Stir (The Sizzle TV Series Book 5)

Chapter 22 – Natalie

For a moment, I’m certain Nic is going to send us away, to force us to leave without him. The scene must have been bad. Finn only told me his dad caught them, nothing more. I can picture it though: the two of them making out on the couch, not hearing the door, or too heated to care. Then, the fallout when they were caught. I didn’t hear it, see it, or have to experience it, so maybe it’s too easy for me to ignore it right now.

“Dinner,” I say, running a fingernail over Nic’s forearm lightly. “And then, if I can ask a favor…” His eyes sharpen, all that intense focus on me in an instant. “I’d really like to see what exactly happened on that couch.”

His forearm flexes under my touch. Finn comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck.

“Live reenactment?” he says. I can feel his smile on my skin. It makes me shiver. “What do you think, Nic? Dinner?”

His expression barely changes, but I see the conflict waging war in his eyes. Confused, aroused, angry, tempted, and so sad. I want to put those demons to rest for him, but I can’t force him. And I’ve had about as much rejection as I can take the last couple of years, so if he says no… but Nic doesn’t let me down.

“Dinner,” he says. The word sounds like a promise.

We make it through the door of his apartment, but dinner doesn’t happen until much, much later.?*

I’m late meetingmy mother for lunch the next day. She’s been my rock this last year; she and Moira acted as my head cheerleaders as I sifted through the mess of my life and built something I could be proud of. Mom didn’t even blink when I changed our weekly lunches from the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet to a cute bistro with enormous lunch salads.

Honestly, I’m a lucky woman. She’s been so supportive my whole life, not just since the mess with Jeff and everything that happened after. I’ve never had to question whether she loves me or if she’ll support my choices. Not like Nic and his dad.

It’s that thought that has me squaring my shoulders as I enter the restaurant. If he can stand up to his father, the least I can do is tell my mother the truth.

She’s always been in my corner, always. Doesn’t mean I’m not nervous, though.

She stands up to hug me when I get to the table.

“I’m glad you could make it,” she says. “I can’t remember when we skipped a week, let alone three.”

“Sorry about that.” I can feel myself blushing. “Things have been crazy lately.”

“I want to hear all about it,” she says, waving off the apology. “But first, tell me, have you already got your dress?”

“What dress?”

“For the Sizzle Ball, of course,” she says. “You said Nic is always invited, and you told me months ago you were planning to go with him.”

I’d flat-out forgotten that was coming up.

“The invitation came not too long ago,” I say. “We haven’t talked about it, but you’re right. I said I’d go this year.”

Before the chaos of the last few weeks, before Finn and Nic turned my life into a whirlwind of confusion and sex and fun, I’d been looking forward to the ball this year; something about how it would be my first real chance to show Jeff what he missed out on by dumping me.

I laugh. Hard.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, my gosh,” I say, wiping my eyes. The bistro is too quiet for me to be cracking up this much. “Mom, I’m ridiculous.”

“You are not,” she says, then adds fondly, “most of the time.”

I shake my head. “This time, definitely.” I sigh and sip my water as the server comes to take our orders. Handing over the menus with thanks and a smile, Mom leans forward as our server walks away.

“Care to share the joke?”

“I thought this year I’d go to the ball all dressed up. A real-life makeover, you know? I was going to show him what he was missing, show all my coworkers I’m not such a loser anymore.”

“Natalie Casteel, you have never in your life been a loser. Don’t think that for a minute. Not before you left Sizzle, and certainly not now, with the life you’ve made for yourself. I don’t want to hear that kind of talk out of your mouth.”

Her hand covers mine, and I smile my thanks, squeezing her hand.

“Still,” I say, squeezing again before letting her go. “That’s what I had in mind when I planned to go.”

“You don’t think that anymore?”

I shake my head, biting my lip. Geronimo. “I’m seeing someone.”

Mom smiles broadly. “I was hoping that’s why you’ve been so busy the last couple of weeks.”

“It is,” I say slowly. “But it’s more complicated than that.”

“Oh, no. He’s not married, is he?”

“No! Good grief.” Her relief is palpable. “But… it’s not just one man. I’m dating two men. Not just dating. We’re… together.” I don’t even know if I’m telling her the truth right now; Nic, Finn, and I have never talked about it. I think it’s true, but they’ve never said anything even hinting at this being permanent. Even yesterday, Nic was on the cusp of ending things because his father found out he’s bisexual.

But maybe that doesn’t matter, because it’s true for me. God help me. This thing between us, I’m in it. No matter what.

Mom nods slowly, sipping her drink. “I can imagine that is complicated.”

“It’s not just that I’m dating them,” I say. “They’re seeing each other, too. The three of us are in one relationship together.”

She sits back. I wait, twisting my hands together in my lap.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” I say, too nervous to actually be patient. “But it’s important to me. They’re important to me. Mom, please?—”

She holds up her hand. The server approaches, setting our food on the table. We settle in to eat. Well, my mom does.

“I’m glad you told me,” she says after long, interminable moments.

“Are you mad?” I haven’t touched my fork. Losing my appetite isn’t something that’s happened to me a lot. Or ever. But that’s what’s happening now. I couldn’t eat if I tried.

“Darling, of course, I’m not mad,” she says, looking up, her surprise authentic. “You surprised me, for sure.”

“I know it’s a little unconventional.”

She laughs softly. “It is. But Natalie, you realize, you three are not the first people in the world to have such a relationship?”

I blink at her. “I guess so.”

“Can I assume, since you’re telling me about your young men, that this is serious?”

“Yes.”

“And they make you happy? They’re treating you right?”

“Oh, Mom.” Tears return, catching me completely off guard. I sigh and wipe them away. “Better than I ever dreamed.”

Her smile is bright, her own eyes glistening.

“You must care about them a great deal.”

I bite my lip and nod. I can’t say it out loud. Not yet.

Mom lays her hand over mine on the table again, squeezing briefly, before turning her attention back to her meal.

“Tell you what,” she says after a moment. “If you wanted to make a splash at the ball, showing up on the arms of two handsome men would certainly do the trick.”

I laugh, the knot in my stomach unwinding enough that maybe I can eat after all.

We catch up on small talk, and I tell Mom about running into Tawdra and her friend last week.

“That bitch!”

“Mom!” She never swears. I look around, but nobody seems to be paying attention to us.

“I’m sorry, but honestly, Natalie,” Mom frowns, “what a horrible woman. Thank God you’re free of that horrible man. The things he said to you were bad enough. Now this? How despicable. Why are you smiling?”

I feel so much better. “I love you, Mom.”

“Oh.” She smiles despite her evident confusion. “I love you, too, of course. And of course, now there’s no way you can miss that ball, not if those horrible people will be there, too.”

She’s right. Jeff and Tawdra will be there, along with Tawdra’s petty friend and all the people I used to work with. Sure, some of them have seen me since I lost the weight. A few have even seen me since Moira’s makeover day a few weeks ago.

The satisfaction of showing them all, of being able to say “Look at me now”… the opportunity is too tempting to pass up.

Maybe it won’t work. Maybe Finn and Nic won’t go, especially after that bad scene with Nic’s father yesterday. Not to mention, there’s still somebody out there trying to blackmail him and breaking into the office to steal whatever’s not nailed down. My lovers may not want the attention. I shouldn’t be building castles in the sky, not without talking to them first. I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

But the idea of it, the sheer glittering possibility of it, of walking into that ballroom and showing everyone who ever laughed at me, who thought less of me because Jeff didn’t want me, who believed God only knows what he said after I left… all those people, all their eyes on me, me as I am now, not who I was then. The prospect is intoxicating.

That fantasy lingers long after we finish our lunch and say goodbye. I promise Mom that I’ll introduce her to Finn and Nic soon.

Even in the throes of imagining my own personal Cinderella transformation, as I walk back to the office, I realize I don’t need the movie makeover moment, that big, dramatic reveal in the final scene.

Finn’s smile and the warmth in Nic’s eyes when I open the office door, those are what I need. My lovers. My men.

Mine.

The thought bolsters my nerves. Later that afternoon, I text Moira a photo of the Sizzle HQ Ball invitation and tell her we need to go shopping. She replies with a confusion of emojis that I can only assume indicate something positive and excited.

Maybe I’ll get that Cinderella moment, maybe I won’t. But I won’t know until I try.

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