Stir (The Sizzle TV Series Book 5)

Chapter 13 – Natalie

At the end of the longest work week of my life, Finn leans over my shoulder.

“Still on for dinner tonight?” he asks, keeping his voice quiet.

I glance at Nic’s closed office door, smiling and nodding. I’ve been looking forward to it all week. I’ve barely seen Nic at all, and I know he’s busy with his volunteering thing tonight. Which means we won’t be getting caught if we end up back at Finn’s apartment.

“You’re blushing,” says Finn, still hovering over my shoulder.

“For a man who only takes contract work, you’re very persistent.” I shoo him back over to his side of our little foyer, a whole ten feet away.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks. It’s a curious question, not an offended one, which is something I’ve learned about Finn this week. He doesn’t really get upset. My ex tended to be dramatic. It’s a refreshing change to spend time with a man for whom every moment doesn’t need to be a major production. Finn’s about as even-keeled as they come.

He settles onto the client sofa, something he doesn’t often do during office hours. Usually, he’s up and moving between my office and Nic’s. Nic is not a fan of all the activity, but I suppose the point of having security in the office is that Finn can keep an eye on us both. The sheer nothingness of this week—it was slow, even by our minimal-client-meeting standards—just about drove me crazy, and it had to be worse for Finn. He’s obviously not used to sitting still.

“I’d think the lack of commitment to one job meant you didn’t really have to buckle down and stick to anything,” I answer. This week, we covered every subject under the sun. Politics, religion, current events; Finn Hale is conversationally dauntless. I don’t have to weigh my every word with him. He’ll listen long enough for me to explain what I mean, another change from Jeff the jerk. I have so little experience with other men; it feels like I’ve unlocked a whole new side of myself just by being able to talk freely, knowing my words were taken in good faith.

“You say that as though changing jobs is a bad thing,” he says lightly. “Are you trying to tell me this is the only place you’ve ever worked?”

“Of course not,” I say. “But I signed a contract and the tax forms with the intention of staying put.”

He shrugs. “I sign forms like that, too. My contracts just specify the end date up front, is all. Cleaner that way. Everybody knows exactly what to expect.”

The way he phrases it makes me sit up straighter.

“You’d rather know when it’ll end before you start.”

Finn looks up.

“When it comes to my work, yes,” he says, watching me.

I have a feeling that suits him on a level that goes deeper than just how he pays his bills. I bite my lip and turn my attention back to my monitor, tapping at keys like I have some urgent task to complete.

It’s a conversation neither of us is prepared to have, I think—whether or not we’re ready for a commitment. He’s pretty obviously not interested in it. As for me, well… I’ve been committed before. It didn’t turn out well, but I don’t really know how to be any other way. Leaving Finn’s the other night after we slept together was as unfamiliar territory to me as facing my boss the morning after.

Nic.He’d given no indication whatsoever that he’d heard anything that night. Nic, who, despite the eyeful he must have gotten finding Finn and me making out right outside his front door, had been nothing but professional and nice to me all week.

It had taken the better part of three days for me to relax around him, helped immensely by his being more or less locked in his office the whole time. I couldn’t say what he was working on right now, but he kept at it, his door staying closed far more this week than it had in the year since I started working here.

Finn opens his mouth to say something, but the phone rings and the rest of the day passes before we’re able to finish the conversation. I get to leave early today, something Nic makes a point of when we’ve had a slow week. Finn stays to help him lock up, which means I have a chance to get out of my work clothes before meeting him for dinner.

Tonight’s dress is one of my favorites from my shopping spree splurge: close-fitting but for a couple of strategic drapes that hint at curves and cleavage for days. I feel like a pinup bombshell, and I look better than I ever have. Give me a dress like this, and I can bring any man to his knees. The lingerie beneath is classic black lace and makes me feel like an absolute goddess. I stick to stockings since Finn liked those so much last time we were together.

The thought of seeing him again like that is thrilling; the idea of being alone, when we don’t have to behave ourselves in public or at work, makes me shiver. The anticipation is delicious.

I snap a picture in the full-length mirror in my bedroom and send it to Moira.

Moira: GIRL. Call me when you get to the hospital ’cause that dress is bound to give him a heart attack.

The cheesy pickup line, repurposed for best-friend duty, makes me laugh. A quick touch-up for hair and makeup and I’m already headed downstairs when Finn calls to tell me he’s waiting at the curb.

He’s leaning against the door of his truck, scanning the sidewalk when I come out, and he does a double take. A real-life, honest-to-God double take. I can’t help but laugh.

“Were you expecting someone else?” I say, still giggling. His mouth closes and he approaches.

“You look incredible,” he says, taking my hand and pressing it to his chest. “Natalie. You’re incredible.”

I can’t deny that the look on his face is deeply gratifying, but I can still hear nerves in my voice. “Wait until you see the rest of it.”

Heat flashes across his face. Finn clenches his jaw. “Keep this up, and we’re going to miss dinner.”

“You won’t get any complaints from me.”

His hand squeezes mine tightly for a second, then he shakes his head. “No, ma’am. Dinner first.”

I know he’s probably not looking for anything long-term. Look at his life, his jobs. Even his apartment is new. The man has “I’m here for a good time, not a long time” written all over him. I’m already addicted to the way he looks at me, and I know in my bones that when he leaves, I’ll get my heart broken. God knows what it’ll do to my self-esteem. Jeff wasn’t half so attentive, and that breakup threw me for a year. When Finn decides to go, it’ll wreck me.

But Lord alive, I think the ride might be worth it. He looks at me like he wants to tear my clothes off where we stand.

The restaurant is beautiful, all antique dark wood and mirrored glass, low lighting and tasteful music. The food is excellent. Hands down, best date of my life. I’m afraid to even think the words, in case I jinx it.

I glance up over my wineglass to find Finn tracking my every move. Again. My cheeks get hot.

“You’re staring.”

Finn blinks and smiles. “Sorry. I imagine you’re used to having a man’s eyes on you. Doesn’t mean I get to forget my manners.”

I clear my throat. “I’m not, actually.”

“Not what?”

“Not used to having a man watch me.”

His brows come together in confusion. “That’s not possible. You must not have been paying attention.”

Oh, boy. I could just let him keep thinking this is me. It’s been a heady week, letting him know me as I am now, but hiding who I really am, especially such a big part of myself—no pun intended—is dishonest at best. Can’t expect the best outcome if I don’t give my all, or so say the motivational posters on the wall at the gym.

“Ugh. Okay, look.” I fold my hands on the table and sit up straight. “I didn’t always look like this.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, cautious and curious.

“I mean, what you see here,” I say, gesturing to indicate the great shoes and the stockings and the dress and the way all of it is a size small enough that I’m still getting used to the tags. “All this. Until a few months ago, I didn’t look like this.”

His chin scrunches up, his confusion deepening. I’d laugh, except I feel like I’m turning myself inside out in public. God, is this what coming out feels like? Because I have a whole new empathy for anybody who has to go through that.

“I’m not explaining this well.” I take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and look him square in the eye. “I used to be much bigger. I lost a lot of weight this last year or so.”

His confusion clears, his eyes softening.

“That’s great, Natalie,” he says gently, then stops. “Wait. Is it great? You weren’t sick, or something, were you? You mean you lost weight on purpose.”

That surprises a laugh out of me. “I didn’t think about that. No, I definitely lost the weight on purpose and not because of an illness.”

Finn reaches a hand out across the table and lays it atop mine. Our fingers twist, locking together.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“It was—It was maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me because of it.”

“Because of your weight? What an asshole.”

My smile is huge. “I agree. But it made me take a hard look at my life, about what I was choosing for myself. I didn’t like what I saw, so I started making new choices.” I shrug. “And after some time, those choices started to make a difference.”

Finn looks at me for a long moment, his fingers brushing gently against mine.

“I’m telling you this,” I say quietly, the words for his ears only, “because when you take me back to my apartment in a little while, I’m going to invite you in.”

Heat kindles in his eyes.

“And if you say yes, if you come into my home, you’ll see the photos hanging up. And I don’t want those pictures to come as a surprise.”

Of course, Jeff had never once stopped to look at the photos on my wall. Maybe guys don’t do that kind of thing, and I could have saved myself the humiliation of exposing myself like this. Too late now, Nat.

Finn watches me, and I get the sense he’s considering his words.

“Do people treat you differently now, compared to…”

“When I was fat? Yes.”

I brace myself for the next question. It’s not a nice subject. People are a lot nicer to me now, and while that part is nice, on the whole, knowing that’s the reality we live in… that part freaking sucks.

“Hang on,” he says instead. “You said you and the asshole broke up about a year ago. That’s around the same time you came to work for Nic. You went to work with him before you… made all these changes.”

I nod.

“So what about Nic? Does he treat you differently now?”

I blink, startled by the question. “He does not.” That’s never occurred to me before. “Nic’s always been professional with me. Without fail, one hundred percent of the time.”

At that, we both smile because… well, that’s Nic, isn’t it?

Finn’s eyes narrow just a little.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he says.

“I’m baring all my secrets here,” I say, trying to play it off as a joke but feeling my pulse pick up that he’s thinking things and not saying them. It’s not a good feeling. “Tell me.”

Finn’s grin turns a little bit evil. “I think Nic is into you.”

I can actually feel my face catch fire, I’m blushing so much, so fast.

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.”

“It’s not funny, Finn.” I tug my hands out from under his, wondering if it’ll make too much of a scene to get up and put on my coat. In a place like this? Probably.

He tightens his hold on my hands. “Natalie, wait.”

“No. It’s not funny. Nic has been a great boss, and he doesn’t deserve that kind of disrespect.” I realize I’ve echoed Finn’s words and what he told me Nic said to him about dating me. “And I don’t deserve that either. Let go of my hands.”

“Natalie, look at me.”

I swallow hard and do as he asks, my hands still gripping between his large, rough palms. There’s no trace of humor or levity in his expression at all.

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” he says quietly. “I won’t mention it again if it makes you uncomfortable. But I wasn’t teasing you. I wasn’t kidding. Not even a little.”

I take a deep breath, settling back down into my seat. The idea is impossible, laughable even. Moira said something like that too, not long ago, but it’s easier to dismiss coming from her. She’s only ever met him the one time, that day she brought me lunch a few months ago.

True to his word, he drops the subject, telling me stories about his sister and her adventures in pet sitting before they’d opened the kennel. It’s impossible not to be charmed.

When he takes me home, he walks me to my door. He kisses me gently. I can tell he’s holding back, that after that tense moment at dinner, he thinks that I won’t want him like this.

If I let him in, I’m going to get hurt again. No two ways about it. I already feel something for this man, and tonight’s conversation left me feeling vulnerable and exposed.

I invite him in. Finn’s vivid blue eyes shine in the dim light of the hall. Moments later, the mirror in my bedroom stands in the corner, mocking me for all my bravado earlier tonight.

The heat is incredible, overwhelming even, and my mind is full of nothing but Finn as he takes me again. But when he tries to pull my clothes off to bare me completely, I resist. Pushing him on his back, I take what I need from him, his big, gorgeous body uncovered. Most of my clothes stay in place. He doesn’t seem to mind so much.

The following Monday,Finn is down in the lobby picking up our morning coffee order when Nic stops at his office door.

“Natalie.”

“Mm?” My eyes are on my computer monitor, and it takes me a moment to shift my attention. He waits for me to look at him. Instead of asking about paperwork for the case we’d just been discussing, he shocks me to my core.

“Is it serious?”

“Is what serious?”

“You and Finn?”

I blink once. Twice.

“Do you have feelings for him?” There’s color high on Nic’s cheeks, something I’ve only seen happen that time his father barged in here. I have no idea what to make of it. My mouth opens and closes a couple of times, but no words come.

“Coffee time!” Finn is back, setting cups on my desk with a flourish. Nic takes his with abbreviated thanks and disappears back into his office, leaving Finn looking curiously at me, and me with a mind full of questions and no answers at all.