25. Sammy
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
sammy
I spread out all the containers and added a heap of cilantro rice to each one, followed by black beans, grilled fajita veggies, grilled chicken, corn, and a small container of sauce. I’d cooked enough to feed Colt and I tonight—and Sarah, the boys, and Emma for the next few days.
Colt’s love language was giving gifts. My love language was meal prep. Cooking for everyone brought me an immense amount of joy. I hoped the boys would eat it too, but if not, I’d find out what they liked and cook that instead.
I heard the front door unlock. I poked my head around the corner as it opened and Colt stepped inside. He immediately lifted his nose to the air and groaned. “Smells good.”
“Good,” I said as he locked the door and kicked off his boots.
He came to the kitchen and raised a brow at the army of meal containers.
“I’m cooking for Sarah’s house too,” I said quickly.
“That makes sense. Fuck, that’s really sweet. I think they’ll all love it. ”
“I wasn’t sure if the boys are picky eaters or not,” I said. “But I kind of wanted to surprise them. Well, I didn’t want Sarah to tell me no.”
He smiled and surprised me by looping his finger in the top of my jeans and pulling me close. I grabbed his jaw and leaned in to kiss him, and then paused, raising a brow.
“You smell like sex,” I said.
“We may have gotten carried away at the cafe…”
The thought went straight to my cock. I planted my hands on the counter to either side of him, caging him in. “Tell me everything.”
His eyes fluttered. “Fuck. I can’t think while you’re this close to me and I wanted to be serious.”
I cocked my head. “I believe in you.”
I liked seeing him flustered. Especially because I knew how smooth he could be. But after he took me to the music store and made me forget how to use words, he deserved to be a little flustered.
“I came inside Sarah.”
My eyes widened. “Oh. That’s a big step.”
“It is. She started the pill and forgot to tell us. I was relieved. Because I may or may not have a breeding kink, but I don’t want to have biological kids.”
“Relatable,” I said, smiling. “Did you think that would upset me?”
“I wasn’t really sure. This is still so new.”
“It is,” I whispered. “Colt, feel how fucking hard I am right now.”
His mouth fell open as I guided his hand to the outline of my cock. He made a noise, somewhere between a groan and a whimper.
“Help me put all the lids on everything and clean up,” I said. “Then we can keep talking seriously . ”
“Alright. You know how to motivate a man.”
I chuckled as the two of us worked together to get lids on the containers. I separated ours from the others.
“I’ll take these over in the morning,” I said. “Probably before Sarah goes to work. Are you going to the cafe tomorrow with her? Or should I?”
“I think you should,” he said. “I think she wants some time with you this week. Maybe the three of us can plan something on her day off.”
I nodded. “I’d like that. I think trying to maintain some sort of normalcy is good.”
“I think so too. I take it there hasn’t been any progress with finding David?”
I sighed as I put the last of the containers in the fridge. Colt was already starting on dishes. “No. We looked everywhere. Cam and Hunt were tearing up the whole area. We even checked the house where...”
I trailed off because Colt nodded, already knowing what I meant. The house where we’d found Haley, where Thomas Connor had lived and killed and god knew what else. The horrific events of last year still haunted all of us, and we couldn’t move past it because David was still around.
It was terrifying that someone so evil could live in Citrus Cove.
“This is back to the conversation earlier, but I think I’m going to get a vasectomy,” Colt said. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while and well… Not that Sarah has complained, but I know birth control can fuck with hormones and stuff. And it’s an easy process for me.”
I’d considered it before, but this made me think about it even more. “Maybe we could go together.”
Colt snorted. “Partners who get vasectomies together, stay together? ”
“Yeah, something like that. Although no sex for a few weeks would be torture. But worth it in the long run.”
He chuckled. “We could make up for it after. If you’re serious, then I’ll be serious too.”
“I am,” I said. “I’ll talk to Sarah more tomorrow. I also plan to go by a clinic this week to get STD and STI tested just to be safe. I’d also like to have sex without a condom if that’s something we’re all comfortable with… breeding kink and all that…”
“I’m comfortable with it. Obviously, you and Sarah can set your own boundaries. And for the record, I’m comfortable with you and me having sex without a condom too.”
“Once I get tested, we can revisit not using a condom,” I said.
He nodded in agreement and I stepped up behind him, circling my arms around his waist and setting my chin on his shoulder as he did more dishes. I couldn’t complain about him taking over on the clean up, and there was something about the mundane actions that warmed me.
He continued talking. “I’ll tag along when you go. I mean, I was tested awhile back, but it doesn’t hurt to do so again and it’s quick and easy.”
“Oh to be responsible sluts,” I teased.
He chuckled as he set the final pan on the drying rack, washed his hands, and turned off the faucet. “Did you already eat?”
“No, I was waiting for you. I think I could wait a little longer…”
“Good. So can I.”
He turned around, his body pressing against mine. I cupped my hand behind his neck and kissed him. His hands slid under my shirt and ran over my stomach and up to my nipples, teasing them.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“Tell me what to do,” he whispered.
I moved my hand around his throat, holding him there as I growled in his ear. “How do you feel about getting rough?”
He nipped my bottom lip in response. Tension flared as I tightened my grip. “Pretty damn good, Sammy.”
“You know our safeword?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is there anything you don’t want?”
“No.”
“What if I said I have a paddle?”
He smiled, dimples showing as he batted his lashes. “What if I said is that all you’ve got ?”
“Fucker,” I mumbled, licking my lip where he bit me. “Go strip and bend your ass over your bed. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
I heard his smart ass tone and smiled, knowing he’d regret it when he couldn’t sit straight in the truck tomorrow. I let him by and watched as he slinked down the hall to his bedroom. I heard the sound of his clothing hitting the floor as I stepped into my room, opening up one of the duffle bags.
I was still thankful that whoever destroyed my apartment had left my kink equipment alone. I dug out the wooden paddle made from an old wine barrel, sturdy and thick. It would absolutely leave marks.
The idea of doing that to Colt sent a bolt of desire through me. My cock throbbed against my pants as I stalked to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway.
Fuck. It was hot seeing him so damn obedient. I stood there for a moment, taking him in. His muscles were lean and toned, his ass damn near perfect.
He looked back over his shoulder at me and quirked a brow. “Just gonna stand there? ”
“You’re a brat,” I said. “You’re not going to be able to sit tomorrow.”
“Is that a promise?”
My jaw stiffened as I fought a smile. I’d never been with someone so sassy. He was pushing my buttons perfectly and I liked it.
There was no way in hell I was going to admit that to him right now, though.
I prowled to the edge of the bed and tossed the paddle next to him. His eyes widened when he saw it. I remained silent as I slowly undid my belt. Even the sound of the metal clinking against metal had his muscles tensing.
I tossed it to his pile of clothes and added the rest of mine. I stood naked now, my cock piercing gleaming, every inch hard and ready to fuck him. It would be a while before we got there.
“I’m going to spank you and fuck your sassy mouth,” I said. “Then we’ll see about me breeding you.”
“Fuck,” he whispered.
His cock was clearly hard.
“Don’t touch yourself, or we’ll stop,” I said. “Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Relax,” I whispered.
He took a deep breath and attempted to. I ran my palm over his ass cheek and began to warm up the skin, patting each one to bring blood to the surface. With a paddle like this one, I wanted to get him ready before any sort of impact play.
“I can’t believe we never knew this about each other,” Colt whispered.
“Knew what?”
“That we’re kinky.”
“You’re my brother’s best friend. Wasn’t exactly a topic of conversation before now. ”
“I’m not used to being on this end of things. It’s vulnerable.”
I paused and softened my touch some. “It is,” I said. “It’s sexy that you can do both.”
“Thank you.”
“You never told me about you and Sarah. Start talking.”
His breath shuttered.
“I want to hear exactly what you did to our girl,” I prompted.
Colt grunted, his fingertips digging into the blankets. He looked back over his shoulders at me as I continued to pat his ass, readying him to be spanked.
“I’d been sitting there all day thinking about her,” he said. His voice was heavy with desire as he continued. “And once everyone left, she locked the front door. All I wanted to do was fuck her. I kept imagining bending her over one of the tables.”
I gave his ass a few slaps, increasing the pressure.
“I kissed her and couldn’t get enough. I pushed her against the wall and grabbed her throat.”
I paused. “Did she like it?”
“Yes, she did,” he moaned. “She liked it a lot.”
I struck him harder this time, his skin blooming red. He sucked in a breath.
“She was so fucking wet. I played with her until she came and I couldn’t take it anymore. I fucked her hard and fast and came inside her.”
I reached for the paddle. He arched as the cool wood touched his hot skin. I brought it back to swing it, but paused.
His whole body tensed and then he shot me a glare. “You’re so mean.”
I smirked and brought it down, hitting one cheek fairly hard. Colt sucked in a breath and grunted.
“ Fuck .”
I spanked the other cheek. His whimpering made my cock strain.
The paddle smacked against him over and over. I varied the intensity, teasing his mind too. That was what I enjoyed the most about kink and being a Dom. Playing with his mind was just as hot as playing with his body.
I reached down and worked my fingers through his hair, gripping him as I spanked him hard. He cried out, grunting as I held him in place.
“Don’t you dare fucking move,” I snarled.
He released a long, muffled moan into the blankets. Bruises started to form in long lines from the paddle. He yelped as I spanked him harder than before, his body lurching forward.
I didn’t release his hair. He reached for my wrist, his nails clawing at me as I spanked him again.
“Fuck, Sammy,” he barked. “You fucking bastard.”
He shoved at me and I tossed the paddle to the side, grabbing hold of him and wrestling him to the center of the bed. He was strong and fast, but so was I, and I managed to pin him beneath me, forcing his arms above his head.
“I told you not to fucking move,” I said.
“Fuck you,” he snapped.
I bit down on the soft muscle of his shoulder and he cried out, bucking against me.
“You know your safeword if you need me to stop,” I reminded him.
He threw his elbow back hard into my ribs, the pain distracting me long enough for him to roll out from under me. With my breath knocked out, he attempted to pin me down beneath him .
Ha. That was cute.
The two of us wrestled until he ended up right back where he started. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head back, using my weight to hold him still.
“You really are a brat,” I panted.
“If you weren’t my boyfriend, I’d put you on your knees.”
“Well, you are my boyfriend, and I’m going to put you on your knees.”
His words were lost as I rolled him off the bed and took him to the floor. He grunted as he hit the wood and I put him on his knees, gripping his chin and forcing his lips apart. Before he could say anything else, I shoved my hard cock between them.
His eyes rolled back on a moan and he took me deeper, sucking me. I was so fucking hard, I was already close to coming.
I drew back right as I came to the edge, breathing hard. He stared up at me with such submissiveness that I melted. I leaned down, kissing him hard, his tongue swiping against mine.
“Fuck me,” he whispered against my lips.
I nodded and reached for the drawer in the nightstand. I grabbed the bottle of lube and a couple of condoms as he got back onto the bed, rolling to the middle. His bed shifted as I knelt between his knees, putting on the condom quickly. I poured a generous amount of lube onto his hole and worked it in, and then even more over my cock.
Colt relaxed. Sweat glistened on his tan skin. I planted a hand above his head and looked down between us, lining up the head of my cock with him. I slowly pushed forward, easing inside of him. We groaned together and I took it as slowly as I could, giving him time to adjust to the size of me.
“You feel so fucking good,” he said, lifting his head as he watched me fill him.
He milked my cock as I pushed further into him. Pleasure rushed through me, and I grabbed ahold of his chin, forcing him to kiss me. His legs wrapped around my waist, cock rubbing against me as we moved against each other.
“Bite me again,” he rasped.
I thrust into him harder, a surge of need taking over. I dragged my tongue up his throat before biting his other shoulder hard. I wanted to mark him, to claim him like some feral monster.
“I’m so close,” I rasped.
“Breed me, Sammy,” he begged.
Fuck. I prided myself on lasting longer than this, but I couldn’t take it. I gasped as I came. My muscles trembled as the waves stretched out, pleasure rolling through me.
I relaxed on top of Colt, the two of us breathing hard. He cupped my face, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs as he kissed me. Every touch was gentle and felt so damn right. I ran my hands over him gently, kissing the bite marks I’d left.
“One day I’ll get used to making love to you,” he whispered.
“I hope not,” I mumbled. “Then you’ll get bored of me.”
He tipped my chin up, making me look at him. Brows drawn together, he shook his head. “Never, Sammy. I’ll never get bored of you.”
I swallowed hard. Something about this stung, and I finally realized what it was.
I’d fucked countless people and knew what I enjoyed when it came to sex and kink.
But I’d never let anyone get close. Not even family, not really.
Until now.
Intimacy like this scared the hell out of me.
I also worried I was both too much and too boring at the same time…
“What is it?” he whispered. “You can talk to me.”
I shook my head and drew back, pulling out of him. I rolled to the side of the bed, sitting there.
He grabbed my forearm before I could stand up. “You’re not running away so damn easily. Sit down.”
In a rare moment of obedience, I remained seated. “I’m sorry, Colt. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Lay down.”
I sighed, tempted to run. I was a runner, after all. I could be out the door in the blink of an eye, out into the cold and far away from the warmth radiating from Colt.
That would be cruel to both of us.
“Sammy.”
I leaned back and turned away on my side. I was being a bad Dom right now. I was being ridiculous, stupid, and?—
Colt slipped his arms around me and rested his head next to mine. “You’ve always been quiet, but I’m no mind reader. I can’t guess what’s upsetting you.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted softly. “I realized I’ve never been with someone I care about. This scares the fuck out of me.”
“This scared you more than the guitar?”
A laugh bubbled up. He had a point.
“Truth be told, I’m scared too. But I think it’s the good kind of scary.”
I nodded slowly, trying to digest my feelings. The thing was, I didn’t exactly know why this was coming up. I didn’t know why I was like this. Anytime someone tried to get close, I ran the other way.
I had a family who loved me and did everything they could to help each other. We weren’t perfect though, and some of the cracks in the foundation came from my relationship with my dad. My mom had always balanced out his harshness, and he’d mellowed out as he’d aged. Although he and Hunter still weren’t on good terms.
“Maybe I need therapy,” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Colt. Everything we just did was amazing, I didn’t expect to feel this way.”
“I think you’re having some drop,” he said gently.
He was right, I realized. I knew subs could have an emotional drop after an intense scene, and I knew Doms could too—but I’d never experienced it. Nothing could have prepared me for the ball in my chest and the way every nerve felt raw and exposed. Suddenly, all of the stress and fear and worries in my life couldn’t be ignored. I worried that I’d hurt Colt. I feared I’d done something wrong or had gone too far—that I’d somehow ruined it all by pushing for a relationship with him and Sarah.
What if I didn’t deserve them?
He’d already done so much for me. Sarah had too. I wanted to earn their love and trust. My throat burned as I swallowed and I turned over, finally looking at him. His eyes were full of so much kindness.
The comfort in the familiarity, the trust I had in him—tears threatened to fall.
“This is stupid,” I muttered.
“It’s really not. You can cry, Sammy. I’m not going to judge you.”
“I really hate crying.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Doesn’t make you weak to cry. It makes you stronger.”
“That’s my line,” I whispered, sniffling.
I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried like this. It’d been years.
I buried my face against his chest and cried. And everything hurt for a moment as I sobbed, and every time he held me tighter, my heart only ached more because I couldn’t think of a time I’d let someone see me like this.
All he did was hug me and occasionally kiss the top of my head. That was all I needed.
“When I first realized I was bisexual, I wanted to kill myself,” Colt whispered.
I drew back, looking up at him in shock. “What?”
“Yeah. My dad kicked me out and I thought something was wrong with me. But your parents were there for me. Cam was there for me. And then as I grew, I realized there was nothing wrong with me. I realized it was so normal, no different than anything else really. But goddamn—society really fucks with us. Especially living in a state like this. It is really difficult to make the decision to be authentic to yourself, but the amount of relief and happiness that comes after that decision is worth it.”
I wiped my eyes, frowning. “I live authentically.”
“Do you? Baby, I’ve learned so much about you in the last few weeks that the Sammy I know now and the one I knew before are two different people. And for the record, this Sammy is my favorite. This is the man I’m falling in love with. The man who played me a song the other day that stole my heart. Who is willing to meal prep for an entire family.”
My heart skipped a beat. I considered his words, along with what my brother had said about not knowing me. Had I really been keeping everyone in my life at arm’s length? What was I scared of? “I didn’t realize how much space I’d put between myself and everyone in our lives. I think I’ve always worried I would be in the way or that everyone was too busy.”
“Too busy for what? To know you?”
“Yeah.” Fuck. I breathed out, wiping my eyes again. “I don’t know. I think I’ve gotten used to keeping secrets and somehow keeping my family separate from my real life. After I graduated, I wanted that privacy because they were always in everyone’ s business. But eventually, it became more detrimental than not. I mean, Cam didn’t even know I was bi.”
He thumbed away a tear. “Have you ever come out to your family before?”
“No,” I whispered.
“And do they even know how cool your content is?”
“No, they don’t. I blocked my mom on Instagram. I mean, I know Cam and Hunter have seen my videos. I don’t think they think it’s cool.”
“Yeah they do,” Colt said. “You should hear about how they brag about you when you’re not in the room. They’re proud of you, Sammy.”
“Maybe I should tell them more about my life. About me.”
“I think you should,” he said. “And not that it has to be a big ordeal or anything. But I think it might be worth having some conversations and letting the people who love you back into your life. I can’t speak for you, but I can tell you that your family loves you. Your dad is a hard-ass, but he was there for me when I lost my own father. You know he threatened to fist fight mine?”
I laughed and relaxed, trying to take another breath. God, I was a fucking mess. “I think I got snot on your chest,” I mumbled.
“You just fucked my ass, I think we’re okay.”
I snorted, feeling the dark clouds finally part. “Thank you,” I murmured.
“Of course.” He smiled and sat up, glancing at the doorway. “We should shower and eat. Then maybe you can play me a song.”
“I’ll play you anything you want.”
Our stomachs rumbled.
He rolled out of bed with a wince. “I’ll start the shower. ”
“Your ass is red.” I grinned as he went to the door and planted his hands on his hips, wagging it at me.
“I feel the bruises already.” He shot the paddle the bird before padding down the hall.
I stared at the ceiling for a moment.
Everything was going to be okay.
Like Colt said, it was scary to live authentically.
But it was about damn time I did anyway.