13. Colt
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
colt
I didn’t sleep a wink the entire night. I was too nervous about seeing Sarah.
After all these years, I was finally getting to take her on a date.
It was just breakfast, but I’d been waiting for this my entire life.
My alarm blared, startling me. I’d forgotten I’d even set it. I leapt up, nerves rattling as I rushed through the motions of getting ready. I took a hot shower, blow dried my hair, washed my face, and got dressed. I picked out dark-wash jeans, black boots, and a navy blue sweater that looked good. At least, I felt like it looked good.
What if Sarah didn’t like blue?
That was the silliest thing I could have thought.
The rising sun turned the skies rose pink, filling the house with light. I picked up my phone and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my face as I checked messages.
I needed to look at a few emails from the contractor because Cam and I had to set up a meeting next week. I also needed to keep working on new cider flavors for our relaunch—maybe something soft and summery that would be easy to drink.
There were a million details to think about, but before all that, there was Sarah.
Me : Good morning. Still up for breakfast?
I knew exactly where I was going to take her. There was a diner in south Austin that wasn’t too far of a drive, and if she had time for it, I wanted to take her there. If not, I’d take her to a closer one, even though I didn’t like the food quite as much.
The One That Got Away: Yes! About to drop the boys off at school. I’ll see you soon?
I smiled.
Me : Yes. I’ll head your way in about twenty
Twenty minutes suddenly felt like eons. I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed for my car, warming up the engine and blasting the heat. I sat still until I couldn’t stand it anymore, then decided I’d leave and just drive slowly.
Fuck, this was really happening.
A few minutes later, I pulled up to the house and parked in the driveway behind Emma’s car. I’d beat Sarah here.
I sighed and glanced in the rearview, keeping an eye out for her.
And an eye out for David.
Knowing he was out on bail set my back straight. The idea of something happening or him showing up back in town terrified me, especially for Sarah and the boys.
It all looked normal. I took a deep breath, rubbing my palms on my thighs. I was anxious, excited, worried—all of the above.
I spotted Sarah’s car in the rearview mirror. She slowed as she turned into the driveway. I got out quickly and approached her door.
I opened it for her and she flashed a smile brighter than the sun.
“Hey,” she said.
My heart was going to stop. She’d stolen every ounce of oxygen from my lungs.
Sarah was drop dead gorgeous in a dark blue dress over some tights and knee-high boots. There was a scarf around her neck, her auburn waves drawn back into a bun. Silver flower studs glistened from her ears, glitter on her eyelids. Her cheeks were pink from the cold.
Slowly but surely, the light was returning to her eyes. Out of all the terrible things that had happened last year, seeing her come back to herself made me believe she would be more than okay.
“Emma got a hold of me,” she laughed. “And we match.”
“We do,” I breathed out. “You’re gorgeous.”
“Thanks,” she said. “You always look good.”
I let out a soft hum. “Well, you haven’t seen me when I wake up in the morning.”
“Not yet. I’m sure you look just as good.”
I smirked as her eyes widened.
“I mean, I’m just?—”
“You can flirt with me, you know,” I teased. “Are you ready or do you need to grab anything? My truck is warm and ready.”
“Nope, I'm ready.” She leaned over and snatched her purse from the backseat. Her dress hiked up slightly and I looked away, my cheeks burning.
I snorted as I realized Emma was surveying us from the window. She mouthed ‘I’m watching you’ and pointed at me before disappearing behind the curtain.
I would have laughed, but I knew Emma was serious.
Sarah shut the car door. She followed me to my truck and I opened the passenger door for her.
“Your truck is huge,” she said.
“Need help?” I asked.
She gave me a look that made me swallow a laugh. “I know how to get in a big truck. I’m a lady.”
“Well, I’m a gentleman,” I said.
I grabbed her waist and lifted her.
She squeaked as I placed her in the front seat. “Oh my god, Colt,” she hissed. “I can’t believe you did that.”
I reached around her for the buckle, but she grabbed my chin.
“I don’t think so, sir. Get in the truck.”
Jesus Christ . “Yes, ma’am,” I said.
I shut her door and walked around to the other side, ignoring the way my blood was already pumping. I started the truck up and turned down the heat, my entire body on fire though after touching her.
“Where are we going?”
“It depends,” I said. “What time do you need to be home by?”
“Noon.”
“Perfect.”
I felt her gaze narrow on me as I backed out and started down the road. “Is this a date?”
“I’d like for it to be. But I think we need to talk first,” I said. I glanced over at her. “Want me to go first?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Okay. I’m sorry for hurting you all those years ago.”
“The kiss,” she said.
“Yeah. I…” I took a deep breath, steadying myself. I’d told myself I’d be completely honest with her. “I didn’t realize I was bisexual until I kissed him. I was a little drunk. I was waiting on you and knew I had a crush on you. You were perfect. Are perfect. ”
“I’m far from perfect.”
“Alright, well, perfect to me. But the two of us ended up walking off into the field and I don’t know. We kissed. And I realized I liked guys too. And then my dad found out.”
“What? From who?”
“I still don’t know,” I said. “For the longest time, I thought it was you. And I tortured myself over that. I’m not saying this to put anything on you, by the way. I ended up living at Cam’s house for a while. And before I knew it, you were getting married to David Connor of all people. And I couldn’t stand it. I was still in love with you.”
She was quiet for a moment and then hummed. “I know I told you this on my wedding day, but I want to be really clear with you. I was never upset you kissed a boy. I never told anyone. Not a single soul. I was upset because it wasn’t me. Because I really thought… I believed we had something special. And looking back, it was stupid. I overreacted. I was a starry-eyed girl with a broken heart. And to get back at you, I started dating David.”
My grip tightened on the steering wheel. “You went to him because of me?”
She shook her head. “Do not take that on yourself. Okay? Yes. I was stupid and young and heartbroken. I thought being with David would make you fight for me. But you never did. I never should have expected you to. That was wrong of me.”
I swallowed glass, my throat constricting. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” she whispered. “And it’s just been easier over the years to ignore you. I’ve had a mental off-limits sign stamped over your name in my head. And with David… I really wasn’t myself. I’ve been working on healing.”
“That’s why I’ve waited to try,” I said. “I didn’t want you to feel like I was ready to pounce. I don’t know. I mean, I have been waiting to, sort of.”
“I have children,” she said. “His children. They’re still hurting. Davy struggles the most, and I’m always fighting to make him feel safe and loved. Jake has a really bright outlook on everything, but he’s internalized a lot. It’ll take years to undo the damage David did. That I did.”
“Both of them will be okay. They’re loved by you and their family.”
“But they’re a lot, Colt. And they’re part of my life. My entire world revolves around them and work. I’m fixing my finances slowly, but we struggle. There were a lot of bills that didn’t get paid, so I’m working hard to try to pay them off. Some days, I still feel like a shell of myself. Other days, I’m full again. I just don’t know if you want that. I’m not the girl you fell in love with in high school. I can’t understand why you would ever be interested in me when you’re you .”
“Because you make the sun shine, the stars fall, and my world spin. You have since the day you showed up in Citrus Cove. For years, I’ve asked myself what if . What if I hadn’t kissed that guy? What if I’d convinced you not to marry David?”
“I’ve asked myself if life would have been different if we would have just talked .” She sighed. “What if we had said what we needed to say?”
I nodded. I’d asked myself that too. But sometimes that was the hardest part in a relationship or a friendship. Talking meant being vulnerable.
It was hard to be vulnerable when you were already hurting.
Regardless of what Sarah decided, I knew I had to put everything on the table now.
“If I have to wait for you to be ready for a relationship, I will wait. If you don’t want me in your life as more than a friend, then I’ll be the best damn friend you’ve ever had. If you want to be with Sammy because he makes you happy, then I’ll stand aside. But I’ve never been able to walk away from you. I’ll never be able to let you go.”
She was silent as I pulled onto the highway. I didn’t press her to speak, even as I felt my stomach knot in a variety of ways that would put the Boy Scouts to shame. Even if I could barely breathe.
“I like Sammy,” she finally admitted. “But I like you too. I don’t know what to do with that. There’s so much history between us.”
“There is,” I whispered. “I… I don’t know if I have a solution at the moment for everything, but if you see us both, I wouldn’t mind.”
“Both of you? You wouldn’t feel jealous?”
Yes, but for different reasons. Because I was interested in Sammy too, even if it made me unsure about a lot of things.
“I’m just saying I won’t mind,” I said. “For now, anyway.”
“Okay,” she said.
The tension was finally gone. I stole a glance at her, and she surprised me by reaching over and placing her hand on my thigh. I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips, kissing her knuckles.
“We’re almost to the diner,” I said.
“Good. Now we can talk about all sorts of things.”
I grinned and kissed her hand again. Her scent lingered, and I inhaled before releasing her. “Like what?”
“Like what your favorite color is.”
“The color of your eyes.”
“Oh my god,” she laughed. “ Stop .”
“The color of your cheeks when you blush.”
She snorted. “You’ve lost your mind. ”
“It’s to be expected. I’m wild about you.”
She shook her head, but she didn’t stop smiling. I pulled into the diner parking lot and wasn’t too surprised to see it packed. I parked and got out, hurrying to the passenger door. Sarah shook her head at me as I opened the door for her.
“My lady,” I said, offering her my hand.
“You’re so silly,” she mumbled, but she slid her hand in mine.
I tugged her close, catching her waist and lifting her out of the truck. Her body was warm against mine as I put her down, the two of us toe to toe.
“You’re gorgeous,” I whispered.
“You keep saying that.”
“I’ll keep saying it until the day I die,” I said.
She shivered as the wind picked up and I wrapped my arms around her. She returned the gesture, sliding her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest.
“What am I going to do with you?” she mumbled.
“Eat breakfast and tell me all your secrets.”