’re in the erotic section, so maybe she just thinks he’s looking for some sexy reads. She must know the reputation of the Bucks.
“Yeah,” he agrees, and I turn my attention back to him, expecting an interrogation from Teresa later. “When I leave for my away game. You and me…”
“…are done,” I finish again.
I try to ignore the lump dropping into my stomach, the reminder—once again—that this is sex and I shouldn’t be upset. Why the hell am I? I don’t want more. Ugh. Maybe I do. But I can’t go there. Not with him. Maybe I’m upset because everything about this man screams of settling down, and having a big family...just not with a girl like me. I’m not the kind of girl he’d bring home to meet the family, if he had one. Heck, he doesn’t even know the real me.
How can he, Darien…you don’t know the real you.
“I’m a big girl, Kalen. Nothing is going to come between Taylor and me.” He looks so unsure, I add, “Just like if she fell for one of your buddies, nothing would come between you two guys, right?”
“She’s not dating a hockey player,” he bursts out, his face reddening a bit.
I cringe, knowing how she feels about Elias, but I’m not sure Elias reciprocates those feelings and that must be so hard on Taylor. I need to make tonight fun for her, maybe even take her out for a drink so she can meet someone else. There’s no way Kalen will like that, or ever approve of any guy with his sister, but maybe that will get her out of her funk.
“Why not?” I ask, pushing this a bit farther.
“I just…” He shakes his head and frowns. “The thought of one of the guys touching her…” He pauses, a hard quiver going through him. “Roman…Jesus.”
“Not all the guys are like Roman, and you just watch, one of these days a woman is going to take him to his knees.”
“It’s possible,” he responds and glances down, like he’s considering that. Is he warming to the idea? “When Taylor is ready to settle down, I want her with a good guy. She’s just too young, right now. She has school.”
“Okay, Dad.”
“Hey,” he warns in a soft voice. “I’m not her dad, I’m…” he pauses for a second. “I mean, okay, maybe I act like it at times, and something tells me you don’t think I’m good at it.”
“Not at all, Kalen. I think you’d be an awesome dad. Taylor is lucky to have you.”
“You just think I’m overprotective.” I whistle innocently, and he shakes his head. “Maybe you’re right. I want her to have a father figure. I want what’s best for her.”
I don’t know the story of his father but my heart squeezes for the young boy who had to step in and take over that role. “You’re the best, Kalen.”
Tenderness moves over his face as I go up on my toes and kiss his cheek. From the corner of my eye, I spot Ash walking around looking for Kalen and I inch back. “You should get going. I think Ash is ready.”
“Right, okay. So, I’ll see you tonight, but I won’t see you tonight.”
“Something like that.”
“What about sneaking into my room?”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that.”
His gaze moves to the book in my hand. “You’re checking that book out, right?”
I’m about to hand it over, have him check it out. But that would mean he’d have to come back and return it and next time he might find me behind the desk. I can’t have that happen.
“I am.” He quickly scans the shelf and pulls another one out.
“What about this one? Erotic bedtime stories for couples.”
I chuckle. “You want me to read you a bedtime story, Kalen?”
He steps into me, his hands sliding around my back, pulling me to him. I feel the beginnings of a lovely bulge between his legs and the blood in my vein’s boils. Ohmigod, now is not the time or the place for this kind of arousal.
He puts his mouth near my ear, his warm breath stirring the growing need inside me. I have no doubt my cheeks are turning pink. “Maybe I’ll read you one, and maybe you can wear the glasses and we can play sexy librarian,” he whispers.
I take a couple of fast breaths as his words ping around inside my lust-saturated brain. Jeez, maybe he would have liked the quiet librarian persona better. Maybe he would have thought of her as the serious type, someone he could have a future with. Clearly the vivacious woman on stage, the one I’m embracing, is fun to sleep with but not long-term worthy. But no, that can’t be right. He ignored me all through high and I’m nothing like Juliette. Sexy librarian is a stereotype, a fantasy. A game people play. Then they go back to the real world.
Ash starts down the aisle and since I don’t want him to see the books in my hands, I shove Kalen. “Go.” I wave to Ash as Kalen turns and meets him and I let out a breath of relief. Did I really think my two worlds wouldn’t cross? Boston is a big city, so yeah, I guess I did. I’ll have to be extra careful from here on out.
I hold the books to my chest, air suddenly harder to come by as another thought hits. I haven’t been honest with Kalen, or Taylor. If Taylor and I are to remain friends, eventually she’ll want to know about my past, right? Friends share things.
Dammit.
Kalen might have been right to worry about my relationship with his sister. I might have told her all about my past if her brother hadn’t been the man to intimately touch me in the secret closet all those years ago.
I continue to hang out in the erotic book section, my body still burning from his touch, not to mention the pictures on the covers, until I’m sure Kalen and Ash are gone. Once I’m sure the coast is clear, I head back to my desk, and before I sit, I do one last glance around. The second I sit, my phone pings, and I reach into my drawer and pull it out. I read the text from Kalen, and my heart jumps.
Kalen: When you come over tonight, keep the glasses and wear your hair up in a bun….