Chapter 43 – Lilah
Chapter Forty-Three
LILAH
I stare out the window from my hospital bed. I see the sun shining outside but feel like it should be raining and cloudy. It’s been two days since he walked out on me after giving me his story. Two days since my heart has felt like it was ripped out from my chest. The pillow under my face is wet from my tears that come all day long. My legs are tucked to my stomach as I stare into the distance trying not to think about him, but at the same time knowing that his voice replays in my head all day long. He is the one waiting for me in my dreams, where I’m able to hug him and tell him how much I love him. The hospital door opens, and I turn my head to the side with the hopes of it being Emmett. But just like every time before, it’s not him. It’s been everyone but him. So many fucking visitors from my parents to people from the barn, to even Sierra who rushed down here when she heard the news. The only one I want is Emmett, and the closest I got to him was Lucy, who I held on to with everything I had, wishing it was him.
“Good morning,” the nurse says. “How are we doing this morning?”
“I’m fine.” I’m not fine. I’m the opposite of fine, but no medication can help me. I’m just happy my mother finally stopped fussing over me and went away last night. I didn’t want her; I wanted Emmett.
“Let’s get your blood pressure.” She walks to the side of the bed, and I lift my arm that had the IV in it until last night when they took it out of me. She slides the brown cuff up and then presses a couple of buttons, and I feel the cuff start to fill with air. “You didn’t eat anything.” She motions to the breakfast tray that they brought in a while ago.
“I’m not very hungry.” I don’t look at her, continuing to look out the window.
“Got to keep your strength up,” she advises, taking the cuff off me. When the door opens, the doctor comes waltzing in.
“Good morning, Lilah,” he greets me, holding the chart in his hand. “How are we doing?”
“Can I go home?” I ask, and he smiles at me.
“Looks like you can go home,” he reports, “but you have to rest.” I nod. “And I’m going to give you a couple of names for some prenatal vitamins.”
I turn and sit up. “I’m sorry, what?”
The doctor looks at me, confusion on his face. “Prenatal vitamins.” He shares a look with the nurse. “You do know you’re pregnant, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, what?” my voice repeats, going louder.
“I assumed you knew. When I came in the other day, I told you that you were both out of the woods.”
I shake my head. “I assumed that was about me and Sammy.” My voice gets even louder, and the doctor’s eyes look like they are going to come out of his sockets.
“How pregnant am I?” I put my hand on my stomach.
“About six weeks,” he says. “Congratulations.”
He turns and walks out of the room with the nurse following him. I throw the cover off myself, getting out of bed and wincing. I walk over to the chair and the bag my mother brought for me yesterday. I grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and head to the bathroom. I slip the hospital gown off me and slip one foot into my jeans, followed by the other. I’m careful not to touch where the bandage is on my side, which is wrapped all the way from the middle of my stomach to my back. Very slowly, I slide my T-shirt on, wincing with the pain but pushing through.
When I walk out of the bathroom, the hospital room door opens and Charlie comes in with Casey following him. “I heard that someone is discharged.” Charlie claps his hands together, smiling at me.
“We’ve come to take you home,” Casey declares, and I try to smile, but I just sit on the bed. “I’m going to take all the flowers in my truck.” He looks around the room at all the flowers I’ve gotten over the past two days. Flowers that were supposed to make me feel better, but I just hated seeing them.
They bring me a wheelchair, and after a couple of minutes of a staredown, I give in and sit in the wheelchair. Casey opens the truck door for me and holds out his hand, and he gingerly helps me in. I watch him walk around the front, getting in and looking at me. “You ready to go home?” Charlie asks, and I shake my head.
“No,” I answer, and his eyebrows pinch together. “Can you take me to him?”
Charlie exhales deeply, and his head hangs. “Please, Charlie, I?—”
“The two of you…” He starts the truck and pulls away from the hospital. “Like, how much more can you guys take?” I don’t answer him. I just look out the window, but the answer is everything. I’ll take everything and anything for him as long as I’m with him.
We pull up to the house, and I see his truck parked there. “He’s not home,” Charlie says when I open the door. “He went riding.”
“Lucy?” I ask, and he smiles softly.
“We hired her to help with Billy,” he says with a smile, and I get out of the truck as slow as a snail. “Call us when you guys get your shit sorted,” he states before taking off. I walk up the steps toward the front door, then go over to the chair on the side of the house that he keeps there just for looks.
I sit down and hiss out when my side itches. I look out into the field, my eyes roaming the forest, looking for him. I don’t know if it’s minutes or hours by the time I see him coming out of the forest. He’s riding his black horse, and his back is straight as his hair flies in the wind. He doesn’t look my way, probably because he would never expect me to be here.
He heads to the barn, and ten minutes later, he’s walking out, dusting his hands off. He’s wearing his blue jeans and a long-sleeved blue jean shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He takes five steps before he must feel my eyes on him.
When he looks up, he stops mid-step. I can see he hasn’t slept. His eyes are dark, and he looks exhausted. “What are you doing here?” he asks when he gets to the bottom step, and I walk over to him, looking down at him.
“Were you just going to let me go that easily?” I fold my arms over my chest, wanting nothing more than to feel his heat under my fingers, touch him, hold him. Be in his arms where I belong.
“What are you talking about?” he says, and I can see his fingers twitching.
“I’m talking about you not giving me a chance to say anything to you.” I swallow the lump. “You just walked away from me.” He shakes his head and looks over to the side. “After you said you wouldn’t leave me, you did just that. You left me.”
When he looks back at me, the look takes my breath away, just like it did when he told me his story. “I saw it all over your face.” I take a step back. “You were disgusted by me.”
I hold up my hand to stop him from talking. “I wasn’t disgusted by you. I was sad for you, and then I was mad for you. Then, well, then I just wanted to knock you on your ass. If only you knew.”
“Knew what?” he asks softly.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, does it? If you can walk away from me so easily. What does it matter?”
“I never left you except for this morning when Charlie and Casey came to take you home.” His confession shocks me. “I was in the waiting area the whole time. I couldn’t sleep next to you, but I wasn’t leaving that fucking place without you.” I have to swallow down the lump in my throat. “Lilah.” My name is on his lips like he’s pained.
“Don’t fucking Lilah me!” I yell and then wince when the skin pulls. He takes a step up, and I stop him. “No, I’m not done. If only you fucking knew how safe I felt with you. If only you fucking knew how strong you are. If only you knew how caring and nurturing you are. If only you saw what I see, what we all see. Charlie loves you like a brother, and I know that when push comes to shove, you would die for him. All of the men look up to you, not because they have to but because they know that whatever happens, you have their back. Who shows everyone respect. Who is reliable and kindhearted, but more importantly, someone who protects the people he loves with everything he has.” I put my hand on my stomach.
“Can we do this inside?” he suggests. “You can lie down.” I want to say no, that we are going to do it right here, but my body is giving out on me.
“Fine,” I retort, and he walks up the stairs and stops in front of me, and I smell his musky smell.
“Let’s get you inside,” he urges, slipping his hand in mine. We walk inside, and I see the blankets thrown on the couch.
“What happened?” I point, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“I slept there.” He walks over to the couch to move the blankets. “I’ve been sleeping here since you left.”
“What?” I watch him turn toward me.
“Couldn’t sleep in that bed without you.” I close my eyes. “It was torture.”
“You did that to yourself,” I remind him, and he nods, agreeing.
“I did,” he agrees.
“Do you love me?” The question is the biggest question I’ve ever asked him. It’s the question that I’m holding my breath for. The question I have to know the answer to.
“Didn’t know what love was before you,” he admits. “No idea, had no fucking clue what love was, and then you showed up, and I fought it.” He looks down. “It’s loving you that’s helped me be the father I am.”
“That’s a good fucking answer.” I smile through the tears. “I have something to tell you. Something that Sammy did that I didn’t know.”
His hands ball into fists. “That motherfucker,” he hisses out.
“Pretty much but—” I swallow. “He wanted me to have his babies.” His face pales. “No, he didn’t touch me like that.” He exhales a sigh of relief. “But he switched out my birth control,” I start saying, and his eyes go big, and his hand goes to his mouth. “I had no idea until today.” I can’t stop talking. “Doctor came out and said something about prenatal vitamins,” I tell him the story, and his ass falls to the couch, and then he springs up onto his feet.
“I have to go,” he says, running his hand through his hair.
“What?” I shriek. “Now?” I hold out my hands. “We’re kind of in the middle of something.”
“I have to go talk to your father.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“When I met him, I told him I was the one who was going to marry you.”
“You what?” I put my hands on my head.
“Now I really have to tell him.” He looks like he’s about to run out of the house.
“Emmett,” I snap. “I was kidnapped and stabbed,” I cry out, “and he cut off my hair. I just found out you love me, and that we’re going to have a baby, and you want to go talk to my father?”
“Shit, I should get a ring.”
“Oh my God,” I say and start for the door when he grabs my hand.
“Where are you going?” He pulls me to him.
“Away from you.” I stop talking when he wraps one arm around my waist and my palms settle on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under it.
“Never,” he says, looking at me. “I’ll never let you get away from me.” He bends his head. “I love you, Lilah.”
“Promise me you’ll tell me that every single day.” I tilt my head back.
“Promise you that a day will never go by when you don’t know how much I love you. How much I love our life. How much our children mean to me.”
“Kiss me, Emmett.” I smile as his smile matches mine.
“With fucking pleasure,” he says, bending and kissing my lips, making my heart so full it hurts for a whole other reason.
“Now, can we go and get Lucy, please?” I ask, and he pulls me to him, giving me the biggest hug he’s ever given me.
“Yeah, let’s go get our girl.” He kisses the top of my head, and we walk out of the house holding hands. He stops when we get down the steps as he places his hand over my stomach before bending his head. “I love you, little one”—he looks up at me—“and you too.”